You're browsing the archives of General Protection Fault.
You can search these comics too.

show: [ full transcriptions | abridged transcriptions | just the first line ]

GPF Archive: Friday, December 7, 2001 [[Todd flees from the guards]] / Todd: No time to be friendly, fellas! I've got a schedule to keep! / Guard: I SAID, HALT! Aw, shoot! / Todd [[thinking]]: I'll ditch the guards, hit the streets, and find my way to the target... / [[in the background]] / Ki: Nick, look out! / Nick: Huh? / <> / [[Todd crashes into Nick, both losing their glasses in the process]] / Nick: Hey! Why don't you watch where you're-- / Todd: G-GAHH!
GPF Archive: Saturday, December 8, 2001 Fat security guard: Hey, Joe... what's up? / Joe the security guard: Some nut just crashed some... *thing* into Santa's Village. Stay put and watch this door. / Fat security guard [[thinking]]: Ah, man... as usual, I get left out of the action! First the shoplifting ring, now *this*! / <> / [[The Fookinator appears in a flash of light]] / [[The security guard turns and gets a glimpse of the Fookinator's double-barreled shotgun]] / Fat security guard: You need to move along, sir... *Hey*! You can't bring a weapon like that in here! / Fookinator: This says I *can*. / <>
GPF Archive: Sunday, December 9, 2001 Todd: I-It's YOU... It's really YOU... / Nick: So it's ME... but that doesn't explain who YOU are. / Mall Security Guy #1: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! / Mall Security Guy #1: You're under arrest... as soon as the police gets here. How come quietly or we'll have to -- / [[Big explosion]] / <> / Ki: NOW what?! / Todd: Oh, no... it CAN'T be... she COULDN'T have...
GPF Archive: Monday, December 10, 2001 [[A shopping Mall, the Fookinator with its face in shadow is shooting a shotgun at mall police]] / Fookinator: Hasta Lasagna, Baby. / <> / [[The Fookinator punches a mall cop]] / Fookinator: Adios Amigos, kid. / <> / [[The Fookinator hits a mall cop with the butt of its shotgun]] / Fookinator: Sayonara, Infant. / <> / [[The Fookinator knocks out a mall cop with a swin of the shotgun] / Fookinator: Y'all come back now, ya hear, immature human offspring. / <>
GPF Archive: Tuesday, December 11, 2001 Todd: It's here for me! I have to stop it! But I can't risk it hitting them! / Ki: I-is that...? / Nick: It can't be... / Todd: Come with me if you want to live! / Todd: No, crap... that's not right... get as far away from me as you can! Hurry! / Ki: What was that about?! / Nick: I think we just stepped into a really bad "Terminator" parody...
 
GPF Archive: Wednesday, December 12, 2001 Fookinator: Analyzing targets... / Ki: I-it is him...! / [[View from Fookinator vision. Target circles are around the heads of Nick and Ki. Below Nick's head are the words "Target: Critical! Do Not Kill!!!" Below Ki's head are the words "Target: Secondary; Ignore"]] / Nick: I-I don't know... / Fookinator: Targets negative. Begin search and destroy pattern Alpha. / Nick and Ki: FOOKER?!?
GPF Archive: Thursday, December 13, 2001 [[Fookinator fires a grenade into the entrance of "Salbot's" in the mall]] / [[The grenade explodes inside the store.]] / <> / Nick: I don't know if that's really Fooker, but whoever he is, we can't just let him blow up everything in sight! / Ki: And just how do you expect to stop him? / Nick: I haven't gotten to that part yet...
GPF Archive: Friday, December 14, 2001 [[Todd clutches a pipe and waits behind a wall as Fookinator strides past.]] / [[Todd jumps out and hits Fookinator over the head with the pipe.]] / <> / [[Todd holds the bent pipe as Fookinator turns around.]] / Fookinator: Target located. / Todd: Ah, crap... / [[Fookinator opens fire on Todd.]] / Fookinator: Initiating catch-phrase engine... Mama said to knock you out, sucka... / <> / Todd: YIPE!
GPF Archive: Saturday, December 15, 2001 [[Nick and Ki are running through the mall]] / Nick: Where did they go? / Ki: Nick, I wish you'd stop playing hero like this! / Ki: This isn't like the flood this summer! Fooker or not, this guy is SHOOTING people! / Nick: They're here somewhere. / <> / Nick: I think they went that-a-way.
GPF Archive: Sunday, December 16, 2001 [[The Fookinator is standing amongst devastation, he is holding a shot gun and a huge pistol]] / Fookinator : Scanning for primary target... / [[A stone 'poinks' off the back of the Fookinator's head. Nick speaks out of the frame]] / Nick : HEY, UGLY! / [[Nick and Ki climb out of a pit. Nick is very angry and has clenched fists. Ki looks very scared]] / Nick : If you're going to impersonate our friend, you'll have to deal with US! / Ki : {weakly} Oh, no... / [[Split panel - Close up of the Fookinator's eyes at the top and Ki's face, through the Fookinator's eyes at the bottom]] / COMMENT : SECONDARY TARGET: ATTACK AUTHORIZED / [[The Fookinator raises the pistol]] / Fookinator : As you wish. / <> / [[Todd appears driving a forklift straight at the Fookinator]] / Todd : NO! / <>
 
