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| Goats comic strip from August / 27 / 1997: phillip gets abducted (2) | Phillip was kidnapped by aliens yesterday. / Really. / / I wonder if he's okay. / I'm sure he's fine. He watches "X-Files" all the time. / / AAHHH!! you freaks keep that thing away from my butt. http://www.goats.com/archive/970827.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 28 / 1997: phillip gets abducted (3) | You must be wondering why we brought you on our ship. / The thought had crossed my mind. / / We want to question you regarding your superior beverage storage technology. / Huh? / / That large protuberance from your midsection. / Oh, you mean the "Great White Beast". http://www.goats.com/archive/970828.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 1997: phillip gets abducted (4) | The aliens that abducted Phillip still haven't returned him. / Really. / / I can't imagine what sort of adventures they must be having... travelling through the heavens, sharing the secrets of the universe with Phillip. An amazing cultural exchange. / / So after you've poked the hole in the base of the can,... http://www.goats.com/archive/970830.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 31 / 1997: phillip gets abducted (5) | Phillip! You've returned! / Yup. The aliens brought me back safe and sound. / / Because my name is unpronounceable in your language, Phillip has decided to name me 'Neil' / and I will be known as 'Bob'. / / You named them Neil and Bob? / It's better than 'Ben and Jerry'. / Out navigator is now known as 'Dances with... http://www.goats.com/archive/970831.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 01 / 1997: phillip gets abducted (6) | Our new alien friends seem to have had one beer too many. / / Woo-Hoo! Yip yip yip! Lookit me, I'm a cowboy! / Whoa. Look at the orbs on that specimen. / / Great. They're wasted. You've corrupted yet another species. / I know. I'm so proud. http://www.goats.com/archive/970901.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 02 / 1997: beef clothing | I wonder why more people don't wear clothing made of beef. / / Imagine it... Tasty strip steaks sewn together to produce comfortable suits, suitable for a range of activities from sports to office wear to formal wear. / / Stylish, yet affordable. I can see it now... no more need for laundry. and an increase... http://www.goats.com/archive/970902.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 03 / 1997: supercolliders, neutrinos and eggplants | I've developed a way to create infinite amounts of beer. All we need is a supercollider, a handful of neutrinos and an eggplant. / That's it. I've had enough. / / For weeks now I've had to put up with your stupid eggplant jokes. Well, I'm not going to sit here and be treated like a second-class citizen. I... http://www.goats.com/archive/970903.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 04 / 1997: starting a band | I'm going to start a rock band. Chicks dig rock stars. / You can't start a band. / / Why not? / Well, for one thing, goats can't play instruments. You have no hands. / / So? Bon Jovi has no talent. And look at them. You think the Spice Girls play their own instruments? / The Spice Girls play music? http://www.goats.com/archive/970904.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 05 / 1997: man in the iron mask (1) | You're so smooth with the ladies, Toothgnip. What's your secret? / I told them I was starting a rock band. / / He's so dedicated to his art... and his horns are dreamy. / He's angst ridden and gruff, but in a cute way. / / So all I have to do is tell wome I'm in a band? / That implies that women will talk to yo... http://www.goats.com/archive/970905.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 07 / 1997: man in the iron mask (2) | Women won't talk to me. / I know. That's because you're hideously ugly. / / However, I've fashioned this Iron Mask for you to wear which will shield women from your disfigured visage. / / So now they'll talk to me? / No. You're a dork. But it's funny to watch you pick up women in an Iron mask. http://www.goats.com/archive/970907.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 08 / 1997: man in the iron mask (3) | My friends told me that if I wore this mask that women would talk to me. / They lied. You're a dork and you smell of rancid eggs. / / You know, I thought that if I wore this mask, I might meet someone who would look past the physical, and see me for the caring, sensitive person that I am. I know now that... http://www.goats.com/archive/970908.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 09 / 1997: man in the iron mask (4) | A shame that Jon is missing out on all this tasty beverage. / He's not coming. He went to Connecticut to visit his friend Rich. / / Jon left the city? He'll never survive out there. / He'll be fine. It's not like you need wilderness training for the suburbs. / / Ooh! What's that? And that other thing? / Those... http://www.goats.com/archive/970909.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 10 / 1997: man in the iron mask (5) | So what's the plan for tonight? / My friend 'Smooth' Howie G. is having a party. / / It's going to be huge... Smooth Howie said there's gonna be hundreds of single women. Maybe they'll even talk to you. / / No! No! I have no more self-respect left! / Calm Down. I have an iron mask you can borrow. http://www.goats.com/archive/970910.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 11 / 1997: man in the iron mask (6) | No. No more. / Hey, calm down. The party's gonna be a blast. / His nerves are shot. / / I'm telling you, all you need to make it easier to talk to the ladies is a little "liquid courage". Smooth Howie G. is gonna have three kegs of Busch Draft Lite. MM-MMM! / / I have a sense of impending doom. / It's okay... No... http://www.goats.com/archive/970911.