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Scary Go Round 20080804 Ryan: Moon, what the hell's been goin' on? If you ain't a ghost, how you been floatin'? / Moon: Magic. And a magnetic harness on top of the Lady Elaine. / [[We see the top of the Lady Elaine sticking out of the water and a harness.]] / Ryan: And you're undercover, right, plannin' to break up the smugglin' ring: / [[Moon clutches Ryan from behind.]] / Moon: Ryan, I am the smuggling ring. / Ryan: Oh, that's good, since contraband is sort of a religion to me. / Moon: I'm surprised to find you have such a love of crime. Thought it might be a problem. / [[She presses a remote control.]] / <> / [[The harness grabs Moon, still grasping Ryan about the torso, and the Lady Elaine speeds them away from the shore.]] / <> / Moon: Thought you might be a do-gooder, like little Shelley. / Ryan: Aw hell, I just roll my eyes when she starts helpin' folks with their lives. Maybe... think about stealin' some deckchairs.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080804
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ryan: Moon, what the hell's goin' on? If you ain't a ghost, how you been floatin'? / Moon: Magic. And a magnetic harness on top of the Lady Elaine. / Ryan: And you're undercover, right, plannin' to break up the smugglin' ring? / Moon: Ryan, I am the smuggling ring. / Ryan: Oh, that's good, since contraband is sort of a religion to me. / Moon: I'm surprised to find you have such a love of crime. Thought it might be a problem. / Moon: Thought you might be a do-gooder, like little Shelley. / Ryan: Aw hell, I just roll my eyes when she starts helpin' folks with their lives. Maybe... think about stealin' some wheelchairs.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080804
Scary Go Round 20080805 [[Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker, and Mr Soap are looking down on the beach from the edge of a cliff.]] / Butcher: What madness is this, Soap, what are they doing with all those boxes? / Mr Soap: Most ships navigate by moth and can be sunk by a false beacon. But some employ new-fangled "radar" technology... from Japan! / [[We see a massive fake dock built from boxes and bamboo.]] / Mr Soap: The only way to lure them in is with an elaborate replica dock... bear witness to the work of a criminal mastermind! / Candlestick Maker: Let's do 'em, Soap! / Mr Soap: Not yet, there has been no crime. / Mr Soap: For now they are merely men... who don't know when to go to bed.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080805
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Butcher: What madness is this, Soap, what are they doing with all those boxes? / Mr Soap: Most ships navigate by moth and can be sunk by a false beacon. But some employ new-fangled "radar" technology... from Japan! / Mr Soap: ...Bear witness to the work of a criminal mastermind! The only way to lure them in is with an elaborate replica dock... / Candlestick Maker: Let's do 'em, Soap! / Mr Soap: Not yet, there has been no crime. / Mr Soap: For now they are merely men... ...who don't know when to go to bed.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080805
Scary Go Round 20080806 [[Two Sikhs on the bridge of their ship. A radar device is spitting out readings onto a tape.]] / <> / Uttam: You know Gupter, I did not believe that anything could ever replace the moth. / Gupter: I know. Radar is bloody amazing if you don't mind me saying so.]] / Melanie: That ship's going to hit the rocks! / [[A third Sikh enters with three mugs of tea.]] / Sikh #3: Well done Japan. You bloody miracle workers / [[Melanie tries to signal by waving around her lit cell phone and iPod.]] / Melanie: STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP! / [[The ship runs aground.]] / <> / Uttam: Oh bloody hell what now? / Gupter: Consult the radar manual, Uttam.]] / [[The relevant page in the manual has a crude manga-esque drawing of a ship crashing into a rock with a happy face, complete with onomatopoeia "GE--" and "GAN". A sidebar with someone's face reads "Resist panty actions! For the best!" The main text: "When it hits against the stone, immediately and take the evasive action. To panic you do not have to fall! Correct technology, stop the freight securely, and carry the unit of the radar to the raft of emergency. When it is necessary in order to do this to designate the crew as sacrifice, it is."]] / Uttam: I think we overestimated the Japanese again, Gupter.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080806
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Uttam: You know Gupter, I did not believe that anything could ever replace the moth. / Gupter: I know. Radar is bloody amazing if you don't mind me saying so. / Melanie: That ship's going to hit the rocks! / Sailor: Well done Japan. You bloody miracle workers / [[Melanie waves a cell phone and iPod at the ship]] / Melanie: Stop stop stop stop stop! / [[The ship hits a rock]] <> / Oh bloody hell what now? / Consult the radar manual, Uttam. / Uttam: I think we overestimated the Japanese again, Gupter. / [[The manual shows a diagram of a ship hitting a rock, reading "Ge" and "Gan". The manual reads: "When it hits against the stone, immediately and take the evasive action. To panic you do not have to fail! Correct technology, stop the freight securely, and carry the unit of the radar to the raft of emergency. When it is necessary in order to do this to designate the crew as sacrifice, it is. Resist panty actions! For the best!"]]
