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| Goats comic strip from April / 08 / 1997: upstaged by a goat (1) | I am so bored. I thought New York was supposed to be full of fun stuff to do. / It is fun. The problem is that we're dorks. / / I don't ask for much! Just a little place I can go and have a good time, and maybe meet some people! / Where's Toothgnip? / / Hey baby. Come here often? / Ooh! You are sooo cute! http://www.goats.com/archive/970408.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 09 / 1997: upstaged by a goat (2) | I think the key to meeting the right woman is to be honest. We all have an innate drive to search for a higher truth. / / As elusive as a well oiled lizard, yes. But I feel that truth is within our grasp. / What the hell are you babbling about? / / So after I defused the bomb, 6 swedish terrorists stormed the room, luckily I had my pocketknife. / Ooh! What happened then? http://www.goats.com/archive/970409.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 12 / 1997: you're on fire | Poof! / / Phillip. You're on fire. / Cool. http://www.goats.com/archive/970412.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 13 / 1997: the phone number | and you can reach me at this number before 6:00 on weekdays. / What!? / / Last week I asked you to dinner, and you told me that you never give your number out at work. Now you're giving it to Scott? / / Ah. You must have misheard. I said I never give my number out to you. / Maybe if you tipped better. http://www.goats.com/archive/970413.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 14 / 1997: tax season | Well, you didn't make out quite as well as you did last year. / Break it to me gently. / / You owe $35,000 / / Actually, your tax refund was $100, but my rates went up a tad. / What if I just give you my first born? http://www.goats.com/archive/970414.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 15 / 1997: new designs | Jon, Can you implement these new designs? / Uhh... No. / / Why not? / uh... uh... hmm. / / Can you give me some time to come up with a more technical - sounding answer than "I don't feel like it?" / Sure. get back to me after lunch. http://www.goats.com/archive/970415.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 16 / 1997: damn bats | Damn bats. Always stealing *hic* my cocoa puffs. / / Get yer own damn bag! / / Today's episode could not be completed due to the cartoonist's lack of sobriety. We apologize and promise that he will be beaten. Thank you, the management. / It's my fault! http://www.goats.com/archive/970416.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 20 / 1997: the club (1) | You're never going to meet anyone sitting here. You might as well come with me. / To a club? / / I'm telling you, it's fantastic. Gorgeous women everywhere, their lithe bodies moving in sync to the music... / I can't dance. / / C'mon. I know the manager. I can get us in for 50c off the cover charge. / I can't believe I'm taking advice from a goat. http://www.goats.com/archive/970420.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 21 / 1997: the club (2) | Jon goes to a club. / What the hell do you want? / Can I go in? / / HA HA HA HA HA HA / No. Really. I'll do anything. / / Okay. Bark like a dog / Woof. http://www.goats.com/archive/970421.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 22 / 1997: the club (3) | Jon goes to a club. / I'd like to check my coat. / $130.00, please. / / $130?! I could buy an entirely new one for that much. / / Yes you can. The vintage coat shop is to your left. / They have a nice leather overcoat on sale. http://www.goats.com/archive/970422.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 24 / 1997: i quit smoking | What's wrong with you? / I quit smoking / / An endless torturous hell filled with taunting demons. They laugh... pointing, dancing, watching me drown in a sea of pain and desire. / / My god. How long has it been? / Three hours. http://www.goats.com/archive/970424.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 28 / 1997: giant candy | I don't get these commercials with the giant candies. / I like 'em. I wish I had a giant candy. / / If I had a giant candy I'd make a house out of it. I'd use my tongue and saliva to carve out a comfy candy abode, complete with furniture. / / Of course, if I sweated too much, I might get stuck to the couch. / Like anyone would notice the difference. http://www.goats.com/archive/970428.html |
| Goats comic strip from April / 30 / 1997: forgotten legends vol. 1 | Sleepy, sneezy, dopey, doc, happy... bashful... I can't get number seven / Me neither. / / Goats: The Comic strip presents Forgotten legends Vol. 1 Abdul the 8th dwarf Eddie, 5th horseman of the apocalypse Mrs. Beasely, 5th member of the A-Team http://www.goats.com/archive/970430.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 07 / 1997: t.v. coma (1) | The intense cuts between the amalgam of flashing, brilliant hues and quick, scintillating commentary by Beavis makes for breathtaking counterplay. Don't you agree, Phillip? / / / Your silence speaks volumes. http://www.goats.com/archive/970507.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 08 / 1997: t.v. coma (2) | Hi! I'm home. / You went out? I didn't notice. / / Yes. I was out of the state for an entire week. And you're still on the couch. / / Been watching the 'lost in space' marathon. / How appropriate. http://www.goats.com/archive/970508.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 11 / 1997: cartoon complaints | So a friend of mine has been drawing this comic strip, and he insists on basing a character on me. / / I wouldn't mind so much, but he draw badly. Make me look ugly. Not look like me. / / Agh, grr, argh / Well, it could be worse. http://www.goats.com/archive/970511.