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| Goats comic strip from March / 27 / 2007: the fine print (14) | [[Pub (Stub)]] / Glock: As much fun as this standoff has been, we really should be going. Would you mind if we just skipped ahead to the part where I kill you? / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Carl: Why would you want to kill us? I thought we were having a good time. / Roger: I was going to ask you to dinner. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Glock: I'm sorry, but I don't date dead people. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Glock: Not again. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: I doubt you'll be doing much dating in Hell. http://www.goats.com/archive/070327.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 28 / 2007: the fine print (15) | [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: All right now! Who wants to visit the afterlife next? / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: That's what I thought. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: Look, this doesn't need to be difficult. Everyone who behaves gets a free one-way ticket on the Turtle Express anywhere they want in the multiverse. Yes Diablo? / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Diablo: Can you send me somewhere warm, wet, and sandy? / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: Turtle, do you have a match for those criteria? / Voice Synthesizer: Top result is Paula Abdul's uterus, Seņor Dude-san. / Diablo: I'll pass. http://www.goats.com/archive/070328.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 29 / 2007: the fine print (16) | [[Pub (Stub)]] / Carl: Do you think you could send us to wherever Oliver is? / Roger: We kinda made a lifelong vow to guard his body. / Jon: Turtle, send them to wherever Oliver is. / Voice Synthesizer: Transport commencing, Chester A. Dudester. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Carl: So long, everyone! / Roger: Don't be strangers! Come fight us real soon! / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: So are you guys ready to go home? / Fish: No! We still have to save the universe! From doom. / Diablo: Damn hippies. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Fineas: Your turtle took Roger and Carl to Oliver. Could it take us directly to Phillip? / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: Dunno. I guess we could ask. / Diablo: Couldn't Hurt. / Text: Next week: They ask! http://www.goats.com/archive/070329.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 02 / 2007: the fine print (17) | [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: Turtle, do you know where Phillip is? / Voice Synthesizer: Location search inconclusive, Vinny Dude-A-Rino. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Fineas: Inconclusive? / Voice Synthesizer: Multiversal index search for unique instance identification code yields two results. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Voice Synthesizer: Possible causes include divergence of I.D. signal around a supermassive voidal entity, such as a stray black hole or loose singularity. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Voice Synthesizer: I can estimate the original source of the signal by averaging their trajectories, Henry Dude-Inger / Diablo: That sounds like a great idea that almost certainly won't have any unintended consequences. / Fish: Hooray! http://www.goats.com/archive/070402.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 03 / 2007: the fine print (18) | [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: Alright, it's time to go get Phillip. / Fish: Wait! / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Fish: We can't leave Alfred here by himself. / Fineas: You're right. He might talk. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: Yeah, Alfred! Why don't you come with us? It's been nineteen thousand years since your last day off.
/ / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Alfred: Ah, zees eez very kind of you, but I must say no. Eef ze creator was ever to stop by for ze single malts and I was not here, I could never forgive myself. / / [[Pub (Stub)]] / Jon: God is dead, Alfred. I ate him with applesauce. / Alfred: When one ees dead, zis ees when zey are needing ze drink ze most, no? http://www.goats.com/archive/070403.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 05 / 2007: the fine print (20) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Computer: / Drink: / SFX: / Jon: / Fish: / Fineas: / Diablo: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/070405.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 10 / 2007: the fine print (22) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Picture: / Beer: / Computer: / Sign: / Fish: / Cosplayer: Hey, is that a turtle in your pants or are you just happy to see me? / Jon: It's a turtle. I can prove it. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Beer: / Sign: / Alien(s): / Fineas: / Cosplayer: Excellent! Really great costumes, guys. See you fellows around, I'm late for my pupal phase. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Fish: / Cosplayer: / Jon: Costumes? What was he talking about? / Diablo: No idea. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Fish: / Alien(s): / Jon: These people seem to know who we are. I don't think this could possibly get any creepier. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Sign: / Fish: / Alien(s): / Diablo: We could go to the Tasha Yar memorial erotic filk festival. / Jon: You're a great reminder to keep my expectations low, Diablo. http://www.goats.com/archive/070410.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 11 / 2007: the fine print (23) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Bag: / Alien(s): / Fineas: Phillip is not here. We are wasting time. / Diablo: We're not wasting time. We're wasting our lives. There's a difference. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Bag: / Dividers: / Alien(s): / Fineas: Do we even know what this line is for? / Diablo: I assume someone of importance is at the front of it. We can ask them where Phillip is. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Alien(s): / Fineas: We've been waiting for an hour. / Diablo: That's a good sign these guys are popular. We get a signature, we put it on intergalactic eBay or whatever, we get super-rich and retire to the Swedish massage zones. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Dividers: / Bag: / Book: / Sign: / Fineas: Sure, until the Swedish massage zones implode in a chaotic fiery shitstorm of doom in five and a half years. / Diablo: You're a glass-mostly-empty sort of guy, you know? / Steve: And who am I making this out to? / Alien(s): Pzuhlzzgrnuxstina. It's for my niece. / Gus: Do you spell that with three z's or four? http://www.goats.com/archive/070411.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 12 / 2007: the fine print (24) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Dividers: / Sign: / Computer: / Fineas: / Diablo: / Alien(s): / Steve: / Jon: Maybe the turtle is right. Maybe Phillip isn't here. / Fish: You can't give up, Mister Jon! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Jon: / Alien(s): / Fish: In life, it is important to keep going and persevering and trying over and over again until you forget to eat and pass out from low blood sugar. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Television: / Alien(s): / Fish: Otherwise, people will make fun of you for cutting and running! Cutting and running is the worst thing that anyone can do. / Jon: That's it, no more Fox News for you. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Jon: C'mon, we're out of here. Where's Diablo and Fineas? / Fish: They're yelling at some monkeys over there. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Jon: Of course they are. / Fish: Hey! Those monkeys gave me pudding once! http://www.goats.com/archive/070412.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 16 / 2007: the fine print (25) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Chair: / Fineas: / Steve: Let's not be too hasty, gentlemen. / Gus: There's a perfectly good explanation for all of this. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Fineas: Yes? Then share your explanation with me or I will make an origami swan from your pancreas. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Alien(s): / Diablo: It looks to me like you've been making big-time scifi convention money with our story while we're out there in the muck and the mire trying to save all of your necks. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Chair: / Fineas: / Steve: That's right! That's the explanation. You got it right on the first try. / Gus: The Dimension Shift graphic novel is available in four collector's covers. http://www.goats.com/archive/070416.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 17 / 2007: the fine print (26) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Sign: / Bottle: / Jon: / Diablo: / Fish: / Alien(s): / Fineas: You turned our story into a comic book? Only thalidomide victims and Sharpie sniffers read comics. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Gus: / Steve: It's not your story. You're only living it. I'm the one who wrote it. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Fish: / Fineas: / Diablo: / Jon: Whoa, fellas! Keep it down or some weird steroid-gargling four-armed space-rhino security guard will boot us all out of here. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Fish: / Fineas: / Diablo: / Jon: Oh crap. There's one standing right behind me, isn't there? / Security Guard: I'll need to see your con badges, please. / Jon: This is so embarrassing. http://www.goats.com/archive/070417.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 18 / 2007: the fine print (27) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Security Guard: / Diablo: / Fish: / Fineas: / Receptionist: Full name? / Jon: Jonathan Rosenberg. / Receptionist: Species? / Jon: Human. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Receptionist: Human? / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Jon: It's like a monkey, but taller. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Mug: / Receptionist: Mr. Rosenberg, you and your animals will be confined to cell 9-42 until you can come up with payment for your convention zone 3-day passes. We accept most major credit cards and organs. Officer, take them to their cell. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Fish: / Fineas: / Diablo: Thank God you still have both kidneys. / Jon: I get one phone call, right? / Security Guard: Why? Are you voting for Sanjaya? http://www.goats.com/archive/070418.