GPF Archive: Monday, December 17, 2001 [[Todd drives the forklift straight at the Fookinator who goes down, weapons flying]] / [[Todd jumps clear of the forklift at it explodes in a ball of fire]] / [[Todd lies dazed on the pavement as Ki and Nick race to him]] / [[Todd pulls himself up. The wreckage of the forklift blazing behind him. The silhouette of a figure is set in front of the flames.]] / Todd : {weakly} R-run.
GPF Archive: Tuesday, December 18, 2001 [[Nick and Ki help Todd up]] / Todd: N-No... Leave m-me... / Ki: He's hurt pretty bad... / [[Closeup of Nick Todd and Ki]] / Todd: Get away from... me. You're not... safe... / Nick: Who are you? What was that thing? / [[Ki looks off panel in surprise]] / Todd: Not... your friend... must... keep moving. / Ki: Um, We better do as he says. / [[Siloutte of Fooker in the flames]] / Ki: I-It's still moving!
GPF Archive: Wednesday, December 19, 2001 [[Nick and Ki helping Todd get away]] / Nick: Is it following us? / Ki: I don't see it, and we're almost to the car... / Todd: You're putting yourselves in great danger by helping me. Please... leave me and save yourselves... / Nick: Not until you tell us why that... THING in there blowing stuff up looks like our friend Fooked. I'll bet YOU know... / Todd: I've screwed up enough already... might as well tell you I'm from the FUTURE...
GPF Archive: Thursday, December 20, 2001 Todd: I'm on a delicate, important mission to prevent another from altering the flow of time. The guy following me is a modified seeker, a cyborg sent to stop me. / Todd: I'm not sure why they put it in the form of General Bark--I mean, your friend... / Ki [[thinking]]: "General" Barker? / [[silence in the car]] / Ki: *Don't* say it, Nick... / Nick: It *is* a bad "Terminator" parody... the "*Fookinator*"...
GPF Archive: Friday, December 21, 2001 [[In the car, fleeing the Fookinator]] / Ki: I don't know about this... cyborgs, guys from the future... how do we know you're telling the truth...? / Nick: For that matter, why should YOU trust US? Unless... you know who we are...? / Todd: LOOK OUT! / [[Almost crashing into Fookinator]] / <> / Ki: It's running after us! / Nick: Hold on... I've got an idea...
 
