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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: You managed to break a bag of garbage? How?
/ BoxJam: The bag just broke... / BoxJam: If the bag had broken for you, it would have been the bag's fault! That's just like my brother - you eldest children are all alike! / BoxJam: My pen doesn't write - I broke it! His pen doesn't write - who gave him a defective pen? My car breaks down - take better care of it! Your car breaks down - it's Bup's fault! / Ms. BoxJam: You poked a hole in my car's oil pan trying to mount it on the world's largest pencil...
/ BoxJam: Fine. I was trying to fly by spinning the trash super fast... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030528.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam have various words written on their muumuu's, which change from panel to panel]]
/ BoxJam: They make 'Nair' for men now!
/ Ms. BoxJam: How's it different from regular Nair?
/ [[BoxJam's muumuu words: _loth, intoler_, _stopia]]
/ [[Ms. BoxJam's muumuu words: Plen_, Arroga_, _nger, Separa_, Was_]] / BoxJam: It's for men!
/ Ms. BoxJam: Understood, but what is different between what's in that bottle and some other 'Nair'?
/ [[BoxJam's muumuu words: _ition, lac_, _aperance, Negl_]]
/ [[Ms. BoxJam's muumuu words: _lwater, _allas, _esville, Mem_, Wa_]] / < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030529.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[An angry BoxJam snowmobiles across an arctic plain]] / [[He continues along]] / [[He pulls up next to an igloo with a trash can outside it]] / BoxJam: They've already got snow.
/ Ms. BoxJam: Well, keep trying... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030530.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics: | [[BoxJam is on his knees, talking with Clarence the angel]]
/ BoxJam: Alright,Clarence, I've changed my mind -- I want to live! I want to live! / [[BoxJam runs through the snow to his house.]]
/ BoxJam: I'm alive! I'm alive! Ms. BoxJam! Kids! I'm home! / [[BoxJam enters his home to find Ms. BoxJam, Little BoxJam, BoxJamina, Mallethead (holding his hat), and other nondescript persons. BoxJam throws his arms around Ms. BoxJam]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: BoxJam -- it's a miracle! All our friends showed up to say they'd love to help us, but they ust can't . . . But then we got this offer up to $25,000 more credit at 19.99%! / BoxJamina: Bup -- Teacher says every time a bell rings --
/ BoxJam: Tell teacher to choke it. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030602.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam sits on a bench]] / [[A giant ball whizzes by]] / BoxJam: That was close! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030603.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam stands in a field of baseball plants, and considers one of the fruiting baseballs]]
/ BoxJam: Ah, baseball... It's good to see Little 'Jam doing well... I didn't need him to be a star, only that he feel like he's contributing to the team's success. / BoxJam: It's impossible, of course, to watch your son play baseball and not reflect back on your own little league experiences... / < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030604.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam stands triumphantly in the front door]]
/ BoxJam: Ha! BoxJam is a loser no more! I just got my own tv show!
/ Ms. BoxJam: Wow - congratulations, honey! Is it a reality show? / BoxJam: It's a talk show! I'm the host of a talk show!
/ Ms. BoxJam: A late night talk show? Well, ok... / BoxJam: Um, well, it's daytime, actually...
/ Ms. BoxJam: A daytime talk show? Oh God... Is it at least network, and not cable? / BoxJam: Syndicated...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Syndicated!? Syndicated!? You know they give those away, don't you? You get them when you sign up for AOL! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030605.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Mallethead]]
/ BoxJam: Hey, Mallethead - what's round on both ends and high in the middle?
/ Mallethead: I DON'T KNOW - WHAT? / [[an anthropomorphized scab is making a muscle]]
/ Caption: Muscle-bound! Scabs are high in protein! Scientists estimate that if they were living creatures, scabs could lift FOUR TIMES their own body weight!
/ Side note: Believe it or not! Most mountain climbers have scabs! More scabs have scaled Mt. Everest than people! / Caption: Project Corner
/ [[a scab carries a paint can past some protesters]]
/ Scab art! With a permanent marker pen, make a face around your scab, making it the mouth - maybe that's the expression you made when you got the scab!
/ [[a face surrounds a scab, making it look like the face is either throwing up or coughing up blood]] / [[BoxJam shows Mallethead a scab]]
/ BoxJam: This scab!
/ [[Mallethead slaps his face]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030606.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A guy runs by BoxJam, who is taking out the trash]] / [[A policeman runs up]]
/ Policeman: CITIZEN! Do you know where Heisenberg is? / BoxJam: No, but he was headed that way... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030609.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Scabby: Hey guys! What's up? BoxJam: Hi Scabby! We're choosing sides for a pickup game of basketball! / Scabby: Well... pick me! / CNN.com headline: Scabs Don't Really Play Basketball
/ CNN.com caption: Scabby's fictional, experts advise
/ CNN.com article: Area resident, Emily Rogers injured several children today when she convinced then to remove large scabs because she told them that scabs could play basketball. Rogers appears to have gotten her information from "BoxJam's Doodle," a very bad webcomic. Fresh on the heels of Pixar's debacle with "Finding Nemo," which has {{unreadable}} thousands of goldfish's untimely deaths. BoxJam quickly issued a retraction. Other reports that Rogers tried to seduce the DEVELOPING STORY http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030610.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Offscreen singing: Dont les artifices maudits ont fini par faire un infâme... / Offscreen singing: De celui que j'amais jadis!
