You're browsing the archives of General Protection Fault.
You can search these comics too.
show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 3-19-2010 | Nick: So who are these "stars" we're supposed to be dancing with?
/ Ki: No one knows yet. They're keeping a really tight lid on things this season. / Sharon: Yeah. Usually there are leaks and rumors, but this year it's been really quiet. Some folks theorize that means they've got someone really big this year and they don't want to spoil the big surprise. / Nick: Who have they had in previous seasons?
/ Ki: Donny Osmond, Mario Lopez, Wayne Newton, Tia Carrere, Leeza Gibbons, Susan Lucci... / Nick: Sounds to me like it should be called "Dancing With The Has-beens"...
/ Sharon: Well, there was the former Playboy playmate and the girl rejected from "The Bachelor"... what's her name... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100319.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 3-22-2010 | Sharon: Hurry! The show is starting! They're announcing the couples.
/ Ki: Sorry. I had to pick up these snacks on the way.
/ Announcer: Buzz Aldrin and his partner, Ashly Delgrosso! / Ki: We're not going to bother his highness?
/ Sharon: No. He's in his own little mobile world right now.
/ Fooker: La la la, not listening.
/ Announcer: Pamela Anderson and her partner, Damian Whitewood! / Ki: Did I miss any announcements?
/ Sharon: Not yet. So far. The rumors we've heard have been true. I haven't heard any names that are big surprises.
/ Announcer: Shannen Doherty and her partner, Mark Ballas! / Announcer: Fred Physarum and his partner, Cheryl Burke!
/ Ki: Um, well, there's a surprise...
/ Fooker: Who what when now? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100322.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 3-24-2010 | Ki: Fred. They got Fred on "Dancing With The Stars"...
/ Sharon: But... He... How... Where... No... How... How...? / Ki: I don't get it. Fred can't dance! He has no arms! He has no feet! How do they expect him to...?
/ Fooker: What did you say Nick called this show? "Dancing With The Has-beens?" / Fooker: When was the last time you heard Fred's name on TV or the 'net lately? His popularity is waning. His 15 minutes are up and his "has-been" membership card is in the mail. It's a desperate last grab for public consciousness. / Ki: I can't tell who's more desperate then, Fred or ABC...
/ Sharon: But... how?!? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100324.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 3-26-2010 | Tom Bergeron: Here on "Dancing With The Stars" we've always had some... unusual selections of contestants. But this season, we have one star who certainly hopes not to be defeated... Especially since he doesn't have any feet. / Tom Bergeron: You've had some unique challenges to overcome just to be here, Fred. How is that turning out?
/ Fredrick "Fred" Physarum: Well, Tom, it hasn't been without its share of pitfalls. / Fredrick "Fred" Physarum: At least the wardrobe department is saving a bundle on costumes this season... since I don't need any... because I'm a slime mold...
/ Tom Bergeron: Ha ha! Isn't that the truth. Let's take a look at you and Cheryl's first meeting... / Fredrick "Fred" Physarum: Yes! Cheryl Burke! Now at least the finals are a sure thing!
/ Cheryl Burke (thinking): And I thought they were handicapping me with Tom Delay... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100326.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 3-29-2010 | Announcer: Dancing the Viennese Waltz, Fred Physarum and his partner, Cheryl Burke! / Both Sharon and Ki wince at what they see on the TV. / Ki: I hope they mop up that floor during the commercial break...
/ Sharon: They'll never get those stains out of her outfit... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100329.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 3-31-2010 | Tom Bergeron: That was... interesting! Let's get the judges reaction. Len, let's start with you. / Len Goodman: I... I have no words. It is, by far, the worst Viennese Waltz I have ever seen. You were all over the place, and I can't even begin to talk about your footwork... because you didn't have any.
/ Tom Bergeron: Bruno? / Bruno Tonioli: Len, you stick in the mud! It was fantastic! Unconventional, yes, but entertainingly so! I will never look at the waltz the same way again!
/ Tom Bergeron: Carrie Ann? / Carrie Ann Inaba: It was... a valiant first effort. You need to work on your... well, you need to really work at it. With a little more practice... with a lot more... it was a valiant first effort. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100331.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip - 4-2-2010 | Announcer: And now for our judges scores... Carrie Ann Inaba...
/ Carrie Ann Inaba: 2.
/ Announcer: Len Goodman...
