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Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: When did the vogue for giving things names end? / Amy: What... are you talking about? / Shelley: Well, New York was "The Big Apple", it was so full of promise. / And the "Great War", and the "Roaring '20s". / Amy: Thrills. / Shelley: Yet here we are being fired through the sky in a space-tube at hundreds of miles an hour. / It is a miracle of sciences and we call it "cattle class. / Amy: Well, all right Shel. Flying is pretty special. / Amy: Henceforth we'll refer to flying as "punching the sky in the big banana". / Or sky parsnip. How about the "mighty sky parsnip"? / Shelley: Amy, do you actually like me? / Amy: Yes! You're nothing if not a convienetly narroe travelling companion.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050321
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: What's the porter's problem? / Amy: I did a bad thing. I didn't have any money in my pocket to tip him so I just gave him what I had. / Shelley: What was that? / Amy: Two playing cards and a condom. / Shelly: Amy that is scandalous! / Amy: I though they might act as... barter... / Shelley: We haven't crash-landed in the Andes! This is a civilised country! / Shelley: Go and give that poor man some money! / Amy: He done put a curse on me. / Shelley: A hex you so richly deserve.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050322
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[AMY and SHELLEY are in a hotel room. The porter is storming out]] / SHELLEY: What's the porter's problem? / AMY: I did a bad thing. / I didn't have any money in my pocket to tip him so I just gave him what I had. / SHELLEY: What was that? / AMY: Two playing cards and a condom. / SHELLEY: Amy that is scandalous! / AMY: I thought they might act as... barter... / SHELLEY: We haven't crash-landed in the Andes! / This is a civilised country! / Go and give that poor man some money! / [[AMY resolutely leaves the room]] / [[AMY returns, sporting a halo of pentagrams]] / AMY: He done put a curse on me. / SHELLEY: A hex you so richly deserve.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050322
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Cheer up chicken! I'm sure the porter didn't put a bad curse on you. / Enjoy the sights and smells of sofia! / Amy: I'll try. Until a piano falls on me and squashes me flat. / Shelley: Let me get a book about bad juju. I'll read it and put yout mind at rest later. / Shelley: In the meantime, we can go out tonight in our finery and chase down the demond booze. / Amy: Booze! / Shelley: Tonight, you'll feel so good, you won't care about curses! / Tomorrow, you'll feel so bad, you won't care about curses! / Amy: Maybe the impact of the steinway will be a blissful release.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050323
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Feel the ambience of the underground Sofia! / Amy: These guys are hard as nails! The night starts with ambience and ends with ambulance. / Look at that guy! He's just a big square! / Bulgarian Guy: Ah, Hristo, yes. He was flattened by the communism. / Shelley: Amy! Now see what you've done! / Bulgarian Guy: Ey, Hristo! English girls! Wish to drink with you! / Shelley: Oh good gracious. / Hristo: Hristo stoops to pick flower, is hit by wave of radiation. / Amy: From Chernobyl? / Hristo: Yes. Squashed molecule thick. National tragedy. / Shelley: No! / Hristo: Gets worse. Hang for three years as decoration in office of Mikhael Gorbachev.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050324
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Feel the ambience of underground Sofia! / Amy: These guys are hard as nails! The night starts with ambience and ends with ambulance! Look at that guy! He's just a big square! / Blue-Shirted Bulgarian Chap: Ah, Hristo, yes. Was flattened by The Communism / Shelley: Amy! Now see what you've done! / Blue-Shirted Bulgarian Chap: Ey, Hristo! English girls! Wish to drink with you! / Shelley: Oh good gracious. / Hristo: Hristo stoops to pick flower. Is hit by blast of radiation. / Amy: From Chernobyl? / Hristo: Yes. Squashed molecule thick. National tragedy. / Shelley: No! / Hristo: Gets worse. Hang for three years as decoration in office of Mikhail Gorbachev.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050324
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Hristo was a good egg. / He didn't try any funny business either / Amy: But bein' one molecule thick, he risked bein' torn to shreds in our indignation. / Shelley: Such rages! So, have you forgotten about your curse? / Amy: I had. Now I've remembered. / Shelley: What's the worst that can happen? / Shelley: A couple of witch doctors gettin' all up in your grill? / A mild case of pox? We have antibiotics! / Amy: I think english curses have been government regulated since the 1970s. / Bulgaria still has old school harsh curses. / So if I wake up tomorrow with scales or a tail- / Shelley: I will still be your friend! Your revolted friend!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050325
