You're browsing the archives of Goats.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Goats comic strip from May / 31 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (7) | WOO HOO! Just like Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda. / Except for the motorcycles 'n' freedom bit. / Say what you will about Dennis, but he is the quintessential Bowser Koopa. You can't take that away from the man. http://www.goats.com/archive/040531.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 02 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (8) | Did you catch that wizard at the front of the hotel? / No. Really? / He's animatronic. / / Don't be so harsh, Dude. Wizards need love too. / Yeah. Don't be a wizard-hater. / I just meant that he's not a real wizard. / / Not like we used to have back in the day, but the economy isn't all it used to be. / Oh man. What if he turns me into a parrot? What then? / You can take a deduction on your taxes for each egg you own. http://www.goats.com/archive/040602.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 04 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (9) | I have my first panel in twelve minutes. You two go set up our stuff at the booth. There may be some other folks there already. Try not to scare them off too quickly. / Nerds? / / A bunch of lowlife emo-candyraver drug-addled web-cartoonists I'm loosely associated with. We have a sort of mutual non-aggression pact. / Like S.A.L.T.? / / I used to, but now I'm on a low-sodium diet! / That's Rich. He's the witty one. / How wonderful for him. http://www.goats.com/archive/040604.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 07 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (10) | Strange people are approaching. Over there, on the horizon. / Good job Jeff! I'm going to purchase a small treat for you. / / A case of Tecate. NO. Twenty cases. Submerged in a tub of whiskey. / I said a small treat. / / My super-spy binoculars could really use some lasers coming out of them. / Strange people are approaching. / Good. They'll feel right at home. http://www.goats.com/archive/040607.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 09 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (11) | Fascinating. It's like watching a National Geographic special on inebriates. / / Yup. They'll circle like that, poking each other with sticks, establishing trust, until one or both of them gets the shakes or starts freaking out. / / I think they've established trust. / Phillip! Don't poke him there. http://www.goats.com/archive/040609.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 11 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (12) | Hello fellow Americans. We've been invited here to speak on the occasion of the 1500th Goats comic strip. / / Now normally, Dick doesn't like to associate himself with folks like you. He's still sore from when the gays made his daughter all fruity. plus, he says I'll probably embarass him again. / / But I told him that we have to make the first move towards a non-partisan country. We must take these sorts of opportunicalities to reach out to you liberal fruitcakes and try to show you the error of your ways. / / Like this whole Iraq war doo-dad. You're making way too much of a fuss over it, if you look at it all analytical-like. Sure, it's an "illegal war". Sure, we made up some stuff to get the whole mess goin'. / / But lookit all the good that's coming out of it. First off, our war crimes ain't half as bad as the ones Saddam was pullin' off. Secret murders are way down. And you gotta admit some o' them torture pics were pretty funny. / / But the thing that we have to remember is that we're good. We're the good guys! And that means anyone who is fighting us or disagrees with us is EVIL and WRONG. / / The Bible - By God / And how do I know that we're the good guys? Because it says so in the Bible. And how could he love me if I was doin' anything wrong? / / So, to recap, Jesus loves me. And Jesus loves Dick. / / I bet he can't get enough Dick, you know? I know I can't. / Cut his mic! http://www.goats.com/archive/040611.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 14 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (13) | Hello, and welcome to Dor-Con's webcomics panel. I'm Andrew Bell. I'll be your host. BWA-HAHA! Let's introduce our panelists. / / Our first webcomics artist hails from the most mediocre parts of New Jersey. Let's give it up for Jeff "Zugs" Zugale! / Woo! Woo! / / What panel would be complete without this blue-haired methane factory? It's Darren Bleuel! / Why won't you love me? Why!? / Woo! http://www.goats.com/archive/040614.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 16 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (14) | Our next panelist is Scott Kurtz, the man behind minimalist experimental drama-comic PVP. / I know Frank Cho. / / And who doesn't love the wacky antics of Gabe and Tycho? / I don't know, but they're going to get their windpipes crushed when I find them. / / And our final panelist is, apparently, some sort of seabird. / I'm a chicken. http://www.goats.com/archive/040616.