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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Sign: Cwaint Countree Coroner Store
/ BoxJam: I don't know what's going on - I was sure a country store next to the highway would do well... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060217.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Hi Honey - I'm home! / BoxJam and Ms. Boxjam: Mmm... / BoxJam: Your boobs feel good... / [[Ms. BoxJam's eyes bug out.]] / BoxJam: Hugs. Your hugs feel good. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060220.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam stands out in front of the house.]] / Ms. BoxJam: Is there a reason you stopped, and waited for the trash to come to you? / BoxJam: I was just thinking how all this going away is not a question of if, but when... / [[Pause.]] / Ms. BoxJam: Yes, we are but moments of time...
/ BoxJam: No, I mean I gambled everything on a full house and the bastard had four of a kind...
/ Ms. BoxJam: You even bet the kids!? That's unconscionable!
/ BoxJam: Oh, they'll be fine... you're going with them! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060221.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam flies through the air, with groups of people and a house in the distance.]] / BoxJam: Dad! Mom! My big brother! Various relatives and friends! / BoxJam: Ms. BoxJam! Kids! / [[BoxJam flies on, leaving them far in the distance.]] / [[BoxJam flies or hovers, with nothing else in sight.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060222.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Heh... I know people say Schulz wasn't good at the end, but he still had some refreshing, odd, quietly funny ideas - like this: Snoopy wonders if Jesus had a dog... / Ms. BoxJam: Of course not... Leviticus - I think chapter XI, expressly states that animals that walk on their paws are unclean... dogs may have been used for work, but never as companions... / BoxJam: Schulz was a hack... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060223.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Mrs. BoxJam face each other.]]
/ BoxJam: The Washington Nationals still don't have an owner, and now someone's challenging baseball's right to the name!
/ Mrs. BoxJam: You look despondent. / BoxJam: I do despond. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060224.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I have to go out to... ah... visit and console Thelma Lou...
/ Ms. BoxJam: You seem furtive... / BoxJam: I'm not furting!
/ [[Ms. BoxJam rolls her eyes.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060227.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: Remember that Johnny Cash song where he made fun of bigots' attempts to bring down the phone company by "ripping them off" a dime at a time? They were protesting the phone company hiring blacks...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Oh yeah, that was a good song... / BoxJam (singing): "Mr. K-K-K, you're A-O-K, cheatin' out a dime every righteous day..."
/ Ms. BoxJam: I guess I don't remember the song that well... / BoxJam: It was huge! They wouldn't play it on the radio because it had the word "doodoo-head." Hah! I never understood what the trick was, though... I wonder how you cheated an old pay phone out of ten cents...
/ Ms. BoxJam: I don't know... I guess Johnny Cash did... / BoxJam: That's a great idea! You build a time machine, and ask him how you got a dime! / [[Ms. BoxJam builds a time machine.]] / Ms. BoxJam: Johnny Cash... how do you cheat a pay phone out of a dime, like in your song?
/ Johnny Cash: What the hell are you talking about? / [[BoxJam gives a thumbs-up.]]
/ Caption: Score one for BoxJam! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060301.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: You've let a bag of trash sit in the kitchen two days! / [[BoxJam hands her a stack of papers]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: BoxJam Ltd. articles of incorporation? / [[Ms. BoxJam examines the papers]]
/ BoxJam: You can only indemnify the corporation, and not me personally... / Ms. BoxJam: Was it really necessary to incorporate in Delaware?
/ BoxJam: If you're going to do something, do it right. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060302.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | TV: Good God, it's just like earth, except the chickens rule over men! / Ms. BoxJam: It's late! Turn that down!
/ TV: Dr. Avaius, this one talks! / TV: You won't like what you find... / Ms. BoxJam: Not that soft...
/ TV: A KFC!? You did it! You went ahead and did it!