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: The demond drink has dried me out! I am arid! / <> / Shelley: Aiiieieeeee!! / [[There is a small vampire behind her]] / [[Amy is on the other side of the bathroom door]] / Amy: Why are you shrieking? / Shelley: Problems! / Amy: How bad are the problems? / Shelley: BAD! / [[Shelley is holding off the vampire with the toilet brush. Amy is on the other side of the bathroom door]] / Amy: Bad enough that... Um... / Shelley: Bad enough that I am ill-equipped to find words in my vocabulary to describe them! / Bad enough that if you don't save me, I may stop breathing and require burial!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050328
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Amy: Is it a spider? Catch it under a bin or a bucket! / Shelley: Ot's sim'lar to a spider! / Amy: All right, let's- What in <<>> name is that? / Shelley: Hold down the bucket! I'm going to wrap it up in a sheet like a bad cat. / <> / Amy: I think it's a vampire! Stab it with a stake! / Shelley: We can't do murders on it! / Shelley: It might just be a tiny, deformed and unruly peasant. / Perhaps he was trying to steal spao for his hideous family! / <>>
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050329
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Amy: What do we do with a small vampire? / Shelley: He's got a lot of wrigglin' energy! / Amy: Maybe we could use him to power an eco-friendly lightbulb. / Shelley: He'd just bite through the wires with his pointy mouth. He wouldn't pass saftey examinations. / Shelley: If we want to use supernatural creatures for power, we should use pixies... / Amy: Shelley! This isn't the issue at hand! / That vicious little thing is my curse! He wants to drink my blood! / [[Out the window, there is visible a full-size vampire]] / Shelley: I don't think he's your curse, Amy. / Amy: Don't talk rubbish. / I don't think it gets much worse than this.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050330
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: There's a fat vampire trying to chew his way in through the window! What do we do? / Amy: I don't know! / Amy: What do people do in horror films? / Shelley: I don't watch horror films! I'm strictly arthouse! / Shelley: Maybe he wants his baby back! / Amy: It's not an animal, Shelley, it's a fanged abomination! / Shelley: Let's make a run for it, the worst it can do is bite our shoes in our absence. / Amy: But the hotel may be overrun with these thngs! / Shelley: The only thing to fear is fear itself. / Amy: So I have to respect the trap-like death jaws? / Shelley: Maybe even try to love them.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050331
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: I can't see any vampires, it must have been a localised incur-sion. / Amy: They're pouncers. Don't let them pounce. / Amy: Excuse me, there's an intruder in our room. / He's very pointy. I think he's high on the drugs. / Amy: SHELLEY! / Desk Clerk Being Savaged By Small Vampires: K- / K- / K- / Shelley: Ames, I know you're a lover not a fighter, but youre going to have to pretend. / Amy: If they get me, you know what to do. / Sacrifice as many lives as necessary to ensure my safety. / That may include your own.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050401
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Shelley and Amy are being menaced by vampires]] / Shelley: Stab 'em through the heart with your pencil! / Amy: What if I get bitten? / Shelley: Try to manifest r-r-righteous indign-n-nation. / [[The two are running down a hall]] / Shelley: I've been afflicted with a virus! / The symptoms are cowardice and running away! / Amy: We need to find another way out! Quick, though here! / Shelley: I smell sweet freedom this way! / Amy: This is the bed linen store. We're trapped. / Shelley: I have failed you, Amy. Accept my scrawny body as a human shield.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050404
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Ames, we have to turn a loss into a win. / And if we can save all the people in the hotel, we can reverse your bad karma. / Amy: I'm...having...an idea! / Amy: The nun is the natural enemy of the vampire. / Shelley: Amy, you give to give up your nun dreams. / Amy: I'm keeping this dream alive, sister. / Shelley: Kum-by-yah! / Shelley: So are we going to charm the vampires into a life of holy observances? / Or just distract them with sanctified strum-alongs? / Amy: I'm hoping they regard nuns as we see a piece of chicken that's been in the fridge for a week. / Tempting but toxic.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050405
