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| Goats comic strip from April / 19 / 2002: mission: improbable (3) | Do you know why we brought you here, Phillip? / Because of my stunning good looks and hardbody physique. / / I give up. It's like trying to teach calculus to a squirrel. / The mike is still on, Chester. / / Fine. Whatever. Let's just talk about your childhood, then. / I don't have one. I was born an adult, like... http://www.goats.com/archive/020419.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 22 / 2002: mission: improbable (4) | Wha...
/ Whassat? / / Ssh. / You...
/ You're... / / Just a concerned Scientologist here to save you from the evils of modern Psychology. / The glare from your teeth hurts my eyes. http://www.goats.com/archive/020422.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 24 / 2002: mission: improbable (5) | C'mon, we're gonna bust you out of here. / How did you know I was in here? / / We like to keep an eye on these folks. The institutions of psychiatry are evil, and L. Ron taught us to avoid them like the plague. / / Because they're a voice of reason and capable of deprogramming cult members? / Yes. I mean, no.... http://www.goats.com/archive/020424.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 26 / 2002: mission: improbable (6) | ...And then 75 million years ago, Xenu, the extraterrestrial tyrant, strapped a whole mess of aliens to a volcano and blew them up with H-bombs. / Uh-huh. / / The spirits of those aliens inhabit our bodies. Once we get rid of these "body thetans", we get superhuman powers. / And how did you find all this out? / / A... http://www.goats.com/archive/020426.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 28 / 2002: mission: improbable (7) | ...Meanwhile, in another dimension, the war-hungry Snedroff Clan was on the move. / / They slowly made their way towards the Truhulu compound, violent thoughts boiling their blood. / / The innocent Truhulu, unaware of their fate, were making cupcakes. / / The Truhulu chef had used an old, rotten, gleen-infested... http://www.goats.com/archive/020428.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 29 / 2002: mission: improbable (8) | Damn! They're on to us! / What can we do? / BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE / / I'm going to use my superhuman mental powers to make us invisble. / Ooh. / BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE BREEEEEEEE / / Double damn! There's too many body thetans on you, it won't work. Let's run! / But... http://www.goats.com/archive/020429.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 01 / 2002: mission: improbable (9) | Well, thanks for getting me out of there, mister. You Scientology folks sure are swell. / You can come and join us, you know. / / Really? / Sure. You have $250,000 handy? / / I have twenty-three cents and my Don Knotts fan club card. / Well, it was nice knowing you. http://www.goats.com/archive/020501.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 03 / 2002: mission: improbable (10) | Phillip! Where did you run off to? / The psychologist drugged me and imprisoned me in his shadowy lair, where I was interrogated until I was rescued by the Scientologists. / / You know, that teasing thing you do is going to get you in trouble some day. / You're probably right. / / Now come help me get Toothgnip... http://www.goats.com/archive/020503.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 06 / 2002: mission: improbable (11) | Toothgnip! You've come out of the closet! / Now, don't go spreading nasty rumors. / / We mean, you seem to have effected a miraculous recovery. / Yeah. Flipping out and being insane requires too much effort. / / Tell me about it. / So you're okay? / A baby oil massage sure would help. http://www.goats.com/archive/020506.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 08 / 2002: mission: improbable (12) | So that's it? You're just going to forget about Suzie? / No, man she's the love of my life. / / So what are you going to do? / I'm going to bury my feelings deep inside, where they will fuel my womanizing and boorish behavior. / / I'm so proud of you. / I've already got a nice ulcer going. http://www.goats.com/archive/020508.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 10 / 2002: you might think (1) | Oh my god. I just found out that Ric Ocasek and Paulina Porizkova live down the block from us. They're our freaking neighbors. / That's nice. / / You have no idea who I'm talking about. / Not usually. Isn't it enough that I let you see me naked occasionally? / / It's Ric and Paulina, Megan. Did you spend the... http://www.goats.com/archive/020510.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 13 / 2002: you might think (2) | So they were celebrities? / Not just celebs. They were the epitome of the ugly rock star/supermodel marriage. / / Like Billy and Christie? / Nothing so trite and banal. I once had a poster of Paulina on my childhood bedroom wall. / / Shall I fetch you your stalking jacket? / In the closet, third shelf down on... http://www.goats.com/archive/020513.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 15 / 2002: you might think (3) | I simply can't believe you've never heard of "The Cars". / I've heard the songs you forced on me. I just didn't know the band's name. / / It's common knowledge, Megan. / Some of us spent our childhoods outside, engaged in healthy outdoor activities. / / We're going outside now. / And there's nothing healthier than... http://www.goats.com/archive/020515.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 17 / 2002: you might think (4) | Concealing Jon and Megan / I must really love you. / Look! Ric's coming out. / / Concealing Jon and Megan / He's just taking his kids out to the park. Can we go now? / They've been breeding? Holy hamsters, their children must be minor deities. / / Concealing Jon and Megan / Jon, the man is trying to raise a family.... http://www.goats.com/archive/020517.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 20 / 2002: you might think (5) | Concealing Jon and Megan / Ric just took his sunglasses off! / I'm going to go home now, okay? / / Concealing Jon and Megan / I've never seen him without sunglasses befo... Oh. Wow. / What is it? / / Concealing Jon and Megan / My god. It's full of stars. / I'm leaving you with $50 in bail money. Will that be enough? http://www.goats.com/archive/020520.