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| Goats comic strip from August / 21 / 2002: chain gang (11) | Have you ever thought about it? / No. I mean, of course I've thought about it, but I would never do it. / / It feels good. You should try it. I won't tell anyone. / Someone could be watching. / / Like who? / Leprechauns. From the FUTURE. http://www.goats.com/archive/020821.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 23 / 2002: chain gang (12) | Hey, Phillip? / Yeah? / / You remember that time the Earth was destroyed? / Strange... I feel like I've had this conversation before. / / Deja vu? / No thanks. It makes me itchy. http://www.goats.com/archive/020823.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 26 / 2002: the international league of pedants (1) | It finally came! I've been invited to join the international league of pedants! / / The what? / The league is a secret organization dedicated to furthering the triumph of accuracy and correctness over tact. / / If it's so secret, why haven't I heard of it? / I can't believe you just asked me that. http://www.goats.com/archive/020826.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 28 / 2002: the international league of pedants (2) | So when is my invitation coming? / I don't think you're quite pedant material. / / Fine, then. I'll just start... a band or something. My new band's name will be "The Painful Erections". / Have fun with your little band. / / Run along, you socra-tease! You run off with your know-it-all friends! You'll be sorry! Before long, record producers will be begging for "The Painful Erections"! http://www.goats.com/archive/020828.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 2002: the international league of pedants (3) | I.L.O.P. Secret H.Q. / I'm here for the league meeting. / What's the secret rap? / / I'm pale as formica, social skills stunted small. But I'm accurate like a pica, I know the capital of nepal. I'm the nemesis of error, dreadful diction fears my skills, more inquisitive than Jim Lehrer, snottier than Beverly Hills. / / I.L.O.P. Secret H.Q. / Word to your biological mother. / You mispronounced "formica". http://www.goats.com/archive/020830.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 02 / 2002: the international league of pedants (4) | It's a pleasure to have you here at the league, Phillip. We're very excited. I'm Mark Rogaski, this chapter's treasurer. / / This is Lawrence, our secretary of snacks. He can show you where the Cheez Doodles are. / I'm going to be a Mentat when I grow up. / / Do you have any beer, Lawrence? / Beer is not a snack. http://www.goats.com/archive/020902.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 04 / 2002: the international league of pedants (5) | So is this one of the smaller League Chapters? / This is the only chapter. / / I thought this was an International Organization. / Well, there's one guy who teleconferences in from Guam. / / I thought Guam was a U.S. territory. / Quiet, you fool! That's how the "Great Guam Fracas" of '97 began. / A fracas! A fracas!! http://www.goats.com/archive/020904.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 06 / 2002: the international league of pedants (6) | And now, please rise as we welcome the exalted Poobah of Pedantry, our lawfully-elected Leader of Loquaciousness, our... / That's plenty, Lawrence. / / Here's Ken! / Before we begin, I'd just like to take a moment to point out how spiffy my new cape is. / / Why are you wearing a cape, and how can you justify the expense? / The answer to both those questions is "I look smooth." http://www.goats.com/archive/020906.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 09 / 2002: the international league of pedants (7) | 3 hours later... / ... yes, I think that we've fully established that Jesus Christ was, in fact, in favor of potatoes. He was pro-potatist. Can we move on to the next item on the list? / / I have a question. Why are they called stereotypes if they exemplify a single trait? / Who are you, Steven Wright? / / At least I'm not the one that wanted to induct Worf into the league. / Who doesn't like Worf? http://www.goats.com/archive/020909.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 11 / 2002: the international league of pedants (8) | 3 more hours later.... / The other day, I heard about this woman, she was eating a hot dog and it had mustard on it, and her uterus fell out. / / *snap* / Just like that. / / You don't have any friends, do you? / No. But if I did, it'd probably be Optimus Prime. http://www.goats.com/archive/020911.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 2002: the international league of pedants (9) | Folks, I'm really enjoying this scintillating discussion, but is this all the league does? Why, exactly, are we here? / 42! / / This is pretty much it. And, occasionally, we do battle with our nemesis, the evil archvillain Staropramen. / Bwahaha! / / Staropramen! You old dog, what are you doing here? / You mind if I use your bathroom? I had a burrito for lunch, and it's checking out early. http://www.goats.com/archive/020913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 16 / 2002: the international league of pedants (10) | Who's this Staropramen guy? / He's just your standard eastern-European Cold War-era super-villain. You've never heard of Staropramen and Kommunist Kat? / / Kommunist Kat? / His sidekick. Kat's a 20-year old "boy" that Staropramen took in as his ward and dressed in a spandex cat outfit. / / Ew. / I only pray that we can win this Kold War. Or we'll all be dressing in spandex some day. http://www.goats.com/archive/020916.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 18 / 2002: the international league of pedants (11) | Thanks for the use of your facilities, Ken. You rock. / No problem, Staropramen. / / Oh, and you may not want to go in there for a while... I think I may have backed up your toilet. Badly. / / BWAHAHA
/ BWAHAHA
/ BWAHAHA
