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a class="searchlink" href="http://taoofgeek.com/archive.php?date=20040701">http://taoofgeek.com/archive.php?date=20040701 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://taoofgeek.com/archive.php?date=20040702">http://taoofgeek.com/archive.php?date=20040702 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
a class="searchlink" href="http://taoofgeek.com/archive.php?date=20040703">http://taoofgeek.com/archive.php?date=20040703 [untranscribed - please consider transcribing this comic!]
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu holds a telephone and is speaking to Pete]] / Hiryuu: Hey Pete, your mom's on the phone. / Pete: Yeah? OK, give it here. / [[Pete picks up the phone]] / Pete: Hey, mom! What's up? / [[Pete's mouth gapes as a look of shock crosses his face]] / Pete: WHAT?! But how? Why? ... Are you SERIOUS?? ... But... What about... / [[Pete slaps a hand to his forehead]] / Pete: You ARE?? But... We... I... I know, mom, but... Yes mom... OK... I know... / Pete: Bye, mom. / [[Pete puts down the phone and stares at Hiryuu; Hiryuu looks on, confused]] / [[Pete grabs Hiryuu in a hug; Hiryuu doesn't know how to react]] / Pete: *Sob*... It's over... / Hiryuu: !
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu looks shocked while Pete is staring off in the distance]] / Hiryuu: What the? What do you mean? / Pete: My parents... My family... Finances... / [[Pete looks down, Hiryuu is speaking to him]] / Pete: They hit some hard spot and need cash fast... / Hiryuu: So? Most people face that, man, they'll live. / Pete: You don't understand... / [[Pete graps Hiryuu and shakes him]] / Pete: THEY'RE SELLING THIS HOUSE! WE'RE BEING TURFED! / Hiryuu: ACK!
 
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu is aghast, Pete is shocked]] / Hiryuu: Are you SERIOUS? / Pete: Deadly... They lost a bundle... Took a gamble... / [[Pete rubs the back of his head]] / Pete: At first I thought they meant the market... But I'm not so sure anymore. / Pete: In any case, we're doomed. / [[Hiryuu cringes]] / Hiryuu: Ergh... Do you think we could rent the place? Or buy? / Pete: You've got $300,000 to spare? / [[Fred enters]] / Pete: How am I going to deal with this, man?! HOW DO WE TELL THE OTHERS?! / Fred: I hate to interrupt your crisis... But... / [[Fred leans around a corner, Pete looks exasperated]] / Fred: Is this a bad time to say we've someone at the door? / Pete: Not at all... Misery LOVES company... / Hiryuu: How do "I" deal with it? ...
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Fred is speaking to Pete, Pete looks annoyed]] / Fred: We're being approached for a "business proposal." / Pete: No way! I'm NOT seeing any family now! / [[A silhouette appears on the right; Pete is taken aback]] / Fred (off-panel): She's not FROM your family... / Pete: Uh? / [[Pete and Fred speak conspiratorily while Laura looks on with a grin]] / Pete: Oh no. Not Laura, the Journalist. / Fred: LISTEN to her... / [[Pete speaks angrily; Laura isn't fazed]] / Pete: She's just here to prey on scandal rumours! / Laura: Actually, I DO have a business proposal... / [[Laura enthusistically holds up a microphone; Pete is enraged; Hiryuu turns aside]] / Laura: But, scandall?? SPILL THE BEANS, BUCKO! / Pete: NO! / Hiryuu: What do they say about sharks and blood? ...