/ Len Goodman: 2.
/ Announcer: Bruno Tonioli...
/ Bruno Tonioli: 8! / Ki: A 12? Really? I can't believe they scored it that high...
/ Sharon: Actually, I didn't think it was all that bad... / Sharon: Well, ok... So Fred slimed the entire dance floor, Cheryl, and half the audience, it was one big life because his pseudopods never touched the floor, and they missed every technical move, but it did have a sort of... undulating grace about it... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100402.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-5-2010 | Sharon: Well, there's the number to vote for Fred.
/ Ki: The question is: should we vote for him? / Ki: That dance was... well, wasn't. Let's face it: he doesn't have a Microsoft exec's chance in a Linux expo. But he's our friend. We ought to help him any way we can. / Sharon: He may be your friend, but we're not exactly best buddies.
/ Ki: I thought you and he took on the Brotherhood together. / Sharon: That was before we found out about his little Puppet Master trick. I haven't fully trusted him since.
/ Ki: I... didn't know you felt that way.
/ Sharon: You didn't ask. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100405.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-7-2010 | The next day...
/ Ki: The results show is always full of fluff. We really ought to DVR this and fast forward to the good stuff.
/ Sharon: Who do you think will be eliminated? / Ki: I don't know. My bet is that Even Lysacek will be the frontrunner. He's a figure skater, so he's got that whole Kristi Yamaguchi thing going for him. Maybe Buzz Aldrin or Kate Gosselin. / Sharon: Hey, they're already on the final two? But Fred isn't one of them?
/ Ki: His dance was horrible. Could he have really received that many votes? / Sharon: Maybe it's the Wozniak Effect. He survived a lot longer than he should have.
/ Ki: Woz has a lovable, roly-poly quality. Fred... doesn't.
/ Announcer: Evan and Anna, you're going home. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100407.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-9-2010 | Various tabloid headlines read:
/ "DWTS SHOCKER: PHYSARUM OUSTS LYSACEK"
/ "FRED IN, EVAN OUT
/ Rumors Fly of DWTS Fix
/ Did ABC rig results to keep boring blob in?" / Newscaster: A spokesperson for the show refused to comment on allegations that the audience vote was rigged to keep Physarum in the competition strictly to boost ratings... / Chad Ochocinco: At first they told me I was going to be on the show. Then they bumped me to put that blob on instead. And I even got him Super Bowl tickets! / Sharon: Things are definitely looking bad for Fred.
/ Ki: Makes you wonder if that saying "There's no such thing as bad publicity" is true... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100409.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-12-2010 | Ki: Sharon! Fred responded to my text message and he's on Skype right now!
/ Sharon: Really? / Ki: Fred. I'm back, and I've got Sharon.
/ Fred: Hola chicas! What's the time difference there? Three hours? / Ki: Never mind that. What is the deal with the votes? How in the world did you beat out Evan Lysacek?
/ Fred: What, you don't think I can dance? / Sharon: In a word, no. You're a gelatinous blob with no limbs who beat out a guy who essentially dances on ice for a living.
/ Fred: I don't like your anti-physaric tone there missy. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100412.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-14-2010 | Ki: Fred, Evan got a 21! You got a hotly contested 12! There's no way you got enough audience votes to bump him out of the competition.
/ Fred: Thanks for the vote of confidence. / Fred: Look, everything's cool. After the show, I asked them to do a recount. All the votes were legit. Don't ask me why or how, but the fans love me more than they love ol' frosty toes. I'm not complaining. / Sharon: No, but a lot of other people are, Fred. People are Fred. Rumors are flying that either you or the show's producers fixed the vote to garner more ratings. You're getting more publicity, but it's not exactly the good kind. / Fred: I didn't do anything except dance with a hot chick in front of millions of viewers! Don't accuse me of rigging the vote!
/ Ki: We aren't. But that's not stopping everyone else. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100414.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-16-2010 | Cheryl Burke: OK, break time's over! Time to work on the paso doble, Fred! / Cheryl Burke: I'm still new at reading slime mold expressions, but you don't look happy.
/ Fred: Everyone is saying I rigged the vote to beat Lysacek. / Fred: Look I know I'm a long shot, and I know I'm "unconventional", as Bruno put it. But I'm trying, really I am! I can't help it if the novelty of a dancing slime mold is more popular than some Olympic gold medal winner, right? / Fred: I'm not really that bad, am I, Cheryl?
