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|GPF Archive: Monday, January 11, 1999||I could have sworn I put that file on the server yesterday. No one else has permission to delete it... / So begins the search... / Oklahoma Nick and the Server of Doom / Who needs Harrison Ford?|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, January 12, 1999||Narrator: Oklahoma Nick searches the Server of Doom to find a missing file... / Nick: Surely, this is my greatest challenge... / Nick: I've battled mail daemons, sword-swinging Unix, and sinister dot-plans to get this far, but never have I met a more diabolical foe than... / Nick: ...The sys admin! / Fooker: Prepare to meet thy doom, user!|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, January 13, 1999||Narrator: Oklahoma Nick encounters his deadly foe... / Fooker: Yes, I, the system administrator, have your precious file in my sinister clutches! / Nick: You'll never get away with this, root! / Fooker: I already have, user! Now, you will have to face my deadly assassin... / Fooker: ... the marketing witch! / Trudy: Let's see your paradigm shift NOW, boy...|
|GPF Archive: Thursday, January 14, 1999||Narrator: As Oklahoma Nick prepares to do battle... / Ki: Oh, Nick! What are we going to do ? / Nick: Ki ! What are you doing here ? / Ki: Uh... I don't know. I suppose I'm supposed to be your obligatory love interest. / Nick: Well, I'd certainly rather have you here... / Nick: ...than see Trudy in a dominatrix outfit... / Ki: Nick, look out! It's the internet worm ! / InternetWorm: Growl...|
|GPF Archive: Friday, January 15, 1999||Narrator: Oklahoma Nick stands perilously at the edge of doom... / Voice: Use the force, Nick... Let go your feelings... / Nick: Uh, Dwayne, that's from the wrong movie... / Dwayne: Darn, I need to get out more...|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, January 16, 1999||Fooker: Give up, Nick! We will only tickle you with flying pig feathers! / Trudy: I'm really your sister... / Ki: I'm pregnant... / Mr.Lardbottom: Nick, Mr. Lardbottom here. Time to turn in your algebra homework... / Nick: AHH! I'm naked! / Ki: mmm...! / Pig: Oink ? / [[Out of the dream]] / Fooker: Poor guy. I hope he hasn't drooled on the keyboard...|
|GPF Archive: Monday, January 18, 1999||Fooker: There's that slime mold thing that Nick and I found here in my appartment... I wonder where it came from... / Fooker: So... where have you been hiding lately ? / SlimeMold: Under the couch, you macroscopic moron. / Fooker: !|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, January 19, 1999||Fooker: You--you can talk ! / SlimeMold: Of course I can talk. You just never spoke to me before. / SlimeMold: I gained sentience lying in the putrid squalor of your apartment. My intelligence has grown exponentially. I learned to communicate by listening to you and watching television. / Fooker: You have quite a vocabulary for a slime mold. / SlimeMold: I watched a lot of PBs. The pops rules.|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, January 20, 1999||Fooker: Wow... The world's first sentient slime mold lives in my apartment... / SlimeMold: Yeah, well, the novelty will wear off in a few days... / Fooker: Wait 'til I tell my friends... / SlimeMold: Don't tell them. This will be our little secret. / Fooker: Aw, c'mon... you don't wanna be famous ? / SlimeMold: Poke me again and I'll digest your finger...|
|GPF Archive: Thursday, January 21, 1999||Fooker: We need to come up with a name for you... / SlimeMold: I was thinking of Chaucer... or Darwin... or maybe Pasteur... / Fooker: Why don't we call you Fred ? / SlimeMold: I think Nostradamus would be nice... / Fooker: Yeah... Fred the slime mold... / SlimeMold: Hello ? Are you the only life form present here ? Oh, well, at least it's better than "Fooker"...|
|GPF Archive: Friday, January 22, 1999||Fooker: I'm getting tired of pbs. Let's watch "Babewatch." / Fred: Shh! I'm watching national geographic. / Fooker: Where's the remote ? / Fred: Pavarotti is on next... / Fooker: Fred... Where's the remote ? / Fred: I ate it. Now shut up and get cultured.|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, January 23, 1999||Fooker: I can't believe you ate the TV remote... / Fred: Hey! Where are you going ? / Fooker: To change the channel. I want to watch "Babewatch." / Fred: No fair! You have legs! It will take me five minutes just to ooze over there! / Fooker: Well, it's my TV, so I watch what I want. / Fred: Yeah, well, I pay half the rent, so start packin', solid boy.|
|GPF Archive: Monday, January 25, 1999||[[Trudy bother Ki by standing behind here]] / Trudy: Yes, Ki, I CAN read your thoughts, I AM evil incarnate, and I AM prettier than you. / Ki(thinking): Go stick your face in a blender... / Trudy: I heard that.|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, January 26, 1999||Dwayne: I'll be back later this afternoon. I'm going to a competitor's funeral. It's a matter of respect and good press. / Nick: What happened ? / Dwayne: A horrible accident. I think a safe fell on him. / Trudy: I love my job...|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, January 27, 1999||Trudy: Watch very carefully, Ki, and I will show you why we women will one day rule the world. / Trudy: ...And after work, I think I'll smother myself in coconut oil, put on a string bikini, and lounge in the sun until I break a sweat and turn a luscious shade of tan...
