You're browsing the archives of General Protection Fault.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

GPF Archive: Friday, April 20, 2001 Ki: I guess it's normal for a woman my age to want to have a baby, especially when I see Nicole all big and round and glowing... / Ki: And I know what you're going to say: Right now, I've got too much going on, and that is a responsibility I can still enjoy later. I just didn't expect this to have as big an effect on me as it has. / Ki: I'm okay now. Still excited, but under control... / Nick: Your uterus went "twinge"...?
GPF Archive: Saturday, April 21, 2001 [[Nick and Ki, sitting half-naked on the floor in Nick's apartment]] / Ki: I feel so silly now. I'm glad you understand so well, Nick. Just one more thing I love about you... / {{Nick stares at Ki's chest}} / Ki: Um... Nick? / Nick: Grrowl... / {{Ki realizes she is shirtless}} / Ki: ! / Ki: I think I'll go put my shirt back on now... / Nick: Either that, or finish what you started... / Nick: Growl...
GPF Archive: Monday, April 23, 2001 [[The office, decorated for a baby shower]] / Fooker, Nick, Ki: Surprise! / Dwayne {{whispering}}: I thought you already knew about the baby shower... / Nicole {{whispering}}: I did... Now be quiet and let them have fun...
GPF Archive: Tuesday, April 24, 2001 [[The office, Nicole's baby shower]] / Nicole: Oh, this is wonderful! Thank you so much! And look at this beautiful cake! Did you make it, Ki? / Ki: Yep! / Nick {{whispering}}: Waitaminute... I _saw_ the cake you make, and _that_ isn't it. Where'd you get this one? / Ki: {{whispering}}: I bought it, okay? / Nick {{whispering}}: Then where's _your_ cake? / Ki: {{whispering}}: See the brick under that couch leg? / Nick {{whispering}}: So? I don't... _Oh_...
GPF Archive: Wednesday, April 25, 2001 [[The office, Nicole's baby shower]] / Nicole: "Onesies," diapers, and a baby blanket! Thanks, Nick and Ki! / Ki: Practical, but thhat's us. / Dwayne: Trudy's on vacation, but she left us this baby rattle. / Nicole: Shaped like a skull. How... interesting. / Nick: Fooker got you a gift too. Didn't you? / Nicole: Really? / {{Fooker sweats}} / Nicole: A hand-made quilt?! / Fooker {{whispering}}: Yeah. Um... just don't tell anyone I made it, okay? I've got a reputation...
 
GPF Archive: Thursday, April 26, 2001 Nick: Ki and I tried to come up with some interesting games, but I don't think these are well suited for this group... / Nicole: After a lot of thought, I think I know what game would be perfect for all of us to play, Nick... / Ki: ? / Fooker: DANG! Fragged again! / Nicole: YES! / Ki: And you say she's never played before? / Dwayne: I can't believe she can reach the keyboard!
GPF Archive: Friday, April 27, 2001 [[The office, Nicole's baby shower]] / Ki: So, have you thought of any names for the baby yet? / Nicole: We have a few, but they all depend on the baby's gender. / Nick: Is he or she really active? / Nicole: All the time! Dwayne's convinced we're going to have a little kickboxer. / {{Dwayne has fallen asleep in his chair}} / Nick: Looks like someone else has drained his batteries... / Nicole: Just wait until the baby's born...
GPF Archive: Saturday, April 28, 2001 [[Dwayne and Nicole's house, after Nicole's baby shower]] / Nicole: That baby shower was wonderful, Dwayne. Please tell everyone I had a great time. / Dwayne: Sure, dear. / Nicole: Bills? / Dwayne: Just some GPF bills. Only take a few minutes... / Nicole: Well, don't take too long... / {{Dwayne looks at bills that say "Past Due" and "Final Notice"}} / Nicole: I'm going to sleep great tonight... / Nicole: For a change. / {{Dwayne sweats}}
GPF Archive: Monday, April 30, 2001 [[Interior: Fooker's backpack]] / Fooker: Fred, are you sure you want to do this? We can still turn back... / Fred: No, you were right, Fooker. This really is the best course of action. / Persephone: Fred... I-I'm scared... / Fred: I know Persephone. Be brave, and Fooker and I will be right beside you... / <> / Nick: Hi, Fooker! What's this big surprise you wanted to discuss with us?
