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| Goats comic strip from December / 13 / 2006: the cows of justice (12) | [[Topeka Prime (Outside)]] / Farmhand Brock: Isn't anyone concerned that I am covered in blood? I could be bleeding to death! / Phillip: Are you? / / [[Topeka Prime (Outside)]] / Farmhand Brock: No. I don't have blood. But I've always wanted some. / / [[Topeka Prime (Outside)]] / Farmhand Brock: Mmmm. / / [[Topeka Prime (Outside)]] / Farmhand Brock: Wait... This isn't blood! This is blood-flavored grape jelly! / Farmhand Bean: There was a tank o' the stuff inside the robo-beastie, hence the mouth-drippins. / Phillip: It's not bad. Do we have toast? http://www.goats.com/archive/061213.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 14 / 2006: the cows of justice (13) | [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: The remote control signals are strongest from this direction. / Phillip: Hey, we're here! That was convenient. / Farmhand Bean: Not so fast. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Bean: The Shrine of the Axis Pub is never left unguarded! They know we're coming. It's a trap! / / [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Brock: The guards are probably off helping their moronic steakbody friends search every bathroom stall in the complex for us. They don't have a clue where we are. / Farmhand Bean: I'd appreciate if ya didn't be usin' language like that arround the lady. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Brock: I'll use whatever language I want, steakbody! Steakbody! Steakbody. http://www.goats.com/archive/061214.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 18 / 2006: the cows of justice (14) | [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Quiet! We have enough to deal with without you two hens playing cockfight with your peckers. / Farmhand Bean: Sorry. / Farmhand Brock: Sorry. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Regardless of guards, someone is playing with some pretty deadly ponies, and the reins are inside the shrine. I need to know who's in there, and I need to know if we're walking into a trap. / Farmhand Brock: I've got a plan. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cliff above Shrine, Outside)]] / Phillip: Hoomph! / Farmhand Brock: First, we duct-tape ourselves to the sides of some cows. / / [[Topeka Prime (Outside, Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis, Exterior)]] / Phillip: Hey! Are you guys planning some sort of trap in there? / / [[Topeka Prime (Outside, Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: Yes. / Phillip: That's cool, just checkin'. http://www.goats.com/archive/061218.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 19 / 2006: the cows of justice (15) | [[Topeka Prime (Ledge above Shrine, Outside)]] / [[Pub (Axis, Exterior)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Crap in a cat! / Farmhand Brock: Agh! He's ruining my plan! / / [[Topeka Prime (Ledge above Shrine, Outside)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: They're gonna get themselves killed! / Farmhand Bean: I s'pose the least we can do is join 'em. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Mom? / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: See, this is the problem with children these days. They're so willful. / Phillip: They catch it from video games. / Weetabix Bloomers: Video games are a tool of the devil! I know this for I have been to his development studio. http://www.goats.com/archive/061219.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 20 / 2006: the cows of justice (16) | [[Topeka Prime]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Bean: I'm seeing a ghost. Is that really Farmer Weetabix Bloomers? / / [[Topeka Prime]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: I'm no ghost yet, although I'm looking forward to my eternal reboot. My pixels are achin' and only my service to our dearly departed diety keeps me going these days. / / [[Topeka Prime]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Bean: You've been dead for hundreds of years! / Weetabix Bloomers: Those reports may have been exaggerated. / / [[Topeka Prime]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: You're the boy I told to stay away from Wheatina, aintcha? The farmhand's son? / Farmhand Bean: We coulda been happy together if'n it weren't fer yer meddlin'. / / [[Topeka Prime]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: My meddlin' is vindicated. Look how you turned out! A ter'rist and a traitor to the state! Your very existence is an affront to our dead Lord. / / [[Topeka Prime]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Bean: I knocked up your daughter. http://www.goats.com/archive/061220.