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BoxJam's Doodle Comics 'Mina: Bup! At recess today, I saw something green, and I caught a leperchaun! / BoxJam: Wow! That's great, honey... but it's Lep-RE-chaun... / [['Mina holds out a bloody green leg]] / BoxJam: Oh...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam staggers in the door, clothes torn and dirty, wet, and exhausted]] / BoxJam: Well, *gulp*...I'm back... / <<*Huff Huff*>> / Ms. BoxJam: Were you gone?
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam is watching TV]] / [[He vibrates]] / [[A floating BoxJam comes out of him]] / [[As floating BoxJam hovers, the TV vibrates]] / [[A floating TV, apparently out of the original TV, "stares" floating BoxJam down, and it taps its folded legs impatiently.]] / [[BoxJam watching TV - all 'out of body' things are gone]] / TV (thinking): Do NOT get metaphysical with me, Jam-hole...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam at the 'Wait Here' sign with the world]] / [[The sun is high in the sky]] / BoxJam: Hot enough for you? / World: Well, you know what they say... / World: It ain't the heat... / World: It's that you suck.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Ms. BoxJam: Do you worry we're not ready to get older? / BoxJam: EVERYTHING FROM MY FORMATIVE YEARS WAS GREAT! EVERYTHING TODAY SUCKS! / BoxJam: No.
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Ms. BoxJam: I wonder what we might do that would change the whole world for the better... / BoxJam: Oh, I've given up on anything so lofty...I just want to die having given more than I've taken from this life... / [[on high, God is stifling a laugh as he stands in front of the "BoxJam" scoreboard - Give = 14, Take = 23,861 ]]
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam sits on a bench next to a giant spider reading a newspaper. A bird pecks at the ground.]] / [[BoxJam looks right.]] / [[BoxJam looks left.]] / [[BoxJam looks down.]] / [[BoxJam looks to the sitting giant spider.]] / BoxJam: So... If a fella was interested in getting super powers... / Spider: Bite me.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics {{This is a guest strip done by a guy who calls himself "Lord Emsworth. It's done with photographs.}} / Sign: Wait here. / [[Blue and orange balloon-toys that look like BoxJam and Orange Guy stand by it.]] / [[Pause.]] / <> / [[Orange Guy balloon is hit by lightning]] / [[Orange guy balloon falls over. BoxJam balloon looks at him.]] / [[BoxJam balloon looks annoyed.]] / Boxjam balloon: Jerk! / Caption: Thanks to Lord Emsworth for this photo strip. It's just like those photo comics they used to have in National Lampoon, except for all the naked ladies. Anyway, thanks, Lord Em!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam really struggles to drag the trash to the can.]] / [[He stops to rest.]] / BoxJam: *HUFF* *HUFF* / [[He considers the trash bag.]] / BoxJam: ? / [[He drags something out of the bag]] / << *scoot* *scoot* >> / [[He has pulled the family boat out of the trash bag. He stares, dumbfounded.]] / [[He walks in the house.]] / BoxJam: YOU THREW OUT THE CAR!? / Ms. BoxJam: Oh, so you're picking through the trash now? Do I have to get permission before I throw out each candy wrapper? / BoxJam: IT WAS THE CAR! YOU THREW OUT THE CAR!! / Ms. BoxJam: Will you ever just trust me? You're treating me like a prisoner! / BoxJam: *HEAVE* *HEAVE* / Ms. BoxJam: How do you make your eyes do that?
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: I can't believe you were going to throw away the car! / Ms. BoxJam: "Were going to?" You think we're not now? / BoxJam: Of course we're not! It's the car! / Ms. BoxJam: Oh, good to know... When's "lights out," warden? / BoxJam: It was the car! Don't you understand you don't just toss a car in the trash!? We can't-- / [[BoxJam looks around.]] / BoxJam: Where's the kitchen!?