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080806
Scary Go Round 20080807 Moon as Blackbeard: The Empress is listing! Let's make our play! Put this on... / [[She hands Ryan a mask.]] / Ryan: It don't feel like a crime until you have a ski mask on / [[They rush a small motorboat down the beach.]] / Ryan: Did smugglers of old wear ski masks? / Smuggler: Legend has it that the ever-changing topography of an old time smuggler's face... made it unnecessary. / [[They push off.]] / Smuggler: The shifting pattern of scars, pox and modish facial hair made them almost impossible to identify... even to close family members.]]
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080807
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Moon: The Empress is listing! Let's make our play! Put this on. / Ryan: It don't feel like a crime until you have a ski mask on / Ryan: Did smugglers of old wear ski masks? / Smuggler 1: Legend has it that the ever-changing topography of an old time smuggler's face... ...made it unnecessary. / Smuggler 1: The shifting pattern of scars, pox and modish facial hair made them almost impossible ot identify... ...even to close family members.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080807
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ken: So what did Blackbeard say to you? / Ryan: Mostly he just howled, and fire came out of his eyes. He oozed a bit. / Ryan: What do we do when we get on the boat? / Ken: Well Ryan, I was thinking that we hit anyone we see moving, very hard. / Ken: Any nonsense, we give them a bit of old shooty. / Ryan: The traditional lead breakfast, I s-s-see... / Smuggler 1: They're aboard, uh... Count Blackula. / Blackbeard: I tire of "Count Blackula"! Refer to me as Your Beardness!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080808
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Smuggler 1: Stand extremely still and nobody gets hurt! / Uttam: Oh bloody hell Gupter, insult and injury have arrived at the same times. We are not equipped for a rumble with binge-drinking English thugs! / Radar: Alert! Alert! / Smuggler 1: The radar's gone mental! Get it off me! / Ken: Turn it off now or it's gun time! / Sir, would that I could. You are welcome to consult the manual. / Ryan: The translation's no good! It's just a mess o' words! / Uttam: It's like how we might say "Woof" to a dog. We try, but he hasn't a clue.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080811
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Smuggler 1: Go go go! I'll hold off the radar! / Ryan: What are we doin'? This is insane! / Ken: It's the life we chose the day we first picked up a mail bag. Then, you know, joined a smuggling ring. / Ryan: I got feelin's for a bearded ghost girl, I'm doin' robberies... / Ryan: I haven't slept in two weeks and- / <> [[The Baker hits Ryan over the head with a loaf of bread]] / Baker: The Bakerman is cooking tonight.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080812
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Mr Soap: Rob honest cargo would you? Well, no more! / Smuggler 1: Geoff! / Smuggler 2: Yuk! / Butcher: Sssoap / Mr Soap: Butcher, hold on! / Ken: Grek! / Melanie: Daddy! My daddy! / Mr Soap: Melan- / [[A smuggler hits Mr Soap over the head with a hammer]] / <> / Blackbeard: Do what must be done, man! / [[The smuggler is shot straight through the chest]] / <> / Melanie: [holding the smoking gun] ...sorry
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080813
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Moon: Come on Jenks, open your damn eyes..../...the Sabled Dragonfly? / [[Moon takes the dragonfly and drops the corpse. Melanie stands behind her on a cliff.]] / Moon: Oh thank god, it's intact! / <> / [[Melanie shoots Moon. Ryan grabs her; the bullet only grazes Moon's shoulder]] / <> / Moon: OW!! / Ryan: Melanie, stop shootin' people! / You're singlehandedly escalatin' the cycle of ciolence! / Mr Soap: I recognise that voice... / Ryan: Run Moon! We'll get you to a backstreet doctor! / Most of those guys were struck off for bein' rebel mavericks of medicine, nothin' to do with gangrene!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080814
