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| Goats comic strip from March / 22 / 2004: chaos pope (13) | Okay. We have six minutes. Let's construct a doomsday device. What available materials do we have on hand? / Cocktail strainer? / Salt shaker! / / That's a start. You...um...begin straining the salt. / If only we had a length of tubing. Dman you, tubing! / / Look! They fit together! / Why are there never any weapons... http://www.goats.com/archive/040322.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 24 / 2004: chaos pope (14) | All right. Now we're talkin'. How many people will this thing take out? / None, actually. / / That's not very effective for a doomsday cannon, is it? / It's not bad considering all we've got for ammo is lemons. / Lemons aren't very deadly. / / Beware, nincom-popes! Lemons may not be deadly, but CHEF DAS-TARD-LEE... http://www.goats.com/archive/040324.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 26 / 2004: chaos pope (15) | All right, Karlsson. Ante up. What was your villainous act? / We... uh... tied a guy to a tree. / Tightly. / / That's it? / And we frightened some children. / They had it coming. / Like you could do better. / / Tell them, Spatula Boy. / We made a giant frittata from the eggs of endangered tree frogs and force-fed it to... http://www.goats.com/archive/040326.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 29 / 2004: chaos pope (16) | You guys definitely win. / The wombat cheese was a nice touch. / That was Oliver's idea. / I frickin' hate wombats. / / And now, for my prize, I demand that the three popes show their subservience by being our slaves, forever, until the end of time. / That wasn't the deal. / / And what forefit do you think would be... http://www.goats.com/archive/040329.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 31 / 2004: big (1) | My Killer Robot Skull-Fucked Your Honor Student. / Oliver? / Go CENSORED a beef gordita, you scum-sucking CENSORED CENSORED muncher. / / My Killer Robot Skull-Fucked Your Honor Student. / Oliver, there are two men from the A.T.F. who want to ask you some questions. / Tell them I'm busy abetting terrorists over... http://www.goats.com/archive/040331.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 02 / 2004: big (2) | ...and he turned all 200 cartons over to the feds. Just like that. / Smoking is bad for you. / / I'm gonna put caps in all their asses. In reverse alphabetical order. / Smoking will stunt your growth and make you be tiny forever, like Webster. / / Fine by me. Who wants to be big? Big people suck. They CENSORED... http://www.goats.com/archive/040402.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 05 / 2004: big (3) | Look. You're not so bright, so I'll let you in on a secret. Big people are exactly the same as little people. They're selfish, squabbling children whose motivations are jealousy and greed. No one becomes big when they hit adulthood. They just become better at hiding how small they are. / / Big is about... http://www.goats.com/archive/040405.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 07 / 2004: big (4) | A secret life? This ought to be good. / You have to promise not to tell anyone. ANYONE! / / Sure thing. Cross my heart, hope to die, etcetera. / Sometimes, late at night, after everyone has gone home, I... I take a sip from a can of Red Bull I have stashed behind the register. / / Your tragic secret is an addiction... http://www.goats.com/archive/040407.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 09 / 2004: big (5) | See, this whole Red Bull thing is just a matter of perspective. Sure, you and I know it means you're a weak and flawed individual who cannot be trusted around children. But with the right spin, I believe we can make this marketable / Okay. / / You're not an addict. You're a go-go hipster with a can-do attitdue,... http://www.goats.com/archive/040409.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 12 / 2004: big (6) | Why am I wearing a monkey-shaped backpack? / You like it? It's a behavioural conditioning technique and a subtle literary device all at the same time. / / Those tubes deliver a steady supply of concentrated energy drink suffused with 0.02% concentration depleted uranium particulate directly into your burger-hole. / / It... http://www.goats.com/archive/040412.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 14 / 2004: big (7) | This is going to be big, dogg. SHELLEY DUVALL big. / I think I'm beginning to hallucinate. / / Good. That'll keep you occupied during any sort of physical pain you might experience. / (gibberish) / / I like where you're going with this. The "evil ancient god tentacle monster" thing is very hip these days. http://www.goats.com/archive/040414.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 16 / 2004: big (8) | Hey ladies! Can I get a hand over here? http://www.goats.com/archive/040416.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 19 / 2004: big (9) | I say we crap our pants in terror. / Seconded. / / All in favor? / Aye. / Aye. http://www.goats.com/archive/040419.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 21 / 2004: big (10) | Is this our fate? Banished forever from our beloved pub by a giant orange fishmonster? Relegated to drink swill at SENOR SWANKY'S CELEBRITY HANGOUT? / / Well, I see no celebrities here. Be warned, Mister Senor Swanky, this will not stand! / So you guys have this under control, right? 'Cause I gotta boogie. / / Not... http://www.goats.com/archive/040421.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 23 / 2004: big (11) | Okay, ladies, here's the plan. We construct a giant killer robot by cannibalizing parts from Neil and Bob's spaceship. / It's been done. / / Fine, Doctor Weenie von Smarty-Pants. What would you suggest? / First, we try appealing directly to the fishy soul we know is trapped inside that beast. / / Oh my God. You're... http://www.goats.com/archive/040423.