GPF Archive: Tuesday, May 1, 2001 [[Nick's apartment; begins with Fooker standing in the open doorway.]] / Ki: Hey, Fooker! What's this big surprise you have for-- / Fooker: [[Finger to lips]] SHHHH! Not so loud... / Fooker: Close those blinds, and dim the lights. You might want to unplug the phone, too. We can't be too careful... / Ki: ? / Nick: ? / Nick: [[Closing blinds]] Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that opening that bag could get us locked in prison for the next 50 years? / Ki: [[Clicks off light]] / Fooker: No hidden microphones, right? You SURE you're not bugged?
 
GPF Archive: Wednesday, May 2, 2001 [[Nick's apartment]] / Fooker: A little over two years ago, not long after Nick joined GPF, I came upon something that changed my life forever. / Ki: Soap? / Fooker: We've been keeping this a secret all this time, but recent... _circumstances_ make finding allies very important. You must _swear_ that nothing I show you now will ever go beyond the three of us. / Ki: I knew it... You're married to a six-inch horse you keep in that knapsack, right? / Fooker: Ha, ha. Very funny. / Persephone {{whispering, inside knapsack}}: I thought he said they were smart... / Fred {{whispering, inside knapsack}}: Shhh!
GPF Archive: Thursday, May 3, 2001 Fooker: This isn't the time to be funny, Ki. Two lives hang in the balance, do you mind? / Ki: Okay, Okay... You mean you really ARE a secret agent? / Nick: [[disapprovingly]] Ki... / Fooker: Look, I'm having trouble with this as it is, and you're not helping. Just let me finish and all will be revea-- [[interrupted]] / Persephone: [[whispering]] I thought you said he WAS a secret agent? / Fred: PERSEPH! / Ki: [[in shock]] D-Did your bag j-just say something?!? / Fooker: Okay, fine. We'll be blunt about it. / Fred: Well, it's moving faster than your yacking, isn't it?
GPF Archive: Friday, May 4, 2001 Fooker: [[reaching into bag]] Well, I TRIED to ease you into this, but here goes... / Fooker: Nick and Ki... Meet Fred and Persephone. / [[Fooker shows Fred and Persephone to Nick and Ki]] / Ki: This is a joke, right? / Fred: If it is, it's not a very funny one...
GPF Archive: Saturday, May 5, 2001 Ki: So, are they puppets? Are you using ventriloquism, or are they remote controlled? / Fred: I don't like her. / Fooker: They're real, live slime molds. Honest. / Ki: That can talk? Yeah, right. / Nick: Uh, Ki... / Fred: Don't touch me. / Fred: {{squirt digestive juices!}} / Ki: Ouch! / Fooker: <> / Fred: I warned you, sweetheart, but did you listen? / Fooker: Maybe I ought to start from the beginning...
GPF Archive: Sunday, May 6, 2001 [[All panels are photographs, with dialogue bubbles added.]] / Randi: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Randi the Wonder Kitty™. Perhaps you've heard of me... / Randi: [[off-screen]] This is my nemesis... I mean, sister, Kiki, the Boo Wonder™. She can be safely ignored. / Kiki: Hi, Mom! / Randi: [[off-screen]] Quiet, you. / Randi: I'm here to talk to you today about web comics appreciation day. Our "Daddy" (whom you know as Jeff, the cartoonist) is a very busy person, and this comic takes a lot of work. / Randi: Like many online cartoonists, Daddy works a "day job" to pay the bills. (Mostly for cat food and litter.) He often works overtime, and the comic strip is done in his "spare time." / Randi: While he always appreciates your readership, he's too shy, modest, or doesn't have the whiskers to "beg" you to buy his stuff. You know, books, t-shirts, mugs... that sort of thing. / Kiki: But Daddy has whiskers. Mommy says they tickle when he--Mmhrf! / Randi: [[holding Kiki down with a paw]] Don't make me hurt you.