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 21 / 2006: the cows of justice (17) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Which one of my seventy-one sisters did you father? / Farmhand Bean: None of them. I'm yer daddy, Farmella. It's time ya knew. / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Damn you and your rugged good looks! It was not your right to tell her! / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: First I find that you're behind the cowsnatchers, terrorizing our good people into a life spent closed off from the outside world. Then I find you torturing innocent people and vegetables. Now I find that you've kept my own father from me? What else will I find if I keep looking? / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Well ya may have gathered that your Grandpa Weetabix ain't as dead as I had told ya. / Weetabix Bloomers: Hi. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Lessee... also alive: your Aunt Lois, that one kid you knew from kindergarten that supposedly fell into a meat grinder and got turned into frozen salisbury steak T.V. dinners, and the original pre-Sergeant-Pepper's Paul McCartney. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Oh, and your Aunt Lois is also your Cousin Merle. Long story. http://www.goats.com/archive/061221.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 25 / 2006: the cows of justice (18) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: So I'm not really a Cummington? / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Nope, you're whatever this loathsome idiot is. I never should have let him back into my bed, but a woman gets lonely. Plus I can't resist his solar sex panel. / Farmhand Bean: This baby's paid for itself ten times over. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: It never crossed yer mind that Lord Cummington has been on a "business trip" for thirty years now? / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: He works long hours to support his seventy-two daughters. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: You're very talented with the knack, daughter, the best we've seen in memory. But you've always been a bit soft in the head. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Now I think you'd be best off leaving the decision-making to me and yer Grandpa. We know what's best. It's time to stop playing with these ter'rists and come home. Okay? / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Bean: The head-softness comes from my side of the family. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I never would have guessed. http://www.goats.com/archive/061225.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 26 / 2006: the cows of justice (19) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing seems real. Nothing makes sense. / Phillip: So what? / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Phillip: If there's one thing I've learned - and I try not to learn too much - it's that nothing ever makes sense. Every minute you spend trying to explain the way the world works is time wasted. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Phillip: Just do whatever makes you happy. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: So what would make me happy? / Phillip: I would go with overwhelming firepower followed by a drink somewhere far, far away from here. But that's just me. http://www.goats.com/archive/061226.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 27 / 2006: the cows of justice (20) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Well this has all been really, really awkward and I think we should be leaving now. I'm sorry, mother. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: I'd love to say I never saw this coming but it's in the Great Farmer's Almanac, right here in Franklin Gothic on page 3409. Right after the chapter on cooking. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: I knew, and yet I placed my faith in you, instead of the Almanac. I gave you a chance. Do you see? We cannot go against God's plan. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: I can't let you or the Programmer go. You're too valuable to us now. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: But I have no need for the farmhands. Turn them into furniture. / Farmtrooper(s): Yes, Farmer. http://www.goats.com/archive/061227.html |
| Goats comic strip from December / 28 / 2006: the cows of justice (21) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmhand Bean: I'll not be made an ottoman without a fight! / Farmhand Brock: I would make an excellent armoire. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Daddy! Noooooo! / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / / [[Space]] / Farmtrooper(s): Where are we? / Farmtrooper(s): I don't know, but I've got a bad feeling about this. / / [[Space]] / Farmtrooper(s): That's because we're being eaten by space rabbits. / Farmtrooper(s): That would explain it. http://www.goats.com/archive/061228.