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| Goats comic strip from December / 08 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (2) | Hi. My name is Diablo. This is my first time on the World Wide Internet. What's your name? / Warrior dices your dragon with his sword. / / AAH! MY DRAGON! HE'S HURTING MY DRAGON! SOMEONE HELP! AAAAH!! / Warrior taunts you. / / I see you've found the Dungeons and Dragons Chat Room. / Wait a sec. I don't even... http://www.goats.com/archive/971208.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 09 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (3) | I will find my demon bride on the internet. / Would you like to meet beautiful, sexy women who want to talk to you? / / Hell yes. / Women in lingerie? Women who will make you tremble with desire? Women with flavored oils? / / This isn't nearly as difficult as they said it would be. / Just type in your credit card... http://www.goats.com/archive/971209.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 10 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (4) | I go to high school. I mean, I would if I wasn't too fat to get out of my room. Chat is my only form of contact with other humans. / / I am a satanist. I worship Satan. / Do you like the Spice Girls? / / I will devour their souls. / I like them too. I want to be "Posh Spice" when I grow up. http://www.goats.com/archive/971210.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 11 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (5) | Greetings, Internet Chatter. I am Diablo, nephew of Lucifer, Heir to the Throne of the Underworld, Tormentor of Souls and Gardening aficionado. I seek my demon bride. Name yourself. / / I like gum. / / Jon, I think this internet thing is broken. / Do you like gum? http://www.goats.com/archive/971211.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 13 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (6) | Hello, and welcome to your internet service provider's technical support line. Please choose one of the following options. / / Press one to access a menu of irrelevant choices. Press two to be put on hold for ten minutes before being cut off. Press three for ear-blistering Muzak. / / Memories... All alone... http://www.goats.com/archive/971213.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 14 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (7) | Hello, my name is Marcus. I'll be your poorly trained tech support agent. How can I help you today? / / Hi. I think there's something wrong with my internet connection. In the chat rooms, for some reason, women won't talk to me. / / Listen, do you really think I'd be working this job on a Saturday night... http://www.goats.com/archive/971214.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 15 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (8) | Remember, lift the case gently, and put the screws in a safe place. / So these modifications will help me to find my demon bride? / / Sure. Demons galore. Now, this next part is tricky, so you have to get your head right inside there. / / I'm stuck. / Good. This is where the hacksaw, sewing kit, and bandages... http://www.goats.com/archive/971215.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 16 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (9) | I had the absolute worst day at work today. / / First, my computer crashed. Then, I got a paper cut on my finger. / / It really stings. / Hold still. I'll take care of it. http://www.goats.com/archive/971216.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 17 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (10) | I am Diablo, Devourer of Souls, Lieutenant of Satan. I seek my demon bride. Who will join with me? / I'm game. / / My name's Liza. I'm 5'9" of pure woman, and satanists turn me on. Come get me, baby... oh... and I'm from Guam. / Bingo. / / Greyhound? Hi. I'd like to purchase one chicken-class bus ticket... http://www.goats.com/archive/971217.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 18 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (11) | Wow. Jon, I just met the most incredible woman on the internet. She's perfect. But she lives in Guam... What should I do? / / You're not going to Guam, are you? / Well, I tried to get a bus ticket, but the operator was a chicken racist. / / You could fly. / Well, I have been working out, but I'm not quite... http://www.goats.com/archive/971218.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 19 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (12) | Liza, I'd really like to meet you, but I don't think there's any way I can get to Guam. / / Oh, that... I'm not from Guam. I'm from New York. I'm a pathological liar. / / You... you're perfect. When can we meet? / Depends. What's your pre-tax income? http://www.goats.com/archive/971219.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 22 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (13) | I have my first date with Liza tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. / / We're going bowling. / Diablo, I know this is your first time dating... have you considered... um... protection? / / Protection? Against what? Demonic posession? The Evil Eye? / Forget it. Something tells me you won't be needing it. http://www.goats.com/archive/971222.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 23 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (14) | Uh... Hi, Liza, I'm your date, Diablo. / You're a chicken. / / I cannot believe you didn't tell me that you're a chicken. I mean, look at you... you're an unwashed, salmonella-ridden food animal. / / Is that a foot growing out of your head? / Don't try to change the subject. You're probably not even free-rang... http://www.goats.com/archive/971223.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 24 / 1997: diablo's internet dating extravaganza (15) | I can't believe I was rejected by a woman with a foot growing out of her face. / Pesky mutants. / / I mean, sure, I'm a chicken, but at least I'm not the one that has to apply Dr Scholl's odor-eaters to my forehead. / / Jon, how do you deal with the constant, unrelenting barrage of rejection and emasculation? / Oh...... http://www.goats.com/archive/971224.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 25 / 1997: she's a ten (1) | Now, her...