 
GPF Archive: Monday, May 7, 2001 Fred: Those digestive juices won't scar if you wash them off fast enough... / Ki: <> / Nick: I remember this guy... you're the slime mold that stole my glasses... / Fred: In one of my earlier, formative stages, yes. / Nick: And I saw you on Fooker's shoulder on our way home from the team building hike... / Persephone: Fred's very well traveled. He's even been to our mailbox. / Fred: <>
GPF Archive: Tuesday, May 8, 2001 Narrator: Fooker relates Fred and Persephone's origins to Nick and Ki... / Fooker: and then, "Pop!" Persephone was born. / Nick: Cellular mitosis. Interesting. / Ki: And you pay half of Fooker's rent by teaching literature at an online university? / Fred: Guilty as charged. / Ki: Then you're "theprof" from IRC! The guy who was busting on "Star Wars"! / Fred: Er, um... IRC? What's that? I don't know what you mean...
GPF Archive: Wednesday, May 9, 2001 Nick: This is all new and exciting, Fooker, but why are you telling us all this? / Fooker: I won't mince words, Nick. / Fooker: Fred and I decided to keep their existence secret, to protect them from prodding scientists. / Persephone: Have you seen "E.T."? (shudder) / Fred: Perseph! / Fooker: Unfortunately, there was one important factor we forgot to account for... / Ki: Oh, no... / Nick: ? / Ki, Fooker: Trudy. / Nick: !
GPF Archive: Thursday, May 10, 2001 Fooker: Trudy found out about the molds a few months ago, and promised to expose our secret if I didn't do a "favor" for her. / Fooker: Thus far, she hasn't come collecting, but that still puts us in a bad place. We need allies, and you two instantly came to mind. / Fooker: Trudy's been pretty quiet lately, which makes me think she's up to something. I don't know what, but she... / Fooker: What? / Fooker: Don't tell me you still think she's "just misunderstood"! / Nick: She gave me a nice card!
GPF Archive: Friday, May 11, 2001 [[Fooker, Fred and Ki on couch in background; Nick in foreground]] / Nick: I'll give you that she's a little weird and a bit too forward, but I really don't think she's "evil". / Fooker: Are you BLIND?! / Ki: [[Wide-eyed]] / Fooker: The way she torments us, and tried to keep you and Ki apart... / Ki: She deliberately tried to sabotage us with "Mr. Pookel" ... / Nick: [[fists on hips]] Look, I've heard all these arguments before, but I still haven't seen any evidence. She might be jealous of Ki and I, but not to the point of sabotage. / Nick: [[looming over Ki]] Next thing you know, you'll be blaming her for "Nerdvana"... / Fooker: Can't prove it, but now that you mention it...
 
GPF Archive: Saturday, May 12, 2001 [[Fooker, slime molds, Ki, and Nick are talking in Nick's apartment]] / Nick: Trudy's not out to get us. I've talked with Dwayne, and he agrees. / Fooker: Then she's got you both fooled. / [[Silhouettes through window]] / Ki: Okay, let's not fight. Trudy or not, we ought to agree to protect Fred and Persephone's secret. / Nick: Agreed. / [[Pull back to see Chuck on a nearby building, watching the crew through the window]] / Fooker: By the way, where is Trudy? She's been on vacation for a while now. / Nick: She never said where she was going. / [[In front of Chuck, we can see he's looking through binoculars]] / Ki: "She can stay there, for all I care..." / Chuck: Getting all this, my mistress? / Unknown (Trudy): Excellent work, Chuck!
GPF Archive: Monday, May 14, 2001 Nick: Man... talking, sentient slime molds... no wonder Fooker was so cautious... / Nick: This is definitely a big secret to keep. Uncle Wise would love to hear about them, but I can't tell him without... / Nick: You're still mad about my Trudy comments, right? / Ki: Lucy, you got some 'splainin' ta do...
GPF Archive: Tuesday, May 15, 2001 Nick: How can you and Fooker go around accusing Trudy of all these crazy schemes? / Ki: How can we not?! / Ki: Haven't you paid attention to all she's done to us? She tortures me and Fooker, she's tried all sorts of things to keep us apart, the bottle of arsenic when I quit smoking... / Nick: That last one is just her morbid sense of humor. I haven't seen any evidence of the rest. / Ki: Don't you have any other answer than that one?!