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 1997: man in the iron mask (7) | Welcome home, Jon... How was your weekend in Connecticut? / Hee hee. / / I... I met a girl. Hee hee. She talked to me. / / What's wrong with him? is he posessed? / Nah. Probably a venereal disease. / The kind that turns you into a babbling idiot. / Yeah. http://www.goats.com/archive/970913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 15 / 1997: man in the iron mask (8) | She actually talked to you? / For almost fifteen minutes, can you believe it? / / We have so much in common. She likes food... I like food. She has hair... I have hair. It's like we were made for each other. / / So, the Iron Mask actually worked. / No, I wasn't wearing the mask. It was dark. http://www.goats.com/archive/970915.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 16 / 1997: man in the iron mask (9) | Cheryl? Hi... It's Jon. The one from the party... No, the one without the monkey. Listen, I was just calling to see if you'd like to have dinner sometime. / / Hmm. / / Exactly how much shampoo do you use in a week? http://www.goats.com/archive/970916.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 17 / 1997: man in the iron mask (10) | She said yes? / Jon actually called this girl. On the phone. They're having dinner this weekend. / / This is terrible news. Jon's constant misery is a great source of entertainment for me. I can make him cry in under five minutes these days. If he starts seeing someone, he might be happy. / / The date must be... http://www.goats.com/archive/970917.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 18 / 1997: man in the iron mask (11) | I've come up with a plan of how we can ruin Jon's date and keep him depressed and easy to torment. / / When his date gets here, we all surround her. Then, we all rub up and down against her until she builds up a strong static charge. / / Then, I'll stick her to the ceiling like a balloon! / Women tend to shy... http://www.goats.com/archive/970918.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 1997: man in the iron mask (12) | Hey, It's Jon... just calling to confirm our date for tonight. I'm good... You? What do I do for a living? I'm... uh... I'm... / / I'm a computer geek... oh really? You find that arousing? Well... You know, I also play the accordion. / / She's moaning. / In horror, I assume. http://www.goats.com/archive/970920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 21 / 1997: man in the iron mask (13) | Aren't you supposed to be out on your big date tonight? / She cancelled. / / Something about an emergency business trip... but she promised to call when she gets back. She'll call. / / Sure. Sure she will. / Oh, beer. You'll never go on a business trip, will you? http://www.goats.com/archive/970921.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 22 / 1997: diablo's cookies (1) | Ooh! Cookies! / Yes, please have one. They're each shaped like a different 20th century president. / / I baked them myself. Soon, they will be sold in stores across the country. Children will eat them, and I will gain their trust and allegiance. Soon after, they will join my satanic cult. / / Mmm... look! I... http://www.goats.com/archive/970922.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 23 / 1997: diablo's cookies (2) | Hi, jon. Have a cookie. I made them myself. / / Ooh! It looks like Millard Fillmore. / / Mmm... what a strange aftertaste. What's in these? / Mrs. Truman's first-grade class. http://www.goats.com/archive/970923.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 24 / 1997: diablo's cookies (3) | Diablo, This time you've gone a bit too far. / / I mean, yeah, sure, the whole satanic cult thing is cute, we all get a kick out of it, but you brutally slaughtered an entire class of first-grade children and baked them into tasty, yet morally ambiguous cookies. / / Why did you do it, Diablo? Why? / Well, I... http://www.goats.com/archive/970924.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 25 / 1997: diablo's cookies (4) | Pardon me, sir, but we've had reports that someone at this address slaughtered a class of first-grade children and made them into cookies. / / You must mean Jon. He's the dorky-looking one over there, huddled in the corner. / / Could you ask him to come out here? I'd hate to get blood on your carpet. / Hold... http://www.goats.com/archive/970925.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 27 / 1997: diablo's cookies (5) | Uh... Hello? / Phillip? It's Jon.... I'm in jail. I've been wrongfully imprisoned. / / They think that I slaughtered some first-graders and made them into cookies. / / Ooh! Cookies! Do you have any left? / BAIL! I NEED BAIL!! / Got milk? http://www.goats.com/archive/970927.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 28 / 1997: diablo's cookies (6) | Did you bring the bail money? / Uh... Yeah. Hold on. / / Here it is. Sixty-three cents. Ooh! And my lucky bottlecap. / / Bail is set at $50,000. / I stopped at the bar on the way here. http://www.goats.com/archive/970928.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 29 / 1997: diablo's cookies (7) | In other news, alleged mass-murderer Jon Rosenberg goes to trial in two days. / / Rosenberg has been accused of brutally slaughtering a class of first grade children and their mascot, Fluffy the Hamster. He baked their remains into tasty, yet morally ambiguous cookies. Tonight, we talk to an aquaintance... http://www.goats.com/archive/970929.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 30 / 1997: diablo's cookies (8) | This is a perfect example of just how dangerous these satanic internet cults can be. First, kids are sending e-mail to lucifer, and before you know it, they're heating up trays of six-year olds at 450 for 15 minutes. / / And then these cult leaders avoid responsibility by hiding behind the veil of the First... http://www.goats.com/archive/970930.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 01 / 1997: diablo's cookies (9) | Jon, I got you a lawyer for the trial... His name is Frank Coffee. / / He says he's never lost a case. / Well, maybe a few. But female jurors love my hair. / / He even has a real law degree / Sally Struthers gives a great criminology lecture. / Doomed. I'm doomed. http://www.goats.com/archive/971001.html |
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