You're browsing the archives of BoxJam's Doodle.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam is talking to a very large-footed companion]] / BoxJam: So, feeling pretty good about the kick-boxing finals?
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060405.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Narration: Diminutive, shy BoxJam helps clean out the closet... / Narration: Suddenly... / BoxJam: Ah-! / Ms. BoxJam: What happened? / BoxJam: That hat bit me! / Ms. BoxJam: Our genetically enhanced hat!? / <> / Ms. BoxJam: Hold that thought... someone's at the door! / Ms. BoxJam: Uncle Mallethead! / Mallethead: Mugger shot me... then ran to the abandoned warehouse... / BoxJam: I could'a saved him! / Ms. BoxJam: How? / Narration: Next: Into the Brim!
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060407.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Mallethead: BoxJam... You look exhausted... / BoxJam: Oh, hey Mallet... Yeah, I've been playing about four hours... / Mallethead: Four hours of Spiderman!? You're addicted! / BoxJam: That's what my wife said... / BoxJam: Only she didn't say "ted"...
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060424.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics In 1827, the foundling state of Michigan, perceiving calumny in a mangled translation of a treatise on chandlery from its original Ohioan, declared war on that state. / Caption: Gov'r. Stancheon Chandler, Michigan / Several legal issues arose... could a state declare war on another? Would the federal government participate - if so, would it fight for both sides? Awaiting answers, troops stood, ever alert. / Finally, in desperation, governor Blackboldt Diewell of Ohio asked the famed, feared Brickface militia to attack, foregoing all rules of war in order to start the shooting. / Only one member of that militia reported, however, and became the common object of ridicule for both sides. / Governor Diewell was executed by surprise paper-cutting, the custom at the time, ending the conflict. / BoxJam: [[brickfaced]] Why do I always fall for that?
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060427.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam works at a computer.]] / <> / [[BoxJam rummages in his pockets while coworkers run (or skateboard) off.]] / Coworker: Wife didn't give you ice cream money today? / BoxJam: No... / BoxJam: [[thinking]] Why does the stupid Good Humor man have to come by work, anyway?
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060428.html
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Minister: The God that holds you over the pit of Hell, much as one holds a spider, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked... / Minister: ... You are ten thousand times more abominable in His eyes than the serpent in ours... / Minister: ... That you did not go to Hell last night, that you was suffered to awake again in this world... / Minister: O sinner! Repent this very hour, for tomorrow may not find you on this Earth! Amen. / Minister: Couple of notes... Our women's club circle is having a pot luck this Tuesday... Please bring one non-dessert dish... And our youth group is sponsoring "game night" this Friday at 7 in the all-purpose room. / Ms. BoxJam: Do you think vegetarian "jello" salad counts as a dessert? / BoxJam: I wouldn't chance it... / Sign: This week: Jonathan Edwards guest sermon / {{idiot that I am, it didn't occur to me I needed to specify *which* Jonathan Edwards was the guest - I meant 18th century Puritan theologian Jonathan Edwards, not "Crossing Over" fakir Jonathan Edwards nor vice-presidential candidate John(athan?) Edwards}}
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060502.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Spiderman stands in an open field, the strings of some unsuccessful webs hanging from his hands onto the ground.]] / Spiderman: I hate Kansas ... / {{Note: I'm putting the word upbraid in a note in case anyone ever searches for "upbraid" or "upbraided"}}
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060508.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[a rabbit made out of, or entirely covered in, bugs]] / Caption: Bugs Bunny
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060509.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Young BoxJam and a sleeping dinosaur]] / Young BoxJam: Gosh, I can't bear to wake Chloe... maybe we can move her like this... / [[Young BoxJam, his father, and Chloe set off in the family boat at dawn]] / [[The boat in a traffic jam]] / BoxJam's dad: Let's go, people...you make me sick! Move! I hate YOU, I hate YOU, I hate YOU, I hate YOU... / [[At the edge of a forest. Chloe is just waking up]]] / Young BoxJam: 'Bye, girl... / BoxJam's dad: She can't understand words! Let's go! / [['Mina standing next to BoxJam, who's lying in bed half-asleep]] / 'Mina: Right? / BoxJam: Chloe was a racoon, not a dinosaur!
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060510.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam is at work, working at his computer.]] / <> / [[BoxJam's coworkers hurry behind him as he frantically searches his wallet.]] / [[BoxJam discovers a single bill in his wallet.]] / [[BoxJam runs with bill in hand.]] / [[Three giant coworkers notice BoxJam and his visible cash.]] / [[BoxJam is back at his computer, beaten, bruised, and robbed]] / BoxJam (thinking): Why does the stupid Good Humor Man stop here anyway?