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 26 / 2004: big (12) | Hello? / / If there is someone here, please come out and speak to me. This room is very red and a little scary. / / It's okay, Fish. There is nothing here to be scared of. http://www.goats.com/archive/040426.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 28 / 2004: big (13) | REESE? is... is it really you? / Yes, it's me, as seen in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde. It grossed $79 million just in domestic release! / / This is amazing! What are you doing here? / Well, technically none of this is real. This is a mental projection that your mind has created to shelter you from... http://www.goats.com/archive/040428.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 30 / 2004: big (14) | This is great! You have weird taste in decor, but I think we're totally going to be friends while I'm here. / While you're here? Where are you going? / / Well, once you've taken control over the fishmonster persona and regained autonomy, you won't need me around any more. / But I don't know how to do that.... http://www.goats.com/archive/040430.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 03 / 2004: big (15) | Wow! This is really weird. / Oh yeah. You wouldn't believe who else is in here. / / Ron Howard personifies your lost innocence. / Lil' Henry Kissinger is here as your hopelessly romantic nature. / / And a tiny dog, representing all the tiny dogs you've seen in Hollywood comedy. / Mister tiny dog, you were great... http://www.goats.com/archive/040503.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 05 / 2004: big (16) | Wow. So what do we do with all of these guys? / I'm thinking balls-out ninja fight to the death. / / BLAM BLAM / / VREEEEEFSHH / / WEDGIE http://www.goats.com/archive/040505.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 07 / 2004: big (17) | thskchrchPOP / / My lord, I bring you the head of GOULET. The fishmonster has been slain! / / Impressive. Looks like you've got a bit of a suppressed violence streak there, I'd say. / Holy granola! I did that with my MIND. http://www.goats.com/archive/040507.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 10 / 2004: big (18) | Oh no! Now that Robert Goulet is dead, you're going to go away forever and never marry me. Will you marry me? / I can't sweetie. I'm imaginary, remember? / / I don't mind. / And I'm married to Ryan Phillipe. / / I know. But he's such a jerk. / Yeah. My agent thought it would be good for my career. http://www.goats.com/archive/040510.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 12 / 2004: big (19) | Oh please don't go I'll give you my entire penny collection don't leave me please please please / It's okay, little one. I'll see you again. Wake up, now. / / / Rats. http://www.goats.com/archive/040512.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 14 / 2004: big (20) | So then you started all freaking out and hallucinating or something. / So it was all a dream? / / Nah. THen you turned into a big-ass tentacle monster, destroying orphanages and thrift stores. We had to subdue you with a giant cannon that fired hot dogs at supersonic speeds. / Neato! Can I ask you something? / / Sure. / Can... http://www.goats.com/archive/040514.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 17 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (1) | You've gotten this place cleaned up pretty quickly. / Yeah, we outsource construction to India. They do job very fast and very cheap. / / You can't outsource construction. / Sure you can! You can outsource anything now. See? I save ten dollars! / / You must be very proud of yourself. / Oh yes. Now I go spend ten... http://www.goats.com/archive/040517.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 19 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (2) | I think the bar is a different color now. / How's Fish? I'm glad you asked. He's doing just fine. / / It's either more green, or more purple. Either way, this is not a good development. / Although he does keep trying to beat himself into unconsciousness. / / I'm going to go get a dozen brown magic markers. / I think... http://www.goats.com/archive/040519.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 21 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (3) | Free porn for Phillip Karlsson! / Well, I wouldn't normally read this sort of thing, you understand. / / But if it's free, well, I'm open-minded enough to... wait. This isn't porn. / Looks like a subpoena. / / This isn't even close to porn. This is the OPPOSITE of porn. / "Fish Pinkerton and Oliver Malcolm X vs.... http://www.goats.com/archive/040521.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 24 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (4) | They're claiming that our Sporkle Xtreme energy beverage-style product is responsible for Fish's transformation and general post-transformational malaise. / So? Write them a check. / / They want your collection of antique bingo chips. / Those BASTARDS. I will defend my honor in hand-to-hand combat! / / Would you... http://www.goats.com/archive/040524.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 26 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (5) | We're going to need a new lawyer. Our current one is very dead. / You know what would be more fun for you than three weeks of legal proceedings? / / What? / Spending three weeks manning my booth for me at a comics convention in Las Vegas, Nevada. / / Do I get to beat up nerds? / That depends on how close you can... http://www.goats.com/archive/040526.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 28 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (6) | Elfies / We're going where? / I got a letter from the head arrangement fellow of DOR-CON 17. Apparently, he is in charge of arranging things. / / Xeroxed letterhead. Classy! / I, the auteur of online comic phenomenon MEGAGAMERZ 3L33T, have been invited to appear as a Dor-Con guest of honor. / / You have seven readers,... http://www.goats.com/archive/040528.html |
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