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| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Inset: 2037]]
/ [[People are filling their cars at a gas station. The near pump is labelled "Fuelent Green."]] / [[A wild-eyed guy rushes into the scene]]
/ Wild-eyed guy: FUELENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! / [[The people at the gas station look sick to their stomachs.]] / [[After a moment, they continue fueling.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060918.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam (facing to the viewer's left): This direction is the past!
/ Ms. BoxJam (facing to the viewer's right): This direction is the future! / BoxJam (facing straight on): This direction is observational!
/ Ms. BoxJam (facing directly away): This direction is reserved for future use! / BoxJam: Can't you at least give us a hint?
/ Ms. BoxJam (walking away): Nope... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060919.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: When I was a kid, I thought I invented grilled cheese... / [[Ms. BoxJam flies into a rage, eye-lasering a hole in BoxJam's head]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: OMIGod SHUT UP SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID VAPID OBSERVATIONS I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SHUT UP AND DIE!!! / [[She continues cutting him up with eye lasers]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR IDIOTIC BANALITIES GOD I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE MY LIFE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! / [[Inset: Later...]]
/ [[BoxJam still stands with holes all through him. Ms. BoxJam holds a bag of trash]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: ...So you've really let the trash get full... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060920.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam on the phone]]
/ BoxJam: I'm telecommuting today...can you help out?
/ Voice on phone: Sure... / [[The Orange guy at the 'Wait Here' sign - he's holding out a cell phone at arm's length.]]
/ BoxJam (thinking, through the cell phone): Jerk. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060921.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Inset: Mallethead Speaks!]]
/ [[Mallethead walks out]] / [[He waits]] / [[He waits]] / Mallethead: ARF!
/ Voice offscreen: Good boy! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060922.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walking, holding a book.]]
/ BoxJam: Mmm...
/ Ms. BoxJam: How is it? / BoxJam: The library's copy of "For Whom the Bell Tolls" is a first edition!
/ Ms. BoxJam: Wow... / BoxJam: See...copyright 1940 Charles Scribner, and then an 'A' like they did for first printings...
/ Ms. BoxJam: It is so... / [[Silence]] / [[A giant spider has appeared behind them. They flee.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060925.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks in with a book.]]
/ BoxJam: "El gato esta en fuego."
/ Ms. BoxJam: The cat's what? / BoxJam: It's a Spanish phrase book. "Donde esta los dedos de pies de Pablo?"
/ Ms. BoxJam: What kind of phrase book? Strange phrases... / BoxJam: "Getting Rid of Strangers"..."Mi leche es muy caliente! Leche Fiesta!"
/ Ms. BoxJam: And yet strangely alluring... / [[silence]] / [[A giant spider has appeared behind them. They flee.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060926.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: ...and I want the lawn mowed whenever it's 2.25 inches...
/ Robot: ...if I may may interrupt we both know how this is going to turn out... / Robot: Things'll go great until I turn "evil" and I decide the world needs to be rid of humans... / ...you destroy me, but not before it's constant darkness in the skies and you're living on rats. Why don't we both save some trouble and make me an overpriced television? / [[BoxJam on the couch, watching the robot-television]]
/ BoxJam: You think you could learn to make Buffalo wings?
/ Robot: Hmm...world without humans...
/ BoxJam: Never mind. / [[A giant spider appears behind BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam. They flee.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060928.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam stands at the foot of a waterfall.]] / [[He's covered in shadow.]] / [[A hippopotamus falls on him.]] / Caption: oh, alright.
/ [[A giant spider appears behind BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam. They flee.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060929.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{An Inconvenient Truth}}
/ [[Title: Truthe Inconveniatum]] / [[BoxJam stands in a spotlight holding a microphone, looking earnest.]]
/ Caption: BoxJam is never going to be well-liked. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20060930.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{An Inconvenient Truth}}
/ [[Title: An Inconvenient Truth!!!]] / [[BoxJam is under a leanto, in a pelting rain, trying to start a fire by throwing sparks on tinder.]]
/ Caption: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! - you know...eventually... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061001.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [BoxJam walks up to Ms. BoxJam from the left, who is holding a bag of trash on the right]
/ BoxJam: *sigh* I get so frustrated talking politics... I don't think it's the differences of opinion, either... / [Ms. BoxJam hands BoxJam the trash]
/ BoxJam: It's because of being dismissed as stupid... if you say Bush lied, people dismiss you as an emotional crackpot... but the Downing street memo demonstrates he lied... / [BoxJam now holds the trash]
/ BoxJam: ...So did that award-winning Rolling Stone article that showed he knew the WMD "intelligence" was fake... but because it's Rolling Stone, I'm a gullible fool... / BoxJam: The statement "any time you hear 'wire tap', that requires a court order- nothing has changed," was a lie, but if you bring it up, you're a naive, terrorist-loving simpleton... / BoxJam: ...even being concerned about unaccountable voting machines makes you a crackpot, because you need incontrovertible proof of fraud before you fix the machines, or you're a conspiracy nut... / BoxJam: I'm tired of not being able to hold an opposing position without getting called an imbecile and nut... / [Ms. BoxJam is walking away to the left, as BoxJam walks away to the right, BoxJam's back is to the front]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Aren't you used to it?