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[A lidded trash can. / Hands and a head peer out from the side. / BoxJam opens the lid emphatically, and looks inside closely. / He gets up and reaches into the can and begins to pull something out. / His house.]] / [[Holding his entire house still partly in the trash]] / BoxJam: I can't stand it... I just can't stand it...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Litle BoxJam is holding a toy plane, and is talking with another boy who wears glasses.]] / Little BoxJam: Yeah, my Dad hasn't gone as far as he should have - he should have been a huge success... / [[Little BoxJam holds the plane over his head like it's flying. Both boys look up at it.]] / Little BoxJam: He's had a hard life in some ways, though... so you have to cut him some slack... / [[Both boys examine the plane at chin level.]] / Little BoxJam: So he's a failure, but it's not all his fault... / [[BoxJam had been listening from around the corner.]] / BoxJam: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Mallethead and BoxJam sit and converse over drinks.]] / Mallethead: Windy City. / BoxJam: The Second City. / Mallethead: That Toddling Town. / BoxJam: The City that Works. / Mallethead: Gem of the Prairie. / BoxJam: City with Big Shoulders. / Mallethead: City in a Garden. / BoxJam: Hog Butcher to the World! / Mallethead: The Beautiful Woman with the Broken Nose. / [[BoxJam is silent.]] / [[BoxJam takes a drink.]]
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam is standing next to the 'wait here' sign next to a short winged guy with a sack with a tooth, and a sack with a $]] / [[BoxJam is standing next to the 'wait here' sign next to a short winged guy with a sack with a tooth, and a sack with a $]] / BoxJam: What do you do with all the teeth, anyhow? / Tooth Fairy: Oh, I don't care about the teeth--I just like the taste of blood!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Boxes of "DINO BONZ", with a sign: Dinosaur Bones--75% off!]] / BoxJam: Whoa--that's a great deal! / Ms. BoxJam--We don't use dinosaur bones... / BoxJam: I'm glad we came here--I can't believe that price on dinosaur bones! / Ms. BoxJam--We don't ever use dinosaur bones... / [[At home. BoxJam has built a gigantic skeleton of several different kinds of dinosaur bones.]] / BoxJam: I don't like dinosaur bones...
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam and the kids at a museum]] / "Humans have long marvelled at the miracle of SHADOWS... Mysterious, seemingly inexplicable phenomena that attach to objects AND COLOR PATCHES OF GROUND DARK!" / Sign: People who are mostly dead now used to entertain with shadows by making usually bird shapes with their hands. / Sign: Some objects that cast shadows / Tennis racquet / Chair / Ben / Sign: Even eclipses! When you view an eclipse, you're looking at a shadow!* / *Not the cool kind of eclipse-the other kind.** / **Never look at the cool kind of eclipse. / Sign: Shadows make the same shape (sometimes elongated) as the thing casting them! / Sign: Match object with shadow / Sign on a light: Cast a shadow! $1.00 / [[They are outside walking away from the museum]] / Sign: The SHADOW Museum / BoxJam: ...Still, more interesting than soccer... / Little BoxJam: Yeah...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Alien: Pardon me... You have to come with me... / Alien: I'm an archetypal alien bent on world domination... / BoxJam: You're suitably grotesque... and the absence of arms both shocks and hints at vulnerability... / Alien: Thanks for noticing... I wanted a bit of that... Adds to the mystique... / BoxJam: Uh-huh... / BoxJam: You think you maybe overdid it with the picture of Pixie? / Alien: It's actually Dixie... Pixie's got the bow tie, Dixie the vest...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Title: "I'm Cooler Than You" Esoteric Theater Company Presents... / BoxJam: What're we gonna do about "The General"? / Ms. BoxJam: Navigate her. You need pork pie. / Caption: "I'm Cooler Than You" Esoteric Theater Company sincerely hopes you were unable to derive any "easy laughs" from this drawing and accompanying words. / {{Maybe I should just skip days when this is the best I got. References are all to Buster Keaton in case you care.}}
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam at a dais]] / BoxJam: My opponent both has the most liberal voting record in the history of everything, AND constantly flip-flops! / [[Ms. BoxJam walks up]] / Ms. BoxJam: That's patently ridiculous! / BoxJam: Huh? / Ms. BoxJam: If he's been on both sides of so many issues, how could his voting record fall out so extremely liberal? / BoxJam: Because he IS so liberal...the most liberal, proven by scientific statistics! / Ms. BoxJam: But...then, he can't be a flip-flopper, right? / BoxJam: No, he is! For first he votes for something, then he votes against it! Then he votes for something else, then he votes against it! / Ms. BoxJam: Those claims are mutually exclusive! / BoxJam: I know! What a ridiculous flip-flopper! / [[George W. Bush, wearing a t-shirt that says "Don't ask me for [obscured]"]] / W: I'm a cog in dis' instance, and I approved this message. / {{I was gratified I got a lot of links to this comic from blogs/message boards that thought I made a worthwhile point. I wish John Kerry had addressed these concurrent attacks as being ridiculous. I felt especially vindicated when a blogger tried to defend the attacks, having it both ways (claiming the flip-flop was on foreign issues, the liberal domestic). When I responded at his blog he deleted my comment.}}
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Fall is basically here... / Ms. BoxJam: Yeah... the kids are planning the Hallowe'en costumes already... / BoxJam: Wow... holiday season is almost upon us... then a brand new year... / Ms. BoxJam: Yep... / BoxJam: Seventy or eighty of these isn't enough... / Ms. BoxJam: No...