/ [[empty thought-balloon appears above Garfieldish-cat]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060303.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Minister: Our reading this week comes from Leviticus, chapter 13: "The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, 'When a man has on the skin of his body a swelling or an eruption or a spot, and it turns into a leprous disease on the skin of his body, then he shall be brought to Aaron the priest or one of his sons the priests, and the priest shall examine the diseased spot on the skin of his body; and if the hair in the diseased spot...' / Minister "... has turned white and the disease appears to be deeper than the skin of his body, it is a leprous disease; when the priest has examined him he shall pronounce him unclean. But if the spot is white in the skin of his body, and appears no deeper than the skin, and the hair in it has not turned white, the priest shall shut up the diseased person for seven days; and the priest shall examine him on the seventh day, and if the diseased spot is dim and the disease...'
/ [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam look at each other.]] / Minister: "... and there is, um... quick raw flesh in the swelling, it is a chronic leprosy in the skin of his body, and the priest shall pronounce him unclean...
/ [[BoxJam, Ms. BoxJam, and Little BoxJam look grossed out.]] / Minister: "... yellow and thin, then the priest shall pronounce him unclean; it is an itch, a leprosy of the head..."
/ [[Little BoxJam puts his hands over his ears.]] / BoxJam: I heard the new minister's a little obsessive-compulsive...
/ Ms. BoxJam: I think I'll just skip communion today...
/ Minister: ... As a reminder, we're offering free lice checks immediately following the service... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060306.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I'm in a dead-end job, the comic strip will never pay the bills, and I'm starting to think my backup plan of a major league baseball career isn't going to pan out either... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060307.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and the Orange Guy stand at the waiting spot]] / [[The normal 'Wait Here' sign has an additional sign: 'sponsored by Orange Guy.' BoxJam seethes.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060308.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks up to a wall-mounted tank.]] / [[BoxJam opens a valve and pours some of the tank's contents onto a plate.]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060309.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is sitting under a tree and a womanly shape made out of spots is in front of him]]
/ BoxJam: Whoa... this must be a dream... / [[BoxJam wakes up 'Matrix'-style in his pod with tubes in him]] / [[BoxJam is back under the tree]]
/ BoxJam: Uh... not that much of a dream... / [[BoxJam wakes up in bed]]
/ BoxJam (thinking): Yeah... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060310.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is sitting before his boss]]
/ BoxJam's boss: BoxJam, we like a very tight group here... we think of you like you're family... / [[BoxJam is at home at the dinner table with his family]]
/ Ms. BoxHam: How'd your review go?
/ BoxJam: My boss has it in for me... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060313.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Two men fighting with a game board on the ground in front of them]]
/ Caption: AuSTRaLian RuLES CRiBBagE http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060314.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam comes up to Ms. BoxJam carrying grocery bags]]
/ BoxJam: Outside the grocery store they've put one of my favorite things - a vending machine with generic soda! / BoxJam: They're color-coded so you know what they are... the red one is cola, the green one lemon-lime, brown root beer, purple grape... / BoxJam: This one had a second green one - darker - Mountain Dew! Score! And the price! 25¢ a can! Nirvana! / < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060315.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam as flowers.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: You didn't even remember our anniversary!? You're a disgrace to the species!
/ Caption: It was true - He was a terrible kill-her-while-she-sleeps. Although in this particular instance, it'd've probably been more ironic if he were a forget-me-not. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060316.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Mallethead are singing together on a green background]]
/ BoxJam/Mallethead (singing): Wellll, it's over lads, the war is done, our comrades have fallen, but the victory's won... / BoxJam/Mallethead (singing): Save but six counties, like fair Londonderry, at least we think so, not great at geogr'phy... / BoxJam/Mallethead (singing): But the point is some treaty, it musta been signed, Northern Eire's theirs now, and we're drunk half-blind... / BoxJam/Mallethead (singing): We don' wanna hear it, 'bout Belfast n' stuff, so we'll kill ya bloody bastards if ya don't stop actin' up!
/ (repeat last 2 to coda) / Caption: HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060317.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I wonder if I should take a class in bookbinding...
/ Little BoxJam: Why? You'll just be terrible... / BoxJam: What?
/ Little BoxJam: You're awful at everything... You're the worst person I've ever seen... / BoxJam: Don't you usually feign some *pretense* of support?