/ She's a ten. / You don't get it, do you? / / You can't just go around assigning tens indiscriminately. There's a science to it. Tens are for supermodels only. And you can't go below one. There's no such thing as a zero. / / What if she has no skin? / Okay, skinless is a zero. I suppose there... http://www.goats.com/archive/971225.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 26 / 1997: she's a ten (2) | Now she's a nine. / Five and a half. / Pi!! / / I can't believe you two. Sitting around, rating women like they were mere objects. You... You animals! / / Nine and a half. / Seven. / Is she a fish? http://www.goats.com/archive/971226.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 27 / 1997: six seconds (1) | Oh. Hi Lori. / Hi, Jon. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me? / / / You're kidding, aren't you. / Six seconds. http://www.goats.com/archive/971227.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 28 / 1997: six seconds (2) | Lori must have dropped this money while she was taunting me. / / Keep the money, Jon... think of how much beer it will buy... / Yeah. Ditto. Buy the beer. / / Keep the money, Jon... / You guys aren't being much help. / Smoke crack, Jon. http://www.goats.com/archive/971228.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 29 / 1997: six seconds (3) | Back so soon? You're quite the masochist this evening. / Why so bitter? Tips a little light tonight? / / Not quite. I'm making out like a bandit. / / Wait... it was right here... where's my money? Oh @*?!!#. / Six seconds. http://www.goats.com/archive/971229.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 30 / 1997: don't be a stranger | And then she said, "Don't be a stranger." I'm not sure how to interpret that. / Maybe she wants you to take off your mask and stop riding horses. / / / You are an absurd young man. / Oh wait. You said "stranger." http://www.goats.com/archive/971230.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 31 / 1997: pratfall | Whoops. / / Howdy, kids. You've just seen Phillip fall over on his barstool... what we in the comedy business call a 'pratfall.' Pratfalls are a long-standing tradition, perfected by such geniuses as Farley and Jerry Lewis. / / We here at 'Goats' are eager to carry on such traditions, and vow to maim our... http://www.goats.com/archive/971231.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 02 / 1998: diablo gets a job (1) | Still in bed? / I think I'm coming down with the flu. I can't keep my feed down. I'm staying home from work today. / / You don't work. / Sure I do. I'm...uh...a Satanic freelance chicken-rights activist. / / You don't work. / Look, Jon, just because your mom destroyed your psyche with Jewish guilt doesn't mean... http://www.goats.com/archive/980102.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 03 / 1998: diablo gets a job (2) | I'm calling in sick today. I have to call my office and find out if my insurance covers the flu. / Before you call, you may want to hear this, Diablo. / / "In Hong Kong this week, it was discovered that almost all chickens have contacted a flu variant which has caused illness in humans who have consumed... http://www.goats.com/archive/980103.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 04 / 1998: diablo gets a job (3) | Diablo's come down with that chicken flu that's been going around. He called in sick to work. / He lied. Diablo doesn't have a job. / / What? You mean to tell me that our resident chicken just sits home all day, and doesn't contribute to our rent? Diablo is going to have to start working. / / Why? You don't... http://www.goats.com/archive/980104.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 05 / 1998: diablo gets a job (4) | Diablo, we just can't keep squandering your share of the beer money on rent. You're going to have to get a job. / / I could be a makeup consultant for transvestite lemurs. Ooh! Or I could make beef-flavored pottery. / How about something that actually benefits people? / / I could devote my life to hunting... http://www.goats.com/archive/980105.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 06 / 1998: diablo gets a job (5) | Free the chickens! Stop the senseless slaughter of chickens in Hong Kong! Hell, no, we won't...uh...something that rhymes with no! / / What are you doing? / It's my new job. I'm a chicken rights activist. I'm protesting the slaughter of flu-ridden chickens in Hong Kong. / / Your protest might be more effective... http://www.goats.com/archive/980106.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 07 / 1998: diablo gets a job (6) | Well, if I have to get a job, then so does Toothgnip. / Traitor. / / Toothgnip, he's right. We all need to chip in for rent. / I already have a job. See? Here's my card. / / "Sex Machine" does not count as a legitimate job. / I have references. http://www.goats.com/archive/980107.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 08 / 1998: diablo gets a job (7) | I grabbed the paper so we can look for a job in the classifieds. / Why? Work is bad. / / Wow. You're right. These ads look horrible. / / Oh, Garfield...your antics never fail to amuse me. / His eyes are way too big. http://www.goats.com/archive/980108.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 1998: diablo gets a job (8) | What are you guys reading? / The comics section. / / Ah, the comics...America's last pure frontier for the exploration of humor...
/ Every day, America's cartoonists go to the edge, giving us thought-provoking, original comedy. / / Look! Garfield threw lasagna at Odie's head. / The genius it must take to get syndicated...it's... http://www.goats.com/archive/980110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 11 / 1998: diablo gets a job (9) | So? How is Diablo and Toothgnip's job search going? / They're reading the comics. / / The comics? I can't believe they're wasting their time with that garbage. Comics are for babies and criminals. A lobotomite could probably get his own syndicated comic strip. / / Hey. That's not nice. / Oh, get over yourself,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980111.html |
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