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| Goats comic strip from November / 28 / 2005: guest week(s) 2005 (11) | The fact you can't think of a punchline for this guest strip is the least of your problems! This is crap! What's going on here? Why are Diablo and Toothgnip in a penis ship? This doesn't make sense / It's because of garbage like this that everyone hates you so much / / I thought you said people hate me because... http://www.goats.com/archive/051128.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 29 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (1) | They peed SANKA on me, Carl. / SANKA. / Quiet, Roger. I hear something. / CLANK CLANK / / They're coming back for more. What's it this time? Windex? NEW COKE? / Let us pray that death comes swiftly. / / SSHHHWIK / You have a choice, gentlemen. You can sit here yankin' on each other's candles. / Or you can come with me... http://www.goats.com/archive/051129.html |
| Goats comic strip from November / 30 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (2) | Listen, little fella, me and Carl were wondering... why exactly does God need to be fought? / Not that we're not up for it. / / I figure he's got it coming. / For what? / / You know, STUFF. We can figure out specifics later. / See? Now that's effective, goal-oriented leadership. http://www.goats.com/archive/051130.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 01 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (3) | It's about twenty feet to the ground. We should survive the jump. / You joking? I'm not jumping out of no flying saucer. / / KICK! / / There. Now you have something soft to land on. http://www.goats.com/archive/051201.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 05 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (4) | Get up off your asses, boys. This ain't no union shop. We need to find cover before that spaceship starts raining laser-fire down on us. / There's a billboard one hundred meters east of here. / / That ain't no billboard. / That's a SIGN. http://www.goats.com/archive/051205.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 06 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (5) | What in John Paul Junior's name is THAT? / This is our ticket out of this hole. That is, it will be as soon as we find ourselves another goddamn potato. / / This thing will take us clear across the universe, but we need to cram some fresh taters in it first. / It's a good thing I pocketed that potato we ordered... http://www.goats.com/archive/051206.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 07 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (6) | There. She's ready to go. / To go where? / I don't know. I didn't think through this part of the plan. / / You didn't THINK. / WHAT? Like you know God's transdimensional coordinates? You got a YELLOW PAGES you're not sharing with us? / Why don't you ask ME, Oliver? I know where God is. I can even send you to meet... http://www.goats.com/archive/051207.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 08 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (7) | FINEAS! You're... you're transparent? / And you're sticking out of the neck of a corpse. Can we move on? We have pressing matters to attend to. / / You're still stuck in the other dimension, aren't you? Yer not really here. / You shouldn't have left so soon, Oliver. This is a very interesting place. / POKE POKE / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/051208.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 12 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (8) | Wait a second. YOU killed GOD? Let's forget about the implausibility factor of that statement for a moment. I thought you were the "conflicted, but ultimately good" type. / / You think you UNDERSTAND me? I, who have been betrayed by those who called me friend? I, who have died and been resurrected to life... http://www.goats.com/archive/051212.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 13 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (9) | You're taking over for GOD? You stole my goddamned idea! / You've never had an original idea in your life. / / This is all bullshit, anyhow. You couldn't pick a flea out of a dead dog's ass. You expect me to believe you defeated God? / How else do you explain how I can project my image across the interdimensional... http://www.goats.com/archive/051213.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 14 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (10) | You could do something productive. Maybe take an art class. / Oh, no. It's far, FAR too late for an art class. / / If you've taken over for God, then I'll just have to fight YOU instead. / You'll have to come here and visit, then. I'm much too busy running the universe to make house calls. / / You know where we... http://www.goats.com/archive/051214.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 15 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (11) | Guys, we're going to a place with a lot of monkeys and fishes and stuff. Just beat the tar out of any animals you see, okay? / Got it, boss. / / ZOT! / Tarfon, set transport coordinates for that god-awful monkey dimension and open a static portal. / / / Follow them in. http://www.goats.com/archive/051215.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 19 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (12) | He's on his way / Who? OLIVER? / See? I told you he'd be here. / / And he's bringing some hired muscle. / That's wonderful, because we have some rocks over there that I wanted to rearrange a bit, see if I can't get a more feng shui thing going on. I'd do it myself but I threw my back out last week carrying lox... http://www.goats.com/archive/051219.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 20 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (13) | You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, old man. Your time is THROUGH. / / I don't care WHAT these monkeys say. I'm still your FATHER. You will put down that movie director, take off that FILTHY corpse and apologize to everyone here for being so RUDE. / / Oh my GOD. / I've turned into Jon. / / You're not my... http://www.goats.com/archive/051220.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 21 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (14) | Roger, when we first started art school fifteen years ago, did you ever imagine it would all end like this? / No, Carl, can't say that I did. http://www.goats.com/archive/051221.