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 12 / 1997: alcoholics of oz (1) | Do you hear something? / / From out of nowhere a Tornado* sweeps the couch off to a far-away land... * Special F/X by ILM / / Why the hell am I wearing this dress? / I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. http://www.goats.com/archive/970512.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 14 / 1997: alcoholics of oz (2) | Why does this all seem so familiar? / How so? / / The tornado... the road paved in yellow brick... / Midgets hiding in the woods. / / It's like something out of a movie... / Ooh! Twister with Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt!! http://www.goats.com/archive/970514.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 18 / 1997: alcoholics of oz (3) | So what do we do now? / Perhaps a wise and kind soul will come and help us. / / Hello travelers! I am Glenda, Good Witch of the North. / No you're not. You're Lori the bartender. / / Damn you. Can't you follow the *?@!! script? / Hey watch the hat. You could put an eye out. http://www.goats.com/archive/970518.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 21 / 1997: ring ring | Ring Ring Ring / / Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah / It's for you. / / Who is it? / I think it's Charlie Brown's mom. / Wah wah wah http://www.goats.com/archive/970521.html |
| Goats comic strip from May / 24 / 1997: disney films | Out of all the modern ones, 'Alladin' is clearly the best. / Sorry, but I have to cast my vote for 'The Little Mermaid'. / / The only reason you say that is because you want to sleep with the mermaid. / So? Does that invalidate my opinion? / / Yes. You can't have sex with a cartoon character. / You know, that explains quite a bit. http://www.goats.com/archive/970524.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 11 / 1997: send cash | Many of our faithful, loyal readers have been writing in asking, 'Why no new cartoons lately?' The answer, simply put, is $CASH$. / / or, the lack thereof. Without funds, 'Goats' simply can't continue. But you can help by attaching a mere $5 to an email and send it to goats@mindspring.com / / Wait. I'm missing something here. http://www.goats.com/archive/970611.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 14 / 1997: blind date (1) | Knock knock / Ooh! that must be my date. / Date? / / Hi! I'm jon. You must be Elise. / My lord, I will never go on a blind date again. / / It's my face, isn't it? I could get surgery... / No. It's too late. I'm already scarred. http://www.goats.com/archive/970614.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 15 / 1997: blind date (2) | Despite the fact that you fell asleep that once, I've had a really wonderful evening. / I'm sorry, did you say something? / / Anyway, I was just wondering if I could see you again. / Uh, well, I'd love that, but I have to leave the country. Forever. / / Well, that doesn't necessarily preclude my stalking you. / Hey, whatever floats yer boat http://www.goats.com/archive/970615.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 17 / 1997: diablo the satanic chicken (1) | Due to 'Goats' declining popularity, we've decided to introduce a new character, one that a wider audience can relate to. / / Meet "Diablo" the chicken. Diablo enjoys gardening, cooking, and starting Satanic cults. / / My god, I can smell the merchandising potential. / I will devour your soul. / He is kinda cute. http://www.goats.com/archive/970617.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 21 / 1997: diablo the satanic chicken (2) | So, Explain this whole 'Satanic Cult' thing to me. / It's quite simple, really. First, you give us all your worldly possessions. / / Then, you surrender your right to independent thought. In exchange, we program you with illogical, yet attractive religious nonsense. Cult activities include plotting to overthrow the government, and weekly all-you-can-drink keg parties. / / Hey Jon! Come listen to the chicken. This cult thing sounds like fun. / All new members get a free "Diablo the Chicken" T-Shirt. http://www.goats.com/archive/970621.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 23 / 1997: diablo the satanic chicken (3) | I don't like you. / I did sense some hostility coming from you
/ Like to discuss it? / / There's nothing to discuss. Before you showed up, I was unique. Now we've got two talking animals. And you've got the whole Satanism schtick to boot. What do they need me for now? / Well, we could team up...work together for the common good. / / Hey...not a bad idea. We could do pottery demonstrations. Or a big dance number. / I was thinking more along the lines of offering you up as a blood sacrifice. http://www.goats.com/archive/970623.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 25 / 1997: t.v. sucks | I used to have this theory that there were a finite number of good shows on T.V., and the more channels they added, the harder it was to find them. / / Not having found anything good for quite some time, I've had to revise my theory. Inbreeding is most likely responsible for retardation found in today's network execs. / / For someone that watches as much T.V. as you do, you sure do think a lot. / I sure do! I should tell you my theory about how aardvarks run the government. http://www.goats.com/archive/970625.html |
| Goats comic strip from June / 29 / 1997: a horse is a horse | A horse is a horse. / Of course, of course. / / A jedi horse, he uses the force. / His favorite code to use is morse. / / He's the famous Mr. Ed. / He's the famous Mr. Ed. http://www.goats.com/archive/970629.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 02 / 1997: the correct pronunciation | Many of you have come to know and to love our goat friend, Toothgnip. But many have asked... / / Just how does one pronounce his name exactly? / The correct pronounciation is 'Toothgnip.' / / I feel that we've done some good here today. / Can I get down now? / This calls for a celebratory beer. http://www.goats.com/archive/970702.html |
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