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| Goats comic strip from January / 03 / 2008: the office (1) | Text: THREE MONTHS LATER / / [[Xibalba]] / Water Cooler: / Cup: / Hurakan: Have you met him yet? / Gukumatz: Not in person. / / [[Xibalba]] / Door: J. Rosenberg / Hurakan: / Gukumatz: They say he never leaves his office. They say he survives on a diet of caffeinated panda blood. / / [[Xibalba]] / Computer: / Chair: / Water Cooler: / Calendar: / Cigarette: / Fish: / Hurakan: Impossible. / Gukumatz: Only the fish knows for sure. He's the only one allowed in. / / [[Xibalba]] / Cup: / Hurakan: He shouldn't smoke. Smoking is bad for your lungs. / Gukumatz: Fish don't have lungs. / Hurakan: Then I guess it's okay. http://www.goats.com/archive/080103.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 07 / 2008: the office (2) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Kitchen]] / Machine: / Microwave: / Cup: / Chair: / Table: / Gukumatz: They say Rosenberg once ran a year-long product naming workshop at his last firm. They say everyone in attendance died of morpheme abstraction poisoning. / Hurakan: Gukumatz, who are these people that seem to know so much? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Kitchen]] / Mug: / Microwave: / Chair: / Teabag: / Gukumatz: / Camazotz: There are no people. It's all corporate propaganda designed to keep us from asking the important question: Where's One Death? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Kitchen]] / Machine: / Chair: / Hurakan: Zotz has a point. One Death has been at the client for a while now. / Camazotz: There's more to this than a three month onsite, fellas. Something is up and someone needs to find out what it is. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Kitchen]] / Table: / Chair: / Microwave: / Cup: / Gukumatz: If you get bonus donut days revoked I am going to rub my butt all up and down your keyboard. / Hurakan: Bonus donut days are the only thing I have to live for. / Camazotz: Technically you're not alive. http://www.goats.com/archive/080107.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 08 / 2008: the office (3) | [[Xibalba]] / Cigarette: / Plant(s): / Bench: / Sign: / Man: / Gukumatz: I thought you were anti-smoking. / Hurakan: As you and Camazotz are so fond of pointing out, I am already dead. My lungs are mostly ornamental. / / [[Xibalba]] / Gukumatz: Oh come on, Hurakan. Those are friendly jibes. / / [[Xibalba]] / Cigarette: / Hurakan: You demons in management think you can treat us Mayans like second-class citizens just because we have kicked a bucket. / / [[Xibalba]] / Cigarette: / Plant(s): / Sign: / Hurakan: / Gukumatz: That's not true. We treat you that way because you're programmers. / / [[Xibalba]] / Cigarette: / Hurakan: Without us programmers maintaining the multiverse you wouldn't even exist. / Gukumatz: And without management you wouldn't have weekly powerpoint training seminars. http://www.goats.com/archive/080108.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 09 / 2008: the office (4) | [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Computer: / Water Cooler: / Clock: / Man: / Hurakan: Ix, I want to write a program that generates Powerpoint presentations automatically. / IXCATZIN: Ha! You would put all of management out of job. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Water Cooler: / Clock: / Hurakan: I know. / / [[Xibalba (Programming Room)]] / Computer: / Chair: / Toy: / Man: I tried that one. It's a non-trivial problem. / Scroggs: All that clip art doesn't pick itself, you know. / / [[Xibalba]] / Computer: / Hurakan: / IXCATZIN: Maybe program just makes bulleted lists of random words, no one will knkow difference. / Text: * ISO synergy * retrofit analysis * brunch tactics http://www.goats.com/archive/080109.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 10 / 2008: the office (5) | [[Xibalba]] / Plant(s): / Water Cooler: / Painting: / Hurakan: Ix, have you met the new boss yet? / IXCATZIN: No one has. / / [[Xibalba]] / Painting: / Hurakan: But you're head programmer! / IXCATZIN: May as well be head butt scratcher, Hurakan. There are no new clients since One Death disappeared. No reason for me to talk to big boss if there's no work. / / [[Xibalba]] / Cigarette: / Fish: / Hurakan: I want to meet him. / IXCATZIN: You will need to fight the fish to the death to win the right of entry. He is a master of knives. I hope you do not bleed easily. / / [[Xibalba]] / Painting: / Hurakan: Seriously? / IXCATZIN: No, I am pulling all of your limbs. Just ask Fish nicely and remember please and thank you. http://www.goats.com/archive/080110.