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete looks less than enthused as Laura speaks to him]] / Pete: OK, I'll bite... What's your proposal? / Laura: I was thinking of a way to revive our entertainment. / [[Laura appears in silhouette, holding out her hands]] / Laura: Too much of it is vapid and scripted... We need surprise! Some REAL emotion! / [[Laura pounds her hand with her fist]] / Laura: So, why not go to some real people and show them to the world! Unbiased! An expose, as it were. / [[Fred, Pete, and Hiryuu stare with raised eyebrows]] / [[Hiryuu rubs his chin; Pete is shocked; Laura shouts ecstatically]] / Hiryuu: You want a MICHAEL MOORE DOCUMENTARY of us? / Pete: No, wait... You don't mean... / Laura: REALITY TV!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Laura is speaking]] / Laura: Now, the problem with current reality TV is that it's all edited for drama. What you see isn't always what happened. / [[Laura holds up her hands]] / Laura: My idea is to use camera teams to follow subjects around all day, showing things as they appear! Uncensored! Unless we're not showing you then. / [[Pete is angry; Laura looks devilish]] / Pete: Constant coverage on TV? No way! Nothing's worth that! / Laura: That's too bad... / [[Laura speaks almost seductively]] / Laura: ...I happen to know that the money makes it all MORE than worthwhile. / [[Hiryuu, Pete, and Fred smile as their eyes turn to dollar signs; Laura grins and holds up a contract]] / Hiryuu: MONEY? / Pete: Well, we could use some... / Fred: Told you to listen to her! / Laura: Just sign right here.
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu folds his arms; Pete signs the contract]] / Hiryuu: Hold on, now... What about Jeremy? / Pete: What ABOUT Jeremy? / Hiryuu: Shouldn't we ask him? / [[Pete and Hiryuu appear in silhouette]] / Pete: Do you think he'd agree? / Hiryuu: Well, no... / Pete: Exactly. Besides, we outnumber him, so we win. / Hiryuu: Even so... I dunno... / [[Hiryuu looks doubtful; Laura grins devilishly]] / Hiryuu: I just feel rather DIRTY about this... / Laura: Trust me, that feeling goes away REAL quick.
 
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete hands Laura the contract]] / Pete: So... You'll be filming us. / Laura: Yup! You're the focus of this show. / [[Pete looks worried; Laura looks over the contract]] / Pete: But, uh... How will you deal with Jeremy? / Laura: Oh, don't worry, it's all taken care of. / [[Pete rubs his head]] / Pete: I'm a little skeptical... / Laura: Hey, don't fret, you're in some very capable hands. / [[Laura introduces her camera crew: a tall skinny guy carrying a camera and a short, pudgy, bearded guy carrying a boom]] / Laura: And here's some of them now! / [[Pete looks incredulous; Laura is angry; Hiryuu looks concerned]] / Pete: You got us ugly groupie paparazzi? / Laura: They're your CAMERA CREW, idiot! / Hiryuu: Should I be worried she had them all ready to go?
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu walks along behind Laura]] / Laura: Now, there's a very important factor in all of this... / [[Laura opens a cupboard]] / Laura: PRODUCT PLACEMENTS are a way of life in... Hey! Why do you have all this store-brand food? / Hiryuu: It's what we buy. / [[Hiryuu is annoyed]] / Laura (off-panel): Oh for... WHY? / Hiryuu: Because for the most part, you get the same quality at a better price. Why pay more for stuff that tastes like crap? / [[We see Hiryuu through a camera lens; Laura hands him a box]] / Laura: Look... You have to push the brands... Let'e do a camera test. Practice a spiel. / Hiryuu: But... / Laura: Just DO it! / [[Hiryuu is on camera and stares in puzzlement at the box in his hand]] / [[Hiryuu, on camera, points at the box]] / Hiryuu: But this stuff really DOES taste like crap. / Laura (off-panel): CUT!