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BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Ms. BoxJam shoots little black balls out of her chest. BoxJam's chest has little hands that catch them]] / Ms. BoxJam: Blah Blah Blah, Blah / BoxJam: Blah. Blah. / <> <> <> / [[Ms. BoxJam emits a spherical cloud. BoxJam's chest has a rake-looking creature with eyes "parrying" the cloud]] / Ms. BoxJam: Blah blah BLAH blah blah / BoxJam: Blah blah blah? / [[Ms. BoxJam has an alien-like head coming out of her stomach, breathing fire. BoxJam has a crater in his stomach shielding the flame]] / Ms. BoxJam: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah / BoxJam: Blah blah blah / [[Ms. BoxJam sends a discus out of her stomach which penetrates BoxJam through. BoxJam has a smiley-face on his stomach]] / Ms. BoxJam: Blah! / BoxJam: ...blah blah blah... / [[BoxJam walks away with the discus hole apparent]] / BoxJam: Actually, I had a stronger counter to that last point, but I was getting bored... / Ms. BoxJam: Blah!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Little BoxJam doesn't want me to help coach his soccer team. / <> / BoxJam: Maybe it's because he's afraid I'll be TOO good, and he'll feel too much pressure to do well. / BoxJam: Yeah, that's it.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Ms. BoxJam's laser vision burns a hole in BoxJam's head]] / Mallethead: BOXJAM! YOU'VE GOT AN ACTUAL MOUTH! / BoxJam (hole still smoldering): Not exactly...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: I'm home! / Ms. BoxJam: Hi. / BoxJam: Are you mad? / Ms. BoxJam: No. / BoxJam (thinking): Oh, man, she's so mad she's not even mad yet...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics {{Wherein BoxJam tells you stuff even though he doesn't know if you'd care: This one, like many doodles, came from a dream - a dream where I went to the moon. When I woke up, I thought about my son going to the moon, and realized that if he'd had the same dream, my wife and I would probably be there to ruin it. That was when it really hit home that my wife and I are the voices of his super-ego, and it makes me feel very guilty. I cried when I drew this one. This is a doodle that makes me frustrated I don't draw better - I don't think the art does the idea justice at all.}} / [[The whole BoxJam family is on the moon]] / BoxJam: Stay in sight of the lander! / Little BoxJam: Wow - I can't believe we came to the moon! / Ms. BoxJam: Don't jump so high! / Little BoxJam: Wow! A crater! / Ms. BoxJam: Be careful! Look how deep it is! / BoxJam: That's long enough. Get down from there. / Little BoxJam: Look how far I can throw! / BoxJam: Your mother told you not to play so rough! Next moon rock lands you in the capsule until we leave! / Ms. BoxJam: And it be NICE if you took your sister for a walk! / Little BoxJam: But - / BoxJam: Never mind. Time to go. / Little BoxJam: But - / BoxJam: No buts. It's a school night. / Little BoxJam: But - / BoxJam: Do you want a time out? / [[reveal Little BoxJam in bed - it was a dream]] / Little BoxJam: *Sigh*
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Well, the wife has gone off to visit some friends for a few days... / BoxJam: I hope she has fun, but I know she misses us... / BoxJam: She couldn't even get out the door before she wrote us a note! / Note On Door: So long! HA HA HA HA HA
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam is on the phone]] / BoxJam: Hi, Barbara? It's BoxJam. Are you all having a good time? / BoxJam: Hey, that's great. Concertina player! Really!? Wow. Uh-huh. Listen, Barbara, is my wife there? Great- / BoxJam: Hello? Oh, Barbara again. Is she there? No? Oh, you were mistaken. She's there, but she can't come to the phone...OK... / BoxJam: Well, tell her I...said 'hi.' Hope she's having fun...OK...bye... / BoxJam: *sigh*
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [['Mina looks up at BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam, who are so tall from her POV that they are grotesquely shaped. They wave down at her from their great height.]] / 'Mina: *sigh*
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Mallethead: WHO WAS THE GREATEST PITCHER OF ALL TIME? / BoxJam: Walter Johnson. Gotta be. / Mallethead: GREATEST GLOVE? / BoxJam: Mays, including his rifle arm / Mallethead: BEST ALL AROUND BALL PLAYER? / BoxJam: Ruth...Ruth. / [[Mallethead walks away, leaving BoxJam alone]] / BoxJam: Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Mallethead and BoxJam stand over a piece of arcane machinery]] / Mallethead: *SIGH* / BoxJam: Mallethead - what's wrong? / <> / Mallethead: MY MOJO'S ON THE FRITZ... / <> / BoxJam: Maybe this joke would be funnier if we danced the Kan-Kan.
