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| Goats comic strip from June / 09 / 2003: crab city (17) | I never did see Rocco Wattles again. She went on to lead her father's company to even greater heights, introducing such sporting goods innovations as extra-fuzzy tennis balls. / / Knowledgeable Pete stayed dead, but he was used in the construction of a diner.
/ They made omelettes there. I think he would... http://www.goats.com/archive/030609.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 11 / 2003: crab city (18) | My humble apologies m'lord, but we... we lost the dolphin. / It's not a dolphin, cretinous sashimi. / / Your incompetence and your stupidity compete for first place in a tournament of folly.
/ No matter. I am patient. 50,000 years of fruitless questing have not stopped me, and neither will this setback. / / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/030611.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 13 / 2003: pork and adultery (1) | This monkeypox thing sounds like fun. Much trendier than SARS. / I think you'd look great with monkeypox. / / Agreed. So where does one does one discreetly obtain a monkey? / Apparently, you don't get it from monkeys. You get it from prarie dogs. / / Ew. I'm not having sex with a prarie dog. / This is why we need... http://www.goats.com/archive/030613.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 16 / 2003: pork and adultery (2) | Why aren't there any pork-based beverages? / Personally, I would love a pork and apple juice drink designed to appeal to my youthful on-the-go lifestyle. / / We could make one! And it will be called: Hammy Smith. / Apple Porxtreme. / Piglet Plus. / Spapple. / / Ooh. Sporkle! / See, this is why no one's done this before.... http://www.goats.com/archive/030616.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 18 / 2003: pork and adultery (3) | This is the first batch of Sporkle(tm) brand pork 'n' apple juice drink. / "Put a little Sporkle in your life." I like. / / And this is our spokespig, Sporkles Mackenzie. / Does he shoot lasers from his eyes? / / Not that I've been able to determine. But he can really put away the Sporkle. / I think he's had a ... http://www.goats.com/archive/030618.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 20 / 2003: pork and adultery (4) | look! it's / Sporkles Mackenzie(tm) / the comatose pig! / Ride the wave of pork / Be like Sporkles or die / / Drink / Sporkle brand pork 'n' apple juice drink / and women will have sex with you / caution: may make you very sexy and/or impotent / / I admire its intellectual honesty. / I tried to get the models to suckle him... http://www.goats.com/archive/030620.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 2003: pork and adultery (5) | Lady, which would you prefer: a tasty bottle of brand-new Sporkle brand pork 'n' apple juice beverage, or this mug of paint and razor blades? / Brand new? / / I was drinking Schweingetrank in cafes in Darmstadt when you were in diapers, possibly last week. You Americans think you invent everything, but all... http://www.goats.com/archive/030623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 2003: pork and adultery (6) | Lori, you skanky bitch. / Hello, Greta. What brings you skulking back here after all these years? / / I heard you were a zombie. So tacky. So trailer park. / This from a woman who has never seen a bar of soap. / / Oh, don't get huffy, my little American imperialist. I am just playing. / Move your hand or I add it... http://www.goats.com/archive/030625.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 27 / 2003: pork and adultery (7) | Do you think Tommy would hire me back? The place certainly could use some class. / I don't think we're gunning for the Euro-trash vibe. / / Just for a short while. I do not intend to stay in this cesspool for long. / Just long enough to sleep with all the friendly neighborhood heroin addicts? / / Speaking of,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030627.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 30 / 2003: pork and adultery (8) | I am sorry to hear that Carl left you. He was an excellent lover. / I don't need him. Or anyone. / / Nonsense. We will get you a man. How about that cutie over there? / You've picked yet another winner. / / Wha... Why am I getting zits on my arms? / Maybe they are eating chocolate while you are asleep. http://www.goats.com/archive/030630.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 02 / 2003: pork and adultery (9) | Well, if you're not going to take him, then I will. / He's all yours. Enjoy. / / I will get that Jew so hot he will think he is in an Auschwitz crematorium. / Glad to hear it. / / You're no fun. What happened to my favorite jealous, territorial neocolonialist? / Let's keep my colon out of this. http://www.goats.com/archive/030702.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 04 / 2003: pork and adultery (10) | Tales of Horror for the religious right. / Once upon a time, the supreme court justices of a country in a far away land got really loaded. They stood up and said, "Let there be sodomy for everyone!" and the children did rejoice. / / But then, Freddie Mercury came back to life! Thirty feet tall! Dressed only... http://www.goats.com/archive/030704.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 07 / 2003: pork and adultery (11) | Excuse me, do you live around here often? Because you put the marshmallows in my Lucky Charms. / What? / / I see you are not the type for pickup lines and small talk. You are a man of action! And I... I am Greta. / I can see that. / / You will meet me here at eight this evening for a rousing bout of hot buttered... http://www.goats.com/archive/030707.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 09 / 2003: pork and adultery (12) | Hot buttered laps! Did you hear that? S-She wants to do hot buttered laps! / But what about the pretty lady that gives you kisses? / / Megan. Gah. I know, but... I have never had a woman like... like that offer to do hot buttered laps with me. Never. / It sounds sticky. / / This would be so much easier if... http://www.goats.com/archive/030709.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 11 / 2003: pork and adultery (13) | So I see you've met Greta, then? / You know her? / / She used to be a bartender here. She was fired just before you and the rest of the dork squad infested the place. / Fired? For what? / / I was never entirely sure. Something to do with her thighs, a customer's head and an ocelot. / Was butter involved? http://www.goats.com/archive/030711.