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| Goats comic strip from June / 20 / 2005: infinite typewriters (37) | Diablo, don't listen to him! He's not real! / It's like the time you licked all those food stamps at once! / / The guy with the knife gets to decide who's real around here. / One question. Why did you get sent to Hell, Ernesto's clone? You seemed like a pretty decent guy. / / You constructed me out of ZOMBIE PEANUT BUTTER, which is 95% partially hydrogenated EVIL. And that is why now, on my 18th birthday, you will finally PAY. / / Jeez, Skullburger's prices have gone up. / We're going to play in the ball pit. http://www.goats.com/archive/050620.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 2005: infinite typewriters (38) | Nothing about this makes any sense. / Can't you relax that brain sphincter just once? / / It's bad enough that you can't enjoy a Good Hitler flick without bitching about inconsistencies. Now you're deconstructing reality. Maybe your universe is twisted, but mine is just groovy, thanks. / / You're voluntarily sitting in a pit full of skulls. / Point taken. http://www.goats.com/archive/050621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 22 / 2005: infinite typewriters (39) | Let's say there IS something a bit amiss with the fundamental nature of all existence. Aside from sitting on my ass and scarfing phried phalanges, what do you want ME to do about it? / / We need to go get the Demon Fire from One Death and complete the teleport experiment. The robot's sensor equipment will give us all the data we need to figure out the truth. / / Boys! Fancy meeting you here! / Okay, this place is WAY too convenient. http://www.goats.com/archive/050622.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 2005: infinite typewriters (40) | So how's it going, boys? Did you enjoy DARK HOUSE? / We've completed your trials, ONE DEATH. It's time for you to cough up the DEMON FIRE. / / No need to get SNIPPY, young man. You've already GOT IT. You still have the matches I gave you? / / XIBALBA is for lovers
/ WARNING: matches contain demon fire keep away from children and exorcists http://www.goats.com/archive/050623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 27 / 2005: infinite typewriters (41) | I mean, if you think just being someone's dead clone is a pathetic existence, wait until you spend eighteen years in a completely darkened house with a dozen Bill O'Reillys singing Sinatra covers a capella. / / This is the first birthday I've spent where I wasn't wishing that I wasn't dead specifically so I could kill myself.
/ You going to finish those fries? / / We've got the Demon Fire. Let's book. / I never thought I would be this happy to be going to New Jersey. http://www.goats.com/archive/050627.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 28 / 2005: infinite typewriters (42) | Hey guys! Take me with you! / Sure thing. We just have to run to Home Depot real quick. We'll be back in two hours to pick you up. / We'll go for Slurpees. / / They're not coming back. / Those guys? I can almost GUARANTEE we'll see them later. http://www.goats.com/archive/050628.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 29 / 2005: infinite typewriters (43) | HONK HONK / ~ TWELVE MINUTES LATER ~ / Stan, get your lanky ass out here! We've returned with that demon whatsis! / / You should have called ahead if you were going to bring friends. I would have made more pecan tartlets. / / They're not here for dessert. They're here for MURDER. http://www.goats.com/archive/050629.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 05 / 2005: infinite typewriters (44) | Quickly now. Take these matches and light the singularity. The Demon Fire will enable the robot to teleport. / FINEAS, if we don't survive, I want you to know that you totally suck. / / Tsk tsk. I though you boys knew better than to play with matches. / You'll get BURNED. / With FIRE. / / Are you accusing me of poor parenting? You BASTARDS. http://www.goats.com/archive/050705.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 06 / 2005: infinite typewriters (45) | SKRITCH / We don't have time for this lame-ass melodrama. / / HURK! / / FWIP / / YEAARGHH!! / / Punch it, Marge. / / ZOT! http://www.goats.com/archive/050706.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 07 / 2005: infinite typewriters (46) | ZOT! / / This isn't Passaic. http://www.goats.com/archive/050707.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 11 / 2005: infinite typewriters (47) | I don't even think this is New Jersey. I don't see a single convience store. / Wait. Something's not right. / / Amazing! Fineas uses his super-brain to make the stunning observation that our sudden appearance on the planet of typing monkeys is not quite right. Bravo, sir. I am but a rotting pile of meat, casting a meat-shaped shadow in the light of your brilliance. / / No. I mean Fineas. He's GONE. http://www.goats.com/archive/050711.