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ryan: Why Moon, why are you a crazy smuggler now? You're a smart scientist! / [[Moon and Ryan enter the car and start the engine]] / <> / Moon: Do you think marine biology pays well? Do you want to hear about my student loans? / Ryan: But no young gal wakes up and says, I'm goin' to solve my money problems by robbin' boats... / Moon: Ryan, stop! / [[Ernest stands in front of the truck, and Ryan comes to an abrupt halt]] / <> / [[Ryan locks the door]] / <> / Ryan: It's Ernest's ghost! He loved the sea and he's mad with you, Moon! He came back to tell you to respect craft and what's on 'em! / Moon: Naw, he's just redefinin' the gimlet-eyed stare for a new generation.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080815
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ryan: Ernest how comes you ain't dead? Are you behind the smugglin'? What's it like pretendin' to be dead? Do they let you off parkin' tickets? Have you met other ghosts who ain't really dead? / Ryan: Has- / Ernest: Quiet, boy! It all started in the '90s when 'Free Willy' made everyone want to be a marine biologist, see? / [[Ernest burns grant proposals for warmth in front of a poster for Free Willy reading "'Wicked' - Terry Nutkins"]] / Ernest: People loved that whale, but I was making tea from pencil sharpenings once the grants driend up. I became... desperate. / [[Ernest pauses at a precipice with a flask in his hand]] / Ernest: I was all set to cast myself into the was... ...when I saw a vessel going down and crates on the shore. <> / [[Ernest runs carrying a box marked 'Eggcups']] / Ernest: Suddenly I saw that the sea would provide... ... if you gave it a helping hand by singing the boats that were in it... ...then put what was on the boats... in your house.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080818
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ernest: Soon I had a boatshed of smuggled bounty... but how to move it on? / Ernest: I knew postmen to be a superstitious, cowardly lot... ... so I played on their fears and dressed as teh notorious brigand, Blackbeard. / Ernest: This served me well until the day last year that the men from the revenue came calling. / [[Ernest holds a phone book reading "A-Z Tackleford]] / Ryan: And you faked your own death! / Ernest: Arr, but young Moon here is a U.S. citizen, invisible for tax purposes. / [[They enter a building, the directory reading: "Phil Collins Drum School"; "J.R. Hartley Jeweller of Disrepute"; "Ken Bruce 'professional disc jockey'"]] / Ryan: Great. I lived a good life, maintainin' the speed limit and never litterin'. Now I'm a fugitive with a sexy transvestite and her nautical sugar daddy.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080819
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Ernest Cromerty stands with hands on his hips wearing a T-shirt that says "My Other Boat is a Skiff".]] / Ernest, narrating: SOON I HAD A BOATSHED OF SMUGGLED BOUNTY...BUT HOW TO MOVE IT ON? / [[Ernest Cromerty, diguised as a pirate, looks down at a fearful postman.]] / Ernest, narrating: I KNEW POSTMEN TO BE A SUPERSTITIOUS, COWARDLY LOT... / Ernest, narrating: ...SO I PLAYED ON THEIR FEARS AND DRESSED AS THE NOTORIOUS BRIGAND, BLACKBEARD. / [[Ernest Cromerty, wearing a towel, opens his door to two businessmen.]] / Ernest, narrating: THIS SERVED ME WELL UNTIL THE DAY LAST YEAR THAT THE MEN FROM THE REVENUE CAME CALLING. / [[Ryan Beckwith drives a car, with Ernest Cromerty and Gibbous Moon as passengers. Ernest holds a book with "A-Z" on the cover.]] / Ryan: AND YOU FAKED YOUR OWN DEATH! / Ernest: ARR, BUT YOUNG MOON HERE IS A U.S. CITIZEN, INVISIBLE FOR TAX PURPOSES. / [[Ryan Beckwith follows Gibbous Moon and Ernest Cromerty through a door. Signs next to the door read "PHIL COLLINS DRUM SCHOOL" "J.R. HARTLEY JEWELLER OF DISREPUTE" and "KEN BRUCE "PROFESSIONAL DISC JOCKEY"".]] / Ryan: GREAT. I LIVED A GOOD LIFE, MAINTAININ' THE SPEED LIMIT AND NEVER LITTERIN'. NOW I'M A FUGITIVE WITH A SEX TRANSVESTITE AND HER NAUTICAL SUGAR DADDY.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080819