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 19 / 2007: the fine print (28) | [[Xibalba (office)]] / Fax Machine: / Phone: / Seven Death: / One Death: Jon! It's so nice to hear from you. How's my favorite field agent doing? / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Phone: / Jon: I'm not your field agent. / / [[Xibalba (office)]] / Phone: / Fire: / One Death: Of course you're not. You have free will! / Seven Death: That joke gets funnier every time I hear it. / One Death: So what can I do for our newest employee? / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Phone: / Jon: I'm in jail. / / [[Xibalba (office)]] / Phone: / One Death: Sounds like you and your friends are having a good time with your new expense account! / Jon: Can you hold on for a sec? / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Phone: / Bed: / Alien(s): / Jon: What is it? I'm on the phone. / Fish: That cucumber man says I am married to him now. http://www.goats.com/archive/070419.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 23 / 2007: the fine print (29) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Office (One Death's)]] / Chair: / Phone: / One Death: That Amex I gave you doubles as a get-out-of-jail-free card, incidentally. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Credit Card: / Phone: / Jon: I figured. If I charge bail money to this, will you own my soul forever or something like that? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Office (One Death's)]] / Chair: / Phone: / One Death: I already do. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Credit Card: / Phone: / Jon: So I'm damned no matter what I choose to do. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Office (One Death's)]] / Chair: / Phone: / Computer: / One Death: You're a fast learner! That's just one of the many reasons we hired you, Jon. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Credit Card: / Phone: / Jon: Fine. I'll use your damned card, but I'm going to feel conflicted about it. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Office (One Death's)]] / Chair: / Phone: / Computer: / One Death: That works for me, Mister. Don't hesitate to call anytime, I do enjoy these chats of ours. http://www.goats.com/archive/070423.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 24 / 2007: the fine print (30) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Bed: / Dart: / Alien(s): / Fineas: I totally could have taken out that guard. / Diablo: I feel for you, man. Who knew they had tranq snipers at sci-fi conventions. / Fish: I am glad that they do. Elves are scary in real life! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Dart: / Fineas: And I could break out of here too if I wanted to! These bars don't look so strong. / Fish: Also you can walk between them pretty easy. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Computer: / Credit Card: / Jon: There's no need to bend steel with your bare hands. The centurion has set us free. / Security Guard: Here's your turtle, Sir. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Diablo: Awesome! Let's melt our asses out of this hellhole. That sounded a lot better in my head before I said it out loud. / Fish: No! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / [[Jail (Cell)]] / Fish: We can't leave yet. I figured out how to find Phillip. http://www.goats.com/archive/070424.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 25 / 2007: the fine print (31) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Jon: / Fish: / Fineas: Fish hasn't had an original idea since the Nixon administration. Since when do we listen to him? / Diablo: I miss Nixon. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Alien(s): / Jon: I don't see you coming up with any brilliant plans, Mister Military Strategist. / Fish: Yeah! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Sign: / Jon: Maybe when you teleported yourself out of Fish's mind you were a bit hasty? A bit careless? Maybe you got some of Fish's brain bits and vice-versa. / Fish: Whoa. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Fish: / Alien(s): / Jon: Those snipers took you without breaking a sweat. Would the old Fineas have gone down as quickly as a two-ton strumpet? / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Fineas: Self-diagnostic routines don't show anything out of the ordinary. You're just trying to psych me out, Mister. / Diablo: I can't believe I actually miss Nixon. http://www.goats.com/archive/070425.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 26 / 2007: the fine print (32) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Table: / pen: / Sign: / Chair: / Alien(s): / Steve: That was awkward. Remind me never to write anything based on real people again. / Gus: Steve, what are you thinking? You had Fish and Friends thrown in the hoosegow! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / pen: / Sign: / Chair: / Gus: And I suppose having your characters sit around in a jail cell for the entire next volume is going to do wonders for sales. / Steve: They were scaring away customers / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / pen: / Chair: / Jon: / Steve: Don't be such a nervous Norbert. I'll write them free after the convention is over. / Gus: Looks like someone beat you to it. