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Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Max and Slick are resting on a rock, looking at the sky]] / Max: Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Ca- / Slick: YEAH. / Slick: Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Sn- / Max: YEAH. / [[silence]] / Max & Slick: Screw 'em.
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Rhyme and Punishment [[Frank and Max are near the mailboxes in the lobby of their building.]] / Beth (from out of panel): Hey, Frank! / Frank: Oh, hi. / Beth: Whatcha doin' tomorrow night? / Frank: Nothing. Why? / Beth: Wanna come with me to a poetry reading? / Frank: Umm... Sure. / Beth: Great! See you then! / Max: Wow, you...
Rhyme and Punishment [[Frank's apartment. Frank is getting ready to go out.]] / Max: Poetry, huh? / Frank: Yup. / Max: Y'know, I've penned a few stanzas in my time. / Frank: Do tell. / Max: ahem... There once was a pug from Pawtucket... / Frank: (from the hall) Good night, Max.
Rhyme and Punishment [[A street in the city. A sign reads "The Bard Rock Cafe".]] / Beth: Well, this is it! / [[outside The Bard Rock Cafe. A sign reads "Tonight Only. Derek."]] / Frank: You come here often? / Beth: Naw. This guy Derek invited me and I didn't want to come down here alone. / Frank: "The Bard Rock Cafe"? I've...
Rhyme and Punishment [[Frank and Beth are seated at a table in the Bard Rock Cafe]] / Frank: So where do you know this guy "Derek" from? / Beth: Unemployment office. / Frank: Still looking for work, huh? / Beth: Yeah. I had a great job all lined up but it fell through. / Beth: Stupid cookie company's goin' out of business....
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Frank and Beth are silhouetted against the stage at The Bard Rock Cafe.]] / Announcer (out of panel): Ladies and gentlemen... Derek!!! / Derek: The title of this poem is "I Miss You." Ahem... I miss your face / I miss your earlobe / I miss you even more / than my old Ford Probe / [[Frank begins...
 
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Derek continues his reading at The Bard Rock Cafe]] / Derek: Flip. Flop. I love you alot. / Frank: This guy stinks! / Beth: I know it's horrible... but... but I can't look away! / Frank: Yeah. Like a train wreck. / Beth (thinking): Oooh! Derek!
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Derek completes his reading at the Bard Rock Cafe]] / Derek: Thank you and good night!! / Announcer (out-of-panel): Be sure to pick up your Dereck CD's and merchendise in the lobby! / Beth: I'll be right back: / [[Frank is caught up in a stampede of women.]] / Frank: You gotta be kidding me... Whoa!...
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Frank and Beth are silhouetted, leaving The Bard Rock Cafe]] / Frank (thinking): Just once I'd like to go on a normal date where nothing crazy happens. / Frank (thinking): Of course, maybe perfection is too much to expect. Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe I'm overly-suspicious. / [[Beth is wearing...
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Frank arrives home to find Max asleep on the floor]] / Frank: Tell me something. Is this good poetry? "Oh, baby, you knock me for a loop, every time I see you eatin' your Campbell's Chicken Soup." / Max: No, that's bad. That's very bad. / Frank: That's what I thought! This guy Derek's got women screaming...
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Max is sitting at the computer while Frank looks on.]] / Frank: I wanna know everything there is to know about this guy! / Max: Is this him? / Frank: Yeah, that's him... / Frank: Derek Shtinkowitz?? / Max: I guess we know why he went for the first name only" route.
 
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Derek waves to a crowd of lady fans as he climbs into his limo.]] / Derek: "Thank you! Thank you! You're too kind! Good night!" / [[Derek is inside his limo]] / Derek: So long, ladies / [[In a wider shot, we see Frank is sitting in the limo, too.]] / Frank: Hello, Shtinky.
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Exterior, night. The limo speeds away]] / <> / Frank (from inside): Step on it! / [[Inside the limo]] / Derek: Driver! Stop the car! / Frank: Relax, shtinky. It's under control. / [[Max is driving the limo]] / Max: "Under control", he says...
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan [[Inside Derek's limo]] / Frank: So, Derek, how do you explain your popularity? / Derek: It's my poetry, man. / [[The limo speeds on through the night]] / Frank (from inside): Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! / [[Inside Derek's limo]] / Frank: No, no, really. How do you do it? / Derek: My...
Lost & Found Investigations ©2000 Matt Milligan Frank: We're at your place. Get out. / Frank: Don't worry, Shtinky. We'll figure it out. And when we do, yer goin' down! / Derek: I don't know what you're talking about. / [[Limo driving away]] <> / Derek: {{thinking}} 1. Who was that? 2. Where did he come from? 3. Was that a dog driving...
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