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| GPF Archive: Thursday, May 24, 2001 | Dr. Nefarious: Welcome, my friends, to the seventh annual C.R.U.D.E. auditions and grande initiate ball! / Dr. Nefarious: This is the time we, the members of C.R.U.D.E. -- The Commune of Really Unscrupulous and Diabolical Evildoers -- scour the world for the greatest sinister minds to add to our collective. / Dr. Nefarious: That, and we get to party 'til all hours, get stinking drunk, and torture hapless innocents to our evil hearts' delight! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010524.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, May 25, 2001 | [[Dr Nefarious speaks to an auditorium, Trudy is in the foreground]]
/ Dr Nefarious: We've invited each of you here because you are the vilest, most despicable of your lot. Only the worst of the worst make it this far. / [[Extreme close up of Dr Nefarious]]
/ Dr Nefarious: Over the next few days, you will be subjected to a series of tests and challenges to determine the depths of your villainy. He, she, or it that completes them all will be eligible to join us. / [[Looking over Dr Nefarious' shoulder at cheering audience]]
/ Dr Nefarious: Of these remaining, vigilant few, one will be chosen. Who will it be? Only time will tell! So put on your evil caps, boys and girls. It's time... to... get... WICKED!
/ < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010525.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, May 26, 2001 | Dr. Not: (Sigh)... Does Nefarious HAVE to be so... so... "Over the top?"
/ Moldfinger{out of frame}: Now, now, Dr. Not... / Moldfinger: You know he has that flair for the over-dramatic. It's the "Old School" villain in him.
/ Dr. Not: Still, why does he have to turn this into a three ring circus, Moldfinger? / Moldfinger: Simple: bigger bait catches the bigger fish...
/ Dr. Not: Or, a bigger head needs a bigger toupee...?
/ Moldfinger: That was uncalled for, madam. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010526.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, May 28, 2001 | [[A referee is sitting at a table, Ralph from Melonpool is applying while the Head Alien from It's Walky stands nearby]]
/ Narrator: The C.R.U.D.E. eliminations quickly begin. . .
/ Refereee: No Aliens.
/ Ralph: BAH! / [[Still at the referee's table, Ralph is replaced by Ubersoft's boss in his shadowy cloak, followed by the fiery "Boss" letters is and Evil Baughb from Elf Life in a smart business suit.]]
/ Referee: No supernatural beings.
/ Evil Baughb: Who you calling "supernatural"? / [[PC from Funny Farm and Bobby from Superosity now apply at the table]]
/ Referee: No sentient machines or children.
/ Bobby: Feh. / [[Saddam Hussein and Muammar Kadaffi apply at the table]]
/ Referee: And I thought you guys were permanently banned. . .
/ Saddam: Pooh. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010528.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, May 28, 2001 | [[A referee is sitting at a table, Ralph from Melonpool is applying while the Head Alien from It's Walky stands nearby]]
/ Narrator: The C.R.U.D.E. eliminations quickly begin. . .
/ Refereee: No Aliens.
/ Ralph: BAH! / [[Still at the referee's table, Ralph is replaced by Ubersoft's boss in his shadowy cloak, followed by the fiery "Boss" letters is and Evil Baughb from Elf Life in a smart business suit.]]
/ Referee: No supernatural beings.
/ Evil Baughb: Who you calling "supernatural"? / [[PC from Funny Farm and Bobby from Superosity now apply at the table]]
/ Referee: No sentient machines or children.
/ Bobby: Feh. / [[Saddam Hussein and Muammar Kadaffi apply at the table]]
/ Referee: And I thought you guys were permanently banned. . .
/ Saddam: Pooh. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010528.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, May 29, 2001 | [[Gav notices Trudy.]] / Gav: I couldn't help but notice such a beautiful lady in front of me...
/ Trudy: Why, thank you. / Trudy: Aren't you the one who build the giant robotic ant?
/ Gav: No, but I wrote the homicidal sentient AI that possessed it. / Gav: So, are you trying out for the mad scientist division as well?
/ Trudy: No, strategic manipulation. But I keep tabs on the competition.
