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| Goats comic strip from December / 17 / 2001: first comes love... (and the twix saga, pt. 3) (21) | Neck-deep in a very stinky situation, I tried to reason my way out of our predicament. Alluding to our earlier conversation, I explained to Menstrua that since she had foreknowledge of our future encounters, she couldn't possibly kill me. / / Luckily, she agreed. "Yes, Diablo. I'm well aware. We will... http://www.goats.com/archive/011217.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 19 / 2001: first comes love... (and the twix saga, pt. 3) (22) | It was a long time before Twix fully regained his morally flexible aptitude. But that's a tale for another time. / There is a god. / / Do you see, Phillip? The Ko-Tex are out there, Phillip, using alluring women like your girlfriend to drain the lifeforces of good, upstanding bachelors like yourself in... http://www.goats.com/archive/011219.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 21 / 2001: first comes love... (and the twix saga, pt. 3) (23) | You're not possessed by pantyliners from another dimension, are you? / Not last I checked. / / And I don't have to dress like LaVerne DeFazio. / Not unless you really want to. / / Excellent. The wedding will occur as scheduled. / Get your butt to bed, drunken fool. http://www.goats.com/archive/011221.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 23 / 2001: readers ask stuff | the goats players present: "READERS ASK STUFF" a half-assed production
/ / / What is Jon and Phil(lip)'s actual profession?
/ -Julia Kleynbok / I make sure that baked goods stay baked. / And I like pancakes. It doesn't pay much, but I sleep well at night. / / What was the significance of the bean on Diablo's wing?
/ -Michael... http://www.goats.com/archive/011223.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 24 / 2001: the princess of k-mart (1) | We're going to K-mart. Wanna come? / There's a K-mart in Manhattan? / / Two, actually. All the cool kids go to the one on Astor. / A K-mart in the city! You know what this means? / / That America is homogenizing into one big redneck Midwestern mall? / It means I can buy toilet paper in bulk again. I'm so ja... http://www.goats.com/archive/011224.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 26 / 2001: the princess of k-mart (2) | I'm going to assign each of you part of the shopping list for maximum K-mart efficiency. / Divide and conquer. Excellent. / / jon, you're in charge of household cleansers and paper goods. Toothgnip will procure fuzzy slippers and Martha Stewart bedsheets. I'll get the industrial adhesives and twine. / What... http://www.goats.com/archive/011226.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 28 / 2001: the princess of k-mart (3) | I'd never figure you for the type who'd buy into all this crass commercialism. / There's no better kind. / / You're buying Kathy Ireland-brand stretch pants. Why does a chicken need stretch pants? / They're on sale. / / And that justifies your purchase. / Kathy's dedication to quality is all the justification I... http://www.goats.com/archive/011228.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 31 / 2001: the princess of k-mart (4) | You should treat me with more respect. / I can't imagine why. / / Because I might not want to be your pet anymore. / Perdon me whilst I asphyxiate from an endless bout of laughter. / / And people who have pets have been shown to live longer, happier lives. / That's because they always have an emergency food sup... http://www.goats.com/archive/011231.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 02 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (5) | The K-Mart cafe is selling hotdog-like food products for only 50 cents. / Remind me again why we let Diablo drag us here? / / At least he's trying to help. You shouldn't be so hard on him all the time. / Maybe you're right. His intentions are good. / / That terrorist with the tie on is smuggling a pound of plastic... http://www.goats.com/archive/020102.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 04 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (6) | We're going to have to search you, sir. / Search me? Why? / It's for America. Bend over, sir. / / Wow, that looks painful. / Sometimes patriotism means making sacrifices, Phillip. / / And sometimes patriotism means you take it up the ass, apparently. / Our right to shop for housewares in a safe environment outweighs... http://www.goats.com/archive/020104.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 07 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (7) | I can't make heads or tails of this list. Why the hell do we need so much twine and Elmer's Glue, anyway? / / And how did we end up in the women's clothing section? We were headed for paper goods and incontinence supplies. / / Toothgnip? Toothg... Oh holy crap. http://www.goats.com/archive/020107.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 09 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (8) | Toothgnip... um... What is all this? / I don't know. I was inexorably drawn toward these women's garments and cooking supplies. / / But why? / I... I think I may be a lady, Phillip. / / Well, this explains why my ice cream goes missing at the same time every month. / So I'm going to need more closet space. http://www.goats.com/archive/020109.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 11 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (9) | Let's review the facts. I wear panties. I like silk robes and cookware. I like decorative Hummel figurines. / / So that means you're a woman? / I know. I'm as suprised as you are. / I know. I'm as surprised as you are. / / But you're so smooth with the ladies. / Apparently I'm a raging lesbian. http://www.goats.com/archive/020111.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 14 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (10) | So, that's it. I'm a woman. / Ooh! I'm a woman too! / / Quiet, Chicken. / Why? Why are you the only one around here allowed to have a sexual identity crisis? / / I said shut it, bitch. / I didn't ask for womanhood. Womanhood was thrust upon me. http://www.goats.com/archive/020114.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 16 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (11) | If I'm going to do this woman thing, I've got to learn how to do it properly. / Most women just let Oprah tell them what to think. / / An excellent start. What about food? / Women can eat all they want as long as they complain about it afterwards. / / Fantastic. Now all I need is 30 pairs of painful shoes and... http://www.goats.com/archive/020116.