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Gus: / Steve: / Fish: / Alien(s): / Jon: One copy of Dimension Shift, please. It's for my niece. / Diablo: What we mean to say is that we would never read comics ourselves and that your work is only fit for hyperactive toddlers. http://www.goats.com/archive/070426.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 30 / 2007: the fine print (33) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Table: / Chair: / Alien(s): / Diablo: / Steve: What are you doing here? / Jon: I said one copy, please. And make it out to Stella / Fish: And write nice things about her! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Chair: / Steve: This is impossible. / Gus: Clearly it isn't. You've lost editorial control more than once now. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Table: / Fish: Now we just read this book and it will tell us where Phillip is! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Steve: You said that book was for your niece. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Table: / Alien(s): / Fish: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further. / Diablo: Awesome! They included the time I guest-starred on "Small Wonder". I blame that show for the death of Jon Benet Ramsey. I bet the girl who played the robot grew up to be real hot. http://www.goats.com/archive/070430.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 01 / 2007: the fine print (34) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Glasses: / Cigar: / Jon: This is so weird. Everything we've ever done is in here! / Fish: I am never taking off my underwear again. / Diablo: I like to think of myself as introspective but this is ridiculous. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Fish: / Jon: Here's the time we fought Dirtron, the dirt-licking robot. / Dirtron: [...]mm [...]yeah. Mmmm. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Jon: / Jon: And who could ever forget that amazing time we saved the Libertarian Gnomes of Dingle Ridge from the wrath of Hurricane Steffi! / Gnome: I resent your interference. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Jon: And here's the time Dirtron came looking for revenge. / Dirtron: Soon all of you will be licked clean.... to death!! / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Stick: / Cat: / Jon: / Jon: And there's the time I discovered the cure for Cat Butt. http://www.goats.com/archive/070501.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 03 / 2007: the fine print (36) | [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Table: / Alien(s): / Jon: / Fish: / Fineas: All right, Ladies. This ain't "The View". We have work to do! Turn towards the back of that book and let's take a peek at what Phillip's been up to. / Diablo: Ten bucks says he's taking a course in mouse husbandry. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Fish: / Jon: You don't have ten bucks. / Diablo: But I do have a keen appreciation for how hard it is to create the ideal setting for mouse copulation. it takes more than just a tiny fireplace and a gerbil-skin rug. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Table: / Fish: / Alien(s): / Jon: It looks like he's stranded on an ice world with Neil? Maybe that's Bob, I never can tell. / Diablo: That was my second guess. / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Fish: / Jon: And there's Toothgn... What the hell happened to Toothgnip? / / [[Yiffulon Gamma (Convention levels)]] / Book: / Jon: / Neil: / Phillip: What the hell happened to you? / Toothgnip: I ate too many red M&Ms. http://www.goats.com/archive/070503.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 07 / 2007: burn this (1) | [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Stick: / Machine: / Chair: / Panties: / Neil: / Phillip: Jesus, you look like shit. / Toothgnip: You ain't exactly Tawny Kitaen, neither. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Machine: / Chair: / Phillip: I can only dream of being Tawny Kitaen. She dated O.J. Simpson, Jon Stewart and Tommy Lee. She stabbed second hubby Chuck Finley with her shoes! Her mortal enemy is Florence Henderson. She even rolled around on top of a car once! / Neil: She sounds dreamy. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Machine: / Chair: / Toothgnip: Did you know her father was a Jewish-American? / Phillip: No. / Toothgnip: It's true. He worked for a neon sign company. http://www.goats.com/archive/070507.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 08 / 2007: burn this (2) | [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Toothgnip: Do you know where Oliver is? / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Machine: / Chair: / Phillip: Not since that potato-fucker dropped me in the pub stub. I guess he could be anywhere now. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Machine: / Chair: / SFX: / Phillip: ARGH! / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Machine: / Chair: / Phillip: What the hell did you just do to me? / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Stick: / Toothgnip: He doesn't know. But he has three companions, outside the ship. Invite them in, we'll be needing the girl. / Neil: Yessir, right away. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Stick: / Machine: / Chair: / Toothgnip: I need to find Oliver. He has something I want. You and your new friends will help me or I will turn your brains into cornmeal. / Phillip: This is going to sound super-racist but you were a lot more fun to hang out with when you were white. http://www.goats.com/archive/070508.