You're browsing the archives of Goats.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| Goats comic strip from July / 06 / 1997: fourth of july aftermath (1) | Howdy. How was your 4th of july weekend? / Pretty good, despite a small incident. / / Diablo decided to eat some lit firecrackers. Blew his head clean off. / / He never could keep his head on straight. / He'll never get ahead now. / Stop that. Both of you. http://www.goats.com/archive/970706.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 08 / 1997: fourth of july aftermath (2) | McDonalds is doing their 'Nugget-Mania' promotion again... 60 nuggets for five dollars. / 60 nuggets? That would take days to eat. / / Nah, no longer than an hour for 60 nuggets. / My lord... how do you achieve such a high nugget intake rate. / / I've been practicing. / Wasn't Diablo supposed to show up an hour ago? http://www.goats.com/archive/970708.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 14 / 1997: fourth of july aftermath (3) | Aren't you supposed to be dead? / / Haven't you ever heard the expression "running around like a chicken with it's head cut off"? / / Well, sure. I've never seen it demonstrated quite so vividly, though. / It helps to have Satan as a poker buddy. http://www.goats.com/archive/970714.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 16 / 1997: toph (1) | ...So, by allowing the sale of human organs on the open market, we can increase the supply and actually save lives. / / Hmm. Toph, just exactly how much could one sell one's organs for? / Well, for example, a kidney would go for $250,000. / / Whoa. I'm gonna go sell my liver. Think of all the beer I'll be able to buy. / Sure. Maybe even an entire bottle. http://www.goats.com/archive/970716.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 20 / 1997: toph (2) | So I haven't seen Jon around in a while. How's he doing? / / I'm not sure. Yesterday, I came home and found him on the floor, naked, clutching his computer and saying over and over, "You still love me, don't you, baby?" / / You lived with him in college... is that normal? / Sure, par for the course. Just throw him a candy bar. http://www.goats.com/archive/970720.html |
| Goats comic strip from July / 31 / 1997: shakesbeer | Is this a beer I see before me, the bottle toward my hand? Come, let me drink thee. / / I have thee not, and yet I taste thee still... art thou not, tasty vision, sensible, to tastebuds as to sight? / / That was... beautiful. What was that? / Shakesbeer. http://www.goats.com/archive/970731.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 02 / 1997: mortal bees | What fools these mortal bees. http://www.goats.com/archive/970802.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 03 / 1997: we have the technology | What's with all the lemon slices? / I'm reassembling the lemons. / / Each slice, cruelly severed from it's siblings, cast off into a cruel world of beverage service. What once was sundered must be made one. / / You...You're mad. It can't be done. / Mad, am I? We have the technology... We can rebuild it. http://www.goats.com/archive/970803.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 04 / 1997: chicken NT 1.0 (1) | have you seen Diablo around? I have to take him to the doctor. / I sold him to microsoft. / / Diablo will from now on be know as Chicken NT 1.0 and will be bundled with a special, customized version of Internet Explorer. / / Toothgnip, that was very, very bad. Bad goat. / Take it easy, Jon, I held on to the merchandising rights. http://www.goats.com/archive/970804.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 05 / 1997: chicken NT 1.0 (2) | Microsoft HQ -- Redmond, WA / Diablo! There you are... Toothgnip said he sold you to Microsoft. / Ah, You've heard wrong, my friend. / / Toothgnip is spreading vicious rumours again, I see... No, I have come here of my own free will. I've been hired as Bill Gates' "Spiritual Advisor." / / Oh...nice office. Where's your body? / Out giving tours of the campus to tourists. http://www.goats.com/archive/970805.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 06 / 1997: chicken NT 1.0 (3) | Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Microsoft campus. I'll be your tour guide, Diablo / / Straight ahead, you'll see a complex that houses our main research labs. And on your left, you can see the building where we house the souls of our customers. / / Any questions so far? / Ooh! ooh! where are the bathrooms? My butt hurts. http://www.goats.com/archive/970806.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 07 / 1997: chicken NT 1.0 (4) | So why'dya sell out to Microsoft, Diablo? Was it the money? the chicks? / Ah, but you underestimate me, dear Toothgnip. / / It is I who will soon run Microsoft. With my new, powerful robotic body, I will soon take over. Gates has forseen this; he knows it to be true. Oh, and by the way, I'm your father. / / No... It's not true. That's impossible. / Join me, and we will rule the personal computing market as chicken and goat. http://www.goats.com/archive/970807.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 08 / 1997: chicken NT 1.0 (5) | We've received several letters from worried readers concerned with yesterday's revelation that Diablo might be Toothgnip's father. / / Rest assured, this is not the case. We here at Goats Labs have proved through extensive testing that chickens and goats cannot mate. / / Well, maybe with a little mood lighting, some music... / No chance. Goats like Def Leppard, while chickens prefer Manilow. http://www.goats.com/archive/970808.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 09 / 1997: demon bride (1) | Heya. What can I get for you? / I am looking for my demon bride. / / I am in need of a queen to help me rule over my satanic kingdom... Someone who is as purely evil as I am. A woman who can devour a soul. / / You want Lori. She's over serving table 5. / Excellent. Fetch her at once. http://www.goats.com/archive/970809.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 10 / 1997: demon bride (2) | So what do you want? / You will come with me and rule the underworld as my demon bride. / / Look, I've had enough of you guys coming in here with your weird come-ons and your satanic rituals, so you can just take it outside. / / So go on get out of here. / Ah. You are as fiesty as you are beautiful. You will do nicely. http://www.goats.com/archive/970810.