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060511.html
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[In each panel, a medieval BoxJam walks past a medieval BoxJam merchant selling different things]] / Narrator: The word "Bargain" comes from medieval times, when merchants sold sundry things that sucked, because no things did not suck. / Merchant's sign: Ye olde warrts 3p / Narrator: In order to complete a transaction, the seller would aver his price so good it was as though the buyer would "gain a bar" of gold--a "bar-gaining" trade. / Merchant's sign: aqentik mini-holy grails 5p / {{does anybody know how to put a 'theta' in here? The word 'aqentik' is supposed to be aentik -that is, athentik}} / [[Both BoxJams have plague sores and X'd "death eyes"] / Narrator: The practice continued even though everyone died of the plague. The etymology of bargain was thus established until Snopes.com found it a crock in 2002. / Merchant's sign: De-spare 1p / Narrator: Next week: whence comes the word cargain?
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060512.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam with Ms. BoxJam, who is holding a piece of paper]] / BoxJam: ...and in the last frame, they'll be covered with plague spots and he'll be selling "despair," see? / <> / Ms. BoxJam: I'm sure the people who read your strip will like it...
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060515.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Hey everyone! I've got rain hats! / 'Mina: I've got an umbrella... / Li'l BoxJam: I've got a poncho... / Ms. BoxJam: It's not raining... / BoxJam: Rain hats keep your hair dry! / 'Mina: I'm under shelter... / Li'l BoxJam: I've got a novelty umbrella hat... / Ms. BoxJam: It's not raining... / [[BoxJam, enormous, towers over them]] / BoxJam: One day rain hats will rule the world! / Ms. BoxJam: It's not raining... / BoxJam: Wear a rain hat! / Ms. BoxJam: It's not raini- wait, no, that was a sprinkler. It's not raining.
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060516.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Guy in line outside a sports venue has a pennant that reads "SANFLM's" and a jersey that reads "Smithton Antiquated Name for Local Minority's"]]
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060517.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Ms. BoxJam and BoxJam looking at sprouts]] / Ms. BoxJam: Your garden is off to a good start... / BoxJam: Thanks...I think it's in my blood...my grandfather was a farmer... / <> / BoxJam: OK, he was MORE of a truck driver who died of tuberculosis, but that's kind of like farming...
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060524.html
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Boxjam: Well, I eplained to Mina about the birds and the bees... / Mina: Babies come from eggs, out of a queen whose egg sac is so fat she can't move...
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060525.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Boxjam: Without even looking at the TV, I predict the sports channel will be covering the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry... I've got E.S.P!...n... / {{Demonstration of supernatural abilities}} / [[They weren't impressed.]]
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060530.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[a BoxJam "blob" on the floor, holding a newspaper, and Ms. BoxJam]] / BoxJam blob: It was a typo. They were looking for an INVETERATE go-getter.
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060531.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Speaker: Gentlemen Electors: By your unanimous vote, this fledgling nation's first chief exective is to be: George W. Bush! / Electors: Huzzah! Well n' able! / Cheney: Your Excellency, our merchant vessels keep getting plundered and sunk by pirates... we think you should end your vacation. / Bush: Declare war on France! / Reading newspaper: France!? What on Earth-!? / News vendor: He-who-kicks-too-much-ass-to-be-named says it makes sense... You're either with him or against him... / [[Bush giving a speech]] / Bush: ... Gulf stream is just a theory, and won't be taught. Also, I'm nominating Benedict Arnold to put down the Whiskey Rebellion! / In crowd: Arnold!? He's a traitor - he was behind West Point - Gat- mmmmph! [[A guard hauls them away.]] / Caption: To be continued! (But not sustained...)
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060601.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Cheney: The populace is concerned you're reading their mail... / Bush: They're not supposed to know! How else can I protect freedom? 'Sides, I don't read... I'm just looking for patterns! / [[Bush giving a speech]] / Bush: I don't think anyone foresaw the whiskey rebellion... you're doin' a heckuva job, Arnie! / Someone in crowd: ...But it was foreseen! Western Pennsylvania Sher- mmmphh! [[A soldier hauls them away.]] / Bush: ...and there's no scientific basis for not drinking the same water used for sewage... This typhoid epidemic is because of atheists! / Cheney: Your highness, "Whiskystan" has seceded and allied itself with our piracy-war enemy, France. Also, Molly Pitcher has announced she's running against you... / Bush: Attack her war record. / Cheney: Also, I shot a guy. / Bush: In a duel? / Cheney: Um... sure.