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 01 / 2007: megagamerz interlude (1) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / Text: MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER DIMENSION / megaGAMER I: GOODBYE FOREVER SCOTT YOU HAVE BEEN A GOOD PET / megaGAMER II: DO IT / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: NO I CANNOT RIP MY BELOVED ELEPHANT IN HALF / megaGAMER II: BECAUSE YOU ARE A THIN-SKINNED PASTRY DIDDLER / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: NO BECAUSE THIS IS AN ALTERNATE QUANTUM PLANE WHERE I HAVE COMPASSION / megaGAMER II: IT IS ALSO THE PLANE WHERE YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO CANNOLI / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: IT WAS JUST THAT ONE TIME AND I WAS HIGH ON ELF URINE / megaGAMER II: THERE ARE THREE HOURS OF SECURITY CAM FOOTAGE ON THE INTERNET / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: I AM A STALLION I GO FOR ALL-TIME RECORD / megaGAMER II: I SAW TWO MINUTES OF SLOPPY CANNOLI FORNICATION AND 2:58 OF SOFT WIMPERING / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: I IMAGINE THAT THE CANNOLI IS A HOT BLONDE SCIENTIST WHO NEEDS ME TO HELP HER SAVE THE WORLD / megaGAMER II: FROM KILLER LICE http://www.goats.com/archive/070101.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 02 / 2007: megagamerz interlude (2) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / Text: MEANWHILE IN YET ANOTHER DIMENSION / megaGAMER I: JAMES BROWN VERSUS GERALD FORD: WHO WOULD WIN / megaGAMER II: IT DEPENDS ON THE ARENA OF COMBAT / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: A 24-HOUR FINGERPAINTING MARATHON / megaGAMER II: BROWN'S FINGERS DANCED LIKE LITTLE BROWN SAUSAGES ON PCP / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: A ONE-HANDED PIG-STROKING TOURNAMENT / megaGAMER II: FORD WAS A PROFESSIONAL ONE-HANDED PIG STROKER BEFORE HE GOT INTO POLITICS / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: LIGHTSABERS / megaGAMER II: GOES TO BROWN / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: CARDIAC SURGERY ROUND ROBIN / megaGAMER II: NIXON WOULD COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND SMOKE THEM BOTH / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: YOU KNOW THINGS ARE ROUGH WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING BACK ON NIXON FONDLY / megaGAMER II: THAT'S WHAT A DUDE NIXON PORKED SAID http://www.goats.com/archive/070102.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 03 / 2007: megagamerz interlude (3) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / Text: MEANWHILE IN A THIRD DIMENSION / megaGAMER I: WHOA EVERYTHING IS IN THREE DIMENSIONS / megaGAMER II: IN THE FUTURE THERE ARE GOING TO BE FIVE NEW DIMENSIONS / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: THEY WILL BROUGH TO YOU BY MAJOR CORPORATIONS / megaGAMER II: THE SIXTH DIMENSION IS CALLED "TANGELO" / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: TANGELO IS MEASURED IN UNITS CALLED "BRAZILIANS" / megaGAMER II: MY TANGELO IS SEVEN BRAZILIANS HIGH / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: IN RELATED NEWS GENERAL ELECTRIC HAS PURCHASED BRAZIL / megaGAMER II: BRAZIL WILL BE RENAMED "DEBBIE" TO AVOID CONFUSION / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: THE RENAMING PROCESS WILL TAKE APPROXIMATELY TWELVE MICKEYS OF LION KING / megaGAMER II: REALITY IS DEFINED BY CONSENSUS NOT FACTS / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: DEMOCRACY IS AN ILLUSION AND THE GOVERNMENT IS RUN BY ENTRENCHED CORPORATE INTERESTS / megaGAMER II: PARIS HILTON OWNS YOU http://www.goats.com/archive/070103.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 04 / 2007: megagamerz interlude (4) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / Text: AT THE EXACT SAME TIME IN MARYLAND / megaGAMER I: IN FRANCE, EVERYTHING IS MADE FROM BALSA WOOD / megaGAMER II: THEY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE STUFF / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: MY AUNT BERNADETTE MAKES A TASTY TRADITIONAL FRENCH BALSA GOULASH / megaGAMER II: IS SHE THE AUNT THAT FOUGHT DENVER / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: SHE KICKBOXED EVERY LAST MAN WOMAN AND CHILD / megaGAMER II: CHILDREN ARE EASY TO BEAT UP USING PUNCHES TO THE FACE / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: IN RELATED NEWS JOHN DENVER IS ALIVE AGAIN / megaGAMER II: GOOD FOR HIM / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: HE HAS BEEN REINCARNATED IN THE FORM OF A SMALL TIBETAN BOY / megaGAMER II: AND EDDIE MURPHY HAS 24 HOURS TO RESCUE HIM / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: MAYBE THEY'LL BOTH LEARN A LITTLE SOMETHING ALONG THE WAY / megaGAMER II: A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT FRIENDSHIP http://www.goats.com/archive/070104.