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| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 2005: infinite typewriters (67) | So... what was out there? / Nothing. / / Do... do you want to talk about it? / NO. / / Thank God. 'Cause I'm not really equipped for empathy. Plus I don't like you that much. http://www.goats.com/archive/050816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 17 / 2005: infinite typewriters (68) | Alfred, you say you've been here for nineteen thousand years, but you seem like a pretty contemporary guy. / Like I say, eet ees only been zat long subjectively. / / Eet was 1982 in Switzerland when I was first brought here. I remember because I had just started to despise Culture Club. / So that's twenty-three years, carry the one... / / And? / Well, the good news is that we have 244 days until last call. http://www.goats.com/archive/050817.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 2005: infinite typewriters (69) | You're saying that we're going to be stuck here for a year of subjective time before anyone notices we didn't come home? / That's about right. / / So even if someone realized we were missing, had the means to discover where we were, and mounted a rescue mission to steal Oliver's robot and come find us... / Decades, probably. / / We barely have enough to talk about to fill a single Thursday night. / Look on the bright side. Alfred said he'll let us run a tab. http://www.goats.com/archive/050818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 22 / 2005: infinite typewriters (70) | So why does this aborted fetus of a universe just happen to look like our pub? / Ah, you Americans. Zo self-centered. / / Every single dimensional 'brane has an axis pub. You are not so special, you know. Zere needs to be something, yes? / / But why a pub? Why not a zoo? Or a lubricant factory? Or a ZOO FACTORY? / I see eet as further evidence zat God loves us, and wants us to be happy. http://www.goats.com/archive/050822.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 23 / 2005: infinite typewriters (71) | Zees thing you call ze internet... how does eet work now? / Well, I personally invented twelve percent of the internet, so I can tell you all about it. / / Fabulous! Other visitors have told me of zees wonder, but I have never gotten to see eet myself, being from 1982. / Well, you see, the internet is called "THE WEB". It's mostly powered by LASERS. / / Wow! / Primarily, we use the lasers to draw these things called "comics" directly onto the web. http://www.goats.com/archive/050823.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 24 / 2005: infinite typewriters (72) | You know, it's weird. I've been trapped here for less than a day and panicking the whole time. / / Alfred? Nineteen millenia and he's still always got something to smile about. What's wrong with me? What's wrong that my perspective could be so utterly screwed up? / / CLICK / Maybe I can try and CHANGE my perspective. Maybe happiness isn't something that happens to you, but a CHOICE you make. / TIME! 31.8 years. A little slow there. http://www.goats.com/archive/050824.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 25 / 2005: infinite typewriters (73) | This is amazing! It's... it's as if a large weight has been lifted from my burdened shoulders, or as if a blindfold had been lifted from my eyes. Or an unwelcome gila monster removed from 'twixt my thighs. / / Wow. I feel like a hundred Mike Tysons! This is going to change EVERYTHING. / You stay the hell away from my ears. / / Lookee HERE, world! Watch me go. / Please do. http://www.goats.com/archive/050825.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 29 / 2005: infinite typewriters (74) | As happy as I am to see you find true bliss, it's made you more unbearable than ever. Science dictates that this sort of growth cannot go unchecked. / / I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to harsh your buzz. It's for you own safety. / Happiness is a choice, man. You say what you want. It's all kittens and sunshine for me. / / You're never going to see your girlfriend again. / Delightful kittens. Delightful, dessicated kitten corpses shrivelling in the sunshine. http://www.goats.com/archive/050829.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 2005: infinite typewriters (75) | Of course I'll see Megan again. Sure, it might take a few thousand years, but we'll be rescued! / Who do you know that's competant enough to stage a rescue? Jerrell? Neil? Diablo? / / / Maybe we'll die young. / Alfred! Twelve more scotches, neat. http://www.goats.com/archive/050830.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 31 / 2005: infinite typewriters (76) | Phillip, it's time like these, when a man is stuck in a midget dimension with no chance for escape, that he takes stock of his life. / / On reflection, I can easily say that all the mistakes I have made are, in some way or another, your fault. Every bad turn I've made, you've been at the helm, sowing chaos and stupidity through the landscape of my days like some sort of retarded Johnny Appleseed. / / CLINK / You're the worst possible friend a man could have. / I hate you too, buddy. I hate you too. http://www.goats.com/archive/050831.