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete is on camera]] / Laura (off-panel): And we'll be using hidden cameras, and crews on location. / Pete: Right. / Laura (off-panel): And don't tell your roommate. / Pete: Gotcha. / [[Pete, on camera, rubs his chin in confusion]] / Pete: Say, uh... How ARE you going to broadcast this 24/7, anyway? Webcast? / Laura (off-panel): We have our own cable. / [[Pete speaks to Laura, now on-camera]] / Pete: Does this... station have a name? / Laura: Tentative name is, "Geekhaus." / [[Fred spreads his hands enthusiastically while Pete and Hiryuu look contemplative]] / Pete: Geekhaus? Nah... We need something with pizzazz. / Fred: I suggest THE FRED SHOW! / Hiryuu: I'm kinda partial to the word "tao." / {{fourth wall break right there}} / [[Pete points an accusatory finger at a peeved-looking Hiryuu; Laura talks on a portable phone]] / Pete: Huh? What, you want people to think we discuss PHILOSOPHY?? / Hiryuu: It was ONLY a suggestion! / Laura: Geekhaus shirts - good to go!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete and Hiryuu are on camera; Hiryuu holds up a hand]] / Laura (off-panel): OK, guys, we're good to go... Just act naturally! And... ACTION! / Hiryuu (thinking): Geez, why so soon? / Pete: Um, hi! Welcome to Geekhause, the 24/7 show with US as your hosts! / Hiryuu: Who's us? Well, that's Pete, I'm Hiryuu, and... um... Waitasec... / [[Pete and Hiryuu are in silhouette, looking off to the right]] / <> / [[Hiryuu and Fred are on camera; Fred is playing a video game while Hiryuu looks on in frustration]] / Hiryuu: Fred... / Fred: She SAID act naturally!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete, Hiryuu, and Fred, all on camera and grinning, address the viewers]] / Pete: So yeah! You get to follow us around! / Hiryuu: But remember the #1 rule: / Fred: "DON'T TELL JER!" / [[Pete continues to address the camera; Hiryuu gets a worried look; Fred looks panicked]] / Pete: If he finds out, baaaad stuff will - / <> / Fred: Crap, guys! Stuff it! He's back! / [[Fred sits on the sofa; Jeremy walks in, unaware that he's being filmed]] / Jeremy: Hey, guys! What's new? / Fred: Oh, NOOOTHING! / [[Close-up of Fred grinning cheesily]] / [[Close-up of Hiryuu grinning cheesily]] / [[Close-up of Pete grinning cheesily]] / [[Close up of Jeremy cocking an eyebrow and squinting suspiciously]] / [[Jeremy leans against the sofa, glaring at Pete; Pete sits there speaking to him; Fred, sitting next to Pete, addresses Hiryuu; Hiryuu, standing on the other side of the sofa, gestures behind him to the kitchen]] / Jeremy: You guys aren't planning another "surprise birthday at the docks," are you? / Pete: If we were, would we say? / Fred: What do YOU think, Hiryuu? / Hiryuu: I think we should have some BENNY'S lemonade...
 
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete is on camera at work, wearing an apron]] / Cameraman (off-panel): So, mind explaining what you're doing? / Pete: No prob... I'm at work, serving up coffee and other such. / [[The camera zooms in on Pete, who grins]] / Pete: And... I'm kinda famous here, for being a NINJA. / [[Camera zooms out again; Pete holds up a cookie]] / Cameraman (off-panel): Would you explain that? ... / Pete: Certainly... See this cookie? That guy over there ordered it. Watch. / [[Pete tosses the cookie off-camera to the left]] / Cameraman (off-panel): The camera doesn't -- / <> / Customer (off-panel): Thanks, Coffee Ninja! / Cameraman (off-panel): Oh, well... / [[Todd, Pete's boss, walks on-camera holding a sign]] / Todd: Good work as always, Pete... Mind showing off these vital stats? / Pete: Sure, Todd! / [[Pete holds up the sign in front of him and looks sort of dumbfounded]] / Pete: Now I also - / Pete: Wait... What did I agree to do? / Sign: Fare's Fair (Prop.: Todd Mandel) Home of the Coffee Ninja (Yes, we have t-shirts! and coffee! And Todd's single! Call him now, ladies!)
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu is on camera, sitting at a desk reading a textbook]] / Cameraman (off-panel): So... You're reading... / Hiryuu: Yup, I'm doing some research for my thesis. / Cameraman (off-panel): And you were reading before... / Hiryuu: Checking up on some game rules. / [[Camera zooms in on Hiryuu, looking peeved]] / Cameraman (off-panel): This is BORING! / Hiryuu: Isn't this REALITY TV? This IS my reality! What did you EXPECT? / [[Camera zooms back out; Hiryuu is shaking a bottle of soda]] / Cameraman (off-panel): Naked bungie [sic] jumping in Iran, for starters... / Hiryuu: Ha ha. I understand Blastola Cola is ESPECIALLY fizzy...