/ Little BoxJam: Bup...
/ BoxJam: Shh... yes, I hear it too... / BoxJam: Oh no - it's one of those traveling operas! / [[An opera goes by as BoxJam and Little BoxJam hide behind a trash can]]
/ Diva: Pretégez moi! ô seigneur! / BoxJam: That was close!
/ Little BoxJam: Yeah! / [[html page]]
/ CNN.com
/ Opera Alert Level: High
/ Citing unnamed sources "close to us" Attorney General John Ashcroft flipped the opera threat level back to high, or orange, on the opera scale. Orange represents the second-highest threat of opera, just below red. The opera threat meter has only been red once, when a statement, purportedly from Andrew Lloyd Weber, claimed that his new opera would "take the world by storm." It was quickly lowered back to green when it was learned the 'new play'
/ *DEVELOPING STORY* http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030611.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are looking at each other, as Little Boxjam passes by.]] / Ms. BoxJam (to Little BoxJam): You're not just going to leave that mess - clean it up before you do something else! / [[An upset Little BoxJam backtracks.]] / BoxJam: Wow - how did you know that?
/ Ms. BoxJam: I say that to any child in transit... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030612.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A guy in a spacesuit rides a bike across the moon while blowing a trumpet. A sign says "l'Finish"]] / [[BoxJam is rolling on the floor laughing as Ms. BoxJam reads]]
/ Ms. BoxJam (reading): Yes, this man who grew up on the streets of New Orleans and fought a battle against cancer, still accomplished so much. That's why my report on an American hero is Armstrong. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030613.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam at some guy's desk]]
/ Some Guy: So, looking for a lease, eh? Tell you what...you can have a one bedroom place in Jerktown for $1200 a month...
/ BoxJam: Um, well, I was hoping for a place in the suburbs, and there are four of us in the family... / Some Guy: FOUR OF YOU! Well, then, the rent is $1800...and the kids count as pets, requiring an extra security deposit...this offer expires in eight-seven-six-five-
/ BoxJam: *Sigh*...fine, I'll take it... / [[BoxJam walking away from the building holding a lease. The building is signed "Tool Rental"]]
/ BoxJam: I wonder why my life coach recommended this place... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030616.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam on the phone]]
/ BoxJam: Hi Bob! Listen - I've got a great idea for a new game called "baseball"...see, they throw a ball, and if it's not a good throw, it's called a "ball"... / BoxJam: Yes, that's right, a ball...what's so funny? Oh, I see...calling a ball a "ball"...ha ha...OK, anyway, so if it's good,--look, Bob, get over it...we can call it something else, I don't care...a "miss" or something...you with me? / BoxJam: So, if they swing but miss, it's a "strike"...yes, Bob, if they don't strike it, it's a "strike"...it's all very amusing...you're still laughing about the "ball" thing, aren't you?
/ Caption: The other side of a "Bob Newhart" phone conversation... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030617.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam, dressed in an animal skin muu-muu, holds a javelin.]] / [[BoxJam hurls the javelin.]] / [[BoxJam looks quizzically off into the distance.]] / [[BoxJam is embarrassed to find the javelin embedded in the ground right next to a young aurochs.]] / [[BoxJam holds the javelin, trying to look innocent, as the aurochs looks at him.]] / [[Boxjam walks away, still embarrassed. The antelope goes back to unconcernedly eating.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030618.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Someone in a mop-top haircut: And Paul's always leaving the seat up, and John just talks about weird stuff all the time...
/ BoxJam: You don't need them! You make this band! What's rock n' roll? The drums! The beat! / Mop-top: Do you really think so?
/ BoxJam: I know so! You're better off without them! / [switch scenes, BoxJam is with his kids]]
/ BoxJam: ... and that's how I broke up the Beatles! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030619.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: It's really been a long time since I moved to Chicago...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Do you remember when you first moved here? / Bearded guy in top hat and gloves: Da bears eat pears dat da mares brung with...
/ Guy in cap with cane: The bears eat pears that the mares brung with... them... / Ms. BoxJam: Tell me... did that take place right in Rex Harrison's Frunchroom?
/ BoxJam: You know, I believe it did... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030620.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam's head looks like the Pokemon species 'Koffing']]
/ Ms. BoxJam: These koffing fits are getting out of hand... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030623.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is eating as Ms. BoxJam enters with a sandwich and drink.]] / [[BoxJam watches her set them down on the table.]] / [[BoxJam watches as Ms. BoxJam arranges a napkin.]] / [[BoxJam watches as she picks up the sandwich.]] / BoxJam: Have you ever thought about how gross it would be to have dead fingers in your mouth?
