You're browsing the archives of Goats.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Goats comic strip from August / 29 / 2007: showcase showdown (12) | [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Fish: Here is a page where I am being electro-whipped by... I can't read these words out loud! / Fineas: What is a hypersex paratrooper pornborg? / Diablo: And where can I get one? / Gus: Give those pages back! You're not nearly sentient enough to appreciate that properly. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Chair: / Script(s): / Jon: This is terrible. We're going to have to rewrite most of it. / Steve: You're taking all this way too seriously. Making you a Xibalban employee was just a way to give your character depth! It gave you a moral dilemma to struggle with. It wasn't meant to be a real career option. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Chair: / Script(s): / iPhone: / Jon: If you're not open to my notes we can get One Death on the horn. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to take time away from running the entire Mayan underworld and its numerous subsidiaries to discuss the editorial minutia of your project. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Steve: Sigh. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Chair: / Steve: Can we keep the hypersex pornborgs? / Jon: No. / Gus: You're murdering comics! http://www.goats.com/archive/070829.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 30 / 2007: showcase showdown (13) | [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Chair: / Jon: / Steve: / Gus: You dirty whore! I'm going to write you into space when I get back to my typewriter! / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Gus: You're going to be floating in the interstellar void for all eternity with a dozen flailing tumescent dog cocks bursting from your forehead, Rosenberg! And the dog cocks will slowly feast on your frozen flesh for ten million years. / Steve: We're starting you on Paxil tomorrow. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: / Gus: / Jon: We can discuss dog cocks once I've had a chance to do a proper script review. If you have to cuss please go sit in the corner and cuss quietly to yourself. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Post-It Note: CH. 3 / Gus: / Steve: / Toothgnip: / Jon: / Jon: Lessee... where did we leave off? Monkeys... carnivorous dog cocks... Aha. There you are. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (via script page artwork)]] / Script(s): / Jon: / Toothgnip: You again. Did you bring any gum? http://www.goats.com/archive/070830.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 04 / 2007: showcase showdown (15) | [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (via script page artwork)]] / Blood: / SFX: / Toothgnip: Bob, stop murdering things for a second. / Bob: Aw. / Toothgnip: You have the matchbook? / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Jon: It's inside a chicken I know. And your mind-reader tricks won't work on me. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (via script page artwork)]] / SFX: / Toothgnip: Tell me where you are. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Chair: / Fineas: / Steve: / Jon: I'm in the neutral zone, fucker! With my very own cloaking device. You'll never find us. Unless you're open to some good old-fashioned bater. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (via script page artwork)]] / Toothgnip: What do you want? / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Script(s): / Jon: A little secret power, money, control of the media... Maybe a little corned beef and kasha. You give me access to the monkey world and I'll give you Diablo and the matchbook. http://www.goats.com/archive/070904.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 10 / 2007: showcase showdown (18) | [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Computer: / Collar(s): / Diablo: / Fineas: Hey, Jon? / Jon: What is it, Fineas? / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Collar(s): / Diablo: / Fish: / Fineas: You know I'm a big fan of hierarchical command structures. Believe it or not, I'm not opposed to what you're doing here. The only thing that surprised me was that you had the chocolate-covered nut clusters to seize control before I did. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Computer: / Collar(s): / Diablo: / Jon: Thanks. I think. / Fineas: I'm going to go against my better judgment and back you up on this. / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Collar(s): / Fineas: That said, if you screw this up I will kill you so hard your ancestors will all die in childhood, retroactively. / Jon: It's a date! / / [[Universe (Artificial pocket)]] / Jon: Semigod, we're going to need some weapons. / Voice: And one Taco Bell taco sauce packet. / Jon: And one of those. http://www.goats.com/archive/070910.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 11 / 2007: showcase showdown (19) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / SFX: / Tarfon: / Toothgnip: Oliver, have your robot open up a portal to the lower consulting realms of domain eighteen. / Oliver: Robot, do what he said. / < http://www.goats.com/archive/070911.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 12 / 2007: showcase showdown (20) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / SFX: / Toothgnip: Bob, go over to the other side, bring back anyone you find. Alive. / Bob: Bee Arr Bee, Boss. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / SFX: / Bob: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba]] / Creature(s): / SFX: / Fire: / Collar(s): / Bob: / Diablo: / / [[Xibalba]] / Collar(s): / Fire: / Bob: / Diablo: Hot enough for ya? / / [[Xibalba]] / Collar(s): / Binoculars: / Bob: / IXCATZIN: / Diablo: At least it's a dry heat. / / [[Xibalba]] / Binoculars: / IXCATZIN: http://www.goats.com/archive/070912.