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Hartley: Come in all of you. I was very exthited to get your call. Let me assure you of a dithcrete service. The most dithcrete! / Ryan: Do you got a water closet? I need to make a toilet. <> / Hartley: Yonder. / Moon: So genteel! / Hartley: Well lordy be, the Thabled Dragonfly of Old Bangalore. It'th exquithite! / How did you come to be in possession of thith beauteous relic? / Moon: We sank a god-dang freighter, man. / Ernest: Hush, girl! / Hartley: My dithcretion is abtholute, thirs, fear not. Many rogues have passed through these doorth. Naughty Norrith... Clive Knives... and I consider David Crosby a "clothe perthonal friend".
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080820
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Hartley: So... how doeth a million poundth thound? / Moon: Hot dog! / Ernest: Arr... we be amenable to that. / [[Hartley unlocks a door]] / Hartley: Let me get the money then. Do you mind if I pay you in... / [[A group of officers enter through the door. Hartley removes his disguise, revealing himself to be Amy.]] / Amy: ...Her Magesty's constabulary? / Officer 1: Gercha! You're under arrest! / Ernest: You'll never take me alive, copper! / Officer 2: We need the cantakerous codger unit in place, now! Tell 'em to expect a bull elephant in high-waisted bri-nylon!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080821
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Ernest bursts through the door]] / <> / Ernest: Out of my way! / [[Des trips Ernest on the stairs]] / Ernest: Oop / [[Ernest tumbles down the stairs head over heels]] / Ernest: Awk! Oof! / [[Ernest lands flat on his back at the base of the stairwell]] / <> / Des: Old people should be careful on the stairs, Ernest! Maybe go down backwards in future! / Amy: Give the man a crumb of dignity, Des. / Des: [to Ernest] Oh boo hoo hoooo!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080822
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ryan: I'll come quietly! / Amy: Here he is! The man responsible fo rsetting up the sting! Officers, you're looking at a genuine hero of law and order! / Officer 1: Good fellow / Ryan: Aw I dunno... / Officer 2: What a chap / Moon: Ryan I'll wait for you! Prison can't keep us apart! We're meant to be! / Amy: Shame on you Ryan Beckwith. / Des: Sleeping with the enemy! / Ryan: She'd be a fine catch if it wasn't for her insatiable appetite for crimes. James Bond does it an' it's patriotic! The nation looks to men with a naturally sexy way in times of crisis.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080825
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ryan: So the "sabled dragon" is just made from wine gums and cellophane? How did you do it, Ame? / Amy: Once I knew you were in with the smugglers I used my antiques know-how to set up a honey trap. / Amy: I went on smuggling message boards talking about an artefact on its way from India to hull... / Amy: and Des chartered a boat crew from coastal Birmingham / Ryan: But it was a dangerous deal! The smugglers might have killed them! / Amy: Ah, but they had radar! / Des: This is the future of law enforcement! / Ryan: Des, the future of law enforcement is gonna have arms.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080826
