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| Goats comic strip from February / 17 / 1998: attack of the mutant killer crack whores (3) | I...I just don't think I can take it anymore. I mean, I know that compared to many, I have it pretty good. / / But I can't help but feel that there's got to be more to life...something beyond the mundane. Sometimes I wish I could just live in blissful ignorance, unaware that there might be more... / / You... http://www.goats.com/archive/980217.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 18 / 1998: sugar daddy (1) | Four years of college. For what? A piece of paper entitling me to sit in a cube. Slaving away for a heartless corporation. Well, no more. / / I will no longer be taken advantage of! I am free! I am reborn! / / Heya birthday boy. Buy me a drink. / Yes ma'am. Right away. http://www.goats.com/archive/980218.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 19 / 1998: sugar daddy (2) | I'm going over there to flirt with shallow frat boys. You stay here until I get back, sugar daddy. Stay. / / / Speak, Jon. Speak. / Woof. http://www.goats.com/archive/980219.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 20 / 1998: sugar daddy (3) | That's the one you bought the drink for? She looks young. / She's 18. We're having dinner tomorrow. / / You're going to dinner with an 18-year old? / Yeah. Isn't she great? / / Make sure she's home early. Bedtime is right after Sesame Street. / Yeah. Isn't she great? http://www.goats.com/archive/980220.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 22 / 1998: sugar daddy (4) | You realize that she's using you. She only wants your money. / Yeah, but she talked to me. / / You don't get it, do you? There's a word for people like you...created to describe the writings of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose stories told of people who derived sexual pleasure from pain and abuse. Do you... http://www.goats.com/archive/980222.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 23 / 1998: sugar daddy (5) | So...uh. You never told me your name. / I know. / / Um...nice...uh...weather we're having. / How much more money do you have? / / So, are we still on for dinner tomorrow? / Sure. As long as you promise never to speak again. http://www.goats.com/archive/980223.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 24 / 1998: sugar daddy (6) | Did you see Jon? / I try not to. Why? / / He seems to have picked up a little golddigger. She's making him buy drinks for her and all her friends, and generally being mentally abusive, cruel and completely sapping him of any remaining self-esteem. / / She's really messing with his mind. / Dammit. That's my... http://www.goats.com/archive/980224.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 25 / 1998: sugar daddy (7) | What the hell do you want? / You're the one who's been tormenting Jon? / / Yup. What of it? / Look, you little tart, there's only one person around here allowed to cause him pain, and it's me. Now get out of my bar. / / Okay, okay. I'm gone. / Amateur. http://www.goats.com/archive/980225.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 26 / 1998: sugar daddy (8) | What happened to the girl I was talking to? / I kicked her out. / / Really? Why? / I...I can't stand it when other women talk to you. / / Oh wow! You're jealous! / If other women talk to you, it might boost your ego. That would make it harder to crush your soul. http://www.goats.com/archive/980226.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 27 / 1998: sugar daddy (9) | So, what did we learn this week, Jon? / Well, Lori scared off that girl I was talking to... / / And your point is? / I think she was jealous. / / Right. And Judd Nelson might win an Emmy. / Oh, don't be silly. That would never happen. http://www.goats.com/archive/980227.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 01 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (1) | What, pray tell, is that? / It's my new invention. / / You see, you put kittens in one end of it, and pop tarts come out the other. I'm gonna be rich. / / So, what exactly happens to the kittens? / Damned if I know. http://www.goats.com/archive/980301.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 02 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (2) | Ooh! Strawberry with sprinkles. / So, the machine turns kittens into pop tarts? / / Well, not exactly. I think the kittens just kinda go somewhere else. / What do you mean, "You think?" Didn't you build this thing? / / Well, if by 'build', you mean 'steal', then sure. / Why don't you take some more drugs, Mr.... http://www.goats.com/archive/980302.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 03 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (3) | So, where exactly did you steal this thing from? / Oh...it was just sorta lying around... / / Meanwhile, in Central Park... / Neil! Someone has stolen our engine. / / Whoever has commited this heinous act will pay for their insolence. / Does this mean we get to blow stuff up? http://www.goats.com/archive/980303.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 04 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (4) | We have to think of a way to make the humans return our engine. We must do something so evil, so heinous, that they have no choice. / Ooh! / / What? / I have an idea. We could give every human a box of assorted chocolates. / / Captain's log: the first officer is an imbecile. / Little do they know that the chocolates... http://www.goats.com/archive/980304.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 05 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (5) | We must think of a plan so annoying that the humans will beg to give us our engine back. / We could hum show-tunes. / / Here is my plan...we will use the sub-light backup engines to park the ship above the city. Then, we will use the external speakers to broadcast arguments concerning the superiority of... http://www.goats.com/archive/980305.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 06 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (6) | ...and our "Quality of Life" initiatives have been extremely successful so far. Just today, we executed a dozen jaywalkers. / / Mr. Mayor, there are some people here who want to use the podium. / I'm in the middle of a press conference. / / Step aside, Rudy. We have some frilly dresses for you to play with. / We... http://www.goats.com/archive/980306.