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 12 / 2005: infinite typewriters (48) | You mean you're back to your normal mentally challenged self? / We came through the teleportal and he's... GONE. / / I can't believe you left me stranded in there with that maniac all this time. / So your combat training? Kaput? / / I thought you were my friend. / The electromagnetic pulse from the teleportal must have scrambled your robot bits. Oh, did I neglect to mention that might happen? http://www.goats.com/archive/050712.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 13 / 2005: infinite typewriters (49) | Now I recommend that both of you stand the hell back from my robot because you have seen what I did to the goat and you are aware I will not hesitate to burn you two the same way. / / Zot! / Adios, losers! Good luck finding your way back from Alternate Monkey Dimension X! / / I have terrible taste in friends. / Yes. Yes you do. http://www.goats.com/archive/050713.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 14 / 2005: infinite typewriters (50) | You know, the real irony is that even though you're finally free of Fineas, without him you're trapped here on this world. He's the only one smart enough to figure out how to get back home. You're just as much his prisoner as you were before. / / HA! Suck on THAT! / / Sorry. I'm feeling very competitive with Oliver right now. / It's okay. http://www.goats.com/archive/050714.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 18 / 2005: infinite typewriters (51) | Excuse me, are you two Fish and Diablo? / Depends. Who's asking? / / He sounds exactly like I write him. Amazing. / This is totally sweet, Steve. Sure beats the pants off of writing business plans. / / I'm just going to pretend that all of this is a highly disturbing hallucination. / You'd be surprised how many civilizations have been founded on that very principle. http://www.goats.com/archive/050718.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 19 / 2005: infinite typewriters (52) | Whatever it is that is going on here I think it would be best if we left it as soon as we can. / Roger, doger. Which means we gotta get your noggin workin'. / / How? / We use the Fonzie method. / / BONK / What's the Fo... OW! http://www.goats.com/archive/050719.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 20 / 2005: infinite typewriters (53) | Oh. I remember this place. / Fish! / / Reese! I know you are imaginary but it is always so nice to see you. / You too. I knit you this cardigan. / / *SNIFF* / You know that my favorite type of sweater is a cardigan. / True friends take the time to find out these sorts of things. http://www.goats.com/archive/050720.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 25 / 2005: infinite typewriters (54) | I can't go back out there, Reese. Diablo wants me to figure out how to get us home, but I can't do that without waking up FINEAS. / / The scariest part is... I was beginning to LIKE IT. All the violence. All the panties-burning. Being with FINEAS was like being on the world's tallest rollercoaster, on fire, naked. Like a needle of adrenaline in the heart. / / Aw shucks. I missed you too, Fish. http://www.goats.com/archive/050725.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 26 / 2005: infinite typewriters (55) | FINEAS! What are you doing here? / This place is a construct of YOUR mind, buddy. You tell me. Where else am I supposed to go? / / You could have warned me. / I had no choice. He arrived right before you did. I'm sorry. / / Come with me, Fish. We have to talk, and all this velvet is making me nauseous. / We had a deal! / I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further. http://www.goats.com/archive/050726.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 27 / 2005: infinite typewriters (56) | Reese is quite the imaginary dish. I can see why you groove on her so much. / Don't you DARE talk about Reese with your MURDERER'S MOUTH. / / SHE is the star of countless romantic comedies and has earned the respect of the world. All YOU have done is inflict pain and cause sadness and terror wherever you have gone. / / A killer like you isn't worthy of the unpopped kernels of corn on the sticky floor of a movie theater showing Reese's new movie "Just Like Heaven", in which she is the spirit of a coma-lady who falls in love with Mark Ruffalo. http://www.goats.com/archive/050727.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 28 / 2005: infinite typewriters (57) | Wait, this is precious. You think I'M the malefactor? / Well, yes, what with all the MALEFACTORING you tend to do. / / Fish, all I am is a few combat subroutines and a database of weapons specifications wrapped up in a tortilla shell of personality. I'm not capable of motive. All those awful things came from your side of the corpus callosum. / / That is not possible. I am an innocent flower. / I know a Ron Howard, a Henry Kissinger and a tiny dog that would disagree. http://www.goats.com/archive/050728.