 
A BoxJam Christmas Carol *Various confusing actions that are supposed to be the family acting out the 'Y' 'M' 'C' 'A' chorus*
Ms. BoxJam's painting [[Ms. BoxJam is painting, and keeps sticking out her thumb as though to gauge proportion of the subject]] / [[Last panel we see the canvas - it's a painting of Ms. BoxJam's thumb.]]
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: I think there's something under the ottoman... / Ms. BoxJam: It's my great-great-great-grandmother on my maternal grandfather's side... / BoxJam: What's your ancestor doing under the ottoman? / I've started doing genealogy... / <> / BoxJam: Are there any more of your clan about? / Ms. BoxJam: Be careful around the linen closet...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: I counted seven crosses on the side of the highway in eighty miles... / Ms. BoxJam: Yes, it's a dangerous stretch of road... / [[beat]] / BoxJam: So, are Jews and atheists and everybody else better drivers, or just more tasteful? / {{After more than 5 years of drawing the comic, this is the first one where I ever offended somebody. I felt so proud.}}
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: ... and she says it's all due to that arch-villain, Bunny-From-The-Future! / Ms. BoxJam: That fiend! ... she won't entertain the notion that she just left the bath water on when she shouldn't have?
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Sandwich-board: Sale! Valu-Town closing 40%-70% off / Sandwich-board #2: Valu-Town will not close its doors! / Sandwich-board #3: Claims Valu-Town not closing slanderous! / [[Pause.]] / BoxJam: These 527's are getting out of hand! / Sandwich-board #4: Valu-Town in bed with Osama
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam stands in line - ahead in the line is a sign that says 'VOTE!']] / BoxJam: With all the reports of mistakes, intimidation and fraud going on, I hope America's true voice is going to be heard! / BoxJam: I mean, most American's are good, but it's scary how few "baddies" it takes to subvert the process! / [[A fairy appears]] / Fairy: Don't fret, m'lad! All we have to do is remember Nixon! / BoxJam: <> Tinker-Poll! / Tinkerpoll: That's me! In 1960, Richard Milhous Nixon didn't contest the vote - because he was a gentleman! / BoxJam: Gosh, Tink, and here I thought Nixon publicly conditionally conceded, but asked for recounts in eleven states! / Tinkerpoll: Not so! Would Tinker-Poll lie to you? / BoxJam: Guess not! / Tinkerpoll: Right! Oh, don't look now, but Tinker-Poll has a gift for you! / BoxJam: Thanks, Tink! / [[Around BoxJam's neck appears a chain with the glowing letters WWND?]] / Tinkerpoll: Now remember, no matter how many voters you hear about purged from the rolls, no matter how many thousands are challenged or denied, just lie back and dream of Nixon! / BoxJam: Nixon's our shining eaxample in election-year strife! Thanx, Tinker-Poll! / [[BoxJam hands his ballot to an election judge, who sits dazed with a trash can full of ballots and a ballot on the floor]]
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Uh... hello... / Brudder: Clifford Montford BoxJam, I think. I'm your ancestor everyone called "Brudder"... / BoxJam: Oh, yeah... Aunt Martha used to talk about you... I... don't know much about you... / Brudder: You're the last person on earth who knows anything about me... and you're not sure of my name, are you? / BoxJam: No. I know that you like toast- you want some toast? / Brudder: Only if you'll butter it for me... / BoxJam and Brudder: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA / BoxJam: Seriously, that family story is the only thing I know about you... / Brudder: I hope the last piece of your life that anybody remembers involves you biting me hard...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: I'm just going to wait and see how these various misunderstandings among religions work themselves out... / 3000 YEARS LATER
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Sir Celery: I'm Sir Celery / Miss Parsley: I'm Miss Parsley... / Onion Twins: We are the Onion Twins! / Ms. BoxJam: That's just an old "Tuna Twist" commercial! There was never a version of "Vegetarian Clue"!
 

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