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Goats comic strip from January / 03 / 2000: tastes like chicken candy bars and the Y2K love bunker (1... You would have thought that this year 2000 stuff would have died down once it was here. It's still all over the T.V. / You mean... Television 2000! / / It's like the news was relying on Y2K bug stories, and now that nothing's happened, they're running ridiculous filler- the first baby of "The New Millenium." / Babies...
Goats comic strip from January / 04 / 2000: tastes like chicken candy bars and the Y2K love bunker (1... So if the last decade was the nineties, what's this decade called? / It's not clear. The best one I've heard is "The Naughties." / / Don't tell Toothgnip that. It's bad enough as is. What about the next one? / Dunno. The teens? But that won't make sense between 2010 and 2012. / / I suppose those would be the pre-teens. / Great....
Goats comic strip from January / 05 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (1) Did you guys come here to take over the planet or something? / Initially. But it's not really worth all the effort. / / Why don't you start off small, then? Take over some koalas or something. / Tried that. Koalas are suprisingly strong. / / Strong enough to lift a city bus off of an elderly woman? / Dunno....
Goats comic strip from January / 06 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (2) Siobain, why are you talking to the regulars? / I'm bored, Steph. I caught myself singing the theme song to "The Nanny" the other day. / / Just remember why we lost our last jobs. Don't encourage them. / I'm not! I swear. / / Like you've never accidentally spanked a midget. / We'll have three Harper Valley IP...
Goats comic strip from January / 07 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (3) I just never really feel safe without a ball of twine around the house. It's nature's product, you know. / / Bob. / / What? / We have to go steal a city bus. / / What was that all about? / Don't ask me, lady. I live in beer.
 
Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (4) All right weaselnuts. Off the bus. This vehicle is now the property of the Alien Liberation Front. / A.L.F.? / / $1.50 if you want to ride. / It's a viable acronym. / It's been used before. Totally unoriginal. / / $1.50, or off the bus. C'mon. / Settle down, Beavis. We'll be with you in a moment. / See? See? You did...
Goats comic strip from January / 11 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (5) Like you've ever had an original thought. / Excuse me, but I certainly have. I am a writer. / / A portfolio of erotic "Buffy" fan fiction does not a writer make. / Hey, I'm not the one who was locked in the bathroom for an hour with a copy of "Buffy's Big Adventure". / / One dollar, fifty cents. C'mon. / Does it...
Goats comic strip from January / 12 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (6) You know, we didn't have to pay the bus fare. We could have blasted the driver. / Not what I would call an original solution. / / Fine. We could have slapped him senseless with our magic herrings. / We have magic herrings? / / I do. Did you lose your herring? / I guess. I suppose I'll have to turn on the closed...
Goats comic strip from January / 13 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (7) All right everyone! If this bus drops below 50 miles per hour, I'm gonna blow it up!! / / Braaap!! / / Now that was unoriginal. / Although the notion that a New York city bus could move that quickly is highly original. / Crispy fries.
Goats comic strip from January / 14 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (8) I can't believe they kicked us off the bus. / I managed to rifle through the gunman's pockets before they carted him away. / / It was still structurally sound. Those seats were extraneous anyway. / I snagged a pair of Manilow tickets and a cell phone. / / You can keep the tickets if I can have the phone. / Hell...
 
Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (9) Excuse me, but do you have Prince Albert in a can? / This is gonna be great. / / Uh - huh. / What'd they say? / / Anything in there about piercings? / Lemme check the index.
Goats comic strip from January / 18 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (10) What's he doing? / Conducting market research. / Excuse me, sir, but I'd like to ask you a few questions. / / Yes, I understand that people are eating dinner now, but that doesn't excuse that sort of language. Hello? Hello... / / So the research is going well? / I have concluded that eating dinner causes anger. / Dinner...
Goats comic strip from January / 19 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (11) And where are you guys getting these numbers you're calling? / Neil's just dialing random digits. / I'm sorry, little girl, but if your mommy doesn't come to the phone, she's going to hell. The Pope said so. / / His phone technique is enviable. What are you guys researching again? / Dunno. We'll worry about that...
Goats comic strip from January / 20 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (12) Quiet. It's ringing. / Can we just stop for a bit to order some food? / / Oh my. I seem to have dialed a leather and bondage supply shop. / Food can wait. Gimme. / / Go steal some credit cards. Hurry, you fool! / Order me a leather teddy. And a deluxe riding whip. Oh, and I need a new "Tuff Love" open crotch...
Goats comic strip from January / 21 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (13) Bob, there's a package here for you... from Clench 'N' Thrust Bondage Supply! / / For me? Neil, you shouldn't have... / Well, I felt bad about missing your birthday and all. / / It's a sex dwarf! Neil, you do care. / Rar. / I even sprang for the extended warranty in case you break it.
 
Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (14) ...so she left me a message asking if I wanted to go to dinner. / Wow. You gonna go? / / Nah. I mean... she's a zombie now. / Since when can you afford to have standards? / / Something's humping my arm. / Oh, so zombies are beneath you, but sex dwarves are okay?
Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (15) Excuse me, but I think this is yours. / Uh Uh Uh / So that's where you've been off to! Naughty, naughty sex dwarf. / / I would like you on a black leash... I would parade you down the high streets! You've got the attraction, you've got the pulling power... Walk my little doggie! Walk my little SEX DWARF!! / / This...
Goats comic strip from January / 26 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (16) Bob is absolutely out of control with this sex dwarf thing. / Jealous much? / / Like you would be able to sleep through all that incessant pounding... slipping on empty tubes of lubricant scattered about the floor, hamster droppings clogging the ship's fuel intake. That's not love... that's... that's... / Tainted...
Goats comic strip from January / 27 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (17) Man. you'd think they'd stop at some point. / clank clank thump / / All right, you GWAR reject, what the hell are you doing to those engines? / / Ow. / Thwack
Goats comic strip from January / 28 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (18) Neil! What happened to you!? / Uhhhh.... / / Didn't I tell you to lay off the crack? / No, Lynda... Sex dwarf hammered my head with a baseball bat. He must have dumped me here while I was unconscious. / / Oh, wow... are you okay? / Yeah. The koala softened the blow.
 
Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (19) Neato spaceship. Who does your decor? / Bob! are you okay? / Oh... Hey guys! / / Where's the sex dwarf? Did he tie you up? / Um... yeah. We were playing "Janet Reno and Madeline Albright". / / Well, while you were in here getting your rocks off, he's stolen most of our engine technology. / That's not part of the ...
Goats comic strip from February / 01 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (20) So Sex Dwarf just ran off with all your technology? Wow. Who knew a dwarf could be so evil. / Just goes to show that you can never trust short people. / I think we've all learned a valuable lesson today. / / So what's he doing with the spaceship parts? / Dunno. Bob, can we lock onto the engine's tracking signal? / Yeah....
Goats comic strip from February / 02 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (21) THUMP THUMP THUMP / What's that pounding noise outside the pub? / Dunno. I'll go check. / / THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP / / Looks like a giant leather-clad robot is humping entire buildings into piles of rubble as it slowly approaches the pub. / Well. I guess this is last call, then.
Goats comic strip from February / 03 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (22) So Sex Dwarf is terrorizing the city in a giant robotic suit constructed from your alien technology? / Thank you for the excellent recap. / / No problem. We can just blast him from orbit. / Think again, hazelnuts. He dismantled our engines, remember? Let's get down to the pub - I have an idea. / / Wait a second......
Goats comic strip from February / 04 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (23) sex dwarf / gnawing / jerrell / robot / All right... we're going to stage a two-pronged attack on the Sex Dwarf. First, Jerrell will gnaw on the robot's leather exterior, weakening it. / / Jon and Phillip, you guys are wave two. You'll go get on your Geek Patrol outfits and finish off the beast, like Rosie...
 
Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (24) Let's do the rundown, Patheticus. / Hold on a second... my constume is itchy. / / C'mon. Chaos inhibitors? / Making that "Bing Bing Bing" noise. / Llamatron 5000? / Salivating. / Magic herrings? / Phillip, we don't have any magic herrings. / / Phillip? Who's Phillip? I am Cap'n Brunch. / I'm not fighting anything until...
Goats comic strip from February / 08 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (25) How about "Captain Cruel and Unusual Man? / How about "Amazing Guy and his loser sidekick, Wuss Boy." / C'mon, I'm serious. / Okay. "Spam Master and Whiner Lad." / Superior-to-Phillip-in-Every-Way Man and the Fetal-Alcohol-Syndrome Boy. / / Captain Amazingman and the Rectal Itch. / Flashmaster J and the Butt Pirate. / Stud...
Goats comic strip from February / 09 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (26) Well, despite your incredible ineffectiveness and your general loser status, you guys weren't the weak link in our plan to defeat Sex Dwarf. / Die Die / Cool. / We rock. / / Seems that Jerrell was unable to gnaw through the robot's chewy leather exterior before it tried to hump him into small fleshy bits. Jerrell...
Goats comic strip from February / 10 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (27) NY 1 / 5:25 / It seems that the giant robot that has been terrorizing New York has stopped it's rampage, as a strange fat boy in a cape has approached the beast, holding only a chessboard. He seems to be setting up the board, as if to play against the robot! Will a simple game of chess help end the horror?...
Goats comic strip from February / 11 / 2000: neil and bob's big adventure (28) Well, all our efforts to stop Sex Dwarf have failed, and Chessmaster 2000 is in traction for the next six months. I'm all out of ideas. / We could give up. / / You mean, just let Sex Dwarf win? Keep our engine parts? Destroy the city? / Umm... yeah. / / Man, I love it when a plan comes together. / Dealing with...
 

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