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam has an empty thought balloon floating over his head]] / Ms. BoxJam: What are you thinking about? / BoxJam (thinking): This is too embarrassing...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam and Little BoxJam have sideways eyes]] / BoxJam: Sure, we get into our share of bar fights for looking at people this way, but what are you gonna do?
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam appears on a poster as a magician, with Ms. BoxJam the helper]] / Poster: The Death-Defying BoxJam-mo! & his Beautiful Sidekick / [[BoxJam and Ms. BoxJam appear with their sleeves rolled up - BoxJam has a bowtie, cape, tophat, and wand]] / BoxJam: Ask me any question. / Ms. BoxJam: Do you ever think about old girlfriends? / BoxJam: If I say 'no' you'll accuse me of lying. / Ms. BoxJam: Of course. / BoxJam: But if I say 'yes'... / Ms. BoxJam: ...You're doomed. / BoxJam: So which is it? / Ms. BoxJam: You tell me. / BoxJam: I don't know. / Ms. BoxJam: You don't KNOW? / BoxJam: I don't know. / Ms. BoxJam: Look, if you think Schroedinger's cat is going to save you... / BoxJam: No, literally, I don't know. / Ms. BoxJam: How could that be. / BoxJam: You know me better than I do you've said so yourself, yes? / Ms. BoxJam: Well... / BoxJam: Yes? / Ms. BoxJam: Yes. / BoxJam: Yes? / Ms. BoxJam: Yes. / BoxJam: Yes. You have so captivated me that I am unaware of my own thoughts. I cannot know my mind anymore. It is yours. Do I ever think about old girlfriends? / Ms. BoxJam: No. / [[BoxJam takes a bow as Ms. BoxJam claps]] / Ms. BoxJam: If you think that was cheesy, transporting people is just done with twins!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam holds a dotted-line circle labelled 'Prop']] / BoxJam: Expository statement recalling yesterday's wacky situation / Ms. BoxJam: Acknowledgment and attempt to move story forward / BoxJam: Seemingly straight-forward statement / Ms. BoxJam: Question to verify understood meaning? / [[The dotted-line circle labelled 'prop' is on the floor]] / BoxJam: Clarification of previous, now-seen-to-be ambiguous statement / Ms. BoxJam: Dry reaction / [[The comic is signed '(c) Name Year']]
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Ms. BoxJam looks in a phone book]] / Ms. BoxJam: Here it is - 888-328-7448. / BoxJam: Super Bowl 34 was 23-16! My new P.I.N. is 5280! My checking account number is 1110013488549! / Ms. BoxJam (picking up phone): The phone number is 888-328-7448. / BoxJam: Now I can't remember my new P.I.N!