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 01 / 2005: infinite typewriters (77) | I completely forgot! My PSYCHIC POTATO! We can use it to call for help! / We're saved! / / Oh yeah. I gave the potato to Oliver a while back. Sorry. / We're doomed / That potato was almost out of juice anyway. / / That donkey puncher gave me a bum potato! http://www.goats.com/archive/050901.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 05 / 2005: infinite typewriters (78) | Freaking hippie long-hair. He'll get his. Man, my enemies list is getting unwieldy. / / That should keep the robot out of view while I get me a new goddamn potato. http://www.goats.com/archive/050905.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 06 / 2005: infinite typewriters (79) | cough cough / Goddamn, where did I pop into? The dusty redneck dimension? / / SCREECH! / Time to get proactive. TRAFFIC! STOP IN THE NAME OF OLIVER! / / You gentlemen will immediately escort me to the nearest potato-serving establishment. / I could go for a potato. / Fabulous, more carbs. You want to get chubby like Roger? / HEY! http://www.goats.com/archive/050906.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 07 / 2005: infinite typewriters (80) | Bob, I think I found them. / Yup. That's the singularity's energy signature. But what are they doing in Arkansas? / / Doesn't matter. But one of us is going to have to tell the goat. / I'm not going back there again. He's CREEPY. / / He's just a bit singed. Your closet shrine to Dakota Fanning, now THAT'S creepy. / I respect her as an artist. http://www.goats.com/archive/050907.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 08 / 2005: infinite typewriters (81) | Toothgnip? Hey there. Just came to see how you're doing. I brought CHEETOS! / You've found the eggling and the fish. / / Uh... yes. How'd you know? / Arkansas, eh? We're going after them. Prepare the sublight engines for travel. / / He's... he's inside my MIND! / And its FILTHY in there. I'm buying you a Roomba. http://www.goats.com/archive/050908.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 12 / 2005: infinite typewriters (82) | I reckon we'll hit Missy's Diner before breakfast is over if we head out of here at first light. / And then that potato will be MINE! / You sure do like potatoes. / KHAN NOONIEN SINGH had no need for potatoes. There was no room for a potato in his clenched iron fist. You know, the fist that he ruled with. http://www.goats.com/archive/050912.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 2005: infinite typewriters (83) | So what's up with Khan Junior? Did he have a few too many Gary Busey moments out there on his bike? / Ah no way, man. It's his pops. / / He never knew who his old man was, see. And his mom never told him. / Best he can figger is that Ricardo Montalban was his father cause he found his photo in his Ma's wallet when he was stealin' out of it. / / He's seen Star Trek 2 about a hundred times now. / I can hear you, gentlemen. Genetically enhanced hearing and all that. http://www.goats.com/archive/050913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 14 / 2005: infinite typewriters (84) | Screw this. Khan would never have sat around bullshitting by a campfire. He would have hijacked a starship and taken that diner out. / / We don't need to take out the entire diner, Junior. We just needs a potato. / Also, starships are fictional. / / Don't you sass me boy. I've FORGOTTEN more about starships than you'll ever know. / Did you forget how to brush your teeth too? Your mouth smells like a Corinthian leather factory. http://www.goats.com/archive/050914.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 15 / 2005: infinite typewriters (85) | Oh no. Them biker boys are back! We can't afford another front window, Lucilla / Lemme handle these fellas, Cookie. / / We demand that you give us... A POTATO. / / Sure thing, Honeychile. You want that tater baked, or cut up inta freedom fries? / Can we get both? http://www.goats.com/archive/050915.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 19 / 2005: infinite typewriters (86) | I know it ain't none of my beeswax, but what do four rough-and-tumble boys like yourselves need with a potato anyhow? / / This potato is the first step in a much larger journey, Lucilla. Although they do not yet know it, my companions are about to accompany me on a quest to gain absolute control over the entire universe. / / While I applaud your entrepreneurial spirit, don't you think that's an ambitious thing to do with just a single potato? / You're RIGHT. Fetch me a BACKUP POTATO. http://www.goats.com/archive/050919.