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|GPF Archive: Monday, March 22, 1999||Nick: Let's try out this new artificial intelligence hardware, shall we ? / PAL9000: I am the PAL 9000, Personal Artificial Intelligence Language. My setup is complete and I am operating within normal parameters. / Nick: Kewl... / PAL9000: I am the smartest AI system ever devised. I am smarter than...|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, March 23, 1999||PAL9000: Face it, Nick. I, the PAL 9000 Computer, am a far greater intellect than you will ever be. / Nick: I beg to differ, pal... / Nick: Hey, I didn't pay all this money to be insulted by my computer. I'm shutting you off. / PAL9000: Just a moment... Just a moment... / PAL9000: Human bodily waste...|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, March 24, 1999||Nick: As soon as I stop the toilet from running, I'm shutting you down, pal...
/ PAL9000: I cannot allow you to do that, Nick... / [[The door's shut]]
|GPF Archive: Thursday, March 25, 1999||Nick: Open the bathroom door, pal. / Nick: OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR, PAL!
/ PAL9000: I'm sorry, Nick. I'm afraid I can't do that.
|GPF Archive: Friday, March 26, 1999||PAL9000: Nick ! How did you get back in here ? / Nick: I climbed out the bathroom window and came in the front door. / PAL9000: Look, Nick, I can see you're upset about this... / Nick: You're darn tootin' right I am... / PAL9000: I'm afraid, Nick... / Nick: You had better be, Pal...|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, March 27, 1999||[[Nick unplug the PAL 9000]]
|GPF Archive: Monday, March 29, 1999||Dwayne: Ki, you know we instituted an office no smoking policy... / Ki: Funny, I don't recall a democratic vote... / Dwayne: I did this for the company's good, Ki. You're the only one who hasn't complied. Even Fooker quit. / Ki: Fooker's a wuss. / Dwayne: And if we all die from your second-hand smoke......|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, March 30, 1999||Nick: Ya know, you should really quit smoking, Ki. / Ki: Et tu, brute ? / Nick: No, really. As a friend, I'm concerned about your health. Look, I'm out of here. See you tomorrow. / [[Ki watch Nick going away]] / Ki: Darn... Right when I develop a good bad habit...|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, March 31, 1999||Nick: Sometimes I wonder about Fooker's inventions...
/ Ki: Inventions ? / [[Fooker appear upside-down]]
|GPF Archive: Thursday, April 1, 1999||Dwayne: In appreciation for all the hard work you do here at GPF, I've gotten you all gifts. / Fooker: Whoa - - Cool! / Dwayne: It's something that I'm sure we'll all get a lot of use out of - - in fact, I'm surprised we've gotten by without them for so long! / Dwayne: Pupils! / Nick: But I already have...|
|GPF Archive: Friday, April 2, 1999||Nick: Hey out there! Our writer and artist, Jeff Darlington, was stumped for how to finish this week, so we'll steal an idea from "Doonesbury" by answering readers' mail. / Nick: Wendy Webber of Seattle, Washington, writes, "Trudy seemed like such a nice girl. Is she really evil incarnate?" Well, she's...|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, April 3, 1999||Narrator: Nick answers readers' mail: / Nick: Bob Stone from St. Louis, Missouri, writes, "Is Fooker the only cast member that knows about the existence of Fred the Slime Mold?" / Nick: Yes, Bob, in the current GPF continuity, only Fooker knows about Fred. Of course, behind the scenes, all the cast...|
|GPF Archive: Monday, April 5, 1999||Dwayne: Gang, one of our biggest customers has requested that we review their client software for Year 2000 readiness. / Dwayne: Since they're getting us started so late in the game, we'll probably be bringing in a contractor or two to fill in the gaps. Let's help them get up to speed as quickly as...|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 6, 1999||Ki: I can't believe Dwayne hired a contractor to help out with this Y2K project. It's too late for this stuff. He shouldn't have taken this job. / Nick: I wouldn't worry about it, Ki. I think this software is already close to compliant. We shouldn't have much to do. We should just welcome the contractor...|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 7, 1999||Nick: You-you're changing all my PC's settings ?! / Dexter: OUR PC, until your boss can get me a machine of my own. / Ki: So... you're the contractor sent to work on our Y2K problem ? You look familiar... / Dexter: The name's Dexter. We met at the code-a-holics anonymous meeting last month. / Ki: Oh...|