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Amy: Sneakin' sneakin' / Shelley: Someone's smokin', Lord, Kum-by-yah... / They don't seem interested in us! Your plan is working! / Bulgarian Vampire Slayers [[Speaking Bulgarian]]: / Shelley and Amy: ? / Shelley: Should we go back and help? They looked like boys who'd been over-excited by a DVD box set. / <> / Amy: Shel, I know a drilled professional when I see one. / And I'm going to die if I don't get some breakfast.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050406
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Well, this holiday certainly became a lot more pleasant once we escaped death. / Amy: Getting cursed wasn't so bad. / There was some mild inconvienence, but bad juju isn't all is cracked up to be. / Shelley: Am, dozens of people will hurt or eaten by vampires because of your thoughtlessness! / Amy: I said sorry! / Shelley: Why is it that other people suffer every time you decide to be a jerk-ass-jerk? / Amy: Maybe I'm the Antichrist. Mayhem is my deal. / Shelley: That would explain it, but you don't have a tail. / Amy: Does the Antichrist have a tail? / Shelley: 1. Has a tail. 2. Shifty eyes. 3. When they wee, it comes out black.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050407
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Amy: So Shel, are we friends again? Like we were? / Shelley: Yes, I think so. The nude man fiasco is forgiven. / Just promise to choose men more carefully in future. / Amy: I'll try, mother. / Shelley: Stalwart individuals! Young clergy! Men of hoy! / Amy: Do you want to go straight home? / Shelley: Can we stop at the office? I want to check on the mayoral campaign. / Amy: Do you really think the mayor can win again? / Shelley: Maybe! Just so long as we don't get any nasty surprises! / [[A giant billboard in the background with a picture of Tim Jones, reading: / ""I want to enjoy life without intense fear of everything" / Think smart. Think now. Think Jones. / Vote Tim Jones Mayor of Tackleford May 5 2005 / Scientific Democrats]]
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050408
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Shelley is unloading bags from the luggage carousel at the airport]] / Amy: So Shel, are we friends again? Like we were? / Shelley: Yes, I think so. The nude man fiasco is forgiven. Just promise to choose men more carefully in future. / [[Amy rolls her eyes as she walks behind a somewhat-smug Shelley]] / Amy: I'll try, /mother/. / Shelley: Stalwart individuals! Young clergy! Men of hoy! / [[Amy checks Shelley's watch at the taxi stand]] / Amy: Do you want to go straight home? / Shelley: Can we stop at the office? I want to check on the mayoral campaign. / [[Amy and Shelley in taxi, driving past a large mediaglomerate billboard. Tim's picture is on the left. On the right, the billboard reads "I want to enjoy life without intense fear of everything. Think smart. Think now. Think Jones. Vote Tim Jones Mayor of Tackleford May 5 2005" with a Scientific Democrats logo beneath that.]] / Amy: Do you really think the mayor can win again? / Shelley: Maybe! Just so long as we don't get any nasty surprises!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050408
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Tim speaks at a polical ralley. Riley, The Boy, and Ryan are in the background]] / Tim: Murder is on the up, fear is on the up! The city is sick! When a patient is sick, it needs science! And that is what I can provide! / The Boy: Jonesy's on fire! He'll have the mayor licked! / Riley: I'm not worried about the mayor, The Boy. It's Shelley Winters who makes me nervous. / Riley: I hear she's a shrewd political operator. / The Boy: She could win the battle of hearts and minds with her tight suits and squeaky sex-appeal. / [[At the mayor's office Shelly and the mayor are working]] / Mayor: "You've never had it so goud! Its just that the enormouse quantities of "good" are buried under tons of surface debris." / Shelley: That's it! Spin spin spin! We can win!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050411
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Shelley and the mayor are working on the mayor's political campaign]] / Mayor: This is hopeless / Shelley: Mr Mayor, we're operating from a position of strength! We're in office! / [[The mayor looks out the window]] / Mayor: So you think we should take up arms and make them come in and get us? / [[Shelley watches a fly buzz on by]] / Shelley: No, you loony literalist! But we can dress up the truth like it was the truth's birthday. / [[Shelley sets up an easel]] / Shelley: Get a bit cheeky! Tickle the old monkey! Dress a dachsund up as a major general! / [[Shelley presents a poster to the mayor]] / Mayor: Are you suggesting we lie? / Poster: MONORAIL on time all the time "it's magnetic" "it's futuristic" VOTE MAYOR 2005 / Shelley: I'm suggesting we make the future both beautiful and unaffordable.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050412