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[The camera is zoomed in on Fred, who is addressing the viewers]] / Fred: Now, see, the video gamer has to achieve a ZEN STATE before he can get utmost playtime satisfaction! / [[Fred continues to speak to the camera]] / Fred: During this period, NOTHING can disturb him! No chores, no friends, nothing! This is the key to gaming bliss! / [[The camera zooms out, revealing two small televisions with images of Pete and Hiryuu]] / Cameraman (off-panel): ...But you're watching your friends on THEIR feeds... / Fred: Exactly. It's my turn to do the laundry. Hiryuu catches me, it's GAME OVER.
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete is on camera at work]] / Cameraman (off-panel): So, are we to understand you like anime? / Pete: Sure thing! I guess you saw my movie collection? / Cameraman (off-panel): Uh, you told us to ask you. / Pete: Oh. Right! / [[The camera pans over to reveal Hiryuu sitting at the counter reading a book]] / Cameraman (off-panel): So I guess you think yourself lucky to have a Japanese roommate? / Pete: Well... / Hiryuu: Meh. / [[Pete throws up his hands in exasperation while Hiryuu annoyedly addresses the camera]] / Cameraman (off-panel): "Meh?" Why meh? / Hiryuu: Because I'm tired of being co-opted for my ethnic background. / [[Hiryuu continues to address the camera]] / Hiryuu: I mean, people find out about my race, and then they assume I must be into all the weird, random, Japano-cultural THINGS out there. Meanwhile, I'm trying to be ME, and I'm fielding dumb questions from anime-watching idiots. / Hiryuu: I like Tintin. And pizza. I'm partial to green eyes. WESTERN stuff. Yet, people never want to hear about THAT. / [[Pete leans on the counter as Hiryuu goes back to reading]] / Cameraman (off-panel): That's because it makes you sound like a traitor. / Hiryuu: He betrays his culture, I betray mine. / Pete: Hey!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Pete and Hiryuu stare at the camera]] / Cameraman (off-panel): You know, you should really pick up the pace. / Pete: Huh? What do you mean? / [[Pete looks thoughtful]] / Cameraman (off-panel): Well, you need something to keep our... uh, YOUR viewers]] / Pete: A draw, eh? Hrm, lessee... / [[Pete gets an idea]] / Pete: I know... We could have games. How's the sound? / Hiryuu: I dunno, how about it? / [[Camera zooms out to a woman in a tight shirt surrounded by a group of excited men]] / Exhibitionist Woman: How about, I take my shirt off!? / Pete and Hiryuu: WHAT?! / Men: YEAH!!! / [[Pete and Hiryuu, off-camera, look on in disgust]] / Men (off-panel): WOO! YEAH! COOL! / Pete: Well, THAT'LL keep viewers. / Hiryuu: I could push WONDERBRA... but she's not wearing one. / Pete: ... Mind if I go watch? / Hiryuu: ... Just "don't tell Jer."