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 14 / 2008: the office (6) | [[Xibalba]] / Plant(s): / Chair: / Desk: / Cigarette: / Hurakan: Mister Fish, do you have a moment? / Fish: All I have are moments. / / [[Xibalba]] / Chair: / Smoke: / Fish: / Hurakan: Spare one for me, then. Ask your boss to meet with me and prove he is more than rumor. / / [[Xibalba]] / Chair: / Cigarette: / Hurakan: / Fish: / / [[Xibalba]] / Chair: / Cigarette: / Plant(s): / Fish: Beats praying for death. Wait here. / / [[Xibalba]] / Cigarette: / Door: / Fish: Open the door, you nutless catfucker. / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080114.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 15 / 2008: the office (7) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Desk: / Chair: / Toy: / Plant(s): / Mug: / Cigarette: / Phone: / Fish: The natives are getting restless, Jon. / Jon: Will you close that? You're disturbing the flow of my chi. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Cigarette: / Fish: You can't hide in here forever. They're going to break down your door and make coffee filters from your lungs. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Chair: / Jon: You've gotten tense recently, you know? Have you tried acupuncture? / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Cigarette: / Fish: You'd be tense too if all your friends died in mushroom clouds and then you had to work a desk job fifty hours a week. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Desk: / Chair: / Toy: / Refrigerator: / Phone: / Cigarette: / Jon: I'm your friend! A friend who just instituted bonus donut days. / Fish: I'm allergic to donuts. A real friend would have known that. http://www.goats.com/archive/080115.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 16 / 2008: the office (8) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Desk: / Chair: / Toy: / Mug: / Nameplate: / Phone: / Cigarette: / Fish: / Jon: What do you want, Fish? You want me to go talk to the employees? I'll go talk to the employees. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Desk: / Chair: / Mug: / Toy: / Phone: / Refrigerator: / Fish: I want to go home. / Jon: You know that's not possible. / Fish: Try again. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Bottle: / Bodies: / Jon: We've tried dozens of exports. The interdimensional firewall stops us every time. And I'm tired of using all my closet space to store the failed attempts. / / [[Xibalba]] / Bodies: / Phone: / Fish: We don't need to export ourselves! We took the New Jersey Turnpike to get here, we can take it back home again. / Jon: And sit in traffic? I'd prefer to kill myself a few more times. http://www.goats.com/archive/080116.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 17 / 2008: the office (9) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Computer: / Terrarium: / Refrigerator: / Painting: / Jon: Come on, Fish, I need you here. You're critical path! You can have anything you want. Just name it. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Phone: / Bottle: / Fish: You know what I want. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Computer: / Jon: One rocket-powered pony, coming up! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Terrarium: / Painting: / Toy: / Refrigerator: / Computer: / Plant(s): / Fish: No. I want Reese. / Jon: You cannot have your own Reese Witherspoon. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Computer: / Fish: You said I could have anything. / Jon: You don't even play with the Parker Posey I got you. I'm the one that ends up changing her litterbox all the time. http://www.goats.com/archive/080117.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 21 / 2008: the office (10) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Bottle: / Fish: If I can't go home and I can't be with Reese Witherspoon there's only one other option. I'm going to kill myself, Jon. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Bottle: / Glass: / Jon: No you won't. / Fish: I will! I'll hold my breath until I'm dead. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Bottle: / Glass: / Jon: You're immortal, remember? / Fish: Dammit, I can't do anything right! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Refrigerator: / Glass: / Jon: Something about a zombie blood transfusion? I forget. Even I can't keep us with all the crap that happens to us. / Fish: I'll crush myself in the minifridge door. Maybe that could work. http://www.goats.com/archive/080121.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 22 / 2008: the office (11) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Chair: / Fish: / Jon: Fish, you wait here until your suicidal urdes have passed. Try thinking about something relaxing. Like balloon animals! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / Plant(s): / Jon: I'm going to go hold an emergency staff meeting and see if I can't get our Mayans and monsters all in a row. / / [[Xibalba]] / File Cabinet: / Fish: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080122.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 23 / 2008: the office (12) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Chair: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080123.