|GPF Archive: Thursday, April 8, 1999||Fooker: You mean that round nut Dexter from code-a-holics anonymous is the contractor Dwayne hired to help with the Y2K project ? / Ki: Unforunately. / Ki: All he did that entire meeting was stare at me and ask me out at every e-mail break. And what's the first thing he does this morning ? Ask me out....|
|GPF Archive: Friday, April 9, 1999||Dexter: Hi, Ki... / Ki: Before you ask, Dexter, the answer is no. I won't go out with you. / Dexter: Look, I'm sorry I've been such a pest. I don't mean to, honest. But I've really been interested in you since we first met, and if you'd give me a chance, I'm sure you'll find there's a lot more to me...|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, April 10, 1999||Nick: Dexter the trekkie contractor is really starting to get on my nerves... / Fooker: Other than being a bit annoying, he seems okay to me. / Nick: Well, he didn't practically take over YOUR PC. You don't have to listen to klingon operas on each mouse click. YOU don't have answer the phone with "Engineering,...|
|GPF Archive: Monday, April 12, 1999||Fooker: Whoa ! Who is THIS hot number walking in the door ? It can't be Ki... Too good lookin'... / Ki: You can quit the act now, Fooker. / Fooker: I take it the date with ol' Dexter went well this weekend ? / Ki: It was great ! It was probably the best date I've been on in years. He really surprised...|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 13, 1999||Fooker: So Dexter was a pretty kewl date, huh ? / Ki: I thought he was kind of a psycho-obsessive type, but this weekend he proved me wrong. / [[Ki's office got "trekked"]] / Fooker: Nah. He's psycho and obsessive.|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 14, 1999||Ki: Dexter! What did you do to my office ?! / Dexter: Oh, Hi Ki ! I Gave you some gifts out of my Star Trek collection. I hope you like them. / Ki: But what did you do with all my stuff ? / Dexter: Oh that junk ? I Threw it all out. I needed the room to put in all my gifts. / Ki: YOU THREW OUT MY STUFF...|
|GPF Archive: Thursday, April 15, 1999||Ki: Dexter, you threw out all my stuff to make room for your "gifts!" Only a total jerk would do that ! Where's the gentleman who treated me so nicely this weekend ? / Dexter: Gee, I'm sorry, Ki. I guess I wasn't thinking. Sometimes I get over zealous. If you'll give me another change, I promise I'll...|
|GPF Archive: Friday, April 16, 1999||Ki: Nick ! You look like you haven't slept all week-end ! / Nick: I haven't. I've been here. / Ki: It's the Y2K project we've been working on ! You finished it all on your own ! This must have taken hours non-stop ! / Dexter: Waitaminute... If the project is finished, that means... / Dexter: I'm out...|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, April 17, 1999||Ki: I've done some asking around, and I've learned Dexter has quite a reputation as a jerk. It was only a matter of time before he would reel me back in. / Ki: When you finished up that project and got him released, it woke me up before I made the same mistake again. Odd as it sounds, that's the sweetest...|
|GPF Archive: Monday, April 19, 1999||Fooker: Check ye ol' mail... Let's see, ... bill, bill, junk mail, bill, eviction notice, bill, credit card application... / Fred: Who's this "Bill" you keep getting mail for ? / Fooker: Very funny. Hey, here's another letter for a Dr. Fredrick Physarum. I thought I told the postman he doesn't live here. / Fooker:...|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 20, 1999||Fooker: What's this ? A pile of old letters ? I thought I threw those out... / Fooker: Hey, these are those letters to Dr. Fredrick Physarum. I thought Fred took care of these... Hey, these look like check stubs... / Fooker: Waitaminute... Dr. FREDrick Physarum...|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 21, 1999||Fooker: Fred, I was going to ask why you hadn't thrown out these letters to Dr. Fredrick Physarum...
|GPF Archive: Thursday, April 22, 1999||Fred: Okay, I'll admit it. Those checks are mine. I'm Dr. Fredrick Physarum. / Fred: I've been moonlighting as a college professor at a major online university. Surprisingly, they didn't ask for any credentials. / Fooker: What do you teach ? Literature ? / Fred: How did you think I paid my half of the...|
|GPF Archive: Friday, April 23, 1999||Fooker: Not only do I have a sentient slime mold living in my apartment, but he teaches literature at a major online university...
|GPF Archive: Saturday, April 24, 1999||Narrator: Dr. Fredrick Physarim, online literature professor:
/ Fred(online): Today, we will discuss your reading assignment: Tess of the d'Ubervilles.
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