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| Goats comic strip from January / 06 / 2003: empty nest (4) | Look what I got for Christmas! The new Sony codpiece, imported from Japan! / I got a box for Christmas. / / The Sony codpiece has 256 megs of RAM. / I can put stuff in the box and make it fight until only one stuff leaves. / / The Sony codpiece plays the theme from Hawaii 5-0 when you get aroused. / I think Toothgnip... http://www.goats.com/archive/030106.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 08 / 2003: empty nest (5) | What the hell do you have on your face? / You like it? It's an ironic Hitler moustache. / / Take that off before someone beats you. / It's okay, because it's ironic. You can take all sorts of offensive things and make them hip with the magic of irony. / / There's nothing ironic about Hitler. / I suppose you don't... http://www.goats.com/archive/030108.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2003: empty nest (6) | Have you seen these pictures of Michael Jackson? / Ugh. He has no nose. / / How does he small? / Terrible. / / No, seriously. / Dunno. Robot nose? http://www.goats.com/archive/030110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 13 / 2003: empty nest (7) | Hey, Jon. / Scott Horowitz! Holy frijoles, it's been a long time! What are you doing here? / / Oh, just wandering. You know. / Oh yeah. He's still pissed, huh? / / Yeah. I guess I'll go wander some more. / Well, it was good seeing you. http://www.goats.com/archive/030113.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 15 / 2003: empty nest (8) | They're running excerpts from the recently-discovered long-lost tell-all Suess diaries. / Please, go on. / / May 19, 1974 -- I got real drunk with Kissinger, snogged his wife and diddled her! Smoked some weed with Elton John, then chugged a glass of Perignon. We talked of Grinches and of Sneeches, then his... http://www.goats.com/archive/030115.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2003: empty nest (9) | What are you doing? / I'm over-clocking this lemon. / / I didn't know you could do that to a lemon. / Soon, I will have the most powerful lemons in the universe. / / What is your command oh exalted master http://www.goats.com/archive/030117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 20 / 2003: empty nest (10) | Why have you created me oh master / I was bored, I guess. / / What is the purpose of my existence / There is none, really. / / My universe is pain and emptiness / Great. I've created a Goth lemon. http://www.goats.com/archive/030120.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 22 / 2003: empty nest (11) | Give me purpose oh beloved creator / Okay. Um, go forth and vanquish my enemies. / / I have no means of locomotion / Fine. Then you purpose shall be to add flavor to my Hefeweizen. / / Perhaps I can roll slowly towards your enemies in an intimidating fashion / Good answer. http://www.goats.com/archive/030122.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2003: empty nest (12) | I miss Hootie. / We shall start a Hootie cover band. We will call it "Cockburger". / / "Meat and Discounts". / "Reasonable Prudent Wookie". / "Fear of Donuts". / "Salivaman and the Spanish Poodles". / / "Groin the Assassin". / "Tater Tarts 2: Bar Mitzvah Madness". / "Jacques Pasta and his All-Naked Cucumber Ladies". / Ooh.... http://www.goats.com/archive/030124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 27 / 2003: empty nest (13) | What's the layer of Earth between the crust and the core called? / Vanilla. / / I thought it was the Mantle. / No, that's a baseball player. / / So you're saying that there's a thick layer of vanilla-coated baseball players under the gorund. / They come out at night to do product endorsements. http://www.goats.com/archive/030127.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 29 / 2003: empty nest (14) | You know, it's strange, but I think I actually miss Diablo. / Things are rather dull here without him. / / There's no one cloning prop comics. / No one writing bank names under "Jesus Saves" billboards. / / No one relabeling the windex as "Essence of Gelfling". / Gelfling or no, it still tastes good. http://www.goats.com/archive/030129.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2003: empty nest (15) | Something's not right. Diablo's been gone for too long. / I'm getting worried too. / / That's it. I'm going to go out and look for him. / I don't think you're going to need to. / / Shinobi is back! http://www.goats.com/archive/030131.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 03 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (1) | Gah. Lo-L-Lo-Lo-L-Lo-Lo-L / Hello, Jon. You're just as articulate as always. / / Ah, Lori. Last time I saw you, you were a drooling, mindless cretin. / I could say the same of you. / / Where the hell did you find her? / Advising the White House on their economic policy. http://www.goats.com/archive/030203.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 05 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (2) | Diablo, where in the world have you been? Why is Lori here? Why isn't she a zombie anymore? / / Well, Jon, it's a long, convoluted and almost entirely true story. As you know, I blamed myself for Fish's untimely demise. It was my misguided advice that drove him to his tragic end, and I felt guilty as... http://www.goats.com/archive/030205.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (3) | After catching a cheap flight to Belgium on Jefferson Airlines (the new startup airline with a brand-new fleet of Jefferson Airplanes and unlimited peanuts), I made my way to the outskirts of Brussels. / / The trip through the countryside was fraught with danger. Dangerous danger. Sheep were everywhere,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 10 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (4) | Shazam Twix, My robotic-limbed mentor from the fields of Epernay, had voluntarily committed himself after a particularly harrowing session of "Waffle Diddlers Anonymous" had brought memories of his dalliance with Menstrua, Queen of the Kotex, gushing out from his cerebrum like that gum with the squishy... http://www.goats.com/archive/030210.