April 13, 2005 [[Wanda is standing in front of Progressive Party posters with dolphins and bunnies. The podium says "Progressive Mayor 05"]] / Wanda Prune: Are you going to San Francisco? Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. And pay more tax! It's your duty. I, Wanda Prune, pledge to include at least one dolphin on the city concil. / Mr. Quorn: I don't think we need to concern ourselves further with the feminine flip-flappery of the Progressive Party. / [[Lines of evil eminate from Mr. Quorn's bad combover(?)]] / Mr. Quorn: The Mayor is a spent force, and Tim Jones will fold like wet paper in due course. / Quorn's assistant: We should not underestimate him. He resonates with the young and the hairy. / Mr. Quorn: Pie-in-the-sky idealism will crumble before old school political skullduggery. / Quorn's assistant: Mr Quorn, this puppy-patrol hybrid car may not be so politically astute.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050413
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Shelley and Elaine Wu are sat on the couch of a morning chat show]] / Presenter: Today on the show we have campaign advisors for the leading parties, Shelley Winters and Elaine Wu. / Presenter: Elaine, how do you see things going so far? / Elaine: I think it was an excellent, civilised campaign until mayor mayor unveiled his ridiculous "monorail". / Shelley: Well, I hope that the people at home can hear that Bentley Quorn *hates their dreams*. / Elaine: And *I* hope local people will enjoy looking down on streets full of rubbish and closed schools from your monorail! / Presenter: How do you respond to that, Shelley? / Shelley: That's easy. / Shelley: With a *withering glare*. / [[Elaine, sat next to her on the couch, recipient of a demonstration, rolls her eyes]]
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050414
April 14, 2005 Talk-show host: Today on the show we have campaign advisors for the leading parties, Shelley Winters and Elaine Wu. Elaine, how do you see things going so far? / Elaine: I think it was an excellent, civilised campaign until Mayor Mayor unveiled his ridiculous "monorail". / Shelley: Well, I hope that the people at home can hear that Bentley Quorn hates their dreams. / Elaine: And I hope local people will enjoy looking down on streets full of rubbish and closed schools from your monorail! / <<+5>> / Talk-show host: How do tou respond to that, Shelley? / Shelley: That's easy. / Shelley: With a withering glare.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050414
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Riley and Tim are sitting in bed. Riley's reading the paper and Tim is eating cereal, shirtless.]] / Riley: Tim, polls have you down in third place behind Mayor Mayor and Bentley Quorn. We need to pick up the pace. / Tim: Quorn appeals to people's worst instincts and the Mayor's got Shelley going for broke with vote-winning lies. / [[Tim looks though the closet]] / Tim: Maybe it hust isn't my year. Power, corruption and lies are like paper-rock-scissors. But what beats what? / [Riley's looking at the TV in the kitchen.. and holding a loaf of bread]] <> / Riley: Come quick! Shelley and Elaine Wu are tearing each other apart on TV! Wow. They're like two cats in a sack. / Tim: This is like a Japanese cartoon. When they reach a certain level of frenzy, the over-fiend will burst through the Earth's crust. <> / Tim: He'll probably want to be mayor too. / Riley: With wide-ranging, tentacle-oriented policies.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050415
 
Scary Go Round 20050418 [[Newspaper with photo of Shelley having Elaine Wu in a headlock.]] / WINTERS vs WU WONKETTE WAR / Mayoral aide goes beserk on national TV / by P. Crimminy Kite / Mayor's assistant Shelley Winters physically attacked her opposite number Elaine Wu during a live TV broadcast on Sunday. / The debate between the campaign advisors for the Liberal Democrats and the Evil Party quickly descended into name-calling over Mayor... / Winters then seized Ms. Wu, 31, by the hair and shouted "try being a little less evil! Go on! I dare you! / RUCK / At this point programme host Jeremy Vines attempted to separate the two women, receiving a black eye and a foot to the headset. / Ms. Wu attempted a death grip but... / Sketch: When the fur... / Mayor: Elections are won in the hearts and minds of the public. Not in your clenched fish, holding a clump of your opponent's hair. / Shelley: I can't help that I'm competitive. I think the green room coffee made me psychotic. / [[Flashback to the Green Room. Shelley is having a coffee, and Elaine is dropping a pill from a skull-and-crossbones bottle into the coffee pot.]] / Shelley (voiceover): It's funny though, because really things were very cordial back there. / Elaine: So what's your favorite colour, Shelley? / Shelley: Yellow, I think! / Elaine: More coffee? / Shelley: Yes prease!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050418