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 24 / 2008: the office (13) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Martini: / Fish: / Reese Witherspoon: Slow down, Fish! I'm happy to see you too but that doesn't mean we should leap blindly into cohabitation. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Fish: You don't like me? / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Martini: / Reese Witherspoon: I didn't say that. But living in your own head is a pretty lonely existence. / Fish: I have you. That's all I need. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Martini: / Chair: / Fish: / Reese Witherspoon: Also the semantic memory reclamation drones that come out to feed during REM sleep would pulp you into delicious fish marmalade with their sawblade jaws. Nightly. The morning reconsitution process is particularly nasty. / Correction: Also the semantic memory reclamation drones that come out to feed during REM sleep would pulp you into delicious fish marmalade with their sawblade jaws. Nightly. The morning reconstitution process is particularly nasty. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Martini: / Fish: What kind of place is this? / Reese Witherspoon: Hey it's your id, mister. / Fish: Maybe we could live with your parents. http://www.goats.com/archive/080124.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 28 / 2008: the office (14) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Taps: / Martini: / Fish: We've got to get you out of here. No future wife of mine is going to get eaten by imagination robot monsters every night. / Reese Witherspoon: You get used to it. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Taps: / Martini: / Fish: Jon won't let me use his turtle transporter. We'll have to find another way out. / Reese Witherspoon: I'm not the real Reese Witherspoon, Fish. I can't leave here. I'm notional. Abstract! Imaginary. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Taps: / Reese Witherspoon: / Fish: You're just another layer of this... this computery onion of a universe we're all stuck in. And it's time to make French onion soup. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Fish: / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Martini: / Fish: Now I can't stop thinking about soup. / Reese Witherspoon: Take your time. http://www.goats.com/archive/080128.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 29 / 2008: the office (15) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Taps: / Fish: Okay. Let's think about this using intelligence. We're in my mind, which is shaped like a pub. Like an axis pub. / Reese Witherspoon: A what? / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Taps: / Martini: / Fish: It's an access point for the multiverse network axis! / Reese Witherspoon: You have really changed since I saw you last. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Fish: There's only one way to be certain. Alfred? You there? / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Fish: / Reese Witherspoon: / Alfred: Allo friends! Would you like to place ze order? http://www.goats.com/archive/080129.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 31 / 2008: the office (17) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Alfred: / Fish: Never mind, Alfred, this was a mistake. Please go away. / Reese Witherspoon: Fish! Don't be rude. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Fish: / Alfred: No no, miss, eet ees my fault. Come, small friend, let us talk. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Fish: If you go near Reese again I will make balloon doggies from your intestines. / Alfred: I would not dream of eet. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Fish: / Alfred: Being ze bartender ees more zan just mixing cocktails. I am ze host? I am, er, ze Meestair Rogers of ze bar. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: And ze host, he must make his guests feel comfortable. Your lay, for her ze sexy talk ees like putting away ze comfy red sweater. See? Maybe you try sometimes. / Fish: Hmm. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Fish: So you're not in love with Reese? / Alfred: No. I only date twins or better. One woman, she ees not enough of a challenge for Alfred. http://www.goats.com/archive/080131.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 04 / 2008: the office (18) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Reese Witherspoon: / Alfred: So what else ees inside your brain besides hot ladies? / Fish: There's lots of stuff in here! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Taps: / Beer: / Cigarette: / Tiny Dog: / Henry Kissinger: / Ron Howard: / Robert Goulet: / Naked Mole Rat: / Gabriel Jarret: / Princess Rides-A-Lot: / Drones: / Fish: There's adult Opie! / The dog-headed man from 1985. / Henry Kissinger too. / Also a naked mold rat who is angry for personal reasons. / A few semantic memory reclamation drones. / A miniature pony named Princess Rides-A-Lot / The head of Robert Goulet. / Oh, and the kid from "Real Genius". / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Gabriel Jarret: / Alfred: He looks so weird. / Fish: I know! I can't get him to leave. http://www.goats.com/archive/080204.