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 14 / 2003: pork and adultery (14) | So you're the next notch on Greta's bedpost, eh? / I.... I can't. I want to, but I could never do that to my girlfriend. / / You're going to pass up a night with the woman who invented the inverse flying camel for a pine cone with googly eyes pasted to it? / I stopped dating the pine cone. This is a real woman. / / You... http://www.goats.com/archive/030714.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 16 / 2003: pork and adultery (15) | So you're not going to sleep with Greta. Wow. You know, it's really a shame you turned out to have ethics. / Oh? Why's that? / / 'Cause I would have joined in. http://www.goats.com/archive/030716.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 18 / 2003: pork and adultery (16) | Knock Knock / Hold on. I'm coming. / / Damned kids. Where'd they go? / Down here, Lady. / / Please pick me up! A big dog scared me with barking. http://www.goats.com/archive/030718.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 21 / 2003: pork and adultery (17) | So I was at the bar and I was talking to the man with the big hair and he was eating chocolate with his arms and then there was something about butter and laps and it might have been something about the lady with the dangerous shoulders but I don't remember too well. / / But then the lady went away and... http://www.goats.com/archive/030721.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 25 / 2003: pork and adultery (18) | Hey honey, I'm home! You're not going to believe what happened today...Megan? / / Baby pie? You home? Hello? Hell...oh. / / dear jon, / god, I hate myself for writing those words. but I'm none too please with you either, you cheating scum. if you want to be with her, fine. I won't stand in your way. / -megan / / p.s.... http://www.goats.com/archive/030725.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 28 / 2003: pork and adultery (19) | Megan! What's wrong? / I've left Jon. He cheated on me. / / I know he's your friend, and normally I wouldn't bother you, but I'm a long way from home, I'm unemployed and I don't have anyone else in New York to turn to. Would you mind if I stayed here for a bit until I can get my act together? / / If you've got... http://www.goats.com/archive/030728.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 30 / 2003: pork and adultery (20) | She's gone! Megan is gone! Gone gone gone! / Whoa, there, mister. Your needle is skipping. / / I'm going to die of cranial implosion if I don't find out where she is. / She's staying at our place. I just got off the phone with Lauren. / / She says you should keep your distance until Megan calms down if you want... http://www.goats.com/archive/030730.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 01 / 2003: pork and adultery (21) | I've got to talk to her, Phillip. / I've been told in no uncertain terms that you'll lose your secondary sex characteristics if you go within a hundred feet of Megan. / / She's got to listen to reason. / Ah, see, there's your error. Logic doesn't work on women. It only fuels their rage, like Vulcan vampires. / / But... http://www.goats.com/archive/030801.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 04 / 2003: pork and adultery (22) | I've got to get Megan back. There's no point to living without her. / Other people don't give you purpose, Jon. You have to give it to yourself. / / Spare me your existentialism, Toothgnip. / You want her back? Well, a woman wants a man who can define his own special purpose. Dependence is unattractive. / / Fine.... http://www.goats.com/archive/030804.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 06 / 2003: pork and adultery (23) | If I'm going to destroy Phobos, I'm going to need approximately forty billion dollars and a large ball of twine. / Ahem. / Tap tap / / Yes, o great sage? / I'm getting a sort of a Jodie Foster/John Hinckley Jr. vibe here. Are you doing this to impress Megan, or for yourself? / / So you're saying it's okay to gratuitously... http://www.goats.com/archive/030806.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 08 / 2003: pork and adultery (24) | I need your help with a project I think you'd be uniquely suited to. / Sorry, I've got my hands full helping out with the California governor's race. / / It's good to see you getting involved in civics, Diablo. Which campaign are you working on? / Republicans for Voldemort. / / They realy will let anyone run,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030808.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 11 / 2003: a tangled web (1) | Megan, if you're going to be staying with us, I think we should establish some ground rules. / Okay. Shoot. / / First off, I want to make it absolutely clear that there will be no squirrel breeding inside this apartment. That includes both traditional and genetic manipulation varieties. I don't see any need... http://www.goats.com/archive/030811.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 13 / 2003: a tangled web (2) | VERY LATER / ...furthermore, there will be no local violation of general relativity, unless you are having a romantic liason with some sort of, I dunno, omnipotent transquantum entity. Yes. / / I appreciate all this, but I really do have to get back to my job search. / Fine. Don't blame me when Oolong the Perky... http://www.goats.com/archive/030813.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 2003: a tangled web (3) | Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick. How may I direct your call? / I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number. I thought this was Soylent Consulting. / / Oh, that's us! Soylent was bought out of bankruptcy by their competitor Webnuts L.L.C., which was acquired by G.S.R.C. (Giant Scandal-Ridden Corp.), which was absorbed by Hot-Dog-On-A-Stick,... http://www.goats.com/archive/030818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 20 / 2003: a tangled web (4) | Arnaud? Hey, it's Megan! Yeah, from Soylent. I was wondering what you and Mike were up to these days. / / Really? Your own firm? Listen, you guys need any help? I'll do just about anything for a steady paycheck.
/ / / No, not that. No. Tell Mike to put it away. And the puppets too. Okay, just this once. http://www.goats.com/archive/030820.html |
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