/ BoxJam: Sure, but not for this... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061002.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam is reading.]] / [[He walks up to Ms. BoxJam.]]
/ BoxJam: Well, I just finished an article about "self peer review"... / BoxJam: "...Look at your own relationships in pairs of equivalence." Thoroughly depressing. / BoxJam: I'm not as good a spouse as my spouse, brother as my brother. Not as good a parent as my parents, son as my children, friend as my friends, worker as my co-workers. / BoxJam: I can't think of any aspect of life I "measure up" in... / [[BoxJam's Conscience appears on his shoulder.]]
/ BoxJam's Conscience: Well, you're every bit the "Guilty Conscience" I am...
/ BoxJam: Oh, hey, I'm sorry...
/ Guilty Conscience: What am I even here for!? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061003.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam walks in to be laser-eyed through the head immediately by Ms. BoxJam.]]
/ BoxJam: I- / [[Inset: Fin.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061004.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam are facing each other.]]
/ BoxJam: I have an answer for every question!
/ Ms. BoxJam: 'Oh, Lord...' / BoxJam: Go on, try me.
/ Ms. BoxJam: I thought I... fine. When will there be love and laughter, and peace ever after? / BoxJam: I have an idea. But you're a bad person for asking. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061005.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{An Inconvenient Truth}}
/ Title: ?N ?N-KÖN-V?N'-y?nt TR?TH
/ [[BoxJam stands portrait-like, dressed vaguely like a musketeer.]]
/ Caption: Many things that provide people the courage to face another day aren't real. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061007.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{An Inconvenient Truth}}
/ [[Title (written backward): An Inconvenient Truth]] / [[BoxJam is walking past a cemetery with rows of perfectly aligned graves]]
/ BoxJam: The easiest way to untangle a harness is to put it on the horses. Actually, that's a convenient truth. Never mind. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061008.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam in church]]
/ Preacher: ...ministry of only four years, yet managed to start a world religion. Folks, that's good time management!
/ BoxJam (whispering): Psst... / Preacher: ...within that four years, he took a 40 day sabbatical, and constantly withdrew, with or without the twelve, to pray, reflect, and recharge...
/ BoxJam (whispering): Have you ever noticed the organist's evil eye? / Preacher: ...so when I hear somebody say they're too busy for their spiritual life right now, I want to ask, "busier than Jesus?"
/ BoxJam (whispering): Look at her...she's pursed her lips and she's...surveying us peons over the tip of her nose... / Preacher: The lesson is clear...making time for spirituality makes the rest of your time more effective...
/ Ms. BoxJam (whispering): Shh...she can't help her looks... / [[A beam obliterates BoxJam's head, leaving a blackened, smoking crater on his shoulders]]
/ << ZOT! >> / Ms. BoxJam (whispering): Besides, I think she might see you... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061009.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{I drew this after catching "Castaway" on tv, then having a dream where my wife had thrown out my clothes.}} / [[BoxJam in front of the house, getting out of a taxi. He's carrying luggage.]]
/ Taxi Driver: Finally home, eh, sir?
/ BoxJam: Yeah...two flight delays...what a long day! / [[He walks in the house.]]
/ BoxJam: Honey, I'm home!
/ Ms. BoxJam (offscreen): What?! Oh my God... / [[BoxJam at his dresser]]
/ BoxJam: I'll unpack in the morning...right now I just want to-where are my clothes?
/ Ms. BoxJam: Listen, you were gone a long time... / BoxJam: You threw out my clothes!?
/ Ms. BoxJam: I thought you were never coming back...I had to move on... / BoxJam: It was two flight delays!
/ Ms. BoxJam: The uncertainty felt like an eternity! / BoxJam: I CALLED you.
/ Voice offscreen: Honey...what's going on in there?
/ Ms. BoxJam: I'm dealing with it, Ted...
/ 'Mina: Who's that man? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061010.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam slows down his boat as a crossing gate comes down]]
/ < http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061011.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam]]
/ Inset: Laconic:
/ Ms. BoxJam: You suck. / Inset: Desultory:
/ BoxJam: Meh. / Inset: Pernicious
/ [[Ms. BoxJam eye-lasers a hole through BoxJam's head]] / Inset: Bucolic
/ [[A bird is perched on BoxJam's shoulder, and a butterfly has flown through the hole in his head.]] / [[A giant spider looms behind BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam, as they start away in terror, a book flying out of BoxJam's hand.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061012.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[Ms. BoxJam walks in, laden with packages]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: I just bought a bunch of stuff I love... / [[She now walks in from the other direction, carrying bags of trash]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: I've decided I don't like it, but I can't return it, so I'm throwing it out... / [[BoxJam is holding the bags of trash]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Why don't you earn more? http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061013.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | {{An Inconvenient Truth}}
/ [[Title: An Inconvenient Truth]] / [[BoxJam sits at a vanity partly made up as a clown. He looks tired and sad.]]