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 05 / 2008: the office (19) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Cigarette: / Tiny Dog: / Drones: / Alfred: Zo each of zeese peoples is representing part of your personality? / Fish: That's what they tell me. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: Ze pony princess, what part of you ees she? / Fish: She represents my love of pony princesses! / Princess Rides-A-Lot: I love to hug! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Martini: / Reese Witherspoon: / Fish: Alfred, I have a problem. And all the pony hugs in the world won't help me. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Alfred: It eez okay to have problems! You know what zey say happens to people weezout problems. / Fish: What? / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: Zey become Republicans. / Fish: No! / / [[Fish's Psyche]] / Drones: / Text: *VOTE* REPUBLICAN BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS http://www.goats.com/archive/080205.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 06 / 2008: the office (20) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub, Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Fish: Alfred, you've got to help me get Reese out of here. / Alfred: But she eez part of you! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Brains: / Hole Puncher: / Alfred: Even eef such a zing were possible, removing Reese from your head would be like punching holes een your brain. Leetle brain circles go under ze couch, stuck in ze hair, all over. / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080206.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 07 / 2008: the office (21) | [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Podium: / Whiteboard: / Hurakan: / IXCATZIN: / Gukumatz: I want to thank all of you for coming on such short notice. / Scroggs: You said there would be donuts! / Gukumatz: There might be donuts afterwards. It's possible! / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Calculator: / Hurakan: / IXCATZIN: / Camazotz: / Man: / Demon: / Scroggs: Statistical probability analysis of that statement yields only imaginary numbers. / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080207.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 11 / 2008: the office (22) | [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Donuts: / Podium: / Whiteboard: / Jon: There's some crullers in there too, towards the bottom. / Staff Member(s): Ooh! / Jon: Okay! Let's get going, guys. This meeting isn't going to hold itself, and I'm sure you all have lots of questions. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Mug: / Staff Member(s): / Camazotz: Here's a question. Who the hell are you? / Gukumatz: Don't mind him, he has frequent hallucinatory outbursts from all the drugs he fell on as a small child. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Jon: Who am I, Mr. Camazotz? I'm Jon Rosenberg. I'm the guy One Death handpicked to keep things running smoothly while he's working offsite. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Mug: / Camazotz: We only have your word for that, don't we? / Gukumatz: Crap on toast. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Jon: I'd offer you a list of my references but most of my last team is currently dead from not having heads anymore. http://www.goats.com/archive/080211.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 12 / 2008: the office (23) | [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: I just spoke to One Death not more than an hour ago. On the phone! / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Staff Member(s): / Jon: He can't tell you much about his current assignment aside from the fact that it is dangerous, indeterminate in scope and length, and just about the most important and profitable venture we've ever engaged in. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Jon: And while we can't be there in person to help him, he told me that it would be enough for him to know we were back home, fighting the good fight. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: One Death asked me not just to hold down the fort, but to keep us growing. To keep us rolling like that mossless stone, ever upwards, running the gauntlet against incredible odds under dire circumstances, crushing all obstacles under our stony self, blowing up the final bad guy at the end, and ultimately riding the shiny shockwave of success and glory into the sunset of large Christmas bonuses. And I promised him that I would. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Gun: / Podium: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: So we're going to start with a company-wide rebranding workshop. / Staff Member(s): Oh God no. http://www.goats.com/archive/080212.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 13 / 2008: the office (24) | [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Jon: Out current corporate identity has all the charm of a dead hooker with a limp handshake. We can do better, people! People and monsters. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: This is our new Smart Board! Tt cost forty grand, which means it is automatically smarter than anyone who buys one. Let's start with an exercise I like to call "Dream Spew". / Text: hi! / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Marker: / Jon: Everyone shout out the first thing that comes to mind when you think about this company and I'll write it down here. Then the smart board will automagically create a new company name from our ideas! / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Staff Member(s): Friendly! / IXCATZIN: Professional / Staff Member(s): Networking / Staff Member(s): Tacos / IXCATZIN: Psychic User Profiling / Staff Member(s): Wang Computer Systems / Staff Member(s): Pants / Gukumatz: Soft Kittens / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Marker: / Jon: / Text: NAME GENERATION / RESULTS (TOP 5): / - Taco Pants Systems / - Psychic Friends Network / - KittenSoft / - Inflatable Beef Fairy / Networking / Psychic Profiling / Wang Computer Systems / Friendly! / Pants / Tacos / Professionalism http://www.goats.com/archive/080213.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 14 / 2008: the office (25) | [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Podium: / Marker: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: this is a good start but these names could use a little massaging. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Staff Member(s): / Staff Member(s): I vote for Taco Pants Systems. It sounds like a nice place to work. / Staff Member(s): I can't do this anymore. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Water Cooler: / Staff Member(s): / Staff Member(s): None of this marketing flimflam is going to change the fact that I've waster my entire life as a systems analyst. A goddamn systems analyst! What's the point of renaming our company? What's the point of anything? / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Marker: / Jon: There is no point. We live in a universe where life is meaningless, oblivion is just around the corner and God is confirmed to be dead. / Staff Member(s): I heard you killed him. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Donuts: / Jon: That's not important right now. What is important is that we have these donuts. They taste good. Have one. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Donuts: / Water Cooler: / Sound Effect: / Staff Member(s): They are pretty good. / Jon: I'm a big believer in the have-a-donut school of management. http://www.goats.com/archive/080214.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 18 / 2008: the office (26) | [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / Marker: / Sound Effect: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: I think what our new name needs is a little bit of good old-fashioned Web 2.0. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Jon: / Text: NAME GENERATION / RESULTS (TOP 5): / - CubePoint / - BlabCube / - Joopr / - MyOpia / - Shatnr(BETA) / Uptopia / Vision Collaboration / MySpace / Talk With My Friends / Self Actualization / Cube / J.J. Abrams / Star Trek / / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Marker: / Jon: What do you guys think about Joopr? You can't say anything bad about a name like Joopr. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Podium: / Marker: / Staff Member(s): / Jon: / Camazotz: I think you're drying to distract us from the fact that we haven't seen a single new client in here since you took over. / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Mug: / Camazotz: / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Podium: / Jon: / / [[Xibalba (Conference Room)]] / Whiteboard: / Podium: / pen: / Sound Effect: / Jon: Not at all! New client development is... uh... right here on... the agenda... just after the, uh... weekly... skeeball... tournament. http://www.goats.com/archive/080218.