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 11 / 1997: demon bride (3) | Toothgnip , you always seem to do well with females. Advise me on how to win the heart of a woman that spurns me. / Well, let's see... / / I often find it helpful to mentally abuse them, taunt them. Then, I bite them, and follow that up by kicking them in the shins. / / So I should treat them as I would have them treat me. Please, continue. / If that doesn't work, make fun of her mother. http://www.goats.com/archive/970811.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 12 / 1997: goat search '97 (1) | Goats: The comic strip ~presents~ Goat Search '97 yes... it's that time of year again, when we ask you, the audience, to help us pick a new character! send your votes to: -> vote@goats.com <- / / A. Jerrell, a psychotic computer programmer. B. Howard, A grumpy but lovable eggplant. C. Marlon Brando. / Die die die die die / I have some unresolved issues. / I coulda had the pastrami instead of the tongue. / Vote today! http://www.goats.com/archive/970812.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 13 / 1997: goat search '97 (2) | Goat Search '97 continues... / Diablo, meet Jerrell... He's a programmer at the company where I work. He's also one of the candidates for the new character. / / There's still time to vote for your favorite new character! Send an email to vote@goats.com now! / die die die die 666 die die die die die / / Vote today! / Die die die fornicate / Make him stop... He's scaring me. http://www.goats.com/archive/970813.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 14 / 1997: goat search '97 (3) | Goat Search '97 continues... / So, Harold, It says here that you have some 'unresolved issues'... do you feel that these issues will hamper your performance as a new character in this feature? / Issues? / / I don't have any ISSUES. Sure, maybe I'm a second class vegetable, incapable of movement. Sure, I run the risk of being breaded, fried, and slapped on some Italian sandwich EVERY DAY. But I'm fine with that. Really. / / Ooh... kay. / But just because I'm a little grumpy doesn't mean I'm not @?*!! lovable. Remember to vote for me by email at: vote@goats.com. Do it now, slacker. http://www.goats.com/archive/970814.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 15 / 1997: goat search '97 (4) | Goat Search '97 continues... / All right... Marlon Brando is the next candidate. / / Phillip! Where the hell is Brando? He's up next. / He... um... He can't make it. / / What, He wants more money? / Not exactly. He's stuck in the kitchen doorway. / I'll go get the 'Jaws of Life.' http://www.goats.com/archive/970815.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 16 / 1997: goat search '97 (5) | So, the results for "Goat Search '97" are finally here. / Die die 666 / / Believe it or not, there was a tie between Jerrell the programmer and Howard the eggplant at 14 votes each. Marlon Brando had a poor performance with only 4 votes, beating only scott baio, who came in last with -3 votes. / / So, everyone's a winner here today, of course, with the exception of fat, overrated actors. / Hey, um, would you make this freak stop eating my face? http://www.goats.com/archive/970816.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 17 / 1997: busch light (1) | Lynda, this is my friend Jay. / Howdy. What can I get for you? / Umm... I'll have a can of Busch Lite. / / BLAM!!! / / Wasn't that a bit of an overreaction? / Absolutely necessary, sorry. http://www.goats.com/archive/970817.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 18 / 1997: busch light (2) | Ooh... I hate when that happens. / die die 666 die die / Someone get me a @*!?! straw. / There is nothing scarier than a bagpipe jam session. / You never met my girlfriend from freshman year. / I can sense your desire for me. / That's it. I quit. http://www.goats.com/archive/970818.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 19 / 1997: trapped (1) | Phillip! Phillip! wake up! The bar is closed... everyone's gone / / They locked the door from the outside. We're trapped in here. Trapped! / huh? / / KHAN!! http://www.goats.com/archive/970819.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 20 / 1997: trapped (2) | They locked up while we were passed out... the bar is empty. / So we're trapped? / / Yup... completely trapped. Stuck in here amongst all these... beer bottles... hundreds and hundreds of bottles... / / Are you thinking what I'm thinking? / Yup... Brooke Shields lost all her credibility by doing 'Suddenly Susan'. http://www.goats.com/archive/970820.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 21 / 1997: football guys | Lori's been talking to that football-type guy for quite a while now. / So? / / You're not jealous? / Me? No. There's nothing going on between us. Me? Jealous? Ha. No. / / Sure. Right. / Pardon me while I go put a cap in his ass. http://www.goats.com/archive/970821.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 22 / 1997: an ode to misery and despondency | An ode to misery and despondency, by Phillip. Ahem. / / Oh misery, oh despondency, what words do I know that rhyme with thee? / / I know not one, honestly. I'll have to blow my head off. / *sniff* That was touching. http://www.goats.com/archive/970822.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 24 / 1997: jerrell vs. diablo (1) | die die fornicate die / / geek \'gek n. a carnival performer whose act includes biting the head off of a live chicken. geese pl. / / die die die / Oh no. Not again. http://www.goats.com/archive/970824.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 25 / 1997: jerrell vs. diablo (2) | I have arrived. How was your day? / Umm... not so good. / / I took Diablo with me to the office today... Jerrell went a little bit nuts + bit his head off. / / You know, my medical insurance doesn't cover this sort of thing. / Can you claim a chicken as a dependent? http://www.goats.com/archive/970825.html |
| Goats comic strip from August / 26 / 1997: phillip gets abducted (1) | Pesky aliens. http://www.goats.com/archive/970826.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 >>