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 22 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (15) | KZZOK KZZOK / / KZZOK / / Looks like momma was right. Things can ALWAYS get worse. / / Attention all monkeys, chickens, bikers and whatnot. You will surrender to us the following three items or face immediate vaporization. One: The matchbook of Xibalba. Two: The transport robot. Three: The traitors Diablo, Oliver... http://www.goats.com/archive/051222.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 26 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (16) | See, I have an even better idea. You fly right the hell back where you came from. Or I'm going to reboot the universe. / POWER SWITCH / / You can't do that! We're running off of that laptop, too! We'll be stuck in Nietzche's Eternal Recurrence! Forever! / Our lives would be an endless loop of violence and poor... http://www.goats.com/archive/051226.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 28 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (17) | Back off, boys. He may be telling the truth about the laptop. I can't get a good read on him. / You wouldn't! You'd destroy yourself in the process! / / Wouldn't I? A suicide-prone fish with an unstable split personality? Let's think about this, fellas. / / But WHY?! Why would you do this? / Oh, just good old-fashioned... http://www.goats.com/archive/051228.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 29 / 2005: infinite typewriters: final edit (18) | I say he's BLUFFING. / We can't afford the risk. I can't see what he is thinking... it's muddled. Like he's of two minds about it. / / FINEAS! Give me the matchbox, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away. I will give you safe passage in the wasteland. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror. / Wasteland? / What... http://www.goats.com/archive/051229.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 02 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (19) | Give up the laptop little fish, or I'll transport you somewhere that smells even worse than it does here. / Oh, I doubt you could target quite that precisely. Do you really want to risk losing this? / / We both know that deep down you're too much of a goody two-shoes to pull the trigger on the entire universe.... http://www.goats.com/archive/060102.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 03 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (20) | Wait a second. I tried to delete Oliver before. / SHH! Say no evil. / / Go ahead! Erase me from your little box! I'll still find a way to come back and kick your scaly ass. / NO! Wait! / Click clickety click / / Wait. Please. / Don't kill him. http://www.goats.com/archive/060103.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 04 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (21) | I don't need you to stick up for me, old man! / Fineas, please, don't do this. Don't destroy my son. / / Diablo, are you insane? We can't leave him alive. His ambition is limitless. / There has to be an alternative. / / / Tarfon, open a static portal to anywhere that's not here. / / Thank you. / Don't thank me. You... http://www.goats.com/archive/060104.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 05 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (22) | You're just going to strand us in some backwater dimension with no way home? / You didn't seem to mind doing the same thing to Toothgnip. / / I'd rather you kill me now. / Lucky for you that your father feels differently. / / He's not my father. I have no father. / / Well, the action bits were pretty good, but my... http://www.goats.com/archive/060105.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 09 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (23) | I am SO ashamed of myself. When did I become such a sappy, whiny sentimental bastard? / There's no time for recursive whining. We have WORK to do. / / WORK? Oh no. We're done here, and I'm going to the friggin' DISNEY DIMENSION. I'm gonna sit in the "Small World" ride for a few days and see how many brain... http://www.goats.com/archive/060109.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (24) | Why do we always have to be ending the universe? Can't we just live in it, like normal people? / When I was connected to the laptop, I had administrator access to all of existence. / / The whole shebang is running on a custom operating system that those ancient Mayan programmers slapped together. They created... http://www.goats.com/archive/060110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 11 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (25) | So... how many years do we have left? / In a little less than seven years the whole of existence will simply boil away into nothingness. / / Oh. Because you made it sound kind of urgent. / I'd say this take precedence over most other concerns. / / We could still go to the Disney Dimension for a bit first. / No. / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/060111.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 12 / 2006: infinite typewriters: final edit (26) | Look, neither you nor I know enough about ancient Mayan programming techniques to do much good here. Let's let the experts take care of things and enjoy what little time we have left. / What experts? / / You have a point. Are there any unpaid interns nearby? Debugging the universe would be good experience. / We... http://www.goats.com/archive/060112.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 16 / 2006: but you can't stay here (1) | Well, I'm sorry, but didn't look anything like a pony. / LEMON SCULPTURE MONTH isn't about accuracy. It's about HEART. / / It's about a month too long. I vote we skip ahead to the month where we figure out how to escape from this place. / Then we'd miss Cocktail-Napkin Papier-Mache Month. / / Jon, you still wanting... http://www.goats.com/archive/060116.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2006: but you can't stay here (2) | How long have we been here, anyway? / Subjective time? Or real-world time? / Both. / / Well, it's about five years subjective time. So back on earth we're probably talking about a couple of days. / But we age at the earth rate, right? / / Yup. / Then what's up with the Z.Z. Top thing you've got going on? / I come from... http://www.goats.com/archive/060117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 18 / 2006: but you can't stay here (3) | Alfred, we're not your first customers, are we? / Oh, no. Zere have been MANY. I recall zees one group of machine elves, zey were here for at least two hundred years. / / So where are they now? Since there's no escape from the Pub Stub and all that. / / Oh, usually ze customers end up MURDERING each other after... http://www.goats.com/archive/060118.html |
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