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Ryan, Tim, and Hugo are chatting inside Hugo's sandwich shop]] / Hugo: Ryan, this election is causing extreme rage within my body. I grow tired of the lame ducks and fat cats before me. / Hugo: Now our friend has abandoned hope, we have to choose between snake oil salesmen and the incompetents. / Ryan: You should run, Hugo! You're a successful businessman with a lot of good ideas about things. / Hugo: Hugo sees the world as it is, he has the eagle's eye. But a man cannot seize the reins of power when he is not on the cart. / Tim: I'll run your campaign, Hugo, if you'll unstick my face from the table. / [[Hugo unsticks Tim's face from the table. Tim raises his fists triumphantly]] / Hugo: He has a new fire! / Ryan: And a red welt on his face the shape of Norway.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050420
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Tim stands arms outstretched in front of a large red billboard. At the top it reads "ONE MAN ONE GOAL ONE VISION," below that "The candidate who is neither an idiot nor a jerk to people." A picture of Hugo is on the left, and at the right it reads "Hates poverty Likes jobs Skilled & generous lover." At the bottom it reads "REPRESENT" with a stylized picture of a sandwich next to it, and "Hugo Rodriguez May 5th 2005" just below.]] / Tim: What do you think? / [[Hugo has his arms around Ryan, Riley, and The Boy as they all gaze upon the billboard.]] / Ryan: Hugo truly is the candidate for the common man. / The Boy: Why...why am I crying? / [[Hugo is being interviewed for TV]] / TV Reporter: Mr. Rodriguez, what do you want to tell the viewers about your surprise candidacy? / [[TV footage of the interview: the title at the bottom reads "LATE ENTRANT TO MAYORAL RACE" with scrolling text beneath it. The scrolling text reads "Promises 'kindness to most mammals'".]] / Hugo: I am like a supernova in the night. I appear in a blinding flash and change your universe forever. / [[More TV footage. Hugo is holding a bird table. The scrolling text now reads "Hopes to cultivate 'the lonely vote'"]] / Hugo: Also I promise a free bird table for every lonely spinster.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050421
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Tim Jones stands before a big sign for Hugo Rodriguez' mayoral campaign. The poster shows Hugo in black, looking over his shoulder. The background of the poster, and the typeface seems reminiscent of that used in old Soviet propaganda. The sign reads: "ONE MAN ONE GOAL ONE VISION / THE CANDIDATE WHO IS NEITHER AN IDIOT NOR A JERK TO PEOPLE / HATES POVERTY / LIKES JOBS / SKILLED & GENEROUS LOVER / REPRESENT [drawing of sandwich] / Hugo Rodriguez / May 5th 2005"]] / Tim Jones: What do you think? / [[Hugo is smiling wide and has his arms around Ryan Beckwith, The Boy, and Riley Beckwith.]] / Ryan Beckwith: Hugo is truly the candidate of the common man. / Riley Beckwith: Why... why am I crying? / [[Hugo is being interviewed by a television reporter. His sign is going to be the background.]] / Reporter: Mr Rodriguez, what do you want to tell the viewers about your surprise candidacy? / [[We see Hugo as he appears on television. He is standing so the shoulder in the photo is right behind him. Below him, the chyron displays: "LATE ENTRANT TO THE MAYORAL RACE / Promises kindness to 'most mammals'".]] / Hugo Rodriguez: I am like a supernova in the night. / Hugo Rodriguez: I appear in a blinding flash and change your universe forever. / [[On screen, Hugo holds up a bird table. The chyron changes the second line to display: "Hopes to cultivate the 'lonely vote'."]] / Hugo Rodriguez: Also I promise a bird table for every lonely spinster. / {{story: The Election}}
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050421