 
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Argosy sits at the counter]] / Cameraman 1 (off-panel): Who IS this guy?! / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): Human interest, that's who! Excuse me, sir... / Argosy: Hmm? / [[Argosy angrily reaches out to push aside the camera]] / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): We would like to... / Argosy: AAGHH! Get the camera away! / [[Argosy speaks angrily]] / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): Sorry, sir... / Argosy: Lemme alone, will ya... I lost a big pile of cash on a soured deal... / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): That's too bad... / Argosy: But I'm workin' my way back up... / [[Argosy raises an index finger]] / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): And how - / Argosy: Quite simple, really... Ever see "ads" for generic Viagra? Refinance your home? Hot teen sluts? They're ALL me... And it's money in the bank. / [[Argosy looks confusedly at the camera]] / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): REALLY, now... Sir, just stand RIGHT there... / Argosy... Uh? Why? / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): You'll see... Yes, that's PERFECT... / [[The frame tilts as Cameraman 2's fist appears on camera and socks Argosy in the face; Argosy reels back, seeing stars]] / Cameraman 2 (off-panel): I've ALWAYS wanted to MEET a guy like you!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Fred speaks to the camera]] / Caption: Time passe, ratings climb... / Fred: Now, lemee tell you something... With THIS game, you can't just, y'know, charge it. / [[Fred continues speaking]] / Fred: THIS is a sneaker... Level's filled with cameras, eyebeams, and other such nasty obstacles! So how do you pass it? / [[Jeremy, in another room, peers suspiciously at Fred, who's apparently talking to himself.]] / Fred: The trick's all in knowing how NOT to draw attention to yourself!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Hiryuu is on camera washing dishes; Jeremy comes up behind him, looking worried]] / Hiryuu: Good morning... Hey, what's wrong? / Jeremy: I'm a little concerned about Fred. / [[The camera zooms in on Jeremy]] / Jeremy: He's in the living room talking to himself... Okay, he's ALWAYS talking to himself, but this is serious. / [[The camera pans over to Hiryuu, looking nervous]] / Jeremy (off-panel): He's been doing this the past few weeks... That, and acting like he's got a secret from me. I'm worried. / [[The camera zooms out; Hiryuu reassuringly sits Jeremy down in a chair and offers him a box of cereal]] / Hiryuu: Hey, I'm sure it's nothing... but how about I talk to him while you eat breakfast? / Jeremy: Yeah... I guess... / [[Still on camera, Jeremy starts eating; Hiryuu walks away, then stops in his tracks with a panicked look]] / Jeremy: Oh, while you're here... I've been having problems with our Internet... I can't reach news and entertainment sites... Have you had that problem?
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[The camera is on Jeremy eating cereal; Hiryuu is in front of him, looking nervous]] / Hiryuu: Uh... / Jeremy: Kinda weird, actually... It doesn't register at tech support... / [[Camera zooms in on Jeremy]] / Jeremy: Though... it started around the same time Fred snapped... Ugh, this cereal needs pep... / [[Hiryuu puts on a cheesy grin and holds up a box labeled "New! Blammo" in front of the camera]] / Hiryuu: In which case, why not try new BLAMMO! Flavour AND health in one box! / [[The camera is on Jeremy, who stops chewing and stares in stunned silence]] / [[Jeremy and Hiryuu are shown in silhouette]] / Jeremy: WHAT are you DOING?! / Hiryuu: Uh, you said the cereal - / [[The camera is on Jeremy and Hiryuu again; Jeremy leans forward angrily while Hiryuu looks away nervously, sweating]] / Jeremy: Mr. STORE BRAND is pushing a NAME PRODUCT?? / Hiryuu: Uhh...
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[The camera is on Jeremy and Hiryuu; Jeremy looks angry and suspicious while Hiryuu shrinks away from him]] / Jeremy: OK, this has got to be a joke, right? Haha? Or I'm going nuts? SOMETHING'S going on... / [[Jeremy looks in the camera's direction]] / Jeremy: I mean, what POSSIBLE expla- / [[Jeremy blinks]] / [[Jeremy stares, aghast]] / [[Jeremy tilts his head curiously]] / [[Jeremy reaches toward the camera]] / [[Close-up of Jeremy staring directly into the camera]] / Jeremy: Is it my imagination... / [[Side-view of Jeremy inspecting the poorly-hidden camera; Hiryuu is sweating and grinning sheepishly]] / Jeremy: ...or is this a CAMERA LENS on the wall? / Hiryuu: Eh, heh heh heh...