GPF Archive: Saturday, December 22, 2001 [[Trudy at her appartment, ready to go to bed]] / Narrator: Meanwhile... / Trudy (thinking): I think i'll go to bed early... I could use the beauty sleep... / [[Phone rings]] / <> / Trudy: Hello! / Phone: Good evening, Trudy. I'm glad I caught you before you went to bed... / Trudy: Y-YOU? I wasn't expecting YOU to call... / Phone: ... now that you've finished my tasks? Use your head, girl. / Phone: Better yet, use your hand and open the door. It's cold out here... / [[Someone knocks the door]] / <>
GPF Archive: Sunday, December 23, 2001 [[Trudy opening her appartment's door; unknown woman behind it]] / Unknown woman: You know, I always wanted a cell phone... / Trudy: Y-YOU!?! / Trudy: I-I never expected you to actually come HERE... / Unknown woman: It's time for you to take the next step, and for me to do the same. / Unknown woman: Aren't you going to invite me in? / Trudy: Wait... I recognize the voice, but why should I thrust YOU to be who you SAY you are? / Unknown woman: Sigh... you STILL haven't figured it out? Who else knows your deepest secrets, your darkest fears? Think, Trudy! THINK! / Trudy (almost voiceless): Um... Mom? / [[Unknown woman reveals herself as Empress Trudy]] / Empress Trudy: I can't believe I was ever so DENSE...
GPF Archive: Monday, December 24, 2001 Empress Trudy: So, are you going to stand there boggling or are we going to get down to business? / Trudy: Duh... / Trudy: Th-this is some sort of *trick*! I don't know who you are, but you picked the *wrong* person to play mind games with! / Empress Trudy: Is that so, Moonbeam Gertrude Glowerhausen? / Trudy: ! / Trudy: Y-you *are* me... / Empress Trudy: I went to so much trouble having that changed, and now you dirty my tongue into saying it...
GPF Archive: Tuesday, December 25, 2001 [[Trudy and Empress Trudy talking inside Trudy's appartment]] / Trudy: B-But you're so OLD... / Empress Trudy: I'm your future self, you twit. 20 years from now, we will obtain our destiny. / Trudy: I have to start coloring my hair... / Empress Trudy: You are at a crossroads, a critical point where your plans fail or succeed. / Trudy: And a diet... got to lose weight... / Empress Trudy: The world is in your grasp, and I'm here to make sure you don't screw it up. / [[Trudy holds her breasts]] / Trudy: Plastic surgery... face lift... got to fix THESE... / Empress Trudy: I LOOK MARVELOUS FOR MY AGE, MORON!
GPF Archive: Wednesday, December 26, 2001 [[Trudy talking with Empress Trudy in Trudy's appartment]] / Trudy: How could I let myself deteriorate- / [[Empress Trudy slaps Trudy]] <> / Empress Trudy: IMBECILE! / Empress Trudy: We don't have time to waste on whether you age gracefully! This is your moment! Do not WASTE it! / Empress Trudy: For years, you've squandered precious resources on petty revenge and tricks. I came back to set you STRAIGHT, to redefine your PURPOSE. / Empress Trudy: At long last, we will achieve our destiny: WORLD DOMINATION! / Trudy: Um... You're SCARING me...
 