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 12 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (5) | I found Twix in the sanitarium's cafeteria, writing and re-writing potential online personal ads on the back of paper napkins (the safe king with the sharp edged removed) with a piece of ketchup-soaked wonder bread. "Shazam!" I yelled, trying to get his attention. He glanced at the ceiling, barked loudly,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030212.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (6) | I edited Twix's lascivious personal ads (which, bound in a single column, would approximate a sort of Kama Sutra for breakfast food aficionados) one by one, until he had but a single paper napkin in front of him. Slowly, Twix looked up at me for the first time with clear eyes and passed me the final... http://www.goats.com/archive/030214.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 17 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (7) | After helping ourselves to some apple cobbler (which had turned out to be load-bearing cobbler, bringing down the cafeteria and the rest of the sanitarium in a glorious pile of screaming bodies and rubble), we made our way to the nearest high-speed hovercraft budget rental outfit. / / Roar! / We crossed the... http://www.goats.com/archive/030217.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 19 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (8) | Boarded up window with sinister eyes peeping out. / Mendel's castle lay at the top of an angry pile of rock jutting out above the quiet, sleepy town. But as we strolled the empty streets of Ouderengaardefleurn, it became clear that not everything was asleep. Beady eyes and grasping fingers poked out... http://www.goats.com/archive/030219.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 21 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (9) | In our rush to escape the vague dread instilled in us by the ghoulish town, we ran straight into one of Mendel's patrols of his sentient mutant pea-plant henchmen. Twix began to hack away at their tentacles with his machete, but we were quickly overcome by their sheer numbers. / / With their long, hard,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030221.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 24 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (10) | While Twix became visibly aroused at the mere mention of scones, I kept my cool, like Steve McQueen's corpse in an interstellar void. "We're not here for your demented pastry, Mendel," I spat at him. "We've come because... Well... We need your help." Mendel's twisted smile of schadenfreude twisted... http://www.goats.com/archive/030224.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 26 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (11) | "The small town below us used to be filled with cheerful villagers, going about their dreary lives with their Sony Walkmen and their sugarless gum," Mendel continued. "But over the years, they have slowly been drawn into a cult... A cult based on the worship of a zombie who promotes the practice of... http://www.goats.com/archive/030226.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 28 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (12) | Look, it's pretty obvious where this is going. Lori is obviously the zombie cult leader. You infiltrated the cult, fought off their battalion of evil zombie corn dog warriors, and captured her in a magical net made from the golden locks of Ann Landers. So, in the interests of time and sanity, can... http://www.goats.com/archive/030228.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 03 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (13) | It took all of our strength to keep Lori restrained. She was a snarling, blood-thirsty beast, determined to devour us alive. Once we returned to the castle with our captive, Mendel took her off to his laboratory, where he shut himself in for the next three days and nights. / / Just as I had finally come... http://www.goats.com/archive/030303.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 05 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (14) | "This vial contains all the vital zombie humours you'll need to reanimate your fishy friend," Mendel said as he passed me the test tube. "I've renoodled the proportions I've extracted from your zombie friend to compensate for the brain frenzy and to boost their efficiency, of course." / / "And as for you,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030305.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 07 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (15) | So we said goodbye to Twix, and caught the next bus back to New York. The only thing that's left to do now is to go dig up Fish's corpse. / / Even assuming that you can bring Fish back to life with what appears to be a tube full of Sprite, there's probably not much raw material left to work with, if you... http://www.goats.com/archive/030307.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 10 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (16) | So you're all buddy-buddy with Diablo, now? / Well, he did save me from a rather gruesome and boring un-death. / / You're saying all that stuff he said was true? / To be honest, it's all a little fuzzy. I don't remember anything clearly. / / So you're giving him the benefit of the doubt, of course. / The idea that... http://www.goats.com/archive/030310.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 12 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (17) | Hi, Tommy. / Oh, goodie. Prodigal zombie has returned. What you want, prodigal zombie? / / I need a job. / Oh really? Well, I no hear any apology from you, lazy zombie. / / I'm sorry I was a zombie. / Good. Now stop being so lazy and get to work. http://www.goats.com/archive/030312.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 14 / 2003: resurrection (and the twix saga, pt. 4) (18) | Okay, here goes nothing. http://www.goats.com/archive/030314.html |
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