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 05 / 2007: megagamerz interlude (5) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / Text: MEXICO CITY: THE FUTURE / megaGAMER I: THESE ARE THE BEST FRIGGING NACHOS I EVER HAD / megaGAMER II: NACHOS HAVE BEEN PERFECTED IN THE FUTURE / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: THIS IS TRULY THE GNARLIEST OF ALL POSSIBLE UTOPIAN SOCIETIES / megaGAMER II: IT IS A SEVENTEEN ON THE RADICAL SCALE / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: THE GUACAMOLE IS RADIATING CHRONOTONS AT A RATE OF 88 MILES PER HOUR / megaGAMER II: LOOK OUT GUACAMOLE ITS TERRORISTS / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: DID YOU GIVE TERRORISTS A SHODDY BOMB CASING FULL OF USED PINBALL MACHINE PARTS AGAIN / megaGAMER II: MAYBE / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: THIS IS WHY I CAN NEVER HAVE FUTURE NACHOS IN PEACE / megaGAMER II: NACHOS ARE YET ANOTHER CASUALTY OF 9/11 / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Space]] / megaGAMER I: NEVER FORGET HOW TASTY THEY WERE / megaGAMER II: NEVER FORGET HOW SOUR THE CREAM http://www.goats.com/archive/070105.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 08 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (1) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Please Mother, I don't wanna send anyone else to the insanity zones. I don't want to hurt you. Just let us go. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Daughter, by doing this you are going against God's plan. / Weetabix Bloomers: His plan is the only thing that will see us through the coming apocalypse. We must do what God wants! / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Phillip: That's ridiculous. You don't have to do what God wants. God is dead. I ate him. / Farmhand Brock: Yeah, screw God! / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Goodbye, Mom. I'll be home right after I help save the universe. We can sort all this out then. And it was nice makin' your acquaintance, Grandpa. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: Nice meeting you too. http://www.goats.com/archive/070108.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 09 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (2) | [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: Well that went about as well as the breach birth of a nine-headed calf. And the calf has antlers and crap coming out of its heads. / Weetabix Bloomers: The Almanac did say that she would betray you. Perhaps we are still on God's path. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: The Almanac also say the Programmer is with us when he brings about the new age. Without the Programmer, there's no way to breach the skin between worlds, no way to cross over into The Reboot. There God's path ends, and everything we've gained will be lost. / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / / [[Topeka Prime (Shrine)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: Hmm. / / [[Topeka Prime (Outside)]] / Weetabix Bloomers: When God closes a door, he opens a sperm bank. http://www.goats.com/archive/070109.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (3) | [[Pinktopia]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: We're here! We made it. Pinktopia. It's the pinkest level discovered so far! / / [[Pinktopia]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I used to come here when I was little and I didn't want to practice the knack. It was my secret princess hideaway. / Phillip: Quick! What's on tap? / / [[Pinktopia]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Pink lemonade. / Phillip: Shit. / / [[Pinktopia]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: C'mon, you have to see this! / / [[Pinktopia (Outside)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] http://www.goats.com/archive/070110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 11 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (4) | [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Brock: I'm getting diabetes just standing here. / Farmhand Bean: Aye, it's a bit much. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Look! Corndogs! On the horizon! / Phillip: And they're coming this way. / / [[Pinktopia]] / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Winston? Is that you? / / [[Pinktopia]] / Corndog(s): Welcome back, Lady Farmella! It has been a long time. Come ride on my back, and we will take you to Peppermint Springs. http://www.goats.com/archive/070111.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 15 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (5) | [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Bean: These are some comfortable corndogs. / Corndog(s): Thank you. / Farmhand Brock: My corndog is lumpy. Can you be less lumpy? / / [[Pinktopia]] / Phillip: I though you said we were going somewhere suicidally stupid. This doesn't seem like a suicidal sort of place. / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: It would be suidical for anyone to follow us. Pinktopia is an unstable level. / Farmhand Brock: You brought us to an unstable level? Are you insane? / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: He's just worried because an unstable level can suddenly wink out of existence and kill everyone in it. / Phillip: I always assume that could happen at any time anyhow. http://www.goats.com/archive/070115.