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 19 / 2008: the office (27) | [[Xibalba (Skeeball Alley)]] / Camazotz: Enough lollygagging, Rosenberg. You've been skulking in that office for months and the stink of whatever it is that's rotting in there with you is undeniable. / / [[Xibalba (Skeeball Alley)]] / Machine: / Stuffed Toy: / Ball: / Jon: / Gukumatz: / Camazotz: Look. I don't care what you did with One Death. / / [[Xibalba (Skeeball Alley)]] / Machine: / Camazotz: Maybe he's at the client location, working stealthily on a new type of multiversal health care system. / Gukumatz: Or a new type of sentient toast! / / [[Xibalba (Skeeball Alley)]] / Machine: / Ball: / Camazotz: Or maybe you murdered him. I don't know. It's not in my job description to care about that sort of thing. My job is to ensure growth in all our revenue streams, every quarter. / / [[Xibalba (Skeeball Alley)]] / Machine: / Tickets: / Camazotz: This quarter is almost over and we've spent the entire time on the beach. What are you going to do? / Jon: I'm going to win ten more tickets and redeem them for a pair of giant fuzzy dice. http://www.goats.com/archive/080219.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 26 / 2008: the office (30) | [[Xibalba]] / Mug: / Gukumatz: / Camazotz: / Jon: Is the axis pub a long walk from here? / Hurakan: The journey by foot is treacherous and filled with supernatural challenges that would stymie even the Mayan hero twins. / / [[Xibalba]] / Mug: / Skull(s): / Jon: Like Sudoku? / Hurakan: Deep in the fleshpits of Metnal there are thirty stone warriors who await pilgrims foolish enough to attempt the journey. It is said that they crush the skulls of travellers with the sturdy Samsonite luggage left behind by their previous victims. / / [[Xibalba]] / Jon: / Gukumatz: Ooh! Tell him about Jaguar House. / Hurakan: Jaguar House is a house filled with jaguars. / Gukumatz: It sucks in there. / / [[Xibalba]] / Car: / Mug: / Keys: / Jon: And we have to walk through all that if we want to get to the axis pub? / Hurakan: Not if you don't want to. We can take my Saab. / Gukumatz: Nice! When did you get this? / Camazotz: I think we may be paying the programmers too much. http://www.goats.com/archive/080226.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 27 / 2008: the office (31) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Reese Witherspoon: / Fish: Go on, already! Go find someone to help get Reese out of here! / Alfred: Wait ze second. My Alfred sense, she ees teengleeng! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Fish: / Alfred: Zere are new customers waiting for me elsewhere. Zey need cosmopolitans right away! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Alfred: / Fish: No! This isn't happy hour. This is desperate Fish hour. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Fish: / Alfred: Alfred will not forget you, fishy friend. Maybe these new customers will know someone who can assist us. I will return with help! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Sound Effect: / Alfred: / Fish: / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Martini: / Fish: I can't believe it. Soon we'll be together in the real world! / Reese Witherspoon: You mean the one that's a giant computer simulation. / Fish: Yes! The real fake world. http://www.goats.com/archive/080227.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 03 / 2008: the office (33) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Martini: / Toy: / Toy: / Fish: What am I doing? I can't be playing with amazingly fun toys at a time like this! I have to save you from being et by the dream droids. / Reese Witherspoon: It's okay, Fish, I'm pretty much resigned to it by now. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Fish: No! I'm going to stay up all night. If I don't go to sleep the robots can't come out to eat you. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Martini: / Reese Witherspoon: You've got to sleep at some point. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Martini: / Fish: Not if I can get my hands on two or more energy drinks I've got to leave you for a bit, Reese. Don't forget that I really like you. / Reese Witherspoon: I won't forget. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Fish: Wake up / Wake up / Wake up / Wake up now please / Wake up / Wake up / Wake up / < http://www.goats.com/archive/080303.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 04 / 2008: the office (34) | [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: Ow! My skeleton! I feel like I was partnered up with Kirstie Alley in a trust fall exercise. / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Refrigerator: / Desk: / Fish: I need energy drinks to stay awake, and yet I am kept away from a nearby refrigerator full of them by the crushing weight of the file cabinet I brought down upon myself. Oh, cruel situational irony! / / [[Xibalba (Imagined, Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Refrigerator: / Drink: / Chair: / Fish: Wait. Maybe if I think really hard about those energy drinks I can turn into a giant tentacled fishmonster and escape! / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: / / [[Xibalba (Jon's Office)]] / File Cabinet: / Plant(s): / Fish: I think my imagination hates my self-esteem. Hell? Satan? I'd like to redeem my Hell-wishes now. http://www.goats.com/archive/080304.html |
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