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 18 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (15) | I think we're just going to go right ahead and take some questions from our audience members. / Woo! / / A question for Gabe and Tycho. Why don't you look more like your characters? / / Because I'm going to rip off your face if you don't sit down and shut up, that's why. You'll be napping with REAGAN. / Ooh. Lemme write that one down. http://www.goats.com/archive/040618.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (16) | Scott, how long does it take to trace your strip? / / BZZZZZZSPLUTCH / / Ow! My torso! / / Now it's my turn to axe some questions. http://www.goats.com/archive/040621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (17) | OLIVER! How... How did you get here? / / Oh, I have my ways. I have my ways. / / CLICK CLICK KACHUNK / ~ Earlier ~ / What? It's my carry-on. http://www.goats.com/archive/040623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (18) | I never thought you'd sink so low. Running off, leaving our poor friend Fish in a state of befuddlement and poverty, unable to pay even the smallest of legal bills. As his attorney, I demand that you give me all your money. / / Well, that's too bad, but Sporkle Corp does not negotiate with terrorists, giant killer robots, or lawyers. It's company policy, and there's nothing you can do about it. / / There certainly is. I'm going to murder everyone at this convention, one by one, until you learn some respect for THE LAW. http://www.goats.com/archive/040625.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 28 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (19) | Well, thanks for coming to our panel folks. I suggest you all take this time to run screaming for the exits. I plan on doing the same. / / That's not fair! I didn't get a chance to answer any quest- / / THWOCK / / Woo! http://www.goats.com/archive/040628.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 30 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (20) | KACHUNK KACHUNK / Diablo, what the hell have you done now? / Don't blame this one on me. It appears my child is a bit of a prodigy. / / THWOCK / BLAM! BLAM! / This is not something to be proud of. All the ladies dressed like sexy tigers are hamburger meat. The stormtroopers are trying to fight off the robot, but they keep missing. / / And the goths keep bursting into tears, but there's some conjecture that may be normal. / But the anime fans are eating it up. http://www.goats.com/archive/040630.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 01 / 2004: unconventional (or, a short dalliance with navel-gazing) (21) | Now we're REALLY going to need a new lawyer. / You know what would be more fun than fending off a giant robot attack? / / What? / Getting in the car and driving very fast towards New York. / / THWOCK / Because running away worked for you so very well the first time. / Have faith. It may take a few times before we get it right. http://www.goats.com/archive/040701.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 05 / 2004: doodletown (1) | Hi, sweetie! / Jon! What are you doing home from your trip so early? / / Why do you ask? Because you have a secret harem of naked men pleasing you sexually in the bedroom? / No, because I'm happy to see you. / / Oh. I suppose that could be possible. / Not that I couldn't have a harem if I wanted to. http://www.goats.com/archive/040705.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 07 / 2004: doodletown (2) | So we've still got the rental car for the next few days. I was thinking we could take a romantic trip, maybe go hiking? / / You, a boy who stays inside so much he is startled by clouds, want to go camping in the woods. Outside. / Yes. Quickly. / / Is something trying to kill you again? / Of course not. But we should bring Phillip and Diablo with us, just in case. http://www.goats.com/archive/040707.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 09 / 2004: doodletown (3) | I have porn for the drive. Porn for everyone. / Where did you get that? / / The guy in the orange suit keeps delivering it. There was a pile waiting for me at home. / You were in charge of bringing sandwiches. / / But I brought porn instead. / Porn: It's what's for dinner! http://www.goats.com/archive/040709.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 12 / 2004: doodletown (4) | Here we are. Harriman State Park. Bear Mountin. / Bears are the natural enemy of the chicken. / I don't see any bears. / / They were all sold off to White Castle in the sixties. / There are no bears. We're not going up the mountain anyway. / / We're going to check out a side trail that leads to an abandoned village. / Doodletown? http://www.goats.com/archive/040712.