/ BWAHAHA http://www.goats.com/archive/020918.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 2002: the international league of pedants (12) | Oh that's just wrong. No one go back there. It's seeping into the main room. / I lost my shoes. / Okay, everyone, evacuate the building. / / I'll go call a plumber. / Forget the plumber. We need an exorcist. http://www.goats.com/archive/020920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 23 / 2002: the international league of pedants (13) | Looks like someone ruined your pedants meeting by paying their nemesis to drive everyone into the street using only the sheer force of his bowels. / Why did you do this? / / It wasn't me. / I saw you! Giving money to Staropramen! With my eyes! / / It was Hitler. Hitler did it. / Now don't you go trying to make Hitler out to be a bad guy. http://www.goats.com/archive/020923.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 25 / 2002: the international league of pedants (14) | Are you mad? / Yes. / / Mad as in the heart-warmingly funny sitcom "Mad About You"? / No. / / Helen Hunt is taking her Oscar way too seriously, if you ask me. / I don't believe I did. http://www.goats.com/archive/020925.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 27 / 2002: the international league of pedants (15) | I believe this is your chicken. / / / I didn't do it. / You're so full of it, even the Stool Fairy doesn't have enough quarters for all your crap. http://www.goats.com/archive/020927.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 30 / 2002: the adversary (1) | ...and through sophisticated poop-related scheming, revenge was finally mine. / Where did you meet this Staropramen fellow, anyway? / / He plays poker with Satan and I. He's a very efficient pooper. / Really... I think I'd like to meet these friends of yours. / / Sure thing. But Satan isn't nearly as efficient at pooping, you know. / I promise not to be too disappointed. http://www.goats.com/archive/020930.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 02 / 2002: the adversary (2) | It's this next building here on the right. / Satan lives in a walk-up on the Upper East Side? / / He's settled down a lot since we first met. / Satan is a yuppie. It all makes sense now. / / Can you reach the buzzer for me? / Sure, just hold onto the coffee cake. http://www.goats.com/archive/021002.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 04 / 2002: the adversary (3) | And stop slouching, for Pete's sake. You're meeting the Prince of Darkness and you're slouching. / Will you stop nagging? / / Ah, Diablo! You're early! And I see you've brought a friend. / / Hello My Name Is Stan / It's a pleasure to meet you. Please, come in. http://www.goats.com/archive/021004.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 07 / 2002: the adversary (4) | Well, I just got off the phone with Staropramen, and it looks like he and Kommunist Kat aren't going to be able to make it tonight. / / You two are more than welcome to stay, of course. Help yourself to some Diet Pepsi. I'll be right back with the hummus and crudites. / / And you worship this guy? / His hummus is amazing. http://www.goats.com/archive/021007.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 09 / 2002: the adversary (5) | Can I ask you a somewhat strange, personal question? / You want to know if I'm Satan. / / In a nut-shell. / Let me ask you a question. Would Satan make an onion dip this good? / / Actually, he might. This is freakin' delicious. / Okay, bad example. http://www.goats.com/archive/021009.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 11 / 2002: the adversary (6) | So if you're not Satan, what's Diablo been going on about for the last six years? / He misread my nametag. / / For six years? / Chickens have beady eyes. / / And you just forgot to correct him, I'm sure. / He was having so much fun. I didn't have the heart. http://www.goats.com/archive/021011.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 14 / 2002: the adversary (7) | Do you have any idea what chaos your little lie of omission has wrought? The things Diablo has done in your name? Evil, evil things. / / Hatred spread. War mongered. Morally ambiguous cookies. L.S.D.-tainted squirrels running through the park quoting John Irving novels. The proliferation of sweaters on little dogs. Unending despair. / / My god, the damage to my social life alone in incalculable. I could go on for days. / Yes, Diablo mentioned that about you. http://www.goats.com/archive/021014.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 16 / 2002: the adversary (8) | I suppose you'd like me not to say anything to Diablo so his feelings won't be hurt. / He calls me "Uncle", you know. / / Fine. Why do you wear a nametag, anyway? / So people know my name. / / You have all the answers, don't you? / Chicks dig the nametag. http://www.goats.com/archive/021016.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 18 / 2002: the adversary (9) | Diablo, why do you like this guy so much? / Dunno. I guess it's because he accepts me despite my differences. He's the father I've never had. / / I think I can understand that. / Plus I won forty grand off him this year alone. He had to sell his Camaro. / / That's terrible. / Hell, that's nothing. He lost his dead mother's panties to Staropramen last week. http://www.goats.com/archive/021018.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 21 / 2002: the adversary (10) | Sorry to have disturbed you, Mr. "Satan". We should be going now. / No trouble at all. It was a pleasure having you. / / Bye now. http://www.goats.com/archive/021021.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 23 / 2002: for cod and country (1) | I need to attract mates at a more frenzied rate. / You'll need a more desirable groinal area, then. / / An excellent idea! I will decorate my manpiece with doodads and shiny bits. No living creature will be able to resist the allure of my highly adorned snack pack. / / Where does one go for a well-accessorized crotch? / I hear Bloomie's is having a sale on tea towels. http://www.goats.com/archive/021023.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 25 / 2002: for cod and country (2) | Codpieces
/ $12.95 / I need a larger codpiece. This one isn't threatening enough. / You could use a real cod. / / A real cod isn't intimidating. I want my schlong to induce panic as I roam the countryside. / Cods have all those tiny pointy teeth. / / No one's nipples harden at the sight of a man with a fish strapped to his package. It lacks pizazz. / You could glue some colorful glitter to the cod. http://www.goats.com/archive/021025.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 28 / 2002: for cod and country (3) | I'm not convinced. / Just pass me the earrings. And the lipstick. Excellent / / / I'm not putting that anywhere near my genetals. / I'm gonna name him Maurice, would you like some tea? http://www.goats.com/archive/021028.html |
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