GPF Archive: Thursday, December 27, 2001 [[Trudy talking with Empress Trudy at Trudy's appartment]] / Trudy: I-I've TRIED world domination! I've only succeeded on a SMALL scale! / Empress Trudy: That's because you weren't READY, until NOW. / Empress Trudy: By feeding you information these past few years, I've set you up to seize your moment. I've set the last piece in motion: now is YOUR time to act. / Trudy: I've done just FINE on my own, thank you! I've accomplished a lot without YOUR help or anyone else's! / [[Empress Trudy knocks Trudy on the head]] / Empress Trudy: One word, stupid: "Nerdvana." / <> / Trudy: Okay, okay! Ow! Stop beating yourself up!
GPF Archive: Friday, December 28, 2001 [[Trudy and Empress Trudy talking at Trudy's appartment]] / Empress Trudy: Everything you've done before I called you is POINTLESS, mere practice. Now is the time to forget past failures and concentrate on the future. / Trudy: I HAVE plans... / Empress Trudy: But not SOLID ones. They are loose and disorganized. Tonight, they will COALESCE. / Empress Trudy: Tonight, I will show you why Nick is the key. I will show you why Ki is so dangerous, and I will show you why Dwayne and Fooker don't matter. / Empress Trudy: Where are you going? / Trudy: To get a note pad, so I can take some notes. / Empress Trudy: And leave EVIDENCE? Moron!!!
GPF Archive: Saturday, December 29, 2001 Trudy: You keep watching the clock... / Future Trudy: Let's just say I'm expecting company. We don't have much time... / Trudy: "Company?" / Future Trudy: Time travel is delicate. I was locked into this time when he went first. / Trudy: I-I don't understand. / Future Trudy: You don't have to, not yet. And if you'd stop jabbering, we can finally get started. / Trudy: S-Sorry... / Future Trudy: Pay attention. You must execute this in the proper sequence, or all we've worked for will be lost...
GPF Archive: Sunday, December 30, 2001 [[Nick, Ki and Todd in a car being chased by Fookinator.]] / Nick: Is it still behind us? / Ki: For the past twelve miles... / Nick: Speedy cuss, ain't he? / [[Inside the car.]] / Todd: What's your plan, Nick? / Nick: I was thinking... In the first "Terminator" movie, it was crushed in a hydraulic press. There aren't any of those anywhere nearby... / [[Nick looks determined.]] / Nick: In "T2" both Terminators were melted in molten steel. Well, we don't have a steel plant in town, but... / [[Todd looks puzzled.]] / [[Ki despairs.]] / Ki: Oh, no... / [[View of Fookinator chasing the car.]] / Nick: ...we do have the Wilkens chocolate factory... / Unidentified: So, we're going to nougat it to death? / Nick: Well, maybe it's allergic to peanuts...
GPF Archive: Monday, December 31, 2001 [[Todd, Ki and Nick in a car being chased by Fookinator.]] / Nick: We're coming up on the chocolate factory... / Ki: How will we get past the gate? / [[Fookinator launches a fist missile.]] / <> / [[Car swerves.]] / <> / [[Missile strikes the factory blockade, destroying it.]] / <> / [[In car.]] / Nick: Um... Ask and ye shall receive? / Ki: I'll be hiding in the floor now...
 
GPF Archive: Tuesday, January 1, 2002 [[Nick, Ki and Todd (aka Future Guy) enter the factory]] / Nick: We took a tour of this place a few months ago. I've got an idea. / Ki: I don't know about this ... / Nick: Ki, you and I will head to the control booth. Future Guy ... ? / Todd: Todd. / Nick: Todd, lead it onto the catwalks. / Todd: Right. / [[Nick and Ki are running upstairs]] / Nick: Ki, remember when you hacked Fooker's home network as an April Fools' prank? / Ki: Yeeaah ... ? / [[Nick and Ki are standing outside the plant control room]] / Nick: Think you can hack into this plant's computer systems? / Ki: Oh, and change their desktop backgrounds? Sure, why not?
GPF Archive: Wednesday, January 2, 2002 [[Todd running up stairs in the chocolate factory]] / <> / <> / [[Todd spins around]] / Todd: ! / [[Todd, above a steaming, bubbling vat of chocolate, sees the Fookinator some 30 foot behind him, in front of a smashed down door and a tank labeled 'Coconut'.]] / [[The right side of the Fookinator's face is damaged, revealing a Terminator-style metal skull with glowing eye.]] / Fookerinator: Target acquired.
GPF Archive: Thursday, January 3, 2002 [[Ki hacking the chocolate factory computer system]] / Nick: He's on the catwalk. How's the hacking? / Ki: I'm not Fooker, Nick! / Ki: You can't expect me to sit down at a completely foreign system and instantly know how to crack it! I can't even get past the pass- / Computer: <> / Nick: Password: "creamy center?" / Ki: Am I good or what?
GPF Archive: Friday, January 4, 2002 [[Ki hacking chocolate factory's computer system]] / Ki: The heaters are on, but the other machines are off. / Nick: Rev everything up, Ki! / [[Todd running on the catwalk, with the Fookinator right behind him, close to a chocolate tank]] / [[Fookinator shoots later from his eye]] <> / [[Todd almost gets hit]] / Todd: Ack!
GPF Archive: Saturday, January 5, 2002 [[Todd trying to get the Fookinator into something hot]] / [[Fookinator jumps towards Todd]] / [[Todd sees an opportunity]] / [[Todd dodges Fookinator]] / [[Fookinator falls into some big tank of molten chocolate]]
 

Archive Page:
<< 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60
61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80
81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100
101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 >>