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| Goats comic strip from March / 24 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (5) | Are you trying out for "Road Rules" too? / Oh yeah. / / MTV has been there for me since I was a child...telling me what to think, what to feel, saving me from all that pesky self-discovery. I figure if I'm gonna see the world, I should do it MTV-style. / / You're a real Renaissance man, aren't you? / Yup. I... http://www.goats.com/archive/980324.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 25 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (6) | Well, you can take your lousy show and shove it up your collective orifice, you corporate shills! / / They reject you too? / Doesn't matter. MTV is just a group of armpit demons eating at the souls of our youth. / / And yet, you wanted to be on "Road Rules." / Moral dilemmas are so easily resolved when you're... http://www.goats.com/archive/980325.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 26 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (7) | ...so essentially, nihilism is a lack of belief in anything. / Is it like Satanism? / / Nope. Satanism impies a belief in Satan. / It's not really a belief for me, since I know him personally. / / Really? I bet he can get you some really neat stuff. / Not really. Just socks and underwear on my birthday. http://www.goats.com/archive/980326.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 27 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (8) | Excuse me, sir, but this chicken says he belongs to you. / / Cheryl? Is that you? / Oh... Jon. Hi. / / Marry me. / You know, as greetings go, "hi" is somewhat more socially acceptable. "How have you been" would also do. http://www.goats.com/archive/980327.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 29 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (9) | So where did you two run into each other? / Well, we were both at MTV Studios, trying out for "Road Rules"... / / ...When suddenly, the building was under attack by mutant terrorists. My kung-fu was useless. They opened fire, and we all died. / / Diablo, don't you have somewhere to be? / Was that over the top? / Just... http://www.goats.com/archive/980329.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 30 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (10) | You look quite a bit different than the last time I saw you. / I'm a nihilist now. People expect me to look the part. / / Hence, the basic black. / Well, anything's better than dressing like a yuppie corporate slave. / / Hey. / Oh, don't get all huffy. It looks good on you...a 'conformist chic' sorta thing. http://www.goats.com/archive/980330.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 31 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (11) | Cheryl, the last time I heard from you was right before you went off on your business trip...How come you never called? / / Well, Jon, it was on that trip that I realized I was a nihilist. Since I don't believe in love, it seemed pointless to call. / / So I take it you don't believe in celibacy? / True. But... http://www.goats.com/archive/980331.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 01 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (12) | Will I see you again, Cheryl? / Sure. I'll call you soon. I promise. http://www.goats.com/archive/980401.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 02 / 1998: monopoly (1) | What's up? / I'm trying to figure out the most efficient way to win the McDonald's Monopoly contest. / / Most people would think that the best way to do it would be to write away for game pieces. Not true. It costs 64 cents round-trip, and the requests have to be handwritten. The key, my friend, is hash... http://www.goats.com/archive/980402.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 03 / 1998: monopoly (2) | What in the world are those? / McDonald's hash browns. Two chances to win the Monopoly contest on each one. / / You'll never win. They put out half a billion game pieces. / There's three more crates of them in the hallway. / / Half a billion, Phillip. / We'll succeed through division of labor. You peel off the... http://www.goats.com/archive/980403.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 05 / 1998: monopoly (3) | I...I found the "Boardwalk" game piece. We just won a million dollars. / Is that a good thing? / / Yes. It's a good thing. / Excellent. This is just what I need to fund my crime-fighting exploits. / / I think I just wet myself. / I'd like to thank my mom, Gallagher, and Enid, Goddess of Condiments. http://www.goats.com/archive/980405.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 06 / 1998: monopoly (4) | We've just won a million dollars, and tax season is right around the corner. / Who can we turn to? / / When the I.R.S. rears its ugly head, you can always turn to...
/ Ken Hauptman, Certified Public Accountant
/ Able to hide money in alternate dimensions
/ Less crooked than some other CPAs
/ Never convicted of... http://www.goats.com/archive/980406.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 07 / 1998: monopoly (5) | Well, gentlemen, normally if someone came to me after winning a million dollars, I'd congratulate them. Unfortunately, this situation presents some problems. / / The terms of your prize state that you'll receive 4,000 yearly installments of $250. However, you owe a tax bill of $400,000.00 on the total... http://www.goats.com/archive/980407.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 08 / 1998: monopoly (6) | Where are we going to find $400,000 to pay our income tax?
/ Maybe this potato can help. / What?
/ I think the potato has psychic powers. Maybe it can tell us what to do. / Potatoes aren't the answer to everything, Phillip.