/ Ki: ?
/ Fooker: <
|GPF Archive: Thursday, January 28, 1999||[[Ki, Fooker, and Nick are standing together. Ki has a lit cigarette in her right hand. Fooker has his right hand on the back of his neck, Nick has his right hand on his forehead.]]
/ Fooker: This crick in my neck is killing me...
/ Nick: I think I'm developing a migraine... / [[Ki looks down, with her left hand on her tummy]]
/ Ki: I hate to admit it, but this is the worst case of cramps I've ever had...
/ Nick: I wonder why we're developing these sudden ailments ? / [[Trudy is facing the reader, grinning evilly, with a Dwayne doll in her left hand and a pin in her right hand.
/ Trudy: Hey, everybody has a hobby...
|GPF Archive: Friday, January 29, 1999||Trudy: Face it, Ki. I'm simply better than you in every way. / Ki: Let's see you code a shell script to parse ten-tousand e-mails in under five minutes. / [[Moment of silence]] / Trudy: Uh... Excuse me... / Ki: YES!|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, January 30, 1999||Fooker: Don't tell me you're listening to provalone again... / Fred: That's Pavarotti, you cretin. / Fooker: How can you hear without ears ? / Fred: I can feel the vibrations and interpret them. It's often soothing. / Fooker: Sounds stimulating. / Fred: I find the 1812 overture to be quite erotic...|
|GPF Archive: Monday, February 1, 1999||Nick: Hey, Fooker. Check out the Kewl new Java applet I wrote for my web page.
/ Fooker: Waitaminute / Fooker: You mean to tell me you write computer programs all day at work, then go home and write more programs to relax?
/ Nick: Uh, yeah... / Fooker: DUDE!!!