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 18 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (12) | Remember to cross your legs when sitting. / And to point out phallic-shaped consumer items as evidence of a secret male conspiracy. / / And you have to wear those absorbent things in your underpants once a month... um... / Llamas. / / You may want independent confirmation on that. / That's it. I'm going to get some... http://www.goats.com/archive/020118.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 21 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (13) | Suzie, you gotta help me. I found out I'm actually a woman, and I don't know what to do. / You're not a woman. / / I'm not? / No. You have a penis. / / Oh yeah. / Call me sometime, Toothie. http://www.goats.com/archive/020121.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 23 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (14) | Suzie, if I'm not a woman, then why do I have this uncontrollable desire to dress in women's clothing? / / Well, you spend a lot of time around women. You appreciate our fashion taste. And you know how wonderful the feel of silk on skin can be. It's really not a surprise. / / Got it. Can I go roll around in... http://www.goats.com/archive/020123.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 2002: the princess of k-mart (15) | So it turns out I'm not a woman after all. / Really? / / Nope. I'm just a perverted, crossdressing deviant. / Wow. / / Yeah. You can imagine my relief. / Lauren's too. The size of the bridal party was getting way out of hand. http://www.goats.com/archive/020125.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 27 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (1) | So are you ready? / Well, the band is booked, catering is done, and I've scouted the chapel for places to hide bottles of scotch. So, yeah. / / That's not what I meant. / You mean, am I emotionally ready to commit myself to one woman for the rest of my life? / / Yeah. / You forget, I have no emotions. / / You know... http://www.goats.com/archive/020127.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 28 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (2) | Shouldn't you be off getting ready for the wedding? / Nah. I still have three units of time. / / Units? / With each unit being defined as one-third of the total amount of time. / / So punctuality isn't much of an issue if your units are arbitrary, huh? / Exactly. And that means I still have time for three more units... http://www.goats.com/archive/020128.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 30 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (3) | Unless something is on fire, I don't want to hear about it. / How many dates can I bring to the wedding? / / None, Toothgnip. It's a small wedding. / Because if I'm limited to one, then Sandra, Bobbi-Ann and Lynette are gonna have a three-way conniption. / / Only people in long-term relationships were invited... http://www.goats.com/archive/020130.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 01 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (4) | So what's this groomsman thing all about? / We stand near the humans while they perform their pair-bonding ceremony. / / Bonding? / I'm not too clear on it either. I think we supply the epoxy. / / I have three gallons of quick-dry resin. / Excellent. The bride has no chance of escape. http://www.goats.com/archive/020201.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 04 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (5) | Want some pre-wedding ice cream? I found that big can of sprinkles you bought home. / Those aren't sprinkles. / / They're not? / Nope. It's kitty litter. / / Oh holy crap, Diablo. Why in Ricardo Montalban's name do you have a giant can of kitty litter? / It tastes good on ice cream. http://www.goats.com/archive/020204.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 06 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (6) | Diablo, can you let Jon know that I've gone to get my hair done for the wedding? I'll meet up with you guys at the cathedral. / / I'm not going to the cathedral. / You're worried that you might be struck down by God for your Satan-Worshipping shtick? / / Nuh-uh. Sitting in those hard, wooden pews makes my butt... http://www.goats.com/archive/020206.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 08 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (7) | Where's Megan? We have to get to the wedding. / She was kidnapped by manic-depressive wolverines. / / Knock Knock / Did you lock her out of the apartment again? / No. The wolverines must have forgotten something. / / Gah! / Quick, throw these steaks out the door! Only raw meat will appease them. http://www.goats.com/archive/020208.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 11 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (8) | Holly? Holly, don't get me wrong, it's terribly nice to see you, and please don't mind the livestock, but what the hell are you doing here? / / I'm here for the wedding, silly. And for you, of course. Be sure to bring your dancing shoes and your libido. See you there, Jonny. / / That was cruel, but I can't... http://www.goats.com/archive/020211.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 12 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (9) | Phillip, explain to me why Holly West just appeared at my door on her way to your wedding? / Your imaginary ex-girlfriend? / / Phillp, you've met her! What were you thinking, inviting her? / You know better than to expect an actual thought process to take place. / / You don't think this might cause just a bit... http://www.goats.com/archive/020212.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 13 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (10) | This is terrible. There's no way I can resist Holly's advances. She's a force of nature. / Like thunder. or earthquakes. or a really high pollen count. / / Megan and Holly are both going to be at the wedding. I'm screwed. / You go off to the ceremony. Leave Megan to me... I'll find a way to detain her. / / Later... / I'm... http://www.goats.com/archive/020213.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 2002: ...then comes marriage (11) | Phillip, it's worse than I could possibly have imagined. Holly's gone bad! / Nonsense. She's a lovely girl. / / Fetch me a vodka and tonic, boy, or I'll set your trousers on fire. / Eep. / / Still, there's something intriguing about her in a sexy, train-wreck sort of fashion. / Too bad Megan is coming. / It's a shame,... http://www.goats.com/archive/020214.html |
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