/ Gav: Ho 'bout you keep tabs on me over dinner? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010529.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, May 30, 2001 | CRUDE Interviewer: Very interesting credentials, Miss Trueheart. But there are some pretty bold claims you've made here. . .
/ Trudy: I know. / CRUDE Interviewer: We can verify some, like your arms smuggling ring in Afghanistan and the whole "Nerdvana" scheme, but others have no one claiming responsibility. Do you have proof of your connections to these? / Trudy: Of course, but once I tell you I'd have to kill you...
/ CRUDE Interviewer: Oh, like I haven't heard that one all evening. . . http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010530.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, May 31, 2001 | [[Gav, from Nukees, and Trudy are standing in the foreground of a crowd]]
/ Gavin: I made it! I'm in!
/ Trudy: Not quite yet, Mr. Pincushion.You have to pass the tests first. / [[Close up on Gav and Trudy]]
/ Gav: Whozzawha--?
/ Trudy: The credential check is only the first step. Next is a battery of tests to see how truly diabolical and vile you can be.
/ Gav: But I haven't studied yet... / [[Trudy is pointing off to the right, standing by an annoyed Gav]]
/ Gav: I skip out of a nuclear dynamics final to get stuck taking more tests...
/ Trudy: The economics of totalitarianism is this way... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010531.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, June 1, 2001 | [[Trudy and Gav are at the front of a crowd where the administrator is explaining the test to them.]]
/ Test Administrator: You have two minutes to cruelly slaughter as many fluffy little bunnies as you can. You may begin. / [[An anonymous applicant is seen tromping on bunnies in a test chamber, blood squirting under his feet, as the administrator watches.]] / [[Gav and the administrator stand in front of the chamber.]]
/ Test Administrator: There's enough radiation in there to cook an elephant.
/ Gav: Hey, I'm thorough. / [[Trudy and the administrator stand in front of the chamber. Blood is smeared on the chamber window, a dead rabbit's leg is pointing upward.]]
/ Test Administrator: I've never seen anyone get the rabbits to murder each other...
/ Trudy: And not a spot on my dress... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010601.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, June 2, 2001 | [[CRUDE leaders observe the ongoing tests...]]
/ Moldfinger: Who's the current front-runner?
/ Dr. Not: This girl here. Trueheart. Low technical scores, but she excels everywhere else. / Dr. Nefarious: Oooh... Excellent manipulation skills. I like her style...
/ Moldfinger: Hmph.
/ Dr. Not: Problem, Moldfinger? / Moldfinger: If I were you, I'd disqualify her immediately. She's more trouble than she's worth.
/ Dr. Nefarious: I like her curves, too. Let's have a swimsuit competition. I bet she'll win... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010602.html |
| GPF Archive: Sunday, June 3, 2001 | [[Nick, Ki and Fooker at Wacky Burger...]]
/ Nick [[thinking to himself]]: Oh, boy... A Wacky burger deluxe, add bacon and no lettuce! / [[As Nick takes his first bite, the burger falls apart.]] < http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010603.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, June 4, 2001 | [[Against a background of many heads, Trudy and her companion for the evening, Gav, are watching disqualified candidates going by.
/ This panel shows Userfriendly.org's Pitr character leaving, offended]]
/ Narrator: Steadily, the competition narrows to but a few...
/ Pitr: Am thinkink this contest is beink rigged... / [[Illuminatie.nl's BunBun (a small bunny) is hopping by in a big swoop]]
/ Bun-bun: Bah. This shindig's a bigger waste of time than Nerd-boy. / [[Muammar Kadaffi in a dress, chesthair showing and Saddam Hussein, losing a fake mustache-glasses combo, are marching out]]
/ Off-scene: I thought I told you two to get out!
/ Kadaffi: I think they're on to us, Saddam!
/ Saddam: Shaddap! / Mr. Gav and Trudy are locked in an evil stare-off, the referee standing behind mr. Gav]]
/ Mr. Gav: Looks like it's going to be just between us two, Trudy...
/ Referee: About your application, Mr. Gav...
/ Trudy (thinking to herself): Don't bet on it. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010604.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, June 5, 2001 | [[An administrator is speaking to a panicked Gav, as Trudy looks on with an evil grin.]]