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Ms. BoxJam: Oh my God! / BoxJam: What!? / Ms. BoxJam: You're wearing one of MY muumuus! / BoxJam: I thought androgyny might sell.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: You know what's funny? Police officers eat a lot of doughnuts! / Ms. BoxJam: I've never noticed that. / <> / BoxJam: You're right.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Sometimes the most obnoxious, immature things make me happy. / BoxJam (to Ms. BoxJam): How's my professoress? You know, a web-page designress has that same attache! I think the technical writress does, too. Must be a chick thing. / [[BoxJam has a laser hole through his head]] / BoxJam: My wife, for whatever reason, is not the same way.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: More Pokemon cards, huh? Who's on the laminated card in this pack? / Little BoxJam: Butterfree! Isn't it cool? / BoxJam: Yeah! / Little BoxJam: Butterfrees are fly! / [[BoxJam looks out at the reader]]
BoxJam's Doodle Comics {{Charles Schulz died on Sunday, February 13. This is the comic for Monday the 14th}} / [[BoxJam stands in a light snowfall]] / [[The snow gets heavier and accumulates, a little piling on BoxJam's head]] / [[The snow is up to BoxJam's waist; and on his head it's as tall as a Beefeater's hat]] / [[BoxJam is completely covered in snow]] / BoxJam (thinking): I guess the baseball game is cancelled...
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam envisions himself wearing a parson's hat]] / BoxJam: Nothing fancy... I just want a hat.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[Ms. BoxJam emerges, three-dimensional, out of a piece of paper. BoxJam is two-dimensional in the paper]] / Ms. BoxJam: It makes him mad that I can do this... / BoxJam: Does not!
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Ms. BoxJam: No, you took it to- hey! You're on the wrong side! / BoxJam: Have you seen my penguin whistle? / [[Ms. BoxJam points up at the dialogue]] / Ms. BoxJam: That! Get over on my other side! / BoxJam: Wrong side? What are you talking about? / Ms. BoxJam: Well, forget it now. Strip's over. / BoxJam: Oh, for Pete's sake. Wait a sec-
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam walks along, whistling]] / [[His whistle peters off mid-note as he comes across three tough-looking penguins. One is smoking]] / Smoking Penguin: What? / BoxJam (looking at audience): I really wish I hadn't lost my penguin whistle...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam walks along.]] / [[BoxJam goes by a house with a blue splotch on its door]] / BoxJam: Smurf passover!
 
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: Bad news... we've got penguins. / Ms. Boxjam: ! / BoxJam: Hey, when did you start playing the concertina? / Ms. BoxJam: Right after I put the jelly rolls in the oven - penguins? / BoxJam: Penguins. Bad penguins. / Ms. BoxJam: Do tell. / [[A scowling penguin puts out a cigarette on BoxJam's behind.]] / <>
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam is on the phone]] / BoxJam: Mallethead - I need your help getting rid of penguins. / Mallethead (through phone): KILL 'EM! EVERYONE HATES PENGUINS! / BoxJam: Well, I have a plan - do you have 2 empty spools, red cellophane, and cheese cloth? / BoxJam: No? Well, just come over and help me herd them out, then...
BoxJam's Doodle Comics [[BoxJam briefs Mallethead]] / BoxJam: Darkness confuses penguins. I should be able to flush out one or two at a time. You wait with the net. / BoxJam: Penguins are most dangerous when they organize... / BoxJam: The trick is to get them out before they band together... / BoxJam: There's one - now to scare him out... / [[BoxJam turns on the light, revealing a group of 13 penguins.]] <> / [[A 14th penguin closes the door behind him.]] <> / BoxJam: Rats.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics Mallethead: BOXJAM! I HEARD A NOISE! ARE YOU OK? WHERE ARE THE PENGUINS!? / BoxJam: I... used... the penguin whistle... / Mallethead: PENGUIN WHISTLE? / BoxJam: Yeah. It was a last resort. / BoxJam: I was cornered... / [[BoxJam's narration becomes the scene]] / <> / [[Penguins shake violently.]] / <> / [[BoxJam lies on the floor as smoldering debris falls.]] / [[back to present]] / Mallethead: I GATHER THEY'RE NOT REALLY LIKE DOG WHISTLES, THEN. / BoxJam: No.
BoxJam's Doodle Comics BoxJam: It's 2 a.m., I can't sleep, and I wish you'd never got that thing. / [[Ms. BoxJam plays the concertina.]]
 

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