/ Little BoxJam: Just couldn't be bothered to make the effort today... schmuck... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060320.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Mallethead sitting at the bar. BoxJam's beer is ENORMOUS]]
/ Mallethead: SEE, AND I'VE ALWAYS HEARD THAT KIDNEY STONES CALLED FOR NON-BEER FLUIDS. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060321.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: I was just reading about a minor celebrity who committed suicide... / BoxJam: Why?
/ Ms. BoxJam: He left a note that said there was nothing in this life for him... / BoxJam: I wonder if he ever played the bagpipes...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Why? / BoxJam: I don't how you could say there's nothing here for you if you've never played the bagpipes... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060322.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Ms. BoxJam: I'm home!
/ BoxJam: Hey, babe... / Ms. BoxJam: I guess you missed me... / BoxJam: Well, sure, I guess... but you were only gone two hours... Why? / Ms. BoxJam: Your nose prints are all over the window... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060323.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: I was aware of the very day I outlived my father... / BoxJam: And I was aware of the day he had been dead as long as he'd ever been alive... / BoxJam: Is that a bit weird?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Well, you know 'weird' is a relative thing...I mean sure, it's weird, but who cares? It makes me [obscured]
/ BoxJam's father (as ghost): Yes,it's weird! I didn't know that stuff! My son's a freak! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060324.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks in, looking upset.]] / BoxJam: "The Tortoise and the Hare" is just a lie The Man tells to keep us down, isn't it?
/ Ms. BoxJam: ... and... Mark! 41 years, 15 days... Pathetic, but at least you arrived... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060327.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is telling BoxJamina a story in bed - her eyes are glazed]]
/ BoxJam: ...worked hard all summer, while the grasshopper lazed about... finally, the chilly autumn came... / BoxJam: ...so the grasshopper laid off the ant, and liquidated the ant hill, telling the ants things were like this because the potato bugs wanted to attack...
/ [['Mina's eyes perk up]] / BoxJamina: Why do all your stories end with preemptive attacks on the potato bugs? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060328.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Group of people loiter before a gated wall guarded by bearded man. Gate is adorned with music notes]] / [[Bearded guard looks at his pager/cell phone]]
/ <<*BEEP *BEEP*>> / [[Bearded guard clicks his pager, gate opens, and two figures walk to gate]]
/ Saint Peter: Sanders? Party of Two? Congratulations--enough prayers have been collected!
/ <<*BOOP*>>
/ Mrs. Sanders: I know our son's family must've prayed a lot... / [[Saint Peter looks at pager again and three people wait]]
/ Saint Peter: Lookie there - Mr. Snedeker, you've just accumulated enough prayer points too! / [[Mr. Snedeker enters gate. Saint Peter addresses one of the waiting two figures.]]
/ Saint Peter: and Ms. Preston - your reservation is on file... right this way... / [[Last waiting figure, sitting hunched, looks toward Saint Peter as Ms. Preston enters gate]]
/ Hunched figure: Any progress on me, Pete?
/ Saint Peter: You're at 3 1/2, BoxJam... / [[Gates are closed with only BoxJam waiting]]
/ BoxJam: Three and a HALF!?
/ Saint Peter: Mallethead prayed once for "What's-his-name"... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060330.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam sits near a gated wall guarded by a bearded man, Saint Peter, who is reading something. Gate is adorned with music notes.]]
/ BoxJam: I wonder if the living will ever pray for me enough to get into Heaven...
/ Saint Peter: Well, I wouldn't panic... you've got 6 years of eligibility left...
/ [[Orange Guy pops up through the clouds.]]
/ [[Saint Peter lets Orange Guy into Heaven]]
/ BoxJam: Is it too late to request Hell instead?
/ Saint Peter: I can check... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060331.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Inset: "You can't get into Heaven until enough people have prayed for you." - Thom. Aquinas / [[BoxJam stands at the gates of Heaven, studying them]]
/ BoxJam: I'd have never guessed the gates of Heaven were inspired by the gates at Graceland...
/ St. Peter: It makes perfect sense, if you think about it. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060403.html |
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