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 22 / 2002: the maltese chicken (1) | So these neighbors of yours are famous? / Yeah. When I was in junior high, I used to have dreams where Paulina was the captain of the Enterprise. / / I thought she was a model. Do models have command certification? / It was just a dream. I was an ensign serving under her, if you catch my drift. / / You wanted... http://www.goats.com/archive/020522.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 24 / 2002: the maltese chicken (2) | Servant female! You have rejected my attempts to impregnate you with alien-human hybrids for the last time! Tremble before the might of my new GOATEE!! / / What the hell is on your face? / Ah...you have noticed my mammalian secondary sex characteristics. Do I appear suave and sophisticated? / / You appear... http://www.goats.com/archive/020524.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 27 / 2002: the maltese chicken (3) | Operation "Gettin' It On" is a complete failure. / Your goatee didn't melt the icy heart of the servant female? / / No. / The human with the unwieldy hair has suggested that there may be a link between fame and sexual appeal amongst humans. / / Then I will become a web-cartoonist! / Oh, sure. Everyone knows web-cartoonists... http://www.goats.com/archive/020527.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 29 / 2002: the maltese chicken (4) | Diablo, what's the quickest way to become famous? / Quickest, or best? / / Either one. We're not picky. / Slather yourself in peanut butter and jump in front of a presidential motorcade. / / Is that the quickest way or the best way? / That depends on how much you like peanut butter. http://www.goats.com/archive/020529.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 31 / 2002: the maltese chicken (5) | I'd prefer an approach that involves slightly less death on our part. / Well, you guys have all sorts of advanced technology, right? / / Yeah. So? / You could "discover" cold fusion and provide the world with a cheap, efficient energy source. / / No good. Cold fusion gives me the hives. / That's okay. I feel... http://www.goats.com/archive/020531.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 03 / 2002: the maltese chicken (6) | We could refrain from killing lots of people. / People love that sort of thing. / You might be better suited to the "notoriety" branch of fame. / / We could bake cookies! / Notorious cookies. / It's been done. You know, I think you two would make excellent art thieves. / / I don't think art thievery and baking are... http://www.goats.com/archive/020603.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 05 / 2002: the maltese chicken (7) | So what priceless treasure would you like to steal first? / Ooh! Bob Costas! / Britney's implants. / / Ah. Here we are. The "Holy MacGuffin" is on display at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. / What's a MacGuffin? / / It's not really important. / It sounds like a species of flightless waterfowl. / Or a breakfast s... http://www.goats.com/archive/020605.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 07 / 2002: the maltese chicken (8) | I've got a plan, but I'm going to need your help getting the materials together. Diablo, we're going to need stun guns, a hundred yards of sturdy nylon rope, and three pair of pantyhose. / / Bob, you'll need to rustle up as much creamed spinach as you can carry, twelve packages of uninflated balloons,... http://www.goats.com/archive/020607.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 10 / 2002: the maltese chicken (9) | That night, at the Metropolitan Musem of Art... / Hey Larry? / Yeah? / / Freddie just got eaten by a big Jello-lookin' blob over in European sculpture. / And only a week until retirement. So sad. / / I'm gonna go see what flavor it is. / Bring me back some, willya? http://www.goats.com/archive/020610.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 12 / 2002: the maltese chicken (10) | Consuming Freddie / Oh, for the love of Christ! Someone help me! / Hey Freddie? / / Consuming Freddie and playing with Freddies security guard hat / Aghhhh! It's dissolving my spleen! / Freddie, what flavor is that homocidal jello-lookin' blob, anyway? / / Consuming Freddie and playing with Freddies security guard... http://www.goats.com/archive/020612.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 14 / 2002: the maltese chicken (11) | C'mere, boy! There you are! Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are! / Well, that sure beats the hell out of owning a cat. / Yeah, but the hairballs are so much worse. http://www.goats.com/archive/020614.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 17 / 2002: the maltese chicken (12) | Once we find a black market buyer for the Holy MacGuffin, we're gonna be rich. / What're you going to do with your share of the loot? / / I've always wanted to buy my very own senator. / I'm going to study the art of erotic needlepoint. / I'm going to eat a squirrel. / / Big dreams, fellas. Big dreams. / Fire's dying... http://www.goats.com/archive/020617.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 19 / 2002: the maltese chicken (13) | Detective, do you have any leads on who stole the Holy MacGuffin? / Not really. The witnesses have been remarkably uncooperative. / / Not to mention very dead. / That's no excuse for them to be shirking their civil responsibilities. / / What's the next step in your investigation? / I'm going to take a bath. My pants... http://www.goats.com/archive/020619.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 2002: the maltese chicken (14) | So that's it? You're just going to let the art thieves go free? / Yeah. I'm not feeling very inspired today, you know? / / Inspired? / I mean, what the hell is a macguffin, anyway? Now, if it were some black and white photos of some guy with a bullwhip or a plunger up his ass, now that I could get into. / / So... http://www.goats.com/archive/020621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 2002: the maltese chicken (15) | Let me speak, incompetent humans. Your incompetence chafes me like soggy corduroy. / / We are the art thieves. We have stolen the macguffin. Now, we demand our fame and the requisite associated unbridled sexual congress. / / They have placed us in some sort of ritualistic sex chamber. Excellent. Bring... http://www.goats.com/archive/020625.html |
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