/ Shh...it's trying to say something. http://www.goats.com/archive/980408.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 09 / 1998: monopoly (7) | What's up? / I put this new accounting software on my computer so I could try to figure out how to solve our financial crisis, and it trashed my hard drive. / / I think I have an idea. I can use this Psychic Potato ? as a conduit to read the files directly from your hard drive using my mind. Think of it... http://www.goats.com/archive/980409.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 10 / 1998: monopoly (8) | If we're going to pay our $400,000 income tax bill in six days, we'd better come up with a wacky get-rich-quick scheme. / / I can run my psychic data recovery company. That'll make us money. / I can become a defense contractor. / / Those sound adequately zany. / Defense contractor? / I have fifty barrels of weapons-grade... http://www.goats.com/archive/980410.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 12 / 1998: monopoly (9) | Toothgnip, we've got until Wednesday to pay our $400,000 tax bill. Diablo and Phillip are far too retarded to come up with the cash. / You don't say. / / I need you to come up with a way to earn the money, or we're screwed. Help me, Toothgnip, you're my only goat. / I'll see what I can do. / / Sex Therapy -... http://www.goats.com/archive/980412.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 13 / 1998: monopoly (10) | Sex Therapy - 5? The doctor is in. / Sex therapy? / Yup. / / Sex Therapy - 5? The doctor is in. / How much for a private session? / $400,000. / / Sex Therapy - 5? The doctor is in. / Do you take cash? / It's too easy. http://www.goats.com/archive/980413.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 14 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (1) | A Goats Editorial / Recently, critics of 'Goats' have said that we encourage minors to drink. / Not true. / / On the contrary, we here at 'Goats' support the right of parents to keep their children shrouded behind a veil of ignorance and rhetoric. We would never tell children to drink alcohol, beer or otherwise. / / We... http://www.goats.com/archive/980414.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 15 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (2) | A Goats Editorial / Recently, some right-wing chicken-hating psychotics have accused me, Diablo, of being a pyronecroboviphiliac. / / Now, while it's true that I occasionally have sex with a flaming dead cow, I don't think that necessarily makes me a freak. A moment of tenderness between myself and fiery... http://www.goats.com/archive/980415.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 16 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (3) | A Goats Editorial / A recent study had shown that too much soup can cause malaise in laboratory mice. / That's not right. / / Sure it is. / No, I mean we're supposed to be discussing the misconceptions about anal probes. / / Oh, Bob, you of all people should know that mice and anal probes don't mix. / You always have... http://www.goats.com/archive/980416.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 18 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (4) | Neil, I can't believe you would be so insensitive as to bring up the mouse incident. / Hey, it's not my fault that your idea of a romantic evening involves rodents and K-Y Jelly. / / Oh yeah? Well, I'm not the one with the penchant for little boys and vegetables. / At least my mom's 1-900 number isn't responsible... http://www.goats.com/archive/980418.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 19 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (5) | It seems like you and Bob have been having some difficulties. / I just can't put up with his sexual antics, Lynda. It's getting out of control. / / Antics? / Perverse, horrid things. Gerbils. Trail mix. Patrick Dempsey movies. Leather and lubricants. / / Having a rodent fetish doesn't mean he can't be a productive... http://www.goats.com/archive/980419.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 20 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (6) | Bob, this obsession with the mice...it's perverse. I can't deal with it anymore. I've signed you up for therapy. / Therapy? / / You can't psychoanalyze love...You can't treat romance. The boundaries of species cannot keep Fluffy and I apart. Why must you deny us our love? Why must you be so harsh, so... http://www.goats.com/archive/980420.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 21 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (7) | Hi, Bob, I'm Dr. Frank Coffee. I'm going to be your therapist. Neil has told me you've been having some problems. / / Two hearts...torn asunder by an uncaring world...oh, the pain. / For Pete's sake, Bob, you've been shoving mice up your butt. / / Jesus, Bob, we're trying to get syndicated here! Wholesome,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980421.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 22 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (8) | What...what are you going to do with Fluffy? / It's simple, Bob. / / In order to cure you of your obsession with mice, we have to guide you through the separation process. First, we take the mouse away... / / And then we drop it in the garbage disposal. / AAH!! / Be strong, Bob. http://www.goats.com/archive/980422.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 23 / 1998: a goats editorial/ rodent-o-philia (9) | Bob. Get up, Bob. / Never. / / You...you crushed the love of my life in a garbage disposal. Sweet, innocent Fluffy...how will I ever feel again? How will I fill this void in my soul? / / How about a trip to the Pub? / Ooh. Beer. That'll do it. http://www.goats.com/archive/980423.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 24 / 1998: mr. celery | Beer's gone. / You know, that reminds me of a story from my youth...a story of loss. / / When I was but a boy, I had a stick of celery. It's name was Mr. Celery. We did everything together. Then, one day, my brother Sven Eric ate Mr. Celery. And, like your beer, Mr. Celery was gone. / / Barkeep...more ale.... http://www.goats.com/archive/980424.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 26 / 1998: diablo goes to school (1) | You know, I used to be intelligent...devious...a model Satanist. But, over the past year, I've felt myself become slow. Harmless. I can't remember the last time I plotted to overthrow a government or torture children. / / What kind of influence could have caused me to lose my edge? Who could be responsible... http://www.goats.com/archive/980426.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 27 / 1998: diablo goes to school (2) | Jon, I've come to realize that since I moved in with you and Phillip, I've become soft. Your pitiful geek lifestyles have rubbed off on me. I have to go and rediscover my Satanic roots elsewhere. / / Well Diablo, this is quite a step for you...The outside would can be harsh. Did you bring a jacket? ... http://www.goats.com/archive/980427.html |
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