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| Goats comic strip from May / 14 / 2008: lost (11) | [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Steve: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Phillip: / Gus: They tell stories about empty levels like this one. Gruesome stories. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Steve: / Doughboy(s): / Gus: They say the editors slowly lose their minds, weaving tomes of intractable exposition describing the relative rates of grass growth over the course of millennia. / As the higher reasoning centers go dark, the brain repurposes the unused neurons. / More powerful and efficient lawn analysis algorithms are implemented to take advantage of the extra neural processing capacity. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Phillip: / Doughboy(s): / Doughboy(s): / Gus: Memories of friends and lovers are pushed aside to make way for submicron chaos predictors and local lawn-watering ordinances. Some editors grow resentful. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Gus: Some editors start converting as much of the mass of those empty worlds as they can into living, feeling flesh. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Doughboy(s): / Gus: That way, when the editor finally snaps and vents his omnipotent wrath on the slice of creation he was charged with keeping, the slice feels as much pain as possible. / Phillip: Also, the editor has a hook for a hand. http://www.goats.com/archive/080514.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 15 / 2008: lost (12) | [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Gus: Anyway, like I said, it's just a story. There's no evidence that crazed malicious godlike monkeys are preparing to turn us into cosmic biodiesel. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Doughboy(s): / Steve: Of course, the evidence would have been destroyed. / Gus: On Evidencegeddon Tuesdays! / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Steve: Every Tuesday we destroy anything that might be used as evidence that something was done to somebody by somebody else who may or may not be employed by the editorial board. Just in case. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Fire: / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Gus: Technically we don't even exist anymore. Anyhow I think it's unlikely that we're being prepped for apocalypse. / Steve: The office got nuked pretty hard. Whoever was editing this place is probably vapor and fillings. / / [[New Grasslandia (campfire, night)]] / Gus: And if this level's editor is incapacitated we'll all be literally bored to death long before end times. So there's nothing to worry about! http://www.goats.com/archive/080515.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 20 / 2008: lost (14) | [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Podium: / Gus: With a vote of two to one, Proposition 34-B passes and becomes a law. It is thusly agreed upon by the http://www.goats.com/archive/080520.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 21 / 2008: lost (15) | [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Podium: / Gus: Next on the agenda is... Someone's scribbled here in crayon... I can't read this. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Phillip: I think it's time we brought the Schoolhouse Rock Bill up for a vote. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Podium: / Gus: What exactly does this so-called Schoolhouse Rock Bill entail? / Phillip: I'm not sure. They're not too clear on that in the cartoon. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Phillip: But Goddamn, man! That bill's been sitting there on Capitol Hill for decades. Have a heart. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Podium: / Gus: You have no idea what it's about. / Phillip: I like to imagine it contains an elegantly simple solution to all of life's problems. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Podium: / Gus: Then it passes! The bill becomes a law. / Phillip: Or maybe it authorizes Mussolini to come back from the dead! Either one, I'm not picky. http://www.goats.com/archive/080521.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 27 / 2008: lost (18) | [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Text: Twenty-nine minutes later / Steve: Uf. Guh. / Gus: This is why I'm always telling you to get more exercise. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Steve: I exercise all the time. / Gus: Washing the dishes does not count as exercise. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Steve: I'm a very busy guy. I can spend time on the hamster wheel or I can spend time creating great works of literature that will outlive us both. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Steve: / Phillip: / Gus: They won't have to be very good to accomplish that. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Axis Pub: / Barley Mae: / Chuckles: / Tractoria: / Phillip Clone: Hello Father. http://www.goats.com/archive/080527.