/ [[Nick & Fooker Hi-Five]] <
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, February 2, 1999||Fooker: Dude, I thought I was the only man on earth geeky enough to code for a living and code at home for fun. It's good to know I'm not alone. / Nick: Ditto. / Nick: I mean, I enjoy writting programs, but at least it's a different project I work on at home. That's the only sane way I could actually do it. / Fooker: There's nothing sane about us, my brother in geekdom. We are insanity incarnate. / Nick: Boola boola.|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, February 3, 1999||Fooker: As you can see, chief, that java applet Nick designed could have tons of uses. I'm thinking we could incorporate it into the company web site... / Dwayne: Uh, sure, Fooker... / Dwayne: But when are you going to find time to overhaul our web site ? We're in the middle of a major project... / Fooker: Nick and I will do it in our spare time. / Dwayne: Uh... don't you two have anything better to do in your spare time, like, say, have a social life ? / Fooker: Social life ? What's that, sir ?|
|GPF Archive: Thursday, February 4, 1999||Dwayne: Look, guys. I admire your enthusiasm and work ethic, but you need to relax. I don't want you writing your own programs at home after work anymore. / Nick: But writing programs is HOW we relax. / Dwayne: You're missing my point. You code at work for a job. You shouldn't code at home for fun. You'll burn yourselves out! It's not normal! / Fooker: But we're NOT normal, Dwayne. We're geeks. We do this sort of thing. / Dwayne: I'm starting to thing you guys need professional help. / Fooker: Nah. Tech support's a joke. They just put you on hold.|
|GPF Archive: Friday, February 5, 1999||Ki: What's going on here guys ? / Nick: Dwayne's trying to convince us it's not normal to code all day at work, then code at home to relax. / Dwayne: Please tell me you don't go home and write programs for fun, Ki. / Ki: Heck, no... / Ki: I play computer games until early in the morning. / Fooker: Atta Grrl!|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, February 6, 1999||Dwayne: That's it! You three spend entirely too much time with electronic devices. You need to get out and do some real things instead of virtual ones. / Dwayne: I'm enrolling all of you in this new group at the college. If you don't attend it for at least two weeks, don't plan on picking up any more paychecks. / Everyone: ! / Nick: "Code-aholics anonymous." / Fooker: Dudes, I think we seriously dereferenced a null pointer here...|
|GPF Archive: Monday, February 8, 1999||Nick: I can't believe Dwayne's making us attend this code-aholics anonymous thing... / Ki: Well, he did seem genuinely concerned about us. I mean, you can't blame him... / Ki: You guys keep writting programs for fun. You knew he'd finally get suspicious. / Fooker: Hey, guys, it looks like every geek in town's here tonight! / Code-aholic: Did your boss threaten to fire you guys if you didn't come, too ? / Nick: I think I see a trend forming...|
|GPF Archive: Tuesday, February 9, 1999||[[Alan Sedgewikki leads the code-aholics run]] / Alan: Hi! I'm Alan Sedgewikki, and welcome to code-aholics anonymous! / Alan: You have come here either voluntarily or as part of an employee improvement program to help you appreciate the joys of life without resorting to electronic devices! / Code-aholic: Uh, Mr. Sedgewikki... / Alan: Yes, there will be breaks every fifteen minutes so you can check e-mail... / Code-aholic: Thank you.|
|GPF Archive: Wednesday, February 10, 1999||Dexter: Hello. My name's Dexter, and I'm a code-aholic / Everyone: Hi, Dexter. / Dexter: My dream was to become head programmer for a park that displayed genetically engineered dinosaurs brought back to life, but then I realized that was impossible, so I gave up on that. / Dexter: Now I just want to be chief O'Brien's assistant on deep space nine and start dating major Kira. / Fooker(or Nick): Way to get in touch with reality... Ow, Ki!|
|GPF Archive: Thursday, February 11, 1999||Randall: M-My name is Randall, and I'm a c-code-aholic. / Everyone: Hi, Randall. / Randall: I've been coding for fifteen years now, ever since my folks bought me a tandy coco. I can't stop coding. I-I code at work, I code at home, I code in my sleep. I... I... / Randall: AHK! THE KERNEL DROPPED AGAIN! REBOOT! REBOOT! / Fooker: Kewl! Shell shock! / Nick: More like system shock...|
|GPF Archive: Friday, February 12, 1999||Fooker: My name's Jason, but everyone calls me Fooker. And I guess I'm technically a code-aholic. / Everyone: Hi, Fooker. / Fooker: Um, my mom dropped me on my head as a baby... from three stories up. My heroes are Robin Williams and the muppet Gonzo. I accidently put my underwear on backwards this morning. / Alan: Anything you want to tell us about your coding habits, Fooker ? / Fooker: Did I mention I have a pet slime mold that talks ?|
|GPF Archive: Saturday, February 13, 1999||Alan: We want to hear about your coding habits, Fooker. Not your personal problems. / Fooker: Oh. Uh, sorry. / Fooker: I'm the sys admin and head programmer at GPF Software. I write programs at home for fun. My boss thinks that's weird, so he sent me here. / Alan: And you don't see anything wrong with that ? / Fooker: Not unless you consider I like to code naked. It's quite orgasmic, and you don't want me to go there...|
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