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 16 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (6) | [[Pinktopia]] / Phillip: So what makes this place so unstable? This is where Lindsay Lohan came from originally, isn't it? / Farmhand Bean: When Blast Masterson nuked the Axis Pub on Topeka Prime, the shockwave was felt on many levels. / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Including Pinktopia. That's why it's so pink, 'cause there was a pink leak. / Phillip: Of course. / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Brock: This level is like an old radio, or a foster child that accidentally got dropped down the stairs a few times. It's still mostly okay, but once in a while, it loses reception. Just for a second or two. / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Brock: These corndoggies will be just fine, because they're native to this level. / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Brock: But the system sees you and me as garbage from somewhere else. Leftovers. And the garbage collection routines only need a second or two to find you and erase every bit of you from memory. / Phillip: Even my eyeballs? / Farmhand Brock: They take the eyeballs first. http://www.goats.com/archive/070116.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (7) | [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Brock: We've got to turn these corndogs around and get the hell out of here. I'm too young to be wiped from existence! I still haven't had my first gallery show. / Phillip: Me neither! / / [[Pinktopia]] / Phillip: And I need my eyeballs, Farmella. I need them badly. / Farmhand Bean: Aye, I use mine all the time. / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Quiet, all of you. You're acting like a sinking sack of mewling kittens. / Corndog(s): There's nothing to be worried about. Everything will be explained when we get to Peppermint Springs / / [[Pinktopia]] / Farmhand Brock: "Peppermint Springs" is not the sort of name you invoke when you want to inspire confidence in the face of imminent death. / Phillip: Peppermint Springs is my porn name.
/ / Farmhand Bean: Spooky! Mine's Sergeant Stiffy. http://www.goats.com/archive/070117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 18 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (8) | [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Corndog(s): Peppermint Springs! We have arrived! / Corndog(s): Thank you for riding us so hard and so long. / Phillip: I think I may walk back. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Bean: By the ghost of the great nebula ghost dogs! Those are huge. / Farmhand Brock: And what a mouth! You could stuff a thousand ghost dogs in that mouth. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Percival: Did you hear what he said? He said you have a big mouth. / Rocco: How rude. / Ogden: He's got a point. Lots of dogs do live in your mouth. http://www.goats.com/archive/070118.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 22 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (9) | [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Percival: It's good to see you, Farmella. / Rocco: It has been a long time. / Ogden: Did you bring us any candy? / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Sorry fellas, I came here on short notice. I'll bring candy next time. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Percival: That is okay, we have been trying to eat healthier anyhow. / Rocco: We will eat the vegetable instead. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Brock: Screw you in the eyehole! I am an artist, not a side dish! / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Percival: Fine, be that way. / Rocco: I say we hold out for candy. / Ogden: Farmella, how long will you be staying? Would you like to see the timetable? http://www.goats.com/archive/070122.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 23 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (10) | [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Brock: Great. Now I can know the exact time of my death. / Phillip: These face things know when Pinktopia is going to do the big blink? / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Rocco: It was Farmella that figured it out. / Ogden: It's much easier to plan dinner parties now that the guests are less likely to be vaporized. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: There were a couple of interval dates listed in the Great Farmer's Almanac. With those as a reference it weren't too tough to triangulate the rest of 'em. / Farmhand Bean: Lessee here... The next one is in... Dammit! / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Bean: I never learned numbers. What's this one? / Phillip: Three. / Farmhand Bean: We have three minutes to live. http://www.goats.com/archive/070123.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (11) | [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Brock: Three minutes? Did you bring us here just to taunt us? / Farmhand Bean: Three minutes isn't the lifetime I had hoped we'd have, but it is enough time for me to show you five kinds of advanced axillary intercourse. / Phillip: Ew. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Bean: You'll only feel the shame for a few seconds before we're all killed. / Phillip: Seriously. Quit it. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: All this talk of pit-wanking stops now! We have to move quickly. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Brock: You brought us away from the Axis Pub! There's no way to get back there in time. We'll never escape. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: We're not going back to the Axis Pub. / Rocco: Everyone get into my mouth right now. http://www.goats.com/archive/070124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 25 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (12) | [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Let's hustle, boys. / Farmhand Brock: This is brilliant! What better way to escape sure death than to feed ourselves to a rock monster? / Phillip: You go first. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Bean: Sure thing, hot stuff. You enjoying the view? / Phillip: Why is everything always trying to have sex with me? People, unicorn dogs, hairless weasels, you name it. Now a giant stone face wants me to come in its mouth. / / [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Brock: I find you repulsive. / Phillip: You have no idea how much that means to me. http://www.goats.com/archive/070125.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 29 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (13) | [[Pinktopia (Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Thanks Rocco. We'll see you in fifteen minutes. / Rocco: Ith nuh frofhun. / / [[Pinktopia (Inside Rocco's Mouth, Peppermint Springs)]] / Farmhand Brock: My only regret is that the last thing my artist's eyes will see is this tacky Barbie's interdimensional dreamworld playset. / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth, pitch black)]] / Farmhand Bean: He's right. I can't see a thing. / Phillip: Hold on, I have a... Hey! Who's violating my anal sovereignity? / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Phillip: Bean, I "just said no" to you! I just said no. / Corndog(s): Sorry, that was my bad. / Farmhand Brock: Great! now I have an additional regret. http://www.goats.com/archive/070129.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 30 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (14) | [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Farmhand Brock: It smells like half-digested microwave pizzas in here. At this point I'm actually looking forward to death. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: No one is going to die. / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Farmhand Brock: That figures. / Phillip: I thought everything in Pinktopia that isn't native gets erased during a nonexistence interval. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: We're not in Pinktopia anymore. / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: The faces live outside the levels, in the interstice. In the darkness between the worlds. What you see outside of here is a façade, a mask formed as they press against the skin of Pinktopia. / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Farmhand Bean: So we're outside existence here? Outside our dearly departed Lord's purview? / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I think so. It's hard to say for certain. All I know is that we're safe in here until the storm passes. / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Phillip: And they just sit there, looking in? / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: They really like the view. / Farmhand Brock: They probably dig Norman Rockwell too. http://www.goats.com/archive/070130.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2007: the cows of justice part II: the corndog imperative (15) | [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Farmhand Brock: These teeth are closing in on us. They're going to crush us like giant... uh... teeth. / Phillip: Overclocked lemon, how long have we been in here? / Over-Clocked Lemon: It has been six minutes since we were banished from the light / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Over-Clocked Lemon: And it has been four dark years since I was encased in a concrete shoe of despair and thrown in the river of purposelessness / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Over-Clocked Lemon: No one remembered my birthday / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Over-Clocked Lemon: It is all too fitting that I now find myself in the void between worlds for this is the only place where an empty soul can find a measure of peace / / [[The Interstice (Inside Rocco's Mouth)]] / Over-Clocked Lemon: Plus living in your pants pocket is no picnic / Phillip: That's it. I'm trading you in for an iPhone. http://www.goats.com/archive/070131.html |
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