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| Goats comic strip from March / 27 / 2000: the world's strongest man (and the twix saga, pt. 2) (16) | Mendle continued his spiel. "Of course, now that you and Twix have conveniently delivered yourselves to me, my elaborate plans for revenge have been foiled. But, as I am a somewhat sporting villian, and not altogether bright, I suggest we have a small competition." / / "We will pit my army of robotic basketball players against your beloved Harlem Globetrotters. The loser will be killed, and the winner will be given the deed to Gilligan's Island." I reminded Mendel that he had neither the robots nor the deed to the fictional isle. / / After some discussion, we agreed that Mendel and Twix would meet in deadly combat at the upcoming head-to-head roller-biathlon competition, deciding once and for all who would reign over the H.T.H.R.B.L, and who would perish. http://www.goats.com/archive/000327.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 28 / 2000: the world's strongest man (and the twix saga, pt. 2) (17) | Mendel's henchmen returned Shazam Twix to me, somewhat battered but without any permanent damage. We retired to our Brussels flat, where Twix began the recovery process with a bongful of Chex Mix and Tabasco sauce. / / The two-week training period began in earnest the following day. I put Twix on a strict diet of Chinese take-out (beefpork with chicken) and "Lemur Patrol" cereal (marshmallows shaped like militant lemurs, part of this complete breakfast.) / / Twix's training regimen consisted of daily strolls through the neighborhood park (armed with a quiver of baguettes in case of mime attack) and frequent games of ski-ball at "Eddie's World of Ski-Ball." Twix won a stuffed salamander. http://www.goats.com/archive/000328.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 29 / 2000: the world's strongest man (and the twix saga, pt. 2) (18) | The tournament was brutal. Concessions sales were slow. http://www.goats.com/archive/000329.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 30 / 2000: the world's strongest man (and the twix saga, pt. 2) (19) | The two surviving combatants, Twix and Mendel, stepped into the arena to face off for the head-to-head roller-biathlon finals. The tension was as thick as a community college student. The referee blew his whistle, and the match began. / / BLAM
/ BLAM / / Overtime is rarely a concern in head-to-head roller-biathlon. http://www.goats.com/archive/000330.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 31 / 2000: the world's strongest man (and the twix saga, pt. 2) (20) | Let's ignore, for a moment, that I have never heard such an anticlimactic ending in all my life. Just tell me, what was the point of your little story? / / I think that it was clear. / Assume that it wasn't clear to me. Would you be so kind as to explain? / / You have to look deep within yourself for that answer, jon. / I'll look deep within you. Someone get me a knife. / I learned that violence is good. http://www.goats.com/archive/000331.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 03 / 2000: the world's strongest man (and the twix saga, pt. 2) (21) | Negativity isn't going to help Phillip win, Jon. / Neither are rambling inspirational speeches. It's a moot point, anyway, since we've missed the competition. / / You, know, I resent you two discussing me as though I wasn't here. Did you ever think to ask what I wanted? / / Fine, Phillip. What do you want? / I don't know. Diablo, what is it that I want? / A pony. A vampire pony. http://www.goats.com/archive/000403.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 04 / 2000: all work and no play (1) | You're quite the fashion plate today. / I'm not going to work. Ever again. / / You work? / Yes, I work. Who do you think puts food on your plate? / / I simply assumed it was the beef fairy. I didn't think you were capable of productivity. / That's it. I'm getting a dog. http://www.goats.com/archive/000404.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 05 / 2000: all work and no play (2) | Toothgnip says you're not going to work. / There's just something so pointless about the daily grind. I won't do it. / / Cheer up, Jon. Have a snack. Snacks make everything better. / Whatcha got? / / 'Jesus Snaps' communion wafers. Chocolate. Nummy. / "Jesus sez: They're made from my body!" http://www.goats.com/archive/000405.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 06 / 2000: all work and no play (3) | You work? / Yes, well, I did, but I'm not going to the office anymore. / / There's something fundamentally wrong with working 60 hours a week just to earn a paycheck so that I can feed myself so that I can continue to work 60 hours a week. Mere survival just isn't enough. / / I call dibs on jon's CDs! / Survival is overrated anyway. / Don't you ever leave? http://www.goats.com/archive/000406.