/ Gav: Disqualified?! B-But how?!?
/ Administrator: According to our sources, you were once quoted as saying you'd be a "benevolent fascist dictator."
/ Gav: Who shot who in the what?! / [[Close up on a saddened Gav, with the administrator in the background.]]
/ Gav: But I was only trying to pick up a girl in a bar!
/ Administrator: Then it's also a terrible pick-up line. However, benevolence is not a trait we can accept in this organization.
/ Gav: She ran away though... / [[Gav whirls around to face Trudy, who makes a show of inspecting her fingernails.]]
/ Gav: You told them, didn't you? How in the world...?
/ Trudy: I told you... I keep tabs on the competition...
/ Gav: Then dinner...?
/ Trudy: ...Is off. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010605.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, June 6, 2001 | {{Trudy has won the job application and is introduced to her new colleagues at C.R.U.D.E.}} / [[Trudy is in a waiting-room. Dr. Nefarious enters through a curtained doorway.]]
/ Dr. Nefarious: Congratulations, Miss Trueheart! You seem to have outlasted your competition. Welcome to C.R.U.D.E.! / [[Trudy, Dr.Nefarious, Dr. Not and Moldfinger (alias Sean Connery)]]
/ Dr. Nefarious: I am Dr. Nefarious, acting president. This is Dr. Not and Moldfinger. Mr. Inertia rounds out the main four, but he was detained.
/ Dr. Not: Congratulations. / [[Trudy holds out her hand to Moldfinger.]]
/ Trudy: It's nice to see you again, Mr. Connery... OR should I say "Moldfinger"...
/ Dr. Not: You two have already met?
/ Moldfinger: Unfortunately. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010606.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, June 7, 2001 | [[Dr. Not, Moldfinger, Nefarious, and Trudy standing and talking]]
/ Nefarious: C.R.U.D.E. was founded several years ago to fix a fatal flaw most supervillans have in their plans: covering all possible scenarios. / [[Trudy and Nefarious facing each other, back of Dr. Not and Moldfinger's head
/ Nefarious: By combining our resources we can more efficiently achieve our common goal: world domination. This is always the hardest step; all following steps are merely administrative. / [[Trudy talking to Nefarious, Dr. Not and Moldfinger look on with distaste]]
/ Trudy: So we join forces to achieve the goal, then we duke it out amongst ourselves to see who finally reigns supreme?
/ Dr. Not: She's quick.
/ Moldfinger: So it appears http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010607.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, June 8, 2001 | Dr. Nefarious: There are currently eleven members of C.R.U.D.E., all with different areas of expertise. You will be in Strategic Manipulation, along with Moldfinger.
/ Trudy: Charming!
/ Moldfinger: Indeed. / Dr. Nefarious: Here is your member's packet. You will be considered an associate member until your dues are paid, and you have either murdered a public figure, broken the light barrier, or overthrown a small country. / Dr. Nefarious: Of course, we offer full benefits until our goal is reached, and revealing any C.R.U.D.E. secrets to outsiders is grounds for immediate termination.
/ Dr. Not: Of your life... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010608.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, June 9, 2001 | [[Connery and Nefarious wander off separately, leaving Not and Trudy together]]
/ Not: It's about time we got another woman around here. The "boy's club" can be quite trying on the patience. / Connery: We're making a grave mistake, Nefarious. Trueheart is more dangerous than she looks.
/ Nefarious: Poppycock! / Nefarious: She'll be like all the others. We use them, then kill them off. Pure and simple.
/ Connery: Trudy is FAR from simple. / [[Trudy smiles evilly]]
/ Connery (off-panel): I'm afraid we just signed our own death warrants.
/ {{To be continued...}} http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010609.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, June 11, 2001 | {{Part of the Intervention story arc; an Absurd Notions / General Protection Fault crossover.}}
/ Nick: Wow... I can't believe a Linux expo of this size would be this close to our area... / Nick: It'll be interesting to see what cooks up here...
/ Ki: Yeah, but I'm starting to worry about Fooker... / Ki: Have you noticed he's... changed lately...?