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Ryan Beckwith and The Boy are preparing to go hang fliers for Hugo Rodriguez' mayoral campaign.]] / Ryan Beckwith: I'll take Spencer Street, you do Coppy Close and Quack Lane. / [[The Boy comes across Erin Winters. Her hair is darker than before, darker than her sister's.]] / Erin Winters: Hello there, The Boy. / The Boy: Erin! I haven't seen you in a while. Have you been helping with your sister's election? / [[Lightning bolts of annoyance shoot from Erin's head.]] / Erin Winters: No way. I don't want anything to do with Shelley's mission to repeatedly humiliate my family. / [[Erin takes out a cigarette and lights it.]] / Erin Winters: I'm just off down to the river to think some dark thoughts. / The Boy: When did you start smoking? / Erin Winters: Recently. I'm not addicted. I just find it really hard not to... do it. / The Boy: That's um... you know... / Erin Winters: I can see what you're thinking. Don't judge me, The Boy. / Erin Winters: The "cry for help" technique is unhealthy, tedious, and time consuming. / {{story: The Election}}
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050422
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Evil Headquarters: a grey mountain against a red sky, the pounding-fist flag of the Evil Party flying in the wind. Bentley Quorn is ranting, arms stretched above his head.]] / Bentley Quorn: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, ELAINE! / [[Quorn's angry gesticulating has knocked a strand of his combover loose.]] Quorn: Our policies are meant to cut to the black, venal heart of man! But *Hugo Rodriguez* now leads the polls. / [[Elaine is perched on a desk, analysing reels of voter feedback ribbon]] / Elaine: He appeals to voters aged 18-102. And he's mobilised voters in Tackleford's Ecuador town. / Quorn: I don't care if he's milked the moon like a cow! I'm Bentley Quorn! I own every chimney in Halifax! / Quorn: I've turned every river in the Calder Valley black, and for *what* if I can't be in charge? I want this "Hugo" rubbed out! / Elaine: Mr Quorn, maybe you should calm down... / Quorn: If *you* won't do it, find me a lone nut! Preferably one who's off his medication.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050425
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Elain Wu and Bentley Quorn are in some sort of viewing room with huge plate glass windows. The room is probably attached to others, and it is bolted into the side of a mountain. The structure is flying the flag of the Evil party. Quorn is gesticulating wildly, and Wu is, uh, primping her hair. The sky is red and the landscape consists of skinny, flat-topped spires]] / Bentley Quorn: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, ELAINE! / [[We can better see the room. It has a desk, chair, and some plants.]] / Bentley Quorn: Our policies cut to the black, venal heart of man! / Bentley Quorn: But *Hugo Rodriguez* now leads the polls. / [[Elaine Wu sits on a desk and reads a stock ticker. Quorn raises his arm and looks grim.]] / Elaine Wu: He appeals to voters aged 18-102. / Elaine Wu: And he's mobilized voters in Tackleford's Ecuador town. / Bentley Quorn: I don't care if he's milked the moon like a cow! / Bentley Quorn: I'm Bentley Quorn! I own every chimney in Halifax! / [[Quorn hunches over.]] / Bentley Quorn: I've turned every river in the Calder Valley *black* and for *what*, if I can't be in charge? / Bentley Quorn: I want this "Hugo" rubbed out! / Elaine Wu: Mr Quorn, maybe you should calm down... / Bentley Quorn: If *you* won't do it, find me a lone nut! Preferably one who's off his medication!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050425
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison "Mr. Smith": Do you have the money? / Elaine Wu: Five thousand, as agreed. / "Mr. Smith": You understand that there's no going back? / Elaine Wu: The Evil Party does not make mistakes, "Mr. Smith". / Announcer: Here he is! Because you love your city, because you love freedom, your next mayor HUGO RODRIGUEZ! / Hugo Rodriguez: Good evening everybody! It is okay to be you! This I swear! / Riley Beckwith: That should have been you up there, Tim. / Tim Jones: I couldn't do what he does, Riley. / Hugo Rodriguez: Hugo pledges more frequent buses to unfashionable villages!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050426
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[At Hugo Rodriguez' rally, everybody has donned red badges with a huge "H" on them. Hugo is winking and chatting with a woman in a gray jacket with her hair in a bun. She is holding a tray of pastries to Hugo. In the foreground is a filled punch bowl on a table.]] / Hugo Rodriguez: Yo, much gratitude for your efforts, library lady. / Hugo Rodriguez: Enjoy your deserved complimentary punch and vol-au-vents. / [["Mr Smith" approaches Hugo. He has taken off his jacket and donned a hat similar to the one Jack Ruby wore when he shot Lee Harvey Oswald. Hugo has one of the pastries in his hand. The dialogue balloons are missing their connectors to their characters.]] / "Mr Smith": Hugo, Hugo! Let me shake your hand! / Hugo Rodriguez: Please forgive me, but I do not recognize you, my