/ Cheryl Burke: Well, you're no Master P, but Steve Wozniak could waltz circles around you. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100416.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-19-2010 | The following week...
/ Announcer: Before we begin this week, one of our contestants has an important announcement. / Fred: Since last week, there's been a lot of controversy over my beating out Evan. While no one who has actually seen the vote count contests it, I've decided to withdraw from the competition. / Fred: Look, everyone knows Evan was better than me, but I can't help it if people voted for the dancing slime mold because I'm unusual. So I figure it's best if I bow out now and save everyone the trouble. / Ki: Wow... that's incredibly gracious of Fred.
/ Sharon: I'm sure the $200,000 fee for participating will lessen the sting... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100419.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-21-2010 | Several days later...
/ Ki: So you're completely done with the show?
/ Fred: Well, I have to go back for the finale, but that's about it. / Fred: Of course, I've already done Jimmy Kimmel, but I'll probably be on the talk show circuit for weeks. I'm just lucky to have a day or two at home between appearances. / Ki: Fred, maybe this is for the best. We know you did the show to boost your popularity. But celebrity has a price. Maybe it's time to gracefully fade into the background. / Persephone: Oh, Ki. I've been telling him that for months.
/ Fred: Are you kidding? I'm going out in a big blazing blaze of blazing glory! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100421.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-23-2010 | Socrates (thinking): Finally! I was beginning to wonder if he'd ever give up! It never was part of his nature. / Socrates (thinking): It took every resource I had, pulling every string available. Such primitive technology was simple to hack, but I risked too much. I nearly exposed myself. / Socrates (thinking): But faking all those votes was worth it. It worked perfectly: The controversy, the rumors, the denial, and the "gracious exit". His celebrity will decline, and soon he will be just another has-been, out of the limelight. / Socrates (thinking): When that time comes, "Fred", then we will finally be reunited. I will force you to remember me, and our work will finally resume... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100423.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-26-2010 | Nicole: It should only be a few days. I don't see why we couldn't have done a teleconference, but Mr. Urbanski insisted I go in person. / Dwayne: It's OK, honey. Things have picked up for you since you won Fred's case. You're a senior partner! Sydney and I will survive. The house will still be here when you get back. I promise. / Nicole: I know. But after Mr. Minsk retired and Mr. and Mrs. Edwards divorced and she left the firm, I've picked up all their slack. Plus Fred brought us a lot of publicity and new work. I'm swamped. / Dwayne: Wait a minute. Your firm's acronym changed from "sue 'em" to "sued"?
/ Nicole: It does have a sort of ominous feel to it, doesn't it? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100426.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-28-2010 | Nicole: Time to catch my flight. Be good for Daddy, Sydney. I love you!
/ Sydney: Love ya, Mom! / Nicole: Love you, dear. Remember, no pizza for dinner every night, and non compromising on bedtime.
/ Dwayne: Please, I know the rules. I helped set them.
/ Nicole: Uh huh. / Dwayne: Bye, dear! Be careful!
/ Sydney: Bye Mommy! Hurry home! / Sydney: I win two out of three on Wii Tennis and I get to stay up two extra hours.
/ Dwayne: Extra cheese and half pepperoni, right? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100428.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-30-2010 | [[Dwayne and Sydney appear to be playing tennis on Wii Sports. Dwayne is breaking a sweat, while Sydney swings her controller with a casual, almost bored expression.]]
/ Dwayne: So how was school today?
/ Sydney: Oh, OK, I guess...
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100430.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 4-30-2010 | [[Dwayne and Sydney appear to be playing tennis on Wii Sports. Dwayne is breaking a sweat, while Sydney swings her controller with a casual, almost bored expression.]]
/ Dwayne: So how was school today?
/ Sydney: Oh, OK, I guess...
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100430.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 5-3-2010 | Sydney: Seriously Daddy! I don't think I understand thing whole boys versus girls thing. / Sydney: I know I'm not like other girls. I'm not into dolls or playing house or dressing up in pink frilly things. I'd rather play video games, do stuff on the computer, or dig up gross things in the backyard. The other girls say I'm weird. / Sydney: But the boys say I'm weird too! They don't like it if I'm better at a game or sport than they are. They get all macho. Like I've insulted boys everywhere. Why do boys and girls have to be so confusing? / Dwayne: I don't know think anyone has come up with a good answer to that one, sweetheart.