/ Fooker: Palm OS?! That's no better than Windows CE! Proprietary lemmings...
/ Bystander: <> http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010611.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 | {{Part of the Intervention story arc; an Absurd Notions / General Protection Fault crossover.}}
/ Nick: I think you're right, Ki. Fooker has changed lately...
/ Ki: And not for the better. / Nick: Ever since he broke up with Sharon, he's gone on this whole Linux superiority kick... / Nick: I mean, he never liked Macs or Windows before, but now he's gone all...
/ Ki: Anal retentive? / Nick: In a group that needs legitimacy, nobody likes a zealot...
/ Fooker: Red Hat? Puh-leaze. You SuSE, you lose... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010612.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, June 13, 2001 | {{Part of the Intervention story arc; an Absurd Notions / General Protection Fault crossover.}}
/ Fooker: Björn? Björn Jensen? Hey, I'm Jason Barker, aka "Fooker"!
/ Bjöorn: Ah, the infamous Fooker! At last we meet offline! / Bjöorn: I haven't had time to respond to your post on comp.os.linux.networking...
/ Fooker: No sweat. We'll talk later. These are my buds, Nick and Ki. / Fooker: 'Scuse me, but I heard they were going to have Tux the Penguin burn Bill Gates in effigy on aisle 3G...
/ Bjöorn: He wastes no time, does he? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010613.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, June 14, 2001 | {{Part of the Intervention story arc; an Absurd Notions / General Protection Fault crossover.}}
/ Nick: How long have you known Fooker, Björn?
/ Björn Jensen: Not long. We met on IRC and now exchange e-mail every so often. / Björn: He seemed to change recently, however. He's more aggressive in his Linux advocacy of late.
/ Nick: You noticed that too? / Björn: I take it he wasn't always like this?
/ Nick: He's always been big on Unix, but he lost a girlfriend to his "OS elitism" recently... / Björn: Ah, I see. I may have a solution for you. Have you ever heard of an intervention?
/ Nick: <> http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010614.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, June 15, 2001 | {{Part of the Intervention story arc; an Absurd Notions / General Protection Fault crossover.}}
/ Björn Jensen: The Linux community needs informed helpful advocates of change, not zealots like Fooker has become. Those only hurt our chances of legitimacy. / Björn: I'm holding an "advocates' anonymous" style meeting here tonight. I think Fooker could use an intervention before he falls too far to the dark side.
/ Nick: I like that idea... / Björn: The problem is getting him there. In his advanced state, he won't come willingly...
/ Nick: Oh, don't worry. I can take care of that detail...
/ Ki (who hasn't been listening): <> / Fooker (reading): "All You Can Eat Pizza from Pythagoras' Pizza Palace"?! I am so there!
/ Nick: I thought so... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010615.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, June 16, 2001 | {{Part of the Intervention story arc; an Absurd Notions / General Protection Fault crossover.}}
/ [[Conference room with several guys, including Fooker and Nick, sitting. Björn Jensen, as the facilitator, is standing.]]
/ Name on door: Lincoln Conference Room
/ Sign on door: 8:00 pm - OS Advocacy Anonymous - "Are All OS'es Created Equal?"
/ Fooker: After i eat my fill of pizza, you are so dead, Nick... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010616.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, June 18, 2001 | Bjorn Jensen: Thanks for coming, everyone. Most of you here tonight to address a tendency to "OS elitism..."
/ Fooker: I'm here for the pizza... / Bjorn: Nick, why don't you start off by talking about your friend Fooker?
/ Nick: Uh, okay. / Nick: Fooker is a great friend, and i admire his knowledge and skills, but i recently watched him destroy a beautiful relationship because of his stubborn "UNIX superiority" complex.
/ Fooker: Hey! / Fooker: Thats not fair, Nick!
/ Nick: What? That I tell the truth, or that you needlessly hurt Sharon?
/ Fooker: The fruit-lover had it coming! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010618.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, June 19, 2001 | Bjorn: So you left your girlfriend simply because she enjoyed using a Mac?
/ Fooker: Of course! And she even had the gall to call herself a Unix geek. Sheesh. / Bjorn: So... She didn't use a Mac _exclusively_?