GPF Archive: Wednesday, May 16, 2001 [[Nick and Ki talking in Nick's apartment]] / Nick: I'm sorry, Ki, but that's the best I can explain it. I haven't seen any real evidence of Trudy's "crimes" against you and Fooker. / [[Flashback to Nick and Dwayne talking at the office]] / Nick: [[As narrator]] "I had a very long talk with Dwayne about this, and he's as confused about your claims as I am." / [[Angelic Trudy side-by-side with devilish Turdy]] / Nick: [[As narrator]] "It's as if we're all talking about two different people, one good, one evil. No matter how much we bicker, she can't be both. / Ki: So that's her scheme... set us at each other's throats. Divide and conquer... / Nick: Excuse me, but were you LISTENING?!
GPF Archive: Thursday, May 17, 2001 Nick: I've always tried to look for the best in people, and give them the benefit of a doubt. Trudy deserves our respect until proven otherwise. / Nick: I'm not about to accept these claims--and you have to admit, they're pretty ludicrous--until I see proof. To date, I haven't seen any. / Ki: And the fact that I'm your girlfriend counts for what, exactly? / Nick: I knew you'd play the trump card...
 
GPF Archive: Friday, May 18, 2001 Nick: Okay... maybe I should have put it this way: I don't mean to say I don't trust and believe you. I just haven't seen any proof. Trudy deserves a chance to prove herself, too. / Nick: How about this: I promise I will pay careful attention to Trudy, and look for those clues. But I need you to believe me. If we can prove she's evil, then we can do something about it. / Ki: With all she's done, you'll have your evidence in no time, Mr. Empirical... / Nick: Just make it good, Miss Circumstantial.
GPF Archive: Saturday, May 19, 2001 [[Chuck outside, looking through binoculars, talking to Trudy through an ear-bud microphone]] / Chuck: Are you getting all this, Trudy? / Trudy: [[through microphone]] Hmm... I'll have to be even more careful with Nick now... / Trudy: [[through microphone]] Not that it matters. I'll complete the next step of my plan soon. Ki will be out of the picture not long after that. / Chuck: I... I don't know about this. / Trudy: [[through microphone]] You're not becoming all moral on me, are you, Chuck? / Chuck: [[hand to head, in pain, whispers]] Ngh... No... / [[Now we see Trudy, dressed up, somewhere crowded, talking into a walkie-talkie]] / Trudy: Good. Now leave before you're seen. I've got work to do.
GPF Archive: Monday, May 21, 2001 [[Stretch limo pulling into the gates of the Hotel LeSwank]] / Narrator: An expensive, exclusive resort on the outskirts of the capital of Morocco... / [[A crowd gathers in front of a curtained stage]] / Narrator: Hundreds of strange, questionable characters make their way to the grande ballroom in eager antiticipation... / Narrator: ... including one familiar face... / Man: [[checking the invitation, seen from behind]] Your invitation is all in order, Miss Trueheart... / Trudy: Thank you...
GPF Archive: Tuesday, May 22, 2001 Narrator: The ballroom buzzes with activity as the anxious invitees mix and mingle, awaiting the beginning of the festivities... / [[The crowd gathers. In the foreground, the guests include Trudy, Dr. Shlock from Sluggy Freelance and Gav from Nukees]] / [[The room darkens as a spotlight appears on stage]] / Narrator: Slowly, a hush works through the crowd, as the lights dim and the music steadily grows to a fortissimo... / [[Nefarious peeks at the crowd through a gap in the curtain]] / Narrator: Behind the thick curtain, the host is just as eager as his guests... / Dr. Nefarious: A full house! How positively wicked!
GPF Archive: Wednesday, May 23, 2001 [[Dr. Nefarious is standing in the spotlight on the curtained stage.]] / Narrator: And now, ladies & evil geniuses, our esteemed host... DR. NEFARIOUS! / <> / Nefarious: [[Holding up a hand to stop the applause]] Thank you, thank you! / Nefarious: We apologize for the delay, folks, but our staff is taking care of the final touches for this evening... / <> / Nefarious: [[Holding a hand to his ear to listen]] / Nefarious: [[ Holding up one finger]] Ah... now that the last of the spies are disposed of, we can finally begin...
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 >>