You're browsing the archives of Goats.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ show full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Goats comic strip from August / 14 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (12) | Hey, Diablo, Phillip was saying that...um. / / / I didn't see a thing. / Hey, can you grab me a Coke from the fridge? http://www.goats.com/archive/980814.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (13) | Gentlemen, a dark day has arrived in 'Goats' history, a day we knew would come. The Comics Board has targeted us for cancellation. However, we have decided to fight back. / / During the next week, I'll brief you on the status of out enemy, the time-travelling, gelatin-based enforcement group known as... http://www.goats.com/archive/980816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 17 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (14) | Today, we'll be briefing you on our enemy, the Comics Board. What little info we have was gathered for us by Bob, who has been on a secret recon mission. / Hey. / / The origins of the Comics Board lie in the upcoming Gelatin Wars of 2034, which were the result of a very aggressive Jello marketing campaign. / Eat... http://www.goats.com/archive/980817.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (15) | ...While the Jello Corporation's hunter-killer robots decimated the surface, resistance cells gathered beneath the rubble. There, they perfected their weapon: tired party jokes. / "To get to the other side?" I don't get it. / / But the guerrilla tactics of the Resistance did not go unnoticed. Executives... http://www.goats.com/archive/980818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 19 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (16) | Though reduced to a hovering, evil brain by the ravages of time, Bill Cosby never lost the one talent that had helped him turn Jellocorp into the war machine it became in 2034: the ability to utterly crush his enemies. / / His nefarious scheme: create an army of hyperintelligent, robotic warriors in the... http://www.goats.com/archive/980819.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 20 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (17) | New! From Jellocorp
/ Weasel 5000
/ For all your rebellion-crushing needs, the Weasel 5000 is outfitted with redundant logic-conflict processors, for maximum resistance to all humor-based attacks. Crush your enemies today.
/ Even the simplest humor sends the Weasel 5000 into a violent rage.
/ Free side... http://www.goats.com/archive/980820.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 23 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (18) | With the introduction of the Weasel 5000, the tides of the Jellocorp War of 2034 had turned. The humor attacks of the Resistance were no longer effective. But Bill Cosby, C.E.O. of Jellocorp, would not be satisfied until they were totally eliminated. / ...So the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're... http://www.goats.com/archive/980823.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 24 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (19) | In an effort to completely eradicate the Resistance, Jellocorp sent their finest, most humorless android weasels back in time. Their mission: to eliminate all sources of humor from existence, thereby denying their enemies a weapon. The weasels easily infiltrated our society, quietly blending in...
/ Time... http://www.goats.com/archive/980824.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 25 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (20) | ...It was these android weasels, in the guise of comics syndicate editors, who formed the Comics Board. This is your enemy, gentlemen, and battle is coming. Are there any questions before we begin our preparations? / / Pancakes vs. waffles in an all-out cage match: who would win? / Are there any relevant... http://www.goats.com/archive/980825.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 26 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (21) | It's the battle of the breakfast foods: Pancake vs. Waffle! The tension in the ring is thick, like fresh maple syrup. / / But what's this? The tide has turned as pancake climbs up on the ropes! Does this spell the end for waffle? / / Diablo, what did I tell you about playing with your food? While we're... http://www.goats.com/archive/980826.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 27 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (22) | What's going on over there? / The geek twins and their deranged pets are battling android weasels from the future. / / Blam Blam Blam Blam Blam / Die Klingon bastards!!! / / Great. They just trashed the jukebox. / Phillip! That beer costs $4.50! / Fwap! Fwap! http://www.goats.com/archive/980827.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 28 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (23) | Mom?! What are you doing here? / What, I can't visit my daughter at work? / / FWAP! / I'm gonna rip your eyes out and @!*!# the empty sockets!!! / / It's really not a good time right now, mom. / Why are those weasels shooting at a chicken and an albino? http://www.goats.com/archive/980828.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (24) | Okay...on three, you break left and draw their fire. I'll take them out from behind. / Wait...I don't hear any shots being fired. / / You're right...it is awfully quiet. / Too quiet. / / Sorry. / And you should be. Now go and apologize to those boys for vaporizing their beer. http://www.goats.com/archive/980830.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 31 / 1998: alien pimps and the comics syndicate (25) | Lori, you haven't introduced me to your friend. / You noticed. / Oh, Lori...don't be so rude. I'm Lori's mother. / / Lori's mom? No... If you had said you were her sister, now that I'd believe. / Lori, why haven't you snatched up this charming young boy? / / Yeah...why haven't you snatched me up? / Because I prefer... http://www.goats.com/archive/980831.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 01 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (1) | You wanna go do something? / Nah. / / So you just want to sit here and watch "Spice World" again. / Yup. / / We could go beat the crap out of the kid from 'FoxTrot.' / We did that last week. http://www.goats.com/archive/980901.