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| GPF Archive: Monday, March 22, 1999 | Nick: Let's try out this new artificial intelligence hardware, shall we ? / PAL9000: I am the PAL 9000, Personal Artificial Intelligence Language. My setup is complete and I am operating within normal parameters.
/ Nick: Kewl... / PAL9000: I am the smartest AI system ever devised. I am smarter than even my designers, and I am certainly smarter than a little nerd like you...
/ Nick: Hey! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990322.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, March 23, 1999 | PAL9000: Face it, Nick. I, the PAL 9000 Computer, am a far greater intellect than you will ever be.
/ Nick: I beg to differ, pal... / Nick: Hey, I didn't pay all this money to be insulted by my computer. I'm shutting you off.
/ PAL9000: Just a moment... Just a moment... / PAL9000: Human bodily waste receptacle AE-35 had developed an error. It continues to run. It can only be attributed to human error.
/ Nick: Are... Are you saying the toilet is running ? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990323.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, March 24, 1999 | Nick: As soon as I stop the toilet from running, I'm shutting you down, pal...
/ PAL9000: I cannot allow you to do that, Nick... / [[The door's shut]]
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990324.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, March 25, 1999 | Nick: Open the bathroom door, pal. / Nick: OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR, PAL!
/ PAL9000: I'm sorry, Nick. I'm afraid I can't do that.
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990325.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, March 26, 1999 | PAL9000: Nick ! How did you get back in here ?
/ Nick: I climbed out the bathroom window and came in the front door. / PAL9000: Look, Nick, I can see you're upset about this...
/ Nick: You're darn tootin' right I am... / PAL9000: I'm afraid, Nick...
/ Nick: You had better be, Pal... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990326.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, March 27, 1999 | [[Nick unplug the PAL 9000]]
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990327.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, March 29, 1999 | Dwayne: Ki, you know we instituted an office no smoking policy...
/ Ki: Funny, I don't recall a democratic vote... / Dwayne: I did this for the company's good, Ki. You're the only one who hasn't complied. Even Fooker quit.
/ Ki: Fooker's a wuss. / Dwayne: And if we all die from your second-hand smoke... ?
/ Ki: Happy to be of service. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990329.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, March 30, 1999 | Nick: Ya know, you should really quit smoking, Ki.
/ Ki: Et tu, brute ? / Nick: No, really. As a friend, I'm concerned about your health. Look, I'm out of here. See you tomorrow. / [[Ki watch Nick going away]] / Ki: Darn... Right when I develop a good bad habit... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990330.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, March 31, 1999 | Nick: Sometimes I wonder about Fooker's inventions...
/ Ki: Inventions ? / [[Fooker appear upside-down]]
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990331.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, April 1, 1999 | Dwayne: In appreciation for all the hard work you do here at GPF, I've gotten you all gifts.
/ Fooker: Whoa - - Cool! / Dwayne: It's something that I'm sure we'll all get a lot of use out of - - in fact, I'm surprised we've gotten by without them for so long! / Dwayne: Pupils!
/ Nick: But I already have pupils - They're here under my glasses - uh - can I trade them in for a mouth, instead? / {{title text: APRIL FOOL'S!!!}} http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990401.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, April 2, 1999 | Nick: Hey out there! Our writer and artist, Jeff Darlington, was stumped for how to finish this week, so we'll steal an idea from "Doonesbury" by answering readers' mail. / Nick: Wendy Webber of Seattle, Washington, writes, "Trudy seemed like such a nice girl. Is she really evil incarnate?" Well, she's right here, so let's ask her... / Nick: Oops! She seems to be on a conference call...
/ Trudy: ...Thanks for the tip, Lucifer Baby! Let's do lunch! Your lake of fire or mine? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990402.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, April 3, 1999 | Narrator: Nick answers readers' mail:
/ Nick: Bob Stone from St. Louis, Missouri, writes, "Is Fooker the only cast member that knows about the existence of Fred the Slime Mold?" / Nick: Yes, Bob, in the current GPF continuity, only Fooker knows about Fred. Of course, behind the scenes, all the cast members are good friends.
/ Fred: You're invading my airspace, Bub. / Nick: In fact, Fred also double as our strip editor, watching for when we misspell big words like "onomanopia."
/ Fred: That's "onomatopoeia," you dolt. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990403.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, April 5, 1999 | Dwayne: Gang, one of our biggest customers has requested that we review their client software for Year 2000 readiness. / Dwayne: Since they're getting us started so late in the game, we'll probably be bringing in a contractor or two to fill in the gaps. Let's help them get up to speed as quickly as possible. / Ki: Contractors... high-paid leeches stealing our work.
/ Fooker: If you think of them as disposable employees, you'll feel much better... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990405.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 6, 1999 | Ki: I can't believe Dwayne hired a contractor to help out with this Y2K project. It's too late for this stuff. He shouldn't have taken this job. / Nick: I wouldn't worry about it, Ki. I think this software is already close to compliant. We shouldn't have much to do. We should just welcome the contractor and make him or her feel like part of the family. / Nick: Uh... who are you, and what are you doing at my desk?
/ Dexter: Just reconfiguring things. I changed your Windows wallpaper. You like "Star Trek," right? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990406.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 7, 1999 | Nick: You-you're changing all my PC's settings ?!
/ Dexter: OUR PC, until your boss can get me a machine of my own. / Ki: So... you're the contractor sent to work on our Y2K problem ? You look familiar...
/ Dexter: The name's Dexter. We met at the code-a-holics anonymous meeting last month. / Ki: Oh yeah, jurassic park boy.
/ Dexter: So... are you busy later tonight ?