/ Ms. BoxJam: I hate you. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030624.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is at the front of the line. The counter has the logo "Burger World"]] / Cashier: Yes, sir...may I take your order? / BoxJam: Yeah, I'd like a chicken-ranch-TexMex-Caesar sub on crackle honey-wheat bread... / Cashier: Um...that's not on our menu... / BoxJam: Your MENU!? HA! It's not even on your RADAR! / [[BoxJam looks around. The other customers look embarrassed]] / BoxJam: Who's with me? Woo! / [[The restaurant just stares at him, dumbfounded. The cashier blinks.]] / < |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam converses a moustached man wearing a collared shirt and tie. The background consists of a tie rack with a SALE sign above it as well as coat rack.]]
/ Man: Yes, sir... May I help you?
/ BoxJam: Yeah... I'd like to find a good set of Allen wrenches... / [[The man scratches the back of his head. BoxJam seems to be taken aback.]]
/ Man: Sir, this is a men's clothier... We wouldn't carry that...
/ BoxJam: Wouldn't carry it!? It's not even on your radar!! Woo!! / [[The man resumes his standing position, hands to his side. BoxJam stands akimbo, eyebrows raised expectantly.]] / [[Store in the background, an upset BoxJam walks away.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030626.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A guy sits at a desk with a sign marked 'Radar Supply.']]
/ Guy: Hi there, sir...may I help you?
/ BoxJam: I'm interested in finding some historical blues CD's... / Guy: Well, we sell radar and radar supply equipment, so that wouldn't be on our product list...
/ BoxJam: On your product list? It's not even on your- / [[BoxJam walks away from the building, humiliated.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030627.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: A car just slowed down near our house, then drove off when it saw me...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Oh, that must have been Raul... / BoxJam: You have Raul coming over when I'm home, now?
/ Ms. BoxJam: He's not supposed to...he must have made a mistake... / BoxJam: I don't let my girlfriends come over when you're home...
/ Ms. BoxJam: No, they just call and hang up when I answer...
/ BoxJam: That's to see if you're home! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030630.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam runs in holding a beer]]
/ BoxJam: Happy Canada Day! / BoxJam: Here's to the day you threw off the shackles of British oppression!
/ Mallethead: YOU'RE A WEEK LATE POSTING THIS, AND THE QUEEN STILL RULES CANADA. / [[Beat.]] / [[BoxJam walks away, disappointed.]
/ BoxJam: Canada sucks... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030701.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Do people know that people with kids have no idea what they're doing?
/ Ms. BoxJam: No, many people don't know that... / How could people not know they don't know?
/ Ms. BoxJam: They just don't- in fact some people with kids think they know what' they're doing... / BoxJam: They think they know? No - they don't know...
/ Ms. BoxJam: I know... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030702.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: 'Dja ever wonder what happened to "Big Wave Dave's"?
/ Ms. BoxJam: The short-lived NBC sitcom about guys who move to Hawaii to follow their dream of owning a surf shop, or the surf shop therein? / BoxJam: The surf shop itself...the show was bad...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Sure was... / < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030703.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam garbed in an American Flag pattern, holding a book, and raising a torch in the other hand.]]
/ BoxJam: Happy 4th of July! / [[BoxJam jumps and runs, same hand raised as with the torch.]]
/ BoxJam: Death to the British oppressors! / [[BoxJam stops and stands staring and pointing at us, eyebrows lowered and horizontal]].
/ BoxJam: The Brits are a very sneaky people... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030704.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Do you think plants feel pain? / BoxJam: They don't appear to have nervous systems and evolutionarily there'd be no advantage... / Ms. BoxJam: Right... pain is useful if you can do something about it... if you're immobile it accomplishes nothing... / BoxJam: Then again, if it doesn't hurt a plant's viability, it might be in constant misery and still produce offspring, the ultimate evolutionary test... / Ms. BoxJam: You're a real freaking downer sometimes... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030707.html |
| The year they almost didn't have Canadian Christmas | BoxJam: You know, in Canadian tradition, Santa Claus doesn't deliver gifts unless he gets some child-slaves from the populace in return~ they become his elves!
/ Mallethead: TELL ME MORE! / BoxJam: "... one Christmas Eve, an elf escaped! Christmas was going to have to be cancelled for the first time ever!"
/ (sign: Canada 21 meters) / BoxJam: "... when his family found out Christmas would be cancelled, they turned over that defiant elf - Santa didn't give them presents but still did everyone else. Christmas was saved!" / Mallethead: CANADA IS A STRANGE AND WONDROUS PLACE...
/ BoxJam: ... then this other time, Christmas was almost cancelled and a reindeer head showed up in Santa's bed... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20030811.html |
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