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 02 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (2) | Oh, c'mon...how could you possibly want to spend time anywhere else? / I'm bored here. / / But the pub has everything necessary to sustain life. It has beer, and...and it has additional beer... / Phillip, you don't really consider this to be part of a fulfilling lifestyle, do you? / / It's better than sitting... http://www.goats.com/archive/980902.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 03 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (3) | The women...the constant, wild sex...the parties. It just doesn't bring me joy anymore. I need fulfillment. I need to find my place in the cosmos, Jon. It's time for me to settle down...maybe raise a family. / / You can't do it, Toothgnip...it would be a travesty. Your playboy lifestyle is a source... http://www.goats.com/archive/980903.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 04 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (4) | Toothgnip's acting weird...keeps talking about settling down. / Nah. He'll never do it. / I know how to stop him. / / First, we strap a large amount of antimatter to his back. Then, if any women approach him, we spray them with...uh...matter. Any contact will result in death. / / Antimatter. / Wait a second,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980904.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 07 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (5) | Maybe...maybe Toothgnip's got the right idea. Maybe we have settled into a mundane pattern...trading growth and accomplishment for easy comfort. Maybe spending all this time in a bar is time that could be spent finding fulfillment and purpose. / / Are you talking again? What did I tell you about that? / All... http://www.goats.com/archive/980907.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 08 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (6) | Toothgnip, how could you do this to me? How could you get engaged to Cheryl? / I was bored. / / You knew how I feel about her. And you still went ahead and crushed my dreams. / Were you currently using these alleged dreams? / / Well, no, not technically... / Can we do this later? "Dawson's Creek" is starting... http://www.goats.com/archive/980908.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 09 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (7) | So let me get this straight...first, you blow me off completely. Months later, you show up and tell me we can't be together 'cause you're a nihilist, and don't believe in love. Now, you're suddenly engaged to my pet goat. / / Jon, calm down. This has nothing to do with you. / Oh yeah? So nihilists don't... http://www.goats.com/archive/980909.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 10 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (8) | I can't believe they're engaged. / You are so pathetic. Why do you even care? / / You haven't seen this Cheryl person in months. In the meantime, I've seen you drooling over dozens of women, including yours truly. Now that she's engaged, you're a mess. You don't care about her. You're just an emotional... http://www.goats.com/archive/980910.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 11 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (9) | You're mad...mad, I tell you. / Am I? One of your closest friends and a girl you claim to care about have found love. Why aren't you happy for them? / / Wait a second, Lori...why the sudden interest in how I feel? / I just get a kick out of pointing out your moral flaws. / / Oh my...you're jealous of my feelings... http://www.goats.com/archive/980911.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (10) | You know, Lori, you're really cute when you're jealous. / You disgust me. / / Five minutes ago, you were lamenting the loss of your dearest Cheryl. A few words from me, and you've completely forgotten her. What kind of sick, perverse, fickle psychopath are you? / / It's adaptive behavior in the grandest Darwinian... http://www.goats.com/archive/980913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 14 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (11) | Why so sad, Jon? / Cheryl and Toothgnip just got engaged. / / Cheer up, buttercup. I know how to get that goat. We'll put a curse on them...all their offspring will have the bodies of humans, but the legs of a goat. They'll be like those...those mythological things. / / Satyrs. / Yeah, those. Brilliant, huh?... http://www.goats.com/archive/980914.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 15 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (12) | Hello, Toothgnip. / Thor? What the hell are you doing here? / / I heard about your upcoming nuptials, and wanted to congratulate you. Of course, now that you're getting married, you'll have to return the "Panties of Potency." / / And, I assume you'll be needing the "Fruit Basket of Fidelity" now. / That'd better... http://www.goats.com/archive/980915.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 16 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (13) | ...So Thor says that he's going to take back my "Panties of Potency" when I get married to Cheryl. Jon, this is horrible! No more unlimited babes. No more Victoria's Secret models. No more group sex. / / So? Toothgnip, you're getting married. You won't need the Panties. / Why not? / / Do you even know... http://www.goats.com/archive/980916.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 17 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (14) | Thor's gonna take away my "Panties of Potency." / T'sokay. We can take him. / / Take him? He's a god, Diablo. / So what? Last week, I was bowling with the God of Potatoes. He tried to cheat, so I kicked his ass. / / There is no God of Potatoes. / Well, not anymore. http://www.goats.com/archive/980917.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (15) | Phillip, I'm in big trouble. / I can never figure out why they slice the lemons. They're much better in big chunks. / / Thor's gonna take away my "Panties of Potency" if I marry Cheryl. I don't know what to do. / Nng. Tangy. Agh. / / Unable to find intelligent life, the expedition continues onward. / Look at... http://www.goats.com/archive/980920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 21 / 1998: toothgnip settles down (16) | ...So, if we get married, Thor says that he's going to take away my "Panties of Potency," a magic pair of women's underwear that gives me the power to pick up women in bars. / / So, as you can see, I'm stuck with a bit of a dilemma. / / Let me get this straight...you're telling me that you're a cult-worshipping,... http://www.goats.com/archive/980921.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 >>