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 01 / 2005: infinite typewriters (58) | So I am responsible for all fo the burning and maiming and such? / Oh, get over it. Everyone has the occasional impulse to create chaos, Fish. There's no devil goading us to do bad things. / / Except Diablo's friend Stan. / Yes, except Stan. / And One Death! That guy from Xibalba. / Yeah, him too. / And Karl Rove. http://www.goats.com/archive/050801.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 02 / 2005: infinite typewriters (59) | But all this nitpicking about responsibility is really not the issue at hand, is it? / Yes! I am so self-absorbed sometimes! I HATE that about myself! / / Think, Fish! What would SANTA do? Santa would want me to help save Diablo and get the demon fire out of Oliver's clutches. / / Also just a tad off-topic. / Oh MAN, I knew I was going to get it wrong! It's not even SEPTEMBER and I've already made Santa mad. http://www.goats.com/archive/050802.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 03 / 2005: infinite typewriters (60) | You know as well as I do that the fabric of the universe has thinned. It's fluid and shapeless, riddled with coincidence and convenience. Don't you want to find out what's happened to it? / Yes, please. / / Then join me. The teleport robot's instrumentation has records of the journey to the monkey dimension. Records of what lies between the slivers of reality. Together we can stop Oliver, reclaim the robot and solve the mystery. / / RESPONSIBILITY
/ FEAR
/ friendship
/ Reese
/ FREEDOM
/ MURDER
/ squirrels
/ PONIES http://www.goats.com/archive/050803.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 04 / 2005: infinite typewriters (61) | You... you KILLED him! You can't kill off one of my main characters! / He's resting. / / Rats! Now we'll NEVER get any closure. / You've RUINED my second act. / Look. He's moving! / / Someone better get me my goddamned goggles. NOW. http://www.goats.com/archive/050804.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 08 / 2005: infinite typewriters (62) | So with tip, your half comes out to... / ~ meanwhile ~ / / ZOT! / / twenty three dollars. / / ZOT! / / Fucking Swedes. And they say that Jews are tightwads. http://www.goats.com/archive/050808.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 09 / 2005: infinite typewriters (63) | ZOT! / DAMMIT! Why'd you have to bring him here too? / / I can't afford to have either of you running around out there. You have a track record of INTERFERENCE. / Fere are fhe? / / You are in ze axis pub of an unfolded dimensional membrane. Theenk of eet as a sort of universe zat died in ze womb. Zey call eet a "Pub Stub". http://www.goats.com/archive/050809.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 10 / 2005: infinite typewriters (64) | ZOT! / Sayonara, suckers! / I am seriously beginning to question Diablo's parenting skills. / I HATE alternate dimensions. / / Cheer up buddy! Eet eez not so bad in ze Pub Stub, you know. We have zis absolutely delicious Glenrothes single malt, for example. / Hrm. / / See? You'll get used to eet here! Myself, I have been trapped 'ere for over nineteen thousand years of subjective time, und I am loving every minute of eet. http://www.goats.com/archive/050810.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 11 / 2005: infinite typewriters (65) | Please excuse me, eet has been so long since we have had customers, eet having been Tuesday afternoon for the last few millenia. Time, she goes a bit crazy here. / / Sure, eet gets lonely. But your good buddy Alfred keeps busy. Zere eez no problem zat a good attitude und nineteen thousand years of hard thinking cannot overcome, yes? / / S C O T C H / Alred, tell me you spent those nineteen thousand years figuring out a way out of here. / Even better! I have memorized all ze two-letter Scrabble combinations. http://www.goats.com/archive/050811.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 15 / 2005: infinite typewriters (66) | Zere ees no way out, you might as well relax and enjoy yourself. Me? I just woke up in zat booth over zere one morning. No warning, no flashy robots, just a pillow und some pajamas. / / I like to theenk zat maybe God has hired me as his personal bartender, no? Not zat he ever come in here, of course. / / Wait, does the front door work? / Well, yes, she opens, but I do not think eet ees something you should do.
/ You may find eet... DISTURBING. / / C'mon, Phillip, we're getting out of here. / Can I bring my drink? / You are making ze mistake! http://www.goats.com/archive/050815.html |
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