/ Fooker: Well... no. She was a Unix sys admin for an ISP.
/ Bjorn: So, other than the Mac thing, she was a pretty l33t geek?
/ Fooker: I... guess... / Bjorn: Tell me... Did she happen to run Mac OS X? With the BSD kernel? Would that still make her less of a geek in your eyes?
/ Fooker: Hey! No fair making sense! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010619.html |
| GPF Archive: Wednesday, June 20, 2001 | Fooker: I have to agree with this Warwick guy. We have to do anything we can to stop the MS empire, and Linux is the best positioned to deliver.
/ Warren: That's _Warren_, but I concur. / Fooker: Apple's been fighting Gates for years, and have they made a difference? Not really. And Warsaw's friend over there, with his own OS? I don't think so. United we stand, divided we're fragged.
/ Warren: _WARREN_. / Fooker: We will not--nay, _cannot_--back down from our position! Not for money, not for pizza, no, not even for the love of a smart, beautiful woman!
/ Warren: Hold on. Are we talking really smart _and_ really beautiful? http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010620.html |
| GPF Archive: Thursday, June 21, 2001 | Warren: It seems to me like you have a serious lack of subtlety, "Fooker." Perhaps you don't realize the fantastic opportunity you so callously threw away...
/ Fooker: What do you mean? / Warren: Imagine this beautiful diamond in your possession. A diamond with flaws, but a diamond nonetheless. As the master jeweler, you had the chance to fix those flaws, and instead you discarded it as a useless lump of carbon. / Warren: Sigh... I suppose it _could_ have been worse. Now if you had slept with her and _then_ dumped her, you would be a _complete_ idiot...
/ Fooker: AARRGH!! http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010621.html |
| GPF Archive: Friday, June 22, 2001 | Bjorn: Congratulations, Fooker. I think you've made significant progress this evening...
/ Fooker: How could I have been so _stupid_? / Nick: Hey, we all make mistakes. The important thing here is you learn from them.
/ Fooker: Idiot, idiot, idiot...
/ Bjorn: My work here is done... / Nick: Now I think we should head home. It's a long drive...
/ Fooker: You know... I don't think I like that Wilbur guy...
/ Warren: WARREN. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010622.html |
| GPF Archive: Saturday, June 23, 2001 | [[Nick and Fooker are in the car, about to drive home]]
/ Fooker: Thanks again for the wake-up call, Nick. I've been a real idiot lately...
/ Nick: No sweat, Fooker. / Fooker: Do you think she'll ever take me back?
/ Nick: Who, Sharon? I don't know. That was a pretty stupid thing you did. / [[Close-up on Nick]]
/ Nick: It'll take time for her wounds to heal. But in time, she might. That's something that will be hard to forget.
/ [[Nick begins to panic]]
/ Nick: Um... speaking of forgetting... / [[Ki, sitting on curb, thinking]]
/ Ki: I'm gonna kill them both... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010623.html |
| GPF Archive: Monday, June 25, 2001 | [[Dwayne and Trudy walking in the rain]]
/ Dwayne: I can't believe it went _that_ poorly... / Dwayne: As far as I could tell, we had this job lined up perfectly. In the bag. This contract alone would secure us for the year. Then the meeting turned sour, they couldn't agree on a price... / Dwayne: Tell me we didn't just lose _another_ customer...
/ Trudy: I would, but that doesn't change the fact we just _did_. http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010625.html |
| GPF Archive: Tuesday, June 26, 2001 | [[Dwayne driving in the rain, Trudy in the passenger seat]]
/ Dwayne: I don't get it, Trudy. GPF has never done this poorly. Even during dry work spells, our customers haven't just _abandoned_ us. That's the third we've lost in as many months. / Dwayne: Maybe it's the general downturn in the tech industry. But we've always had great business. Heck, last year was our best yet. Now we can hardly pay the bills. / Trudy: I'm sure it's just temporary, Dwayne. Things will pick up soon. I'm sure of it.
/ Dwayne: I wish your confidence could pay everyone's paychecks this month... http://www.gpf-comics.com/d/20010626.html |
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