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| Goats comic strip from February / 17 / 1998: attack of the mutant killer crack whores (3) | I...I just don't think I can take it anymore. I mean, I know that compared to many, I have it pretty good. / / But I can't help but feel that there's got to be more to life...something beyond the mundane. Sometimes I wish I could just live in blissful ignorance, unaware that there might be more... / / You know what I mean? / The gravel in my fishbowl is pretty. Pretty colors. http://www.goats.com/archive/980217.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 18 / 1998: sugar daddy (1) | Four years of college. For what? A piece of paper entitling me to sit in a cube. Slaving away for a heartless corporation. Well, no more. / / I will no longer be taken advantage of! I am free! I am reborn! / / Heya birthday boy. Buy me a drink. / Yes ma'am. Right away. http://www.goats.com/archive/980218.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 19 / 1998: sugar daddy (2) | I'm going over there to flirt with shallow frat boys. You stay here until I get back, sugar daddy. Stay. / / / Speak, Jon. Speak. / Woof. http://www.goats.com/archive/980219.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 20 / 1998: sugar daddy (3) | That's the one you bought the drink for? She looks young. / She's 18. We're having dinner tomorrow. / / You're going to dinner with an 18-year old? / Yeah. Isn't she great? / / Make sure she's home early. Bedtime is right after Sesame Street. / Yeah. Isn't she great? http://www.goats.com/archive/980220.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 22 / 1998: sugar daddy (4) | You realize that she's using you. She only wants your money. / Yeah, but she talked to me. / / You don't get it, do you? There's a word for people like you...created to describe the writings of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose stories told of people who derived sexual pleasure from pain and abuse. Do you know what that work is? / / Idiot? / Not what I had in mind, but in your case, it fits. http://www.goats.com/archive/980222.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 23 / 1998: sugar daddy (5) | So...uh. You never told me your name. / I know. / / Um...nice...uh...weather we're having. / How much more money do you have? / / So, are we still on for dinner tomorrow? / Sure. As long as you promise never to speak again. http://www.goats.com/archive/980223.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 24 / 1998: sugar daddy (6) | Did you see Jon? / I try not to. Why? / / He seems to have picked up a little golddigger. She's making him buy drinks for her and all her friends, and generally being mentally abusive, cruel and completely sapping him of any remaining self-esteem. / / She's really messing with his mind. / Dammit. That's my job. http://www.goats.com/archive/980224.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 25 / 1998: sugar daddy (7) | What the hell do you want? / You're the one who's been tormenting Jon? / / Yup. What of it? / Look, you little tart, there's only one person around here allowed to cause him pain, and it's me. Now get out of my bar. / / Okay, okay. I'm gone. / Amateur. http://www.goats.com/archive/980225.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 26 / 1998: sugar daddy (8) | What happened to the girl I was talking to? / I kicked her out. / / Really? Why? / I...I can't stand it when other women talk to you. / / Oh wow! You're jealous! / If other women talk to you, it might boost your ego. That would make it harder to crush your soul. http://www.goats.com/archive/980226.html |
| Goats comic strip from February / 27 / 1998: sugar daddy (9) | So, what did we learn this week, Jon? / Well, Lori scared off that girl I was talking to... / / And your point is? / I think she was jealous. / / Right. And Judd Nelson might win an Emmy. / Oh, don't be silly. That would never happen. http://www.goats.com/archive/980227.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 01 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (1) | What, pray tell, is that? / It's my new invention. / / You see, you put kittens in one end of it, and pop tarts come out the other. I'm gonna be rich. / / So, what exactly happens to the kittens? / Damned if I know. http://www.goats.com/archive/980301.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 02 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (2) | Ooh! Strawberry with sprinkles. / So, the machine turns kittens into pop tarts? / / Well, not exactly. I think the kittens just kinda go somewhere else. / What do you mean, "You think?" Didn't you build this thing? / / Well, if by 'build', you mean 'steal', then sure. / Why don't you take some more drugs, Mr. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. http://www.goats.com/archive/980302.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 03 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (3) | So, where exactly did you steal this thing from? / Oh...it was just sorta lying around... / / Meanwhile, in Central Park... / Neil! Someone has stolen our engine. / / Whoever has commited this heinous act will pay for their insolence. / Does this mean we get to blow stuff up? http://www.goats.com/archive/980303.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 04 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (4) | We have to think of a way to make the humans return our engine. We must do something so evil, so heinous, that they have no choice. / Ooh! / / What? / I have an idea. We could give every human a box of assorted chocolates. / / Captain's log: the first officer is an imbecile. / Little do they know that the chocolates are filled with tasty nougat. http://www.goats.com/archive/980304.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 05 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (5) | We must think of a plan so annoying that the humans will beg to give us our engine back. / We could hum show-tunes. / / Here is my plan...we will use the sub-light backup engines to park the ship above the city. Then, we will use the external speakers to broadcast arguments concerning the superiority of MacOS vs. Windows and vice-versa. / / Those humans who don't join either faction will become so bored by the blather that they will surrender to us. / Mom was right...you are the devious one. http://www.goats.com/archive/980305.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 06 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (6) | ...and our "Quality of Life" initiatives have been extremely successful so far. Just today, we executed a dozen jaywalkers. / / Mr. Mayor, there are some people here who want to use the podium. / I'm in the middle of a press conference. / / Step aside, Rudy. We have some frilly dresses for you to play with. / We will bury you! http://www.goats.com/archive/980306.