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Amy and Des: For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow. / Ryan: The sentiment's real pleasant but I'm goin' home to bed. / Ryan: Oh hi Melanie, I'm just goin' home. / Melanie: Well I hope you're pleased with yourself, Ryan. / Ryan: I think there's a misunderstandin'... / Melanie: Don't play innocent with me, my daddy recognised you on the beach! Thanks to you and your smuggling mates, he's in hospital with a fractured skull. / Melanie: You saved my life, so I didn't shoot you. Now we're even. / Ryan: Dang, what kind of system is that? / Melanie: It's over between us, do you understand, OVER! / Melanie: ...My sweet baboo.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080827
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Ryan: Praise Jesus, it's over. I can go to sleep at last. / Ryan: And I done a good thing, I made the coast safe again for honest sailors. / Shelley: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE / Shelley: Oh Ryan! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! You wouldn't ravish me! You're my lovely friend who I love. / Ryan: Shelley, sometimes lovin' somebody means lettin' go. Of their ears.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080828
Scary Go Round 20080828 Ryan: Praise Jesus, it's over. I can go to sleep at last. / [[He gets under the covers.]] / Ryan: And I done a good thing, I made the coast safe again for honest sailors. / [[Someone already under the covers makes a flying leap at him.]] / Someone: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe / [[Shelley has him pinned.]] / Shelley: Oh Ryan! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! You wouldn't ravish me! You're me lovely friend who I love. / Ryan: Shelley, sometimes lovin' somebody means lettin' go. Of their arms.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080828
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Amy wakes up Shelley when she finds him in bed with Ryan]] / Amy: Oh my god, I knew it. You two were doing it behind my back the whole time. / Shelley: Amy, shhh. He needs his beauty rest. He was delirious with exhaustion! / Amy: How come you're back? I thought you had a new life in America. / Shelley: There were a series of unfortunate events. I have decided to think local and stop acting global at all costs. / Shelley: I might start an organisation to help fallen women and fix Britain's broken society. / Amy: So far, so asinine. / [[Des is in the cupboard drinking from a bottle labeled "Weed Killer"]] / Amy: You could start by teaching Des how to read. / Des: I can read!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080829
Scary Go Round 20080829 [[Shelley and Ryan have spent the night in the same bed. Amy comes in and opens the curtains.]] / Amy: Oh my god, I knew it. You two were doing it behind my back the whole time. / Shelley: Amy, shhh. He needs his beauty rest. He was delirious with exhaustion! / Amy: How come you're back? I thought you had a new life in America. / Shelley: There were a series of unfortunate events. I have decided to think local and stop acting global at all costs. / Shelley: I might start an organisation to help fallen women and fix Britain's broken society. / Amy: So far, so asinine. / Amy: You could start by teaching Des how to read. / Des: I can read! / [[Des is guzzling from a jug marked "WEED KILLER".]]
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080829
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[TV Screen reading: Haim Saban Presents Giffen + Bonxie in Maplevision]] / Giffen: Shh! Bonxie's on the hunt / Bonxie: Bok bok I smell dinner / [[Shelley turns off the telly]] / <> / Shelley: This is no time for childish monkeyshines, Desmond! / Des: Hey! I was watching Giffen and Bonxie! / Shelley: Reading is a valuable life skill! / Des: Huh. I've done fine without it. / Shelley: Without embarrasment and peer pressure, illiteracy seems fun, yes. But what would you do in a word-based emergency? / Des: Like what? / Shelley: Eviction notice. Death warrant. Valuable coupon that expires today.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080901
Scary Go Round 20080901 [[TV: "Haim Saban presents - Giffen + Bonxie - in Maplevision"]] / Giffen: Shh! Bonxie's on the hunt / Bonxie: Bok bok I smell dinner / [[Shelley turns off