/ Nick: YOU DELETED MY NETSCAPE BOOKMARKS ?! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990407.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, April 8, 1999 | Fooker: You mean that round nut Dexter from code-a-holics anonymous is the contractor Dwayne hired to help with the Y2K project ?
/ Ki: Unforunately. / Ki: All he did that entire meeting was stare at me and ask me out at every e-mail break. And what's the first thing he does this morning ? Ask me out. In less than five minutes, no less. / Fooker: What's up with the Nickmeister ?
/ Ki: Dexter changed all his windows sounds to Klingon opera clips...
/ Nick: < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990408.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, April 9, 1999 | Dexter: Hi, Ki...
/ Ki: Before you ask, Dexter, the answer is no. I won't go out with you. / Dexter: Look, I'm sorry I've been such a pest. I don't mean to, honest. But I've really been interested in you since we first met, and if you'd give me a chance, I'm sure you'll find there's a lot more to me than meets the eye. / Ki: If I go out with you, and I have a terrible time, will you leave me alone forever ?
/ Dexter: I'll be on the first starship to the delta quadrant. Promise. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990409.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, April 10, 1999 | Nick: Dexter the trekkie contractor is really starting to get on my nerves...
/ Fooker: Other than being a bit annoying, he seems okay to me. / Nick: Well, he didn't practically take over YOUR PC. You don't have to listen to klingon operas on each mouse click. YOU don't have answer the phone with "Engineering, Scott here." There's nothing of mine he hasn't "trekkified!" / Fooker: I suppose now is a bad time to mention he and Ki are supposed to be on a date tonight...
/ Nick: WHAT ?!? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990410.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, April 12, 1999 | Fooker: Whoa ! Who is THIS hot number walking in the door ? It can't be Ki... Too good lookin'...
/ Ki: You can quit the act now, Fooker. / Fooker: I take it the date with ol' Dexter went well this weekend ?
/ Ki: It was great ! It was probably the best date I've been on in years. He really surprised me how much a gentleman he can be. / Fooker: And I take it you threw "this old thing" on because it was the first thing in the closet...
/ Ki: Too bad you won't see what I planned for tomorrow night... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990412.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 13, 1999 | Fooker: So Dexter was a pretty kewl date, huh ?
/ Ki: I thought he was kind of a psycho-obsessive type, but this weekend he proved me wrong. / [[Ki's office got "trekked"]]
/ Fooker: Nah. He's psycho and obsessive. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990413.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 14, 1999 | Ki: Dexter! What did you do to my office ?!
/ Dexter: Oh, Hi Ki ! I Gave you some gifts out of my Star Trek collection. I hope you like them. / Ki: But what did you do with all my stuff ?
/ Dexter: Oh that junk ? I Threw it all out. I needed the room to put in all my gifts. / Ki: YOU THREW OUT MY STUFF ?!?
/ Dexter: I bought you one of those Princess Leia slave outfits from "Return of the Jedi." Want to see my Captain Kirk pez dispenser ? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990414.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, April 15, 1999 | Ki: Dexter, you threw out all my stuff to make room for your "gifts!" Only a total jerk would do that ! Where's the gentleman who treated me so nicely this weekend ? / Dexter: Gee, I'm sorry, Ki. I guess I wasn't thinking. Sometimes I get over zealous. If you'll give me another change, I promise I'll think first next time. There will be a next time, won't there ? / [[Nick show up with funky hair and unshaved]]
/ Nick: Over my dead body. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990415.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, April 16, 1999 | Ki: Nick ! You look like you haven't slept all week-end !
/ Nick: I haven't. I've been here. / Ki: It's the Y2K project we've been working on ! You finished it all on your own ! This must have taken hours non-stop !
/ Dexter: Waitaminute... If the project is finished, that means... / Dexter: I'm out of a job.
/ Nick: Let the door hit you on the way out, fatso. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990416.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, April 17, 1999 | Ki: I've done some asking around, and I've learned Dexter has quite a reputation as a jerk. It was only a matter of time before he would reel me back in. / Ki: When you finished up that project and got him released, it woke me up before I made the same mistake again. Odd as it sounds, that's the sweetest thing anyone's done for me. Thanks, Nick. / Nick: < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990417.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, April 19, 1999 | Fooker: Check ye ol' mail... Let's see, ... bill, bill, junk mail, bill, eviction notice, bill, credit card application...
/ Fred: Who's this "Bill" you keep getting mail for ? / Fooker: Very funny. Hey, here's another letter for a Dr. Fredrick Physarum. I thought I told the postman he doesn't live here. / Fooker: I hate it when you have to tell people to do things more than once.
/ Fred: Uh... I'll take care of that letter, okay ? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990419.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 20, 1999 | Fooker: What's this ? A pile of old letters ? I thought I threw those out... / Fooker: Hey, these are those letters to Dr. Fredrick Physarum. I thought Fred took care of these... Hey, these look like check stubs... / Fooker: Waitaminute... Dr. FREDrick Physarum... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990420.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 21, 1999 | Fooker: Fred, I was going to ask why you hadn't thrown out these letters to Dr. Fredrick Physarum...
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990421.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, April 22, 1999 | Fred: Okay, I'll admit it. Those checks are mine. I'm Dr. Fredrick Physarum. / Fred: I've been moonlighting as a college professor at a major online university. Surprisingly, they didn't ask for any credentials. / Fooker: What do you teach ? Literature ?
/ Fred: How did you think I paid my half of the rent ?
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990422.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, April 23, 1999 | Fooker: Not only do I have a sentient slime mold living in my apartment, but he teaches literature at a major online university...
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990423.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, April 24, 1999 | Narrator: Dr. Fredrick Physarim, online literature professor:
/ Fred(online): Today, we will discuss your reading assignment: Tess of the d'Ubervilles.
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/19990424.html |
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