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 04 / 2008: lost (23) | [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Axis Pub: / Doughboy(s): / Gus: Your kid is weird. / Phillip: He's not weird. He's just Swedish. And he's not my kid! / Steve: Hey losers! Check this out! There's a pub under this lawn! / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Axis Pub: / Doughboy(s): / Steve: Someone needs to mow when you start losing entire bars. / Gus: This is the Axis Pub! That means we can leave and go anywhere we want! / Phillip: Do you know what this means? We can leave and go anywhere we want! / Gus: I just said that. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: Farmella! Did you hear? We can leave! / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Sorry, I was busy mourning the death of yet another family member in the name of the Programmer. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: She started it. / Gus: It's true, I saw the whole thing and she definitely started it. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: Plus you have like seventy sisters left. That's a lot of sisters! / Gus: This of it as a glass half-full of sisters. / Steve: And the other half is full of tiny, murderous Phillip worshippers. http://www.goats.com/archive/080604.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 05 / 2008: lost (24) | [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: I'm gonna miss the hell out of these guys. They're a food source and and autonomous personal shield. / Gus: That clinches it. They're definitely artificial. / Steve: Altruism isn't a naturally-occurring emergent property of the multiverse. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: One of your monkey friends must have a crush on me. Thanks, mystery space monkey! / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Doughboy(s): / Phillip: So where do we go now? / Steve: I'm going to vote for Galactron Cortex! / Gus: Sweet creamed corn! Galactron Cortex is the red hot center of the ultraweapons district. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Nobody has a vote in where I go. You are privileged to follow me if you wish. / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: / Steve: / / [[New Grasslandia (night)]] / Farmella Cummington-Bloomers: Now. Tell me about Galactron Cortex. / Steve: Fun Fact: Before Galactron Cortex was liberated by the Ultraweapons Trade Benevolence, it was home to the second-best lowfat frozen yogurt in existence. http://www.goats.com/archive/080605.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 12 / 2008: lost (28) | [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Phillip Clone: So you're saying that the almanac will no longer be infallible in 2012? / Cornhusk: I would never utter such blasphemy! The almanac will still be infallible, but the infallibility will be consistently wrong. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Barley Mae: / Phillip Clone: This is a serious problem. / Cornhusk: Only for a little while. Then the almanac will cease to exist along with all of reality and the problem resolves itself. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Yakmeat: In the meantime, continuity holes are getting bigger every day. Bizarre anomalies keep popping up. / Cornhusk: Hand puppets keep coming to life. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Phillip Clone: All the more reason to redouble our efforts. Living in a non-deterministic universe is morally reprehensible and a sure sign of a poor upbringing. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Phillip Clone: All of you, rip your own faces off and get back to work! / Yakmeat: Yes sir! / Phillip Clone: I am not paying you to stand around with your faces making chitchat. http://www.goats.com/archive/080612.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 16 / 2008: lost (29) | [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Clara: / Cornhusk: / Yakmeat: / Barley Mae: / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Cornhusk: Okay, everybody rip off your face now, alright? / Yakmeat: Hee hee! I thought he'd never leave! / Barley Mae: Nah, Prak's gotta go make sure the hypertrains are running on time. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Cornhusk: Could Prak be anymore short and angry? No! I don't think he could! / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Barley Mae: One time I saw him practicing tongue kissing on his Dapper Dan dress-'em-up doll. / Cornhusk: This ain't nothin'. One time me an' Tractoria caught him yellin' at zoo animals for not payin' taxes. / Yakmeat: No. / Cornhusk: Yes! / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Yakmeat: One time he came in here late at night crying because someone left an anonymous comment on his blog that said the word "doodie" a thousand times. / / [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Phillip Clone: / Yakmeat: It was the first time anyone had ever left a comment. http://www.goats.com/archive/080616.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 17 / 2008: lost (30) | [[Topeka Prime (Cowputer Labs)]] / Phillip Clone: / Barley Mae: I heard Prak has to shave his eyelids because of a rare cloning disorder. / Cornhusk: I heard he has vestigial toes growing under his hair. Like an inverse hobbit. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex)]] / Sound Effect: / Phillip Clone: / Farmtrooper(s): / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex)]] / Sound Effect: / Phillip Clone: / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Book: / Sound Effect: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: This'd better be a masseuse or a large meatball sub. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Sound Effect: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: / Phillip Clone: I need my eyes replaced with laser eyes immediately. http://www.goats.com/archive/080617.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 18 / 2008: lost (31) | [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: / Phillip Clone: Gramma Wheatina, I need laser eyes http://www.goats.com/archive/080618.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 19 / 2008: lost (32) | [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Couch: / Phillip Clone: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: I know all this can't be easy for ya. If yer father hadn't turned out to be such a deadbeat none of it would be necessary. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Couch: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: But he abandoned you. You and his responsibility to the people of Topeka Prime. He left that responsibility square on yer shoulders. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Couch: / Phillip Clone: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: And now it turns out the guy ain't even yer real pappy! He's just yer DNA daddy. That's true tragedy, son. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Couch: / Phillip Clone: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: I can imagine you're feeling pretty low, like the universe gave you a purple nurple and stuffed you in a locker. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: I'm here to tell you that feeling is a gift. That feeling is ninety-seven octane hitest and it fuels a monster truck called ambition. / / [[Topeka Prime (Complex, Ready Room)]] / Couch: / Farmer Wheatina Bloomers: You get in that truck, Prak, and you roll right over your troubles. Grind them into paste. / Phillip Clone: And then I'll ignite the paste with my laser eyes. http://www.goats.com/archive/080619.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 10 / 2008: the interstice lounge (4) | [[Interstice Lounge]] / Booth: / Blast Masterson: / Farmhand Bean: Who's this Customer fella anyhow? He's bein' downright unneighborly-like. / / [[Space]] / Spacecraft: / Topeka Prime: / Spacecraft: Hatfield / Farmhand Bean: In my day when someone moved into yer neighborhood they had twelve minutes to invite yer whole family over for strawberry-rhubarb pie and conversation or laserfeudin' would commence. / / [[Interstice Lounge]] / Counter: / Statue: Art / Lester: You guys are the newcomers. The Customer's been here for centuries. / / [[Interstice Lounge]] / Farmhand Bean: Still, it ain't right. / Farmhand Brock: I'm gonna go talk to him. / / [[Interstice Lounge]] / Psychic Potato Firewall: No. The Customer is to be left alone. / Farmhand Brock: No, it's cool! We, uh, have a previous business relationship. / / [[Interstice Lounge]] / Psychic Potato Firewall: / Farmhand Brock: Or maybe my mother knows his dog! That could be possible. http://www.goats.com/archive/080710.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 21 / 2009: the math fuhrer (3) | [[Long Island (Syosset)]] / [[Parking Lot (Donut Clone)]] / Stick: / Rat: / Jerrell: You don't just drive up to the mathball and throw your keys to the valet. They send you a platinum index card holographically encoded with G.P.S. coordinatesone-time pad made from the paw of a rare albino capuchin monkey. in the mail. / / [[Long Island (Syosset)]] / [[Parking Lot (Donut Clone)]] / Sign: / Jerrell: You make it to those coordinates, on time. My coordinates were for the parking lot of this Syosset Donut Clone. / / [[Long Island (Syosset)]] / [[Parking Lot (Donut Clone)]] / Jerrell: They came in a van. They put a hood on me. The inside of the hood smelled like cedar and old citrus. / / [[Long Island (Syosset)]] / [[Parking Lot (Donut Clone)]] / Stick: / Rat: / Jerrell: I couldn't see where they were taking me, but I could feel it. I could feel the movement deep inside me. With your help we can recreate that incredible journey of sensation. Will you feel with me? / / [[Long Island (Syosset)]] / [[Parking Lot (Donut Clone)]] / Stick: / Rat: / Jerrell: First we run east at forty miles per hour for seven minutes. http://www.goats.com/archive/090121.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 23 / 2009: the math fuhrer (4) | [[Long Island]] / [[Street]] / Stick: / Rat: / Jerrell: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/090123.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 26 / 2009: the math fuhrer (5) | [[Long Island]] / Jerrell: Megan? What are you doing conscious? / / [[Long Island]] / Megan: I could ask you the same question. / Jerrell: You could! But I asked first. / / [[Long Island]] / Stick: / Rat: / Megan: You were running down the street wearing a comatose rat tied to a stick. / Jerrell: This? This is nothing. I hardly know him. / / [[Long Island]] / Jerrell: Did the gray hologram bartender wake you up too? Did he imbue you with purpose? / Megan: Who? / / [[Long Island]] / Jerrell: Nothing. Forget it. / Megan: Your hair is nature's way of warning us about you, isn't it? http://www.goats.com/archive/090126.html |