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060602.html
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Title: Geo. W. Bush, Father of His Country, Cont'd / Representative: Mr. Speaker, we must impeach his Mega-Awesomeness, if for no other reason than only the Congress can declare war! / Speaker: He said he has that right because he was elected agronimously. / Representative: "Agroni"- What does that even mean? / Speaker: I have no idea. / Speaker: Well, if there are no more items, let's move forward on Kentucky's and Vermont's applications for stateho- / Envoys: Actually, we withdraw them. / Speaker: Oh... Just so you know, the Grand Poo-bah says that terrotories that don't join probably harbor pirates... / Envoys: We're land-loc-! Skip it. We ally with Whiskystan. And France. / [[Two Americans in the street]] / Banner: Molly Pitcher shot her husband and was forced to work the cannon. ~Monmouth Cannoneers~ / Onlooker: That's unbelievable! / Onlooker 2: Well, there must be some truth to it... they couldn't just make it all up! / [[Bush and Cheney address a reporter]] / Cheney: ...and because "Molly Pitcher" maybe thinks people should be able to marry "the French way," we're putting it up for referendum in the eleven remaining states. / Reporter: Can I ask him that? / Cheney: He'd say the same thing as me, so no. / Journalist: Some are saying your attacks on her are not true... / Bush: I never attacked her... I have no control over them... By the way, you need to sign a loyalty oath for talking to me... / [[Molly Pitcher/McCauley and someone]] / Someone: Ms. McCauley, Ben Franklin was kidding when he suggested in a letter the turkey is a better symbol than the bald eagle. He didn't really think that. / Molly McCauley: What does that have to do with me running against Bush in an alternate history? / Someone: Nothing. It's just a pet peeve of the cartoonist's.
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060605.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Bush and a model are posing in a fake boat while a painter paints them]] / Painter: Très bien! Finis! Ze hero crahssing a river - What river do you like? / [[Enter Cheney]] / Cheney: Your Holiness, is the "Mission Accomplished" painting finished? / Bush: Yeah. Why? / Cheney: Those flames behind me are the French burning the city... / Door: Freedom Room. Authorized personnel only. / Bush: Awright, let's fight! And by that I mean have the soldiers do it. / Cheney: There are no more soldiers. All killed, captured or deserted. / Bush: Where we goin'? / Cheney: New Orleans... They'll welcome us... / Bush: What about our immigration problem? / Cheney: Believe it or not, there is none... / [[BoxJam and Little BoxJam]] / BoxJam: ... and that's the story of "The United States: 1776-1792." / Little Boxjam: I'm glad we live in Whiskystan! / Ms. BoxJam: Hey gang... What happens when we alter the historic timeline?? / All: Nazis! [[Nazis abound]]
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060606.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam watch TV.]] / BoxJam: If you shoot a man in Reno, don't you go to prison in Nevada?
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060607.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Title: An Iconvenient Truth / BoxJam: Well, um, you know when there's a story of a murder on the news or in the paper, how they'll show a picture of the victim in an "undated photo?" If it's a woman, a guy's first thought is, "Is she hot?" and if yes, "I wonder if I could score with her?" / Title: An Inconvenient Truth
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060608.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Title: Proudly Presenting: Twist Number 89,304 on "72 Virgins" / Al-Zarqawi: So, Muslim-equivalent of St. Peter... I'm a martyr... set me up... / Muslim-equivalent of St. Peter: Al-Zarqawi... Welcome... 72 virgins await... maybe more! / Sign: Star Trek Convention Mobile, Alabama Welcome Abu Al-Zarqawi - probably guest-starred in some Star Trek series sometime
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060609.html
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics AN Inconvenient TRUTH / You're not going to finally be the generation that's "different" and / "better" than the whole history of humanity leading up to you. / You'll suck just like the rest of us. / AN Inconvenient TRUTH
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060612.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics A(N INCONVENIENT) TRUTH / There is no karma. / What goes around doesn't come around. / Most people who screw you over will never get their comeuppance. / A(N INCONVENIENT) TRUTH
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060613.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Title: Ye Olde Inconveniente Truth. / BoxJam: Canadians may look cute, but remember, they are not pets. They are unpredictable, savage, and harbor many diseases, including rabies. / Title: Ye Olde Inconveniente Truth.
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060614.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Caption: An Inconvenient Truth. [[Hyphenated as "An Incon-" "venient" "Truth".]] / BoxJam: Deep down, I think most of us realize the mentally challenged have nothing particularly special to teach us. / Caption: An Inconvenient Truth. [[The last "e" in "Inconvenient" is split between two lines.]]
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060615.html
BoxJam's Doodle Comics (an inconvenient truth) / You know the "vein" that runs along the length of a shrimp's body? / Yeah. / (an inconvenient truth)
http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060616.html
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 >>