fine fellow. / [[The following are standing around: Ryan Beckwith, Tim Jones, Riley Beckwith, Erin Winters and The Boy. Ryan has a drink in his hand and is grimacing.]] / <> / Hugo Rodriguez (off-panel, square dialogue balloon): AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE / Tim Jones: What was that? / [[Hugo lies on the floor, covering his face. Ryan, Riley and Tim are on the ground with him.]] / Ryan Beckwith: Someone shot the contents of a McDonalds Hot Apple Pie in his face! / Tim Jones: Hugo! Stay with us! / [[Erin can barely bring herself to look at the scene.]] / Erin Winters: That pie filling is the hottest naturally occurring substance available without a license. / The Boy: I heard it is only one molecule different from *magma*. / {{story: The Election}}
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050427
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[The panels consist of a newscast. The reporter who earlier interviewed Hugo Rodriguez is standing and anchoring the newscast. The chyron is displaying two lines: "TACKLEFORD CRISIS" and "Hot apple sauce spells near death for ..."]] / Reporter: Tackleford mayoral race favorite Hugo Rodriguez is clinging to life in hospital tonight. / [[Beside the reporter, someone holds up a childish drawing of "Mr Smith". The lower line of text has been changed to "Suspect described as 'brutish, hulking'...]] / Reporter: Police have issued this picture of the suspected attacker. / [[The reporter touches her hair over her ear. The lower text changes to "Rodriguez is a right mess now".]] / Reporter: And this is just in. Mr Rodriguez' spokesman is making a statement. / [[The newscast switches to Tim Jones, in a suit, standing outside of a building and reading a sheet of paper. The top line of text has changed to "Tim Jones" and the lower line reads: "Author, inventor, and spokes-man."]] / Tim Jones: "I cannot run for mayor in a world where I was almost killed just trying to eat a vol-au-vent" / Tim Jones: "That is the ultimate insult to my existence" / [[Shelley Winters and Mayor Mayor are sitting in an office. She is wearing her Eggbert shirt and looking sad. The mayor, less troubled, is flipping through a "Robes and Chains" catalog. A poster in the background promotes the monorail.]] / Shelley Winters: My insides are extremely sad. / Shelley Winters: I don't want to win the election because Hugo got a face full of molten pie. / Mayor Mayor: No one wants that. / {{story: The Election}}
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050428
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[On the set of Tackleford's morning talk show.]] / Host: A candidate attacked and out of the race, is the election in crisis? Bentley Quorn? / [[Bentley Quorn and Tim Jones are sitting next to each other on separate chairs. Tim is holding a breadbox-sized metal object.]] / Bentley Quorn: People mustn't be disillusioned. Cast your vote! / Bentley Quorn: "Feliz Navidad", as they say in Ecuador. / [[Mayor Mayor is also in the panel. Tim, with an unamused look, is holding his object towards the mayor, and it is smiling sweetly.]] / Host: Rodriguez was your man, Tim Jones, how are you responding? / Tim Jones: I'm working on this forensic robot to find the attacker. It's called the *guiltomatic*. / Mayor Mayor: What a delightful little fellow! Reminds me of my childhood dog, Pippin! / <> / [[Tim points the Guiltomatic at Quorn.]] / Tim Jones: He seems to think you're guilty of something, Mr Quorn. / <> / [[The Guiltomatic reveals its fangs and it is snarling. Mayor Mayor pulls out his saxophone.]] / Bentley Quorn: I'm only *guilty* of wanting a better deal for hard-working families. / Mayor Mayor: Does anyone want to hear my saxophone? / <> / {{story: The Election}}
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050429
Scary Go Round 20050502 [[Hugo giving an address with his face completely bandaged. Tim and Riley in background]] / Hugo: Friends of democracy! I am sure you can see with your eyes that I am in no fit state to govern. You have to understand, it is crazy like an abbatoir behind this mask. So I will return in 2009! Older, fatter, stronger! / [[He turns to shake Tim's hand.]] / Hugo: But I gots to give thanks to my main campaign man, Tim Jones. He is a righteous character who loves this damn town. / Erin: It's a shame Tim withdrew from the race. Hugo's endorsement would probably win it for him. / The Boy: Tim never withdrew. He just sat in his paddling pool with a bowl of cornflakes balanced on his stomach. A single tear nestling in his whiskers. / The Boy: He tried to call the Electoral Commission but the phone fell out of his hand. That was followed by some low moaning.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20050502
 

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