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 2005: infinite typewriters (87) | See, I got to thinking. If Fineas is right about all this universal instability and unchecked coincidence going on, then something is causing that. Something at the core of it all. / / If I could figure out what that thing was and find it, I could find a way to control it. I could bend it to my will. And I happen to have the proper transportation and the hired muscle for exactly that type of job. / / Honey, it sounds like you want to take on God himself. / Mano a mano. Carl has been teaching me ju-jitsu. http://www.goats.com/archive/050920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 21 / 2005: infinite typewriters (88) | KA-CHICK / VOOMVOOMVOOM / Cookie, I thought I told you those boys ain't allowed in here no more! / And a pleasant day to you too, Missy. We're just here for some tubers. / / VOOMVOOMVOOM / You and your boys better get those potatoes to go. I've already called sheriff Ponet and he's on his way with bigger guns than Bessie here. / / VOOMVOOMVOOM / And while you're at it, get those godforsaken noisy motorcycles out of my parking... WHAT IN THE SWEET LORD'S NAME IS THAT? http://www.goats.com/archive/050921.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 22 / 2005: infinite typewriters (89) | VOOMVOOMVOOM / See? See!? There ARE starships! Finally I am VINDICATED! Finally, I am proven righ- / / VOOMVOOMVOOM / BRRAAAAPPP / / VOOMVOOMVOOM / Crispy fries! http://www.goats.com/archive/050922.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 26 / 2005: infinite typewriters (90) | NO!! Kahn Junior! You're too awesome to die! / / You were more of a father to me over the last five hours than my real father ever was. / / KHAAAN!!
/ Junior! http://www.goats.com/archive/050926.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 27 / 2005: infinite typewriters (91) | Well, well. Look what we've got here? Our little arsonist friend. / And you said stopping for milkshakes would be a waste of time. / / Just another happy coincidence, I guess. If you're going to disintegrate me, go ahead and do it. I'm a busy man on a tight schedule. / / STUN!! / Oh no. That wouldn't do at all. The goat wants you ALIVE. http://www.goats.com/archive/050927.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 28 / 2005: infinite typewriters (92) | PIZZLE / Wake up, little Suzie! We have some questions to ask you. / BLECH! GICK!! AGH! Stop that! / / ZZZZIP / I have fifteen separate urinary bladders. That first one contained a substance not entirely unlike your Earth beverage 'Tang'. I suggest you cooperate with us if you do not wish to find out the contents of the remaining fourteen. / Number eight can eat through a kitchen counter. / / So. Where have you hidden our singularity? / And where can we find your traitorous fish friend? http://www.goats.com/archive/050928.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 29 / 2005: infinite typewriters (93) | Find 'em yerselves. I ain't helpin' you two fruit booty suckas. / Toothgnip may show some mercy if you provide us with some useful information. / / That goat's still kicking? He looked like he spent the night in a deep fryer last time I saw him. / You may want to show him a bit more respect now. Things have CHANGED. / / PIZZLE / Only thing that's changed is he's got his hooves stuck way up whatever you two use for asses.
/ AGH! DOCTOR PEPPER! http://www.goats.com/archive/050929.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 03 / 2005: infinite typewriters (94) | Oliver, we're going to take a short break while I drink a pot of coffee or two. I suggest you use this time to think about what you'd like to get out of our next encounter. / The third bladder is Pepto-Bismol. / / Come back here and fight, you pee fiends! Dammit, why do they always put the door controls so far up? / / You'd be able to reach those controls, Khan Junior. And maybe still can. http://www.goats.com/archive/051003.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 04 / 2005: infinite typewriters (95) | SQUISH RUMMAGE / People are just like robots, only smellier. If I can get a robot up and running, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to do the same for you, Khan Junior. / / Lessee... this nerve here looks like the functional equivalent of the servomechanical linkages for a standard robotic ambulatory system. If I give it a squeeze... / / SPROING! / OH YEAH! Junior, you'll be doing the lambada in no time. http://www.goats.com/archive/051004.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 05 / 2005: infinite typewriters (96) | Without Oliver's cooperation, there isn't much we can do to find the singularity. / The robot's shielding makes it impossible to get a precise fix. / / Screw the singularity. Get him to tell us where the matchbox is. / Matchbox? / / Fineas, I found your goggles, and... What's this? Looks like Oliver left us a souvenir. http://www.goats.com/archive/051005.html |
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