| Goats comic strip from January / 28 / 2009: the math fuhrer (6) | [[Long Island]] / Stick: / Man: / Jerrell: As near as I can figure, sentients and semisentient entities must normally get their motive force from some external program that's stopped running. / Megan: It was nice seeing you, Jerrell. I'm going to run away now. / / [[Long Island]] / Man: / Jerrell: Imagine it! High-level editorial services cleaning up existential conflicts and providing inspirational input to us lower-lever programs. It makes sense. / / [[Long Island]] / Man: / Megan: These aren't computer programs, Jerrell. They're people. / Jerrell: Same diff. / / [[Long Island]] / Megan: No, it is not the same diff! It is an entirely different diff. / Jerrell: We're computer constructs living in an artificial multibraned brachiated existence space. The gray man told me. / / [[Long Island]] / Megan: Well, I couldn't have been expected to know that. / Jerrell: No, of course not. It would have required thought. http://www.goats.com/archive/090128.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 13 / 2009: inhuman resources (1) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Chair: / Blood: / Alien(s): I am is people person! I like to work with people. Or inside them? English not so good but is learning fast! / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Booth: / File (s): / pen: / Jon: Uh huh. So where did you see our ad for the 'client cowboy' position? / Alien(s): Is was tacked to wall of host-corpse nexus pub. Is will be job with profit sharing and such? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Booth: / Chair: / Jon: Profit what? / Alien(s): And of course I will is be needing host body for job. / Jon: A host body. / Alien(s): Preferably is an Asian chick. With nice rack. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Booth: / Alien(s): And also is be needing Fridays off. / Jon: Thanks for coming in. We'll be in touch. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Booth: / Alien(s): And is to be telecommuting on Mondays. / Jon: Fish, can you send in the next candidate? http://www.goats.com/archive/090313.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 16 / 2009: inhuman resources (2) | [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Rebreather: / Fish: The next candidate? You've seen twelve candidates, Jon. What are you waiting for? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Rebreather: / Fish: Are you waiting for a special unicorn? A golden unicorn who drives up in a golden Maserati and poops solid gold nuggets onto your chest? You'll be waiting a long time, let me tell you. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Rebreather: / Taps: / Jon: I decide when we've seen the last candidate. / Fish: What was wrong with this one? Poor table manners? Not enough eyes? / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Jon: This person and/or intestinal parasite is going to be the face of client contact for our entire company. First impressions are important. / / [[Xibalba]] / [[Pub (Axis)]] / Taps: / Fish: A unicorn would never poop on you. Never. http://www.goats.com/archive/090316.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 06 / 2009: inhuman resources (11) | [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Hat: / Taps: / Rebreather: / Grif Pentax: / Fish: You wear this hat. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Hat: / Sign: / Rebreather: / Checkers Board: / Fish: / Grif Pentax: / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Fish: There. / You look nice! / Now it is my turn again. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Checkers Piece(s): / Hat: / Scepter: / Old King Cole: / Fish: I invoke the name of Old King Cole, god-emperor of checkers! / May he awake from his royal slumber, may he rise up from the depths of sleep and insanity and smite our opponent! / Smite them in the zagnut! / Right in the ol' Kool and the Gang. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Checkers Piece(s): / Fish: / < / Hi! / Did I black out? I think I get twenty blackout points. http://www.goats.com/archive/090406.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 08 / 2009: inhuman resources (12) | [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Checkers Piece(s): / Rebreather: / Pencil: / Notepad: / Cigarette: / Cat: / Flower: / Grif Pentax: / Fish: Okay, that's eight captured pieces, eleven hundred points from the first round, plus the five hundred I inherited from my rich uncle Scrooge McSquid... take the second derivative... / Oh. / Oh, I'm so sorry. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Taps: / Rebreather: / Cigarette: / Grif Pentax: What is it? / Is it cancer? / Fish: No, it's much worse than that. / You lost. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Cigarette: / Grif Pentax: Okay. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Fish: You're going to have to perform a forfeit. / It's in the rules. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Cigarette: / Grif Pentax: What do I have to do? / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Fish: You have to knack-o-beam us into my brain and help me rescue imaginary Reese Witherspoon from certain death. http://www.goats.com/archive/090408.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 10 / 2009: inhuman resources (13) | [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Grif Pentax: What? / Fish: Mr. Pentax, there's an imaginary lady trapped in my mind. / I love her / She's the only thing keeping me from doing... doing bad stuff. / From losing myself. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Fish: And if I fall asleep, she dies. Over and over again. From robo-carnigordevogglization. / Grif Pentax: That's how my analyst died. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Grif Pentax: / Fish: Please. Please help me get her out. / You have to help her. / She's too pretty to die. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Fish: / Grif Pentax: Okay. / / [[Pub (Peculier)]] / Rebreather: / Checkers Piece(s): / Fish: Really? / Grif Pentax: Sure. Anything but more checkers. http://www.goats.com/archive/090410.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 15 / 2009: inhuman resources (15) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Rebreather: / SFX: / Grif Pentax: Something's wrong. / Fish: AUGH! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Rebreather: / SFX: / Fish: It feels like rubber is screaming into my eyeballs. / Grif Pentax: That's existential feedback. Happens when two dimensions collide. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / SFX: / Grif Pentax: Let's find your ladyfriend and vamoose. / Ron Howard: Grah! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / SFX: / Bow: / Arrow: / Drones: / Ron Howard: Grah! It burns! / Robert Goulet: The intruders! This is their fault. / Henry Kissinger: Destroy the intruders! http://www.goats.com/archive/090415.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 17 / 2009: inhuman resources (16) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Arrow: / Bow: / SFX: / Henry Kissinger: / < / BLAST>> / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Bow: / SFX: / Blood: / Henry Kissinger: / < http://www.goats.com/archive/090417.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 20 / 2009: inhuman resources (17) | [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Gun: / SFX: / Henry Kissinger: / Ron Howard: / Grif Pentax: Anyone else want to be a hat? / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / SFX: / Henry Kissinger: / Ron Howard: / < / Munch>> / Grif Pentax: Rargh! / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Gun: / SFX: / Grif Pentax: / Drones: Kill process / < / It can't hurt me. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Rebreather: / SFX: / Drones: / Fish: / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Rebreather: / SFX: / Fish: Wonder Twins powers, activate! / Form of me, plus one United States Army brand flamethrower. / / [[Fish's Psyche (Peculier Pub)]] / Rebreather: / SFX: / Flamethrower: / Fish: http://www.goats.com/archive/090420.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 01 / 1997: genesis | The glare from your pasty-white skin is blinding me. / / Pass me the remote + the Coppertone. MTV's 'Spring Break' is on channel 38. http://www.goats.com/archive/970401.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 02 / 1997: you're such a good friend | Oh, jonny... you're such a good friend. Listening to me go on and on about all these boy troubles... / Gah / / I wish I could find someone just like you. Gotta run... bye!! / gah / / Hey! Your friend's cute... mind if I give her a call? / gah http://www.goats.com/archive/970402.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 03 / 1997: thor and toothgnip | I am Thor God of thunder / He's blocking the TV. / / As a token of my appreciation, please take this goat, Toothgnip, and care for him as you would a child. Farewell! / Baa / / What are we gonna do with a goat? / Dunno. We could glue him to the ceiling. / We could turn on 'Baywatch'. http://www.goats.com/archive/970403.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 05 / 1997: no one goes home with the bartender | My lord... she's gorgeous. I must ask her out. / The bartender? Go for it. You have nothing to lose. / / Just my last ounce of self esteem. She'll reject me and leave me a quivering, senseless shell of a man. / Heehee. This should be fun. / / Hi. You don't know me, and you probably hear this 40 times a night, but would you like to have dinner sometime? / No. Not in a million years. / / You do realize that I'm going to have to rip your heart out now. / I understand. Be gentle. http://www.goats.com/archive/970405.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 07 / 1997: spam | Phillip? What's for dinner? / Tonight's lavish meal? Why, it's… / / SPAM!!! Possibly the world's most perfect food, spam has been proven to cure cancer, bring about world peace, and make you more attractive to waitresses! / / Never had it. What's it made from? / Dunno. Mostly dogs and monkeys I think. http://www.goats.com/archive/970407.html |
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