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 07 / 2000: all work and no play (4) | You want some egg salad, Jon? / No! I don't want any goddamn egg salad!! / / All I want is for you people to leave me alone! I want to lock myself in my room, and not have to deal with work or chickens or women, and slowly waste away in pointless obscurity! / / Whoa. Egg salad doesn't normally provoke that sort of reaction. / The real irony is that I spiked it with tranquilizers. http://www.goats.com/archive/000407.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 10 / 2000: all work and no play (5) | Jon? Are you in here? / Lynda? What are you doing here? / / Well, you haven't been down to the pub in a few days. / Since when do bartenders make housecalls? / / Let's just say that we have a vested interest in seeing that you and Phillip are okay. / My checkbook is in the top drawer. http://www.goats.com/archive/000410.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 11 / 2000: all work and no play (6) | So you've decided not to go to work anymore? / Well, between you and me, it wasn't my decision. I was fired. / / It's part of their new "Happiness Initiative." The Productivity Czar said that although I was an excellent worker, my bad attitude was bringing down the morale of the other employees, and affecting the "Overall Happiness Quotient." / / You? A bad attitude? I don't believe it. / Look, did you bring any beer, or just sarcasm? http://www.goats.com/archive/000411.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 12 / 2000: all work and no play (7) | I don't mean to pry, Jon, but avoiding the outside world... it's not healthy. / No, it's great! / / My life is full of adventure. The other day, I was going to heat up a can of ravioli for lunch, and then I realized that I didn't own a can opener! So I ate some cereal instead. And I save a lot of money on laundry. / / Well, the bathrobe certainly suits you. / I'm working on a way to convert Kleenex boxes into shoes. http://www.goats.com/archive/000412.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 13 / 2000: all work and no play (8) | I'm fine. This is fine. I can sell my blood. / C'mon, Jon. It's time to stand up for yourself. / / You're going to go up to your boss and ask for your job back. / Can I email her? / / No. Let's go. / No... NO! Not the sun! It burns! http://www.goats.com/archive/000413.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 14 / 2000: all work and no play (9) | Hello? / Jon! You're back! What are you doing here? / / Oh, hi Scott. I, uh... I came to ask Jennie for my job back. / Man, I have to tell you, things have been amazing here since you left. So much better. / / Thanks. I'm just going to go now. / God, I love my job! Pardon me, I feel the need to caress my stapler. http://www.goats.com/archive/000414.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 17 / 2000: all work and no play (10) | Jon! How have you been? Didn't we fire you? / Ah, hi Jennie. Do you have a moment? / / Since you've been gone, people go out after work together, overall smiling has increased 35%, we've planted a garden, and we've adopted an office puppy. His name is Roger. / / Ah. Well. It was nice talking to you. / Oh, c'mon. Sit. Have some coffee. http://www.goats.com/archive/000417.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 18 / 2000: all work and no play (11) | So everything's better. / Well, pretty much everything. Except productivity is down 20%. / / What? / Well, I mean, it's okay. We're happy. / / Happy? Work isn't supposed to be fun! You're supposed to be miserable. It's unnatural to enjoy your work. / Yeah, I know. But we're having such a blast without you. http://www.goats.com/archive/000418.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 19 / 2000: all work and no play (12) | So that's it? Three years of loyal, dedicated service and I'm just... fired? / So you've been listening. / / C'mon, Jennie. I have a chicken to support. / Okay, fine. I think I can find some freelance work for you. / / Wait... so I still get paid, and I never have to go outside? / Only if you promise not to talk to anyone here. Ever. http://www.goats.com/archive/000419.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 20 / 2000: all work and no play (13) | C'mon, I'll introduce you to the new girl. She's in your old cube. / You've already replaced me? / / You honestly think we could replace you with someone from off the street? / Well, no, of course not. / / We replaced you with an Excel spreadsheet. / But it's a big spreadsheet, right? With macros and stuff? http://www.goats.com/archive/000420.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 21 / 2000: all work and no play (14) | Jon, meet Vanessa. She's our new production manager. / Hi. / So, you brought me another J-14, huh? / / He's got the jawline of a J-14, doesn't he? / Yup. / Jennie... what's she talking about? / / Haven't a clue, really. She's a bit insane. But she makes excellent coffee. / Don't you ever interview these people first? / Hold on... I think this was predicted on my star chart. http://www.goats.com/archive/000421.