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 09 / 2007: burn this (3) | [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Hatch, Room)]] / Gun: / Door: / Neil: / Farmhand Brock: Watch where you poke with that thing I'm saving myself for marriage! / Farmhand Bean: Vegetables can't get married. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Why shouldn't vegetables be allowed to marry anything they want? / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Farmhand Bean: Because it would violate the sanctity of marriage. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: That's ludicrous. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Gun: / Farmhand Brock: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Farmhand Bean: The great Farmer's Almanac says our drunken Lord defined marriage as a sacred institution between a man and a woman, or two men, or a man and robot that looks like a lady, or two ladies and a small horse, or two cousins that ain't met before, or a man and whatever mammal or bird is most handy. But He ain't never said nothing' about no veggies. Thas' just icky to think about. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Gun: / Farmhand Brock: / Neil: How about an alien and a dozen hamsters and a car battery? / Farmhand Bean: I guess that'd be okay. As long as you wasn't all showy about it. / Neil: Hallalujah! http://www.goats.com/archive/070509.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 10 / 2007: burn this (4) | [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Gun: / Neil: / Farmhand Brock: / Phillip: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Programmer! / Farmhand Bean: Sweet-cheeks! / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Are you safe? / Farmhand Bean: You ain't been neutered, have ya? / Phillip: Aside from a goat-induced migraine and a huge case of the incest creeps, I'm okay. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Farmhand Brock: Who here is responsible for this outrage? How dare you manhandle me! Do you know who I'm going to be someday? A famous artist, that's who! I will be known as El Gato. I'm going to paint cats on the sides of skyscrapers! Adorable cats playing musical instruments, five hundred feet tall. Cats wearing diapers. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Gun: / Sound Effect: / Farmhand Brock: / Neil: / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Gun: / Farmhand Brock: / Neil: If someone had done that to Neil Diamond he never would have recorded "Heartlight". / Phillip: You did the right thing. http://www.goats.com/archive/070510.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 14 / 2007: burn this (5) | [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Stick: / Toothgnip: Everyone wants off this snowball, right? Let's get it in gear. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Who and/or what are you, foul beast? / Farmhand Bean: That be the demon Toothgnip. he is an old god, resurrected in the name of One Death, in service of chaos, and destroyer of worlds. / Farmhand Brock: So he's a bad guy, then? / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Farmhand Bean: Yer mother edited him right out of the Great Farmer's Almanac. Thought people knowin' about him woudl be bad for morale. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Stick: / SFX: / Toothgnip: I'm not into this watercooler chit-chat thing people. Let's skip along to the good bits. / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / SFX: Can't feel [...] life[...] / Now he's reading my thoughts have to find a way[...] / Like bunny rabbit[...] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Farmhand Bean: / Farmhand Brock: / / [[Ice Nine]] / [[Spaceship (Room)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Now I understand. Let's go somewhere private and have hot, nasty mutually-consenting sexual relations. http://www.goats.com/archive/070514.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 17 / 2007: goats guest week(s) 2007: paternity edition (1) | Text: Proto-goats / Text: Excelsior, true believers! / Behold, a rare glimpse into the mind of a young Jon Rosenberg. See how the "goats" cast was originally conceived! / / [[Room]] / weights: / Text: Phillip: Originally an albino weight-lifting squash! / Phillip: Oh yeah! / < Unf. / / [[Space]] / Text: Xztabolork: Screeching housewife demon of Orion's Belt. This character was completely scrapped in favor of that weird broccoli thing. Whatever. / Xztabolork: Do the dishes! / / Text: Jon: Originally spelled "John", with an "H". / Jon: Hi, I'm John. / Text: Weird! http://www.goats.com/archive/070517.