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 14 / 2004: doodletown (5) | Legend has it that during the revolutionary war, British troops marched through the town on their way to battle North of here. / / As they marched, the troops sang "Yankee Doodle" in an effort to demoralize the townspeople. But the citizens picked up the tune, taking it for their own, even going so far as to rename their village after it. / / I don't believe that for a second. / Why not? / It's boring. http://www.goats.com/archive/040714.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 16 / 2004: doodletown (6) | They don't want you to know what happened here, but the truth is that Doodletown was like an Auschwitz for chickens. / / Home to a colony of antichickeners, Doodletown was a mecca for anti-chicken activity. Doodleites bred bears over on the mountain for the express purpose of destroying the chicken people. / Rar. / / Are you done yet? / Trivia tidbit: Kwanzaa was originally conceived to commemorate the great chicken-bear massacree of 1869. http://www.goats.com/archive/040716.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 19 / 2004: doodletown (7) | Despite what Diablo would have you believe, Doodletown was an isolated and mostly peaceful village. Time passed quietly there. / / The townspeople made a meager but fair living chopping ice out of the nearby lake and carting it down to Manhattan, where ice was apparently hard to come by. Modern refriderants sealed the demise of their economy, and the town dissolved in April of 1965. / / THAT'S IT. I've had enough of this revisionist propaganda. / She's a witch! Burn her! http://www.goats.com/archive/040719.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 21 / 2004: doodletown (8) | Great. Diablo's run off. / What exactly just happened? / / Maybe you and your holocaust-denying friends should get together and have a little chat about that. Maybe over tea and cookies. Heartless, cruel cookies that you eat while rewriting history to your liking. / / Thanks. That clears everything up. / Acutally, if you've got any cookies left over afterwards, can I have them? / He likes cookies a lot. http://www.goats.com/archive/040721.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 23 / 2004: doodletown (9) | Regardless of who is mistaken in their history, we need to split up and find Diablo before he gets hurt. / Why? / / Good point. Okay, we need to find him before he sets fire to things. / Why? / / Because Smokey would be peeved if we burned down his forest after all that advertising he paid for. / Once again, the iron grip of the bears holds us in its clammy paws of evil. http://www.goats.com/archive/040723.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 26 / 2004: doodletown (10) | It's getting dark, so we need to hurry. Megan, you search along the trail. I'll head into the woods north of here. Phillip, you take the south. / / Just like general Grant! Or the Muppets. / I thought the Muppets took Manhattan. / / Manhattan is south of here, isn't it? Isn't it, mister righty mcrighty-all-the-time? / Go. Now. Don't feel obliged to come back too quickly. http://www.goats.com/archive/040726.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 28 / 2004: doodletown (11) | He thinks he's so much better than me? Pah! They will all bow before me when I strut my superior detective skills and find Diablo first. / / For I have the OVER-CLOCKED LEMON!
/ Lemon, go forth into the darkness of these woods and search for a chicken. / / I am a creature of the night http://www.goats.com/archive/040728.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 30 / 2004: doodletown (12) | Roll faster, puny lemon! Bring me chickens! / / Or other stuff. That's fine too. Stuff is awesome. / / Well hello there. / You? What the hell are you doing here? http://www.goats.com/archive/040730.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 02 / 2004: doodletown (13) | Hello? Diablo? / Calling for the devil in these woods is a foolhardy proposition. / / OH! Uh, excuse me sir, but you startled me. I was just looking or a lost chicken. Have you seen one? / / There are several chickens in my village, which is nearby here. Perhaps the chicken you seek is amongst them. http://www.goats.com/archive/040802.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 03 / 2004: doodletown (14) | Perhaps the town eldress can help you find your chicken. / Excuse me, but...is this Doodletown? / / Why yes, it is. You have heard of our little community? / I thought Doodletown was uninhabited. / / Oh, that silly rumor.
/ Our town is not quite dead as you may have heard. http://www.goats.com/archive/040803.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 04 / 2004: doodletown (15) | Nathaniel! Emma! Stop your horseplay and get along home. / Sorry teach. Nate's marbles just fell out here. / / Knock Knock / Ah. Here we are. / / Welcome dearie. And what have YOU come looking for? http://www.goats.com/archive/040804.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 >>