 
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Jeremy clenches his fist and glowers into the camera; Hiryuu stands behind him]] / Jeremy: What the HELL is going on?! / Hiryuu: Hey, uh, I've got some, uh, CLEANING to do... / [[Jeremy grabs Hiryuu by the shoulder]] / Jeremy: Oh, no you don't! YOU are in on this! Tell me what's happening! / Hiryuu: I, uh, think you should ask Pete... / [[Extreme close-up of Jeremy, his eyes bloodshot, up in Hiryuu's perspiring face]] / Jeremy: ANSWER ME!!! / Hiryuu: Uhhhh... / [[Pete and Fred poke their heads into the room as Jeremy, holding Hiryuu by his collar, does a wild-take and stares dumbfounded into the camera, his eyes bugged out and his mouth agape]] / Hiryuu: ... Reality... ... TV.... / Jeremy: WHAT?! / [[Pete accosts Hiryuu; Fred watches from the other room as Jeremy drops to his knees; a camera and boom come down directly in front of Jeremy]] / Pete: I think you forgot the number one rule... / Hiryuu: My conscience wouldn't hold out that long... / Jeremy: I'm on TELEVISION?!?
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[The camera is on Jeremy who speaks angrily to Pete and Hiryuu, who come up behind him]] / Jeremy: Why the - No, wait. I DON'T want to know why you're doing this. / Hiryuu: But - / Jeremy: However, I do NOT want any part of this! I'm out of here until this... THING is over and finished! / [[Jeremy is walking away from the camera; Fred pops into the frame]] / Fred: Don't go, man... You're our biggest viewer draw! / Jeremy: I said NO! Moreover... THE TRIBE... / [[Outside view of a window]] / Jeremy (off-panel): HAS... / [[The panes shatters and broken glass flies everywhere as Fred is tossed out the window]] / Jeremy (off-panel): SPOKEN!! / <> / [[The camera is on Jeremy, seething, his teeth bared and eyes bloodshot; Pete and Hiryuu look on in shock; Laura pops into view on the right]] / Pete: Isn't he a pacifist? / Hiryuu: Do YOU want to bring that up now? / Laura: The drama! The pathos! Tune in next week, kids!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[The camera follows Jeremy as he's walking down the street]] / Jeremy: What the... It sounds like there's someone behind me... Am I being followed? / [[Jeremy turns to address the camera]] / Jeremy: Oh... I guess you guys *have* to film me... Well... if so, I'm going to make life very BORING for you, so you'll leave me alone. / [[Onibuke pokes his head in from the left]] / Jeremy: And how will I do that? For one... NO guest stars... / [[Jeremy pounds his hand with his fist; Onibuke sneaks in behind Jeremy and holds up a sign reading "DOJO ONIBUKE"]] / Jeremy: NO stupid product placements... / [[Jeremy holds up his hands; Onibuke holds up a sign reading "FOR ALL YOUR BUTT-KICKING NEEDS"]] / Jeremy: And NO dumb catch phrases! / [[Jeremy looks angry; Onibuke holds up two signs with arrows pointing at himself, reading "SEE HIM! SEE HIM!"]] / Jeremy: And what the HELL are you laughing at?!
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Jeremy is walking down the street; Fred comes running up behind him]] / Fred: Jer! Wait up! You OK? / Jeremy: I'm FINE, now that I ditched that camera crew... / Fred: Hey, we want to apologize and deal - / Jeremy: No way... so long you're doing TV, I refuse to go home. / [[Jeremy grins]] / Jeremy: I value my privacy. And I DON'T like this imposition. / Fred: But where are you going to go? / Jeremy: Where I can impose on someone else's privacy, where else?
The Tao of Geek: an online comic [[Chris looks annoyed]] / Chris: OK, let me get this straight... Your friends, without your knowledge, set up a reality TV show in your house... You're being filmed without consent... and you want to hide out here? / [[Jeremy is sitting and looking exasperated]] / Jeremy: That's the long and short of it... So? What do you say? / Fred: She's gonna say no... / [[Jeremy gives a thumbs-up; Fred is shocked]] / Chris (off-panel): Welll... I GUESS you could... / Fred: WHOA! Lucky! / [[Jeremy and Fred in silhouette, looking surprised]] / Chris (off-panel): ...assuming, of course, I have a contingency plan, myself... / [[Chris speaks into a phone; Jeremy and Fred look on]] / Chris: Hello, Naomi? Yeah, this is gonna sound odd, but could I crash with you for a few days? ... Well, you won't BELIEVE what the guys are up to...
 

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