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 13 / 2007: showcase showdown (21) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Toothgnip: Where's Jon? / Fish: He sent me with a message! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / SFX: / Toothgnip: / Diablo: / Bob: / Fish: Lessee... Jon says he's happy to do business with you but he trusts you about as far as he can spit. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Fish: As per your agreement, you will surrender control of the monkey planet in exchange for Diablo and the matchbook. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Bob: / Diablo: What?! / Fish: Diablo's explosive collar will be deactivated remotely when Jon detects that you have brought him offworld. Any tampering with the collar or attempt to extract the matchbook will be met with instant death at ten times the speed of sound for anyone within a two hundred meter radius. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Diablo: / Bob: On time I picked a lock with a butter knife. / Neil: Or we could smash it with a rock! Rocks are like butter knives. http://www.goats.com/archive/070913.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 17 / 2007: showcase showdown (22) | [[Press Conference]] / Podium: / Sign: / Voldemort: Many of you may have noticed reports in the news claiming that I hold a 0% position in the polls, while 57% remain "undecided" / / [[Street]] / Microphone: / Keith Shellac: Keith Shellac, NY1. Can you tell me who you are voting for, sir? / Jonathan Rosenberg: Vol- Er... Um... I uh, can't say. / Keith Shellac: Hmmm, another for undecided! / / [[Press Conference]] / Sign: / Voldemort: I am afraid it is merely a side effect of being He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! / Text: A Goats guest strip by Ryan Estrada http://www.goats.com/archive/070917.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 18 / 2007: showcase showdown (23) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Bob: / Toothgnip: What game are you and Jon up to? / Diablo: Dunno about Jon. But I am the Candyland master! As the rightful lord of Gumdrop Mountain I will take on any challenger. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / SFX: / Toothgnip: Tell me everything you know. / Diablo: I don't know a thing! Jon tricked me into coming here. Also, I have a tragically unrequited and unnatural attraction to Tipper Gore. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Toothgnip: Bah! Useless! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / SFX: / Collar(s): / Toothgnip: You tell me, little Fish, what is Jon scheming? How can I unlock Diablo's explosive collar? / Fish: Hee hee! That tickles inside my head. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / SFX: / Collar(s): / Toothgnip: Amazing. I'm not picking up any thoughts from him at all. / Bob: I guess there's not enough raw material in there to work with. / Fish: I graduated from Michigan State University! http://www.goats.com/archive/070918.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 19 / 2007: showcase showdown (24) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / [[Spaceship (Hatch)]] / SFX: / Collar(s): / Toothgnip: / Fish: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Let's go! Quick, while he's distracted. / Phillip: Where are we going? Please say Chuck E. Cheese. I have unused tokens. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Spacecraft: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: When we came through the portal we weren't far from the pub axis. I think I can find it. / Phillip: I thought there was no pub on this level. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Correct, there ain't no pub on account of God closing it down to keep the monkeys from boozing. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Phillip: But we're going there anyway. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: There has to be something at the axis. It's the very center of the universe. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Outside Starbucks)]] / Phillip: Now everything makes sense. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Outside Starbucks)]] / Sign: / Phillip: You're joking. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I've never seen anything like it! http://www.goats.com/archive/070919.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 20 / 2007: showcase showdown (25) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: If we're going to find the laptop this is the place to start looking. / Phillip: Hello? Anyone home? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Skeleton: / Newspaper: / Sign: / Sign: / Plant(s): / Trash Can: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: It's abandoned. / Phillip: Not entirely. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Skeleton: / Cobweb(s): / paper: / Table: / Phillip: Poor guy. He died thirsty. Who orders a Venti Peppermint Pumpkin Dolce Chip Frappuchino? You might as well just eat some burnt hair and be done with it. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Table: / Cup: / Trash Can: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: This place hasn't seen a live visitor in a dog's age. / Phillip: Maybe ten dogses ages! Dogs ages. However you pronounce it, that's a lot of dogs. http://www.goats.com/archive/070920.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 24 / 2007: showcase showdown (26) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Something is still alive in here. There is the humming of elven feet in the air. / Phillip: And the smell of them too. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Sign: / Phillip: Hold on, there's something I've always wanted to do. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Sign: / Phillip: I'm using the bathroom! Without making a purchase! Not even gum or mints! And I ate asparagus! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Sign: / Phillip: Anyone going to stop me? No? I didn't think so. Heh. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Sign: / Phillip: This is anticlimactic. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Bathroom, Starbucks)]] / Urinal: / SFX: / Stall: PORT -A- PORTAL deeluxe MANUFACTURED BY MACHINE ELF CORP / Phillip: http://www.goats.com/archive/070924.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 25 / 2007: showcase showdown (27) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Bathroom, Starbucks)]] / SFX: / Urinal: / Stall: PORT -A- PORTAL deeluxe MANUFACTURED BY MACHINE ELF CORP / Phillip: / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Bathroom, Starbucks)]] / Stall: / Phillip: / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Bathroom, Starbucks)]] / SFX: / Stall: / Toilet: / Toilet Paper Roll: / Typewriter: / Script(s): / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Bathroom, Starbucks)]] / SFX: / Stall: / Toilet Paper Roll: / Typewriter: / Script(s): / Phillip: / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Bathroom, Starbucks)]] / Stall: / Typewriter: / Script(s): / Text: Suddenly, a space-time http://www.goats.com/archive/070925.html |
| Goats comic strip from September / 26 / 2007: showcase showdown (28) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / Phillip: You ever play those old Sierra and Lucasarts adventure games back when you were a kid? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / Table: / Skeleton: / Chair: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Most of my youth was spent in a deep meditative state or engaged in animal husbandry of some sort. / Phillip: Close enough. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / Phillip: I used to pick up any object that wasn't nailed down in those games. Dog bones, strange potions, pocket fluff, whatever. You knew it was all going to come in handy later on. I feel very strongly that we're going to need this typewriter. This surprisingly heavy typewriter. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I'm not going to carry it for you. / Phillip: I feel very strongly that we're going to need the "T" key from this typewriter. http://www.goats.com/archive/070926.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 01 / 2007: showcase showdown (30) | [[Xibalba]] / Sword: / Glock: Who are you? / IXCATZIN: My name is Ix. I like to dance! / / [[Xibalba]] / Sword: / Glock: What are you doing here? / IXCATZIN: Employee evaluations. What are you doing here? / / [[Xibalba]] / Sword: / Fire: / Glock: I'm not sure. Mostly just going around hitting things on the head. I'm kind of lost. / / [[Xibalba]] / Lava: / IXCATZIN: I was just about to head back to the office. It is not too far and we are ordering in delicious pizza for the whole I.T. department this afternoon. / / [[Xibalba]] / Sword: / Glock: You work in that creepy office complex with the fetuses floating in jars? / IXCATZIN: Is not just fetuses! We also like to talk about movies, we joke about famous people who do crimes or maybe are in magazine, that sort of thing. http://www.goats.com/archive/071001.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 02 / 2007: showcase showdown (31) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / SFX: / Diablo: / Fineas: / Steve: / Gus: / Toothgnip: I can't figure out how to open up this chicken without blowing us all to Hell. / Bob: That wouldn't be much blowing, Hell is right over there though... / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Fineas: / Bob: Monkeys are coming through the portal. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / SFX: / Steve: They saw us. What part of the plan is this? / Gus: This is the part where we run. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Toothgnip: Bring them back with their brains intact. / Bob: You got it miste- Ow! What?! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Collar(s): / Blood: / Bob: / Fineas: Move another inch and I sever your Achilles tendon. http://www.goats.com/archive/071002.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 03 / 2007: showcase showdown (32) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Toothgnip: It's Fineas! / Diablo: He had me fooled too. / Bob: I hate cyborgs! They think they're so much better than everyone else. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Bob: / Toothgnip: / Fineas: I don't think it. I know it. It's scientific fact. I can kick your ass to twelve decimal places. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Bob: Then bring on the double-blind clinical trials, motherfucker! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Bob: / Fineas: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/071003.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 04 / 2007: showcase showdown (33) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Collar(s): / Raygun: / Fineas: / Bob: My Face! / < http://www.goats.com/archive/071004.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 08 / 2007: showcase showdown (34) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Key: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: I don't mean to be presumptive, Programmer, but I'm having difficulty imagining how a typewriter key is going to be of much use. / Phillip: I try not to imagine anything. Every time I do I forget five more digits of Pi. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Phillip: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/071008.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 09 / 2007: showcase showdown (35) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Outside Starbucks)]] / Raygun: / Trash Can: / Skeleton: / Table: / Gus: / Neil: fine, be like that. I'll just laser the door off its hinges. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Outside Starbucks)]] / Laser Beam(s): / < http://www.goats.com/archive/071009.