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 08 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (7) | Ladies and gentlemen of the press, a member of your species had stolen the engine of our spacecraft. / / If it is not returned immediately, I will be forced to bring back NBC's sitcom "Jenny" for another season. / Isn't that a bit extreme? / / Just be thankful I'm not bringing back "Perfect Strangers." / Bronson... http://www.goats.com/archive/980308.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 09 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (8) | Citizens of the United States of America...Our country faces a terrible threat today. Aliens have demanded that their engine be returned to them, or they will force us to watch yet another season of the NBC sitcom, "Jenny." / / As you know, the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists. So, in order to... http://www.goats.com/archive/980309.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 10 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (9) | Phillip, you have to give the engine back to Neil and Bob. / They're lying. What kind of engine makes an unlimited supply of pop tarts? / / The kind of engine that's going to cause a nuclear war. / I hear irradiated food is good for you, anyway. / / It'll be great for the survivors. Like cockroaches. / The roaches... http://www.goats.com/archive/980310.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 11 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (10) | Gee, Neil, I'm real sorry I stole your engine. But tell me, how exactly does it turn kittens into pop tarts? / Well, that's not really how it works. / / You see, once a kitten is put into the engine, a complex process starts which places the orphan kitten with a loving caring family. The good feelings are... http://www.goats.com/archive/980311.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 12 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (11) | As yet another 'Goats' adventure comes to an end, we can rest easily knowing that Neil and Bob's engine was returned... / I missed you. / / ...that millions of lives were spared, and the nuclear bombardment of New York was averted... / Dammit. / / ...and most importantly, that absolutely no kittens were harmed... http://www.goats.com/archive/980312.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 13 / 1998: jesus' peanut butter cups | You got your Jesus in my peanut butter. / / You got your peanut butter in my Jesus. / / Little pieces of the son of god in a milk chocolate cup. There's no wrong way to eat a Jesus.™
/ Jesus' Peanut Butter Cups™
/ Net Wt. 1.6 oz. (45g) http://www.goats.com/archive/980313.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 15 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (1) | You know, you should be the one drawing the comic strip, not Jon. / Huh? / / You're the witty one. You're the one with all the ideas. Why should Jon get all the credit? / You're right...I'll go take over now. / / Sucker. http://www.goats.com/archive/980315.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 16 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (2) | Now that I have locked Jon in a cage, I am in control of the comic strip. / / Now...the world will laugh at my wit and sarcasm!
/ BWAH HA HA!! / / Not with dialogue like that, they won't. / Quiet, cage boy. http://www.goats.com/archive/980316.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 17 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (3) | But...why did you lock me in a cage? / It's simple... / / Until now, you have stolen all the attention, but now...all that fame, that glory, and the crowds of beautiful adoring women, will be mine!! / / You really haven't been paying much attention, have you? / And candy
/ Lots of candy. http://www.goats.com/archive/980317.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 18 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (4) | By the way, did Toothgnip put you up to this? / Well...yes, why? / / You realize, he's probably at the bar stealing all your women now...? / Why...I'll get that goat! / / Luckily, he drew me thin. http://www.goats.com/archive/980318.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 19 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (1) | Hi Phillip. / Heya Diablo. Where ya been? / / Down at MTV Studios. I'm applying to be on "Road Rules." / Think you'll get on the show? / / Sure. Nothing like a chicken to round out the ethnic diversity of a cast. / Makes sense. http://www.goats.com/archive/980319.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 20 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (2) | And you tell them if they want me to sleep in a cramped Winnebago for eight weeks, I'm getting the top bunk. Oh...do you think we can arrange for crullers in the mornings? Pastry is very important. / / Who's on the phone? / My agent. He's getting me booked on MTV's "Road Rules." / / The phone jack is unplugged. / I... http://www.goats.com/archive/980320.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 22 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (3) | It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Diablo. I'm Ms. Richards, Associate Producer of MTV's 'Road Rules.' I understand you're interested in joining that cast for next season. / Yup. / / You see, Ms. Richards, while my life so far has been rich and fulfilling, Satanism just isn't enough to make a chicken's life... http://www.goats.com/archive/980322.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 23 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (4) | Mr. Diablo, in order to keep 'Road Rules' fresh and ensure exciting discourse between cast members, we randomly select people from a wide group of varied occupations, such as underwear models and athletes. / / Despite our unbiased selection process, we still like to make sure our applicants have something... http://www.goats.com/archive/980323.html |
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