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 24 / 2000: all work and no play (15) | We're matched, you know. Brought together by cosmic fates. / Uh. / / Yes... this day was foretold in legend. There would be a meeting of the seventh daughter and the lowly son of a shepherd. / My dad is a mechanic. / / We will have dinner when the crescent moon arrives. Iron your shirt. / Am I on Candid Camera or something? http://www.goats.com/archive/000424.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 25 / 2000: all work and no play (16) | I just don't know. Should I go out with this woman? I feel like I'll be betraying Holly. / The imaginary girl from England? / / She's not imaginary, dammit. She's real. / Did you have little tea parties with her? / / Yes, but that's besides the point. / "Mr. Snuffles, please pass the sugar to Mrs. Teddy Bear..." http://www.goats.com/archive/000425.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 26 / 2000: all work and no play (17) | So what's better... dating an available madwoman, or pining for an unavailable Englishwoman? / Move to England. / / If only it were that easy, I've missed Holly so much the past few months. I don't know what to do. / Move to England. / / Yeah, I suppose I have to face facts... go with what I have. / Move to England, dammit. http://www.goats.com/archive/000426.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 27 / 2000: all work and no play (18) | Hi, Vanessa? Um... about dinner... / Ah, Jon. I knew you would call. / / We interrupt your regularly scheduled storyline for this special goats report:
/ ELIAN
/ Tales of a First-Grade Assassin / / ...and when Castro goes to shake your hand, you'll give him this explosive finger painting. / Tengo gusto de comer creyones. http://www.goats.com/archive/000427.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 28 / 2000: all work and no play (19) | We've been training you for months, Elian... waiting for this moment. / Escribo con un lapiz. / / Are you ready, Elian?!? Ready to free your countrymen?!? / Tengo un perro pequeno. / / Excellent! Now let's go kick some commie ass. / Su madre era un hamster. http://www.goats.com/archive/000428.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 01 / 2000: all work and no play (20) | Ah, Elian... your first assassination. Excited? / Hay algo encima del ala del plano. / / Me too. Have you tried the nuts? / Pienso que es un weasel. http://www.goats.com/archive/000501.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 02 / 2000: all work and no play (21) | NY 1
/ Keith Shellac / ...in other news, a plane carrying young Elian Gonzalez back to his native Cuba has disappeared. F.A.A. officials fear that the plane may have crashed into the ocean. / / NY 1
/ Keith Shellac / Cuban President Fidel Castro responded to the tragedy, stating "Mi ropa es muy pegajosa." We're not sure what that means, but the threat is clear. / / NY 1
/ Keith Shellac / Presidential candidate George W. Bush responded to Castro's words with a declaration of war, saying "My daddy says Fidel is a poopy-head." Bush then snorted an 8-ball and mooned the camera. http://www.goats.com/archive/000502.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 03 / 2000: all work and no play (22) | They found Elian. He washed up on the Miami shore. / What is that, the Enquirer? / / Hell no. It's the Post. / Great. They're going to go through the whole extraction process again. / / Doesn't he look strange here? As if he has a metallic sheen... / And a goatee is an odd fashion choice for a 6-year old. http://www.goats.com/archive/000503.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 04 / 2000: all work and no play (23) | Well, we were worried for a while, but Elian is back, and none the worse for wear. / SEIS SEIS SEIS MORIR MORIR / Live / / Elian, are you concerned that the delay in your return to Cuba will worsen international relations and push us closer to a state of war? / MORIR FORNICAR MORIR / Live / / He may be confused, but one thing is for sure: Elian is not a robotic automaton from the future bent on world domination. / MORIR MORIR MORIR http://www.goats.com/archive/000504.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 05 / 2000: all work and no play (24) | ...and so, our tale of assassins, weasels, robots, and child custody comes to a close. For now. We now return you to your regularly scheduled storyline, already in progress. / / Jon. We're on. / / Oh. Ah... well, that sure was a wacky adventure I had with... um... Vanessa. Yeah. / Yes. It was very wacky. And zany. http://www.goats.com/archive/000505.html |
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