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 10 / 2007: showcase showdown (36) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / Trash Can: / Crate(s): / Umbrella: / Table: / Steve: The alien is shooting at the dirt. / Gus: Good for him. Let's do what we came to do. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Table: / Napkin Dispenser: / Collar(s): / Steve: This is such a raw deal. You know how I feel about retconning. / Gus: Well, Jon has his finger on the trigger of these explosive collars so I don't see how that makes a potato's difference. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Salt and Pepper Shakers: / Collar(s): / Steve: As long as we're being forced to make edits to the Manhattan 3 timeline there's no reason we couldn't go back even further. Edit out an origin story or two. Keep some parents from meeting. / Gus: You want to eliminate Jon? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Salt and Pepper Shakers: / Collar(s): / Steve: We eliminate all these freaks. Start over from scratch, new characters, new narrative. We redo the whole shebang. / Gus: A reboot? Bold. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Steve: Maybe I'll write about babies. Everyone loves babies. / Gus: Babies would be less likely to rise up in violent protest against us. http://www.goats.com/archive/071010.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 11 / 2007: showcase showdown (37) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Gus: We've only got the one sheet of paper, which means you only get one shot at these rewrites. / Steve: Well at least there's no pressure. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Clipboard: / Gus: Let's do a dry run. First up is Toothgnip, he poses the most immediate threat. / Steve: We edit out the Panties of Potency! Instead, Thor gives Toothgnip a magic Texas Instruments graphic calculator that helps him become the ninth greatest algebra student of all time. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Clipboard: / Gus: Then we'll need to erase Jon next. / Steve: In 1979, a young Jonathan Rosenberg is stuck by a falling piece of skylab, leaving him comatose and with only one functional asscheek. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Clipboard: / Gus: Brutal! I love it. How about Phillip? / Steve: Uh... Phillip... marries... a cat. A psychic cat! Right out of college. And they move to Macedonia and open a psychic cat academy. For cats. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Gus: Come on! Now you're not even trying. We still have rewrites of Diablo, Fish and Finease to get through. / Steve: In a stunning coincidence all three of them are eaten by hungry bears five years before they are born! http://www.goats.com/archive/071011.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 15 / 2007: showcase showdown (38) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Gus: I suppose if you think your audience is going to be satisfied with contrived bear carnigordevogglings* in place of thought-provoking, carefully plotted storytelling then go right ahead and start typing. / Text: *the technical term for the eating of a sentient being by an animal or person. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Steve: What's that supposed to mean? / Gus: It means you're a hack! All style and no substance. And I take back the bit about style. You turn a bunch of people different colors and call it character development. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Steve: A demonic goat wants to burn the world down and you're complaining about the lack of bildungsroman? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Salt and Pepper Shakers: / Gus: I remember a time when you took pride in what you wrote. / Steve: Was that the time I wrote about the man with no nipples or the time I wrote about Scott Baio crapping his pants? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Steve: Wait a second. The 'T' key is missing. How can I spell "pants" without a 'T' key? http://www.goats.com/archive/071015.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 16 / 2007: showcase showdown (39) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / paper: / Steve: There's no way I can write Toothgnip out of existence without a 'T' key! I can write Oothgnip out of existence, but he's never done anything bad to anybody. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / paper: / Steve: / Gus: Forget all the stuff I was saying before about how terrible a writer you are. You can still do this! I have faith in you. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Steve: I can't spell "goat" or "Manhattan 3" or "turnip teeth" or anything. Including "Anything". / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / Gus: You'll find other words. Better words. After all, you are the greatest writer of all time. / Steve: Really? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / paper: / Gus: Yes. Everyone always says so. / Steve: If everyone says so, then it must be true. http://www.goats.com/archive/071016.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 17 / 2007: showcase showdown (40) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Gus: This doesn't have to be a trilogy of novels, you know. One sentence will do. / Steve: One sentence. Okay. Here we go. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Typewriter: / paper: / Collar(s): / Steve: Suddenly... suddenly and wi... sands warning, a swarm of... carnivorous... dammit, potato has two 'T's in it. Suddenly a swarm of fanged carnivorous chipmunks nipped chunks of flesh from our friend goa... ungula... demon-posessed caprid. Is "caprid" a word? / < http://www.goats.com/archive/071017.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 18 / 2007: showcase showdown (41) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / paper: / Gus: That typewriter key is ours! / Steve: Technically it's owned by our employer, but since he's dead, we're looking after it for him. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Key: / Phillip: / Gus: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: You two stay back. I know who you are. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Steve: Well I am sort of famous. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Phillip: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: The Great Farmer's Almanac may be riddled with holes, but it is Pyrex-clear that the infinite monkeys are not to be trusted! Ye'd edit your own grandmama out of the spacetime continuum if ya thought it would increase yer readership! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Typewriter: / paper: / Gus: I think I may have known a guy who did that once, incidentally. / Steve: Really? / Gus: It's possible! There's no way to verify, naturally. http://www.goats.com/archive/071018.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 22 / 2007: showcase showdown (42) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Gus: Look, we were just kidding around! We're not going to erase anyone from existence. / Steve: That was, like, improv or something. Sometimes we do spontaneous improvisational comedy for no apparent reason! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Key: / Salt and Pepper Shakers: / Napkin Dispenser: / Phillip: Maybe I will hold on to this. / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: You give us the typewriter and we'll use it to stop Toothgnip. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Collar(s): / Gus: No way. Even if I wanted to it's against the rules. We don't make the rules, you know. / Steve: The rules are made by a giant sentient crayfish/burrito hybrid named Lester Jones and he does not fuck around. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Starbucks)]] / Trash Can: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: You have no choice and you're running out of time. Have you looked outside recently. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Outside Starbucks)]] / Pit: / Raygun: / Sign: / Neil: Goddamn I love shooting things. http://www.goats.com/archive/071022.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 23 / 2007: showcase showdown (43) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Blood: / Fineas: / Bob: Agh! Please! Stop! I can't take it! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Fineas: But there's still some skin left! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Sauce: / Blood: / Bob: Toothgnip, why won't you help me? / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Chipmunk(s): / Collar(s): / Diablo: / Toothgnip: Great. I'm being carnigordevoggled by chipmunks. You're going to have to take care of this one on your own, Bob, I've got my own tiny dragons to slay. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / Blood: / Collar(s): / SFX: / Oliver: / Bob: / Diablo: Wake up Son! It's time to punch some ass! I said 'punch' instead of 'kick' because you have the neato robot arm, but now that I really think about it punching people in the ass seems sort of awkward to me. http://www.goats.com/archive/071023.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 24 / 2007: showcase showdown (44) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Woody's Camp)]] / Detect-o-Tron: / Clipboard: / Sandwich: / Desk: / Carlos: We've got unauthorized interdimensional portal activity in multiverse hub sector twelve. / Jeff: We've also getting reports of missing monkeys and abandoned editorial stations. Dozens of existence levels are going stagnant. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Woody's Camp)]] / Sandwich: / Stapler: / Sandwich: / Desk: / Chair: / Woody Allen: For some reason whenever I sit down to a delicious pastrami on rye it's invariably interrupted by tragedy and death. / Jeff: It could be a software issue. We can get the consultants to fix it in the next point release. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Woody's Camp)]] / Sandwich: / Clipboard: / Sandwich: / Chair: / Woody Allen: Can you ask Clarence and William to head over to sector twelve and take a look around? / Jeff: They're missing too, sir. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Woody's Camp)]] / Sandwich: / Stapler: / Sandwich: / Desk: / Chair: / Jeff: / Woody Allen: Of course they are. Don't let anyone eat my sandwich, I'll be right back. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension (Woody's Camp)]] / Sandwich: / Chair: / Desk: / Jeff: You want to split it? / Carlos: No thanks. Pastrami gives me existential angst. http://www.goats.com/archive/071024.html |
| Goats comic strip from October / 29 / 2007: showcase showdown (46) | [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / [[Spaceship (Hatch)]] / Blood: / Farmhand Brock: Latte art is the only true form of art. / Carl: Just because you keep saying that doesn't make it true. / Farmhand Bean: There's also barn paintin' and macaroni pictures. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / [[Spaceship (Hatch)]] / Blood: / Coffee: / Farmhand Brock: Those things are too permanent! They fuel a corrupt capitalist society that values not the art, but the collecting of it! Only latte art has the ephemerality to be pure, unadulterated art, divorced from the crude scrabbling for material things. / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / [[Spaceship (Hatch)]] / Farmhand Brock: / Roger: Speaking of lattes, there's a Starbucks not too far from here, it looks like! / Carl: Roger! / Farmhand Bean: We thought you was deadified for certain! / / [[Infinite Monkey Dimension]] / [[Spaceship (Hatch)]] / Farmhand Bean: / Roger: Nah, I was doing recon. / Carl: Let's all go celebrate your not being dead with some Starbucks Cool Ranch Doritos Oreo-ccino coffee-like beverage substitute. / Farmhand Brock: Damned corporate specialty drinks Grumble Grumble I'll show them http://www.goats.com/archive/071029.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 >>