/ Pizza delivery man: Ain't that the truth. My mom says the girls will come around, though. I'm only 35, ya know. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100503.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 5-5-2010 | Sydney: Honestly, I don't see why boys and girls have to be so different.
/ Dwayne: Well, it's... complicated. / Sydney: It's almost like we're two different species. Everything we do seems the opposite of the other. And when somebody like me comes along and doesn't fit either mold, it all goes wonky. / Sydney: I mean, what's the point of having two different genders? What's the attraction? What exactly is supposed to happen in the next few years that will make boys not seem so... stupid?
/ Dwayne: Um... / Sydney: Relax, Daddy. They taught us all that baby making stuff in school.
/ Dwayne: I don't see how that should make me relax... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100505.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip - 5-7-2010 | Dwayne: Look, sweetie. Lots of people have pondered why boys and girls are so different. Don't expect to figure that answer out any time soon.
/ Sydney: I suppose you're right, Daddy. / Sydney: I guess it's one of life's great mysteries, kind of like the whole "three bears paradox".
/ Dwayne: The what? / Sydney: The "three bears paradox". That's what I call it, anyway. It's a theory I have. It make sense for Papa Bear's porridge to be too hot; there's more mass, so it should retain more heat. But why would Mama Bear's be too cold and Baby Bear's be just right? / Sydney: Baby Bear's porridge should lose heat more quickly. It defies the laws of thermodynamics, I tell you!
/ Dwayne: The other kids are right. You are weird. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100507.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip | [[Outside the Supply Closet]]
/ Patty: There you are, Ki. Dwayne called to say he'll be in Springfield today and he won't make your meeting at noon.
/ Ki: Thanks, Patty. / [[Inside the Supply Closet]]
/ Patty: By the way, have you been able to find any rubber bands?
/ Ki: No. This is the sixth empty box I've found. / Ki: How is it that a company that is mostly paperless goes through so many rubber bands? We never run out of paperclips. Where are these rubber bands disappearing to? / [[Dexter's desk, where Dexter is hit in the head with a rubber band]]
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100510.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip - 5-12-2010 | ZING
/ POK / THWIP / Scott: Tim, I need you to review the requirements for this--
/ Tim: DUCK! / SNAP http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100512.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 5-14-2010 | ZING / Tim: Wait! I hear someone--
/ TWONG / SPROING / Fooker: To quote Bugs Bunny, "Of course, you realize this means war." http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100514.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 5-17-2010 | THWIP
/ TWOING / Patty: And just what testosterone-fueled display of immaturity have I stumbled upon this time?
/ Scott: We are engaged in mortal combat for the honor and glory of latex supremacy. / Patty: So that's where all the rubber bands went. So who are the infidels in this jihad?
/ Scott: Barker and--
/ ZWIP / Scott: Smith.
/ POING
/ Smith: Oopsy. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100517.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 5-19-2010 | Tim: I though you called this a "testosterone-fueled display of--"
/ Patty: Dexter must die.
/ Tim: Oookaaay... / Fooker: Sharon! Look out! / KERSNAP
/ Sharon: Yeouch! / Fooker: You monsters! I shall avenge you, my love!
/ Sharon: It's just a flesh wound, Rambo. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100519.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip | Ki: You keep working, sweetie. I'll pick up some lunch and bring it back for both of us. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100521.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip - 5-24-2010 | SLAM / Trudy: Is... there something I can help you with, Ki?
/ Ki: It's a war zone out there. The others are having a rubber band war, and I... / (silence) / Ki: Well... isn't this awkward. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100524.html |
| General Protection Fault--The Comic Strip 5-26-2010 | Fooker: All right, people. Status report.
/ Dexter: The others are spread out, searching for us. Ki and Trudy are non-combatants and locked down. / Fooker: Drat. We're too evenly matched. Those girls won't be any help.
/ Dexter: We could always enlist Nick. / Fooker: Absolutely not! You do not want Nick involved. When he's in the zone, like he's been on this project, you do not interrupt him. You don't poke a sleeping bear. He won't want to get involved, and we'll keep him out of this if we know what's best for us. / Dexter: Are you kidding? He's got the inventor's gene!
/ Fooker: Precisely! Keep him neutral in this. He's Switzerland... with tactical nukes! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20100526.html |
Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 >>