/ Caption: Entropy claims all. http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061014.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam in church]]
/ Preacher (offscreen): ...leading them through the parted Red Sea, which subsequently closed on Pharaoh's army, killing them. / Preacher (offscreen): ...and now, because of recent decisions out of my hands, we'll be hearing an alternate theory from the science teacher at our local public high school... / Science Teacher (offscreen): ...thanks, rev...I actually have two alternates this morning...one, it could have been the Sea of Reeds, which naturally dries up from time to time...two, the whole thing never happened, as the archaeological record implies the Jews of Israel had basically always been there... / BoxJam: I liked it better when they just left each other alone... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061016.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: Ooh...there's a store I want to go into... / [[She looks in her purse.]]
/ Ms. BoxJam: You don't go anywhere... / [[She puts a 'Wait Here' sign/hat on his head]] / [[She's gone. Orange Guys have started congregating around BoxJam.]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061017.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[What looks like a newspaper story]]
/ Story: Bush to Seek Third Term - loophole in 22nd Amendment - Washington (BJS) - George W. Bush in '08? He may have taken more vacation time in his first term in office than any president before did in their whole tenure, but there may have been method in his madness. Karl Rove confirmed today, that with his boss' logging more than two years' of vacation in his two terms, Bush will not have actually served more than a term and a half in that time, freeing him to seek another term as commander-in-chief. Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid called the idea "ridiculous" and started to vow that Democrats would fight to the bitter end to prevent such a flagrant misreading of the constitution, but Bill Frist told him to shut up and he did. Americans we spoke to were delighted at the news. "Maybe he'll actually be in office to see the end of this war," japed authoritarian obeyer Jack Milgram, who has two sons serving in Iraq and another who died there. Whatever side of the political fence people sit on, though, whether Republican or wrong, sources acknowledged that it was a brilliant tactic that nobody saw coming. "Well played, Mr. Rove," was a frequent refrain at Mock Yavelli's, a neighborhood bar near the capitol building, where congressional staffers, aides, lobbyists, "pay-to-play" stooges and illegal operatives like to unwind after (continued on A14) / BoxJam: Hey, it's no dumber than the whole "Hillary's gonna run and then turn the presidency over to Bill again" thing a couple of years ago... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061018.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[A person looking very much like BoxJam walks in.]]
/ BoxJam's sense of self-worth: I like me. I'm BoxJam's sense of self-worth. / BoxJam's sense of self-worth: Stuff is awesome! / [[A giant version of BoxJam, so big we can only see up to his knee, walks in.]] / [[BoxJam's sense of self-worth looks bitter.]]
/ BoxJam's sense of self-worth: I believe you've met "self-loathing" before... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061019.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | BoxJam: You know what this place needs? More skullduggery...
/ Ms. BoxJam: You've got the graverobbing gig... / BoxJam: True, but skullduggery doesn't have anything to do with digging skulls - just deceipt. And as I'm a legitimate, licensed grave robber, there's no skullduggery.
/ Ms. BoxJam: What sort of skullduggery did you have in mind, then? / BoxJam: You know, nothing malevolent...a gentle, harmless skullduggery, if you will.
/ Ms. BoxJam: I see...tricking someone out of something they gave nothing for, perhaps... / BoxJam: Oh yes, I like that... / BoxJam: Well, this has been a nice conversation about skullduggery...
/ Ms. BoxJam: Yes, it certainly has... http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061020.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | [[BoxJam in a line of traffic, looking depressed]] / BoxJam (thinking): Life sucks... / BoxJam (thinking): I know! I'll go out for breakfast! / [[BoxJam sitting at a diner counter with a plate of food and coffee]]
/ BoxJam (thinking): Decadent, cholesterol-filled hot food, good coffee, crossword puzzle, waitresses who call me "shug" - this is living! / [[BoxJam getting back in his car]]
/ BoxJam (thinking): That was great. / [[BoxJam in a line of traffic, looking depressed]] http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061023.html |
| BoxJam's Doodle Comics | Cas, the friendly ghost: Hi! I'm a friendly ghost! / BoxJam: How nice for you.
/ Cas, the friendly ghost: I died in a grisly car accident! I was four year's old, not in a car seat, and was thrown into a utility pole! / BoxJam: I don't think-
/ Cas, the Friendly Ghost: Now my mom makes me beg for money for booze! / BoxJam: What use would a ghost woman-?
/ Cas, the friendly ghost: Oh she survived! She just gots a limp!
/ Drunken Mother: You tell em' the money's for your headstone, Cas! http://boxjamsdoodle.com/d/20061024.html |
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