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 08 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (7) | Ladies and gentlemen of the press, a member of your species had stolen the engine of our spacecraft. / / If it is not returned immediately, I will be forced to bring back NBC's sitcom "Jenny" for another season. / Isn't that a bit extreme? / / Just be thankful I'm not bringing back "Perfect Strangers." / Bronson Pinchot was brilliant as cousin Balki. http://www.goats.com/archive/980308.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 09 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (8) | Citizens of the United States of America...Our country faces a terrible threat today. Aliens have demanded that their engine be returned to them, or they will force us to watch yet another season of the NBC sitcom, "Jenny." / / As you know, the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists. So, in order to protect our country, we are planning to nuke the aliens and all of New York back to the Stone Age. Thank You. / / Phillip, pop tarts or no, it may be time to return that engine. / Mmph. http://www.goats.com/archive/980309.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 10 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (9) | Phillip, you have to give the engine back to Neil and Bob. / They're lying. What kind of engine makes an unlimited supply of pop tarts? / / The kind of engine that's going to cause a nuclear war. / I hear irradiated food is good for you, anyway. / / It'll be great for the survivors. Like cockroaches. / The roaches will have to get their own pop tarts. http://www.goats.com/archive/980310.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 11 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (10) | Gee, Neil, I'm real sorry I stole your engine. But tell me, how exactly does it turn kittens into pop tarts? / Well, that's not really how it works. / / You see, once a kitten is put into the engine, a complex process starts which places the orphan kitten with a loving caring family. The good feelings are harnessed by the engine and converted into fuel for our ship. / / So, then, if the pop tarts aren't actually made from the kittens, then how are they created? / Damned if I know. http://www.goats.com/archive/980311.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 12 / 1998: kittens = pop tarts (11) | As yet another 'Goats' adventure comes to an end, we can rest easily knowing that Neil and Bob's engine was returned... / I missed you. / / ...that millions of lives were spared, and the nuclear bombardment of New York was averted... / Dammit. / / ...and most importantly, that absolutely no kittens were harmed during the making of this series. / Sure. Sure they weren't. http://www.goats.com/archive/980312.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 13 / 1998: jesus' peanut butter cups | You got your Jesus in my peanut butter. / / You got your peanut butter in my Jesus. / / Little pieces of the son of god in a milk chocolate cup. There's no wrong way to eat a Jesus.™
/ Jesus' Peanut Butter Cups™
/ Net Wt. 1.6 oz. (45g) http://www.goats.com/archive/980313.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 15 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (1) | You know, you should be the one drawing the comic strip, not Jon. / Huh? / / You're the witty one. You're the one with all the ideas. Why should Jon get all the credit? / You're right...I'll go take over now. / / Sucker. http://www.goats.com/archive/980315.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 16 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (2) | Now that I have locked Jon in a cage, I am in control of the comic strip. / / Now...the world will laugh at my wit and sarcasm!
/ BWAH HA HA!! / / Not with dialogue like that, they won't. / Quiet, cage boy. http://www.goats.com/archive/980316.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 17 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (3) | But...why did you lock me in a cage? / It's simple... / / Until now, you have stolen all the attention, but now...all that fame, that glory, and the crowds of beautiful adoring women, will be mine!! / / You really haven't been paying much attention, have you? / And candy
/ Lots of candy. http://www.goats.com/archive/980317.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 18 / 1998: phillip takes over, again (4) | By the way, did Toothgnip put you up to this? / Well...yes, why? / / You realize, he's probably at the bar stealing all your women now...? / Why...I'll get that goat! / / Luckily, he drew me thin. http://www.goats.com/archive/980318.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 19 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (1) | Hi Phillip. / Heya Diablo. Where ya been? / / Down at MTV Studios. I'm applying to be on "Road Rules." / Think you'll get on the show? / / Sure. Nothing like a chicken to round out the ethnic diversity of a cast. / Makes sense. http://www.goats.com/archive/980319.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 20 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (2) | And you tell them if they want me to sleep in a cramped Winnebago for eight weeks, I'm getting the top bunk. Oh...do you think we can arrange for crullers in the mornings? Pastry is very important. / / Who's on the phone? / My agent. He's getting me booked on MTV's "Road Rules." / / The phone jack is unplugged. / I know. You'd be surprised how well it keeps the phone bills down. http://www.goats.com/archive/980320.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 22 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (3) | It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Diablo. I'm Ms. Richards, Associate Producer of MTV's 'Road Rules.' I understand you're interested in joining that cast for next season. / Yup. / / You see, Ms. Richards, while my life so far has been rich and fulfilling, Satanism just isn't enough to make a chicken's life complete. I need to go out and see the world if I want to continue to grow. I feel 'Road Rules' will help me. / / Well, Mr. Diablo, that's very sweet. / And I figured being locked in a Winnebago for eight weeks with a bunch of hot babes almost guarantees me a ride on the flesh express. http://www.goats.com/archive/980322.html |
| Goats comic strip from March / 23 / 1998: road rules and nihilism (4) | Mr. Diablo, in order to keep 'Road Rules' fresh and ensure exciting discourse between cast members, we randomly select people from a wide group of varied occupations, such as underwear models and athletes. / / Despite our unbiased selection process, we still like to make sure our applicants have something unique to offer. What can you bring to 'Road Rules?' / I can break dance. / / Thank you for coming, Mr. Diablo. We'll be in touch. / I've seen "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" 17 times. Wanna see me do 'The Worm'? http://www.goats.com/archive/980323.html |
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