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 11 / 2007: gamer2 goes to washington (1) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Baby(ies): / Drink: / Food: / Toy: / Text: FILMED ENTIRELY IN FUTUREMERICA 3000 / megaGAMER I: I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ADOPTED ALL THESE BABIES / megaGAMER II: I JUST LEARNED THAT YOU CANNOT LEGALLY FEED BABIES TO COYOTES / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Baby(ies): / Scroll: / Gas Can: / Chris "Corky" Burke: / megaGAMER I: THE INDIANS USED EVERY PART OF THE BABY / megaGAMER II: UMBILICAL CORD WINDSOCK / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Gas Can: / megaGAMER I: THESE BABIES ARE MULTIPLYING AT A RATE OF 88 MILES PER HOUR / megaGAMER II: INFANT CRITICAL MASS IS IMMINENT / OH NO / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Toy: / megaGAMER I: QUICK ADOPT SOME OF THESE BABIES FROM ME / megaGAMER II: I WILL TRADE YOU FOR SOME OF MY GINA GERSHON CLONES / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Eddie Murphy: / megaGAMER I: I HEARD THAT GINA GERSHON HAS BLOOD INSIDE HER BODY / megaGAMER II: I HEARD THAT TOO ON NEURO TELEVISION / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Lawn Gnome: / Squirrel: / megaGAMER I: OUR FUTUREMERICA NEURAL MEDIA MONOPOLY BRINGS US IMPORTANT NEWS IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER / megaGAMER II: PARIS HILTON BLA BLA BLA PENIS http://www.goats.com/archive/070611.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 12 / 2007: gamer2 goes to washington (2) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Food: / Drink: / Toy: / Text: HAPPY NATIONAL INTENSE STRESS DAY / megaGAMER I: NATIONAL INTENSE STRESS DAY BRINGS OUR COUNTRY TOGETHER / megaGAMER II: I AM TAKING OUT TWELVE MORTGAGES TO CELEBRATE / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Chris "Corky" Burke: / Scroll: / Toy: / Gas Can: / megaGAMER I: I LOVE THE SPONTANEOUS FISTFIGHTS ON EVERY STREETCORNER / megaGAMER II: I WILL PUNCH YOUR SISTER FOR NO APPARENT REASON / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Gas Can: / Prairie Dentists: / megaGAMER I: THAT WILL BE INTENSELY STRESSFUL FOR HER / megaGAMER II: AH TRADITION TRADITION / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Toy: / Food: / megaGAMER I: I WILL JUGGLE THESE UNFED INFANTS IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER IN LAW / megaGAMER II: I WILL FORGET TO COMPLETE AN IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Dish Detergent: / megaGAMER I: I WILL PROMISE TO ATTEND TWO WEDDINGS ON THE SAME WEEKEND / megaGAMER II: I WILL RUN OUT OF DISH DETERGENT WITH A FULL DISHWASHER / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Ronald Reagan]] / Elephant: / Squirrel: / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Lawn Gnome: / Knife: / Prairie Dentists: / megaGAMER I: I WILL MOW THE LAWN IN THE DARK NEAR SOME WASPS / megaGAMER II: I WILL MURDER THE LORAX http://www.goats.com/archive/070612.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 13 / 2007: gamer2 goes to washington (3) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Elephant: / Food: / Drink: / Baby(ies): / Toy: / Text: DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE / megaGAMER I: ARE YOU READY FOR OUR HOT BLIND DATE WITH TWO WILD AND CRAZY LADIES / megaGAMER II: I HAVE BEEN FREEBASING VIAGRA IN PREPARATION / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Elephant: / Toy: / megaGAMER I: / megaGAMER II: / Text: pre-preantepenultimate silent panel / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Prairie Dentists: / megaGAMER I: MAYBE MARTY WILL DATE THEM / megaGAMER II: YEAH HEY MARTY / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Toy: / Food: / megaGAMER I: LOOK OUT MARTY IS TRYING TO FLY AWAY FROM LOVE / megaGAMER II: LOVE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN YOU SHITHEEL / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Dish Detergent: / megaGAMER I: LOVE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING / megaGAMER II: NOW IT IS UP TO ME TO SATISFY THE OLSEN TWINS / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Elephant: / Knife: / Terrorist(s): / Food: / Squirrel: / Lawn Gnome: / megaGAMER I: WITH LOVE / megaGAMER II: WITH THE LUBRICATED SKULL OF TED KOPPEL http://www.goats.com/archive/070613.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 14 / 2007: gamer2 goes to washington (4) | [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Baby(ies): / Food: / Drink: / Toy: / Elephant: / Text: RON PAUL GEORGE AND RINGO / megaGAMER I: RON PAUL ONCE ATE A TREE / megaGAMER II: MIKE GRAVEL ONCE ATE A TRIBE OF BOLIVIAN SNAKEMEN / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Kleenex Box: / Toy: / Elephant: / megaGAMER I: RON PAUL DATED EVERY SUPERMODEL IN THE WORLD AT THE SAME TIME / megaGAMER II: MIKE GRAVEL DATED HIMSELF USING TIMESPHINCTER TECHNOLOGY / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Kleenex Box: / Terrorist(s): / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Prairie Dentists: / megaGAMER I: RON PAUL INVENTED THE FISH THERMOMETER / megaGAMER II: MIKE GRAVEL INVENTED A THERMOMETER THAT WORKS WITH ALL ANIMALS SUCK ON THAT / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Toy: / Food: / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / Drink: / megaGAMER I: RON PAUL DEFEATED COMMUNISM WITH HIS CHISELED GOOD LOOKS / megaGAMER II: MIKE GRAVEL DEFEATED HIS OWN FEAR OF COMMITMENT / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Picture: / Food: / Elephant: / Baby(ies): / megaGAMER I: RON PAUL ONCE SHOOK A BABY TO DEATH BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE HITLER / megaGAMER II: THAT HITLER BABY COULD HAVE GROWN UP TO BE CANCER / / [[megaGAMERZ 3l33t]] / [[Hotel (Overlook)]] / Picture: / Lawn Gnome: / Elephant: / Squirrel: / Prairie Dentists: / megaGAMER I: IT MAKES YOU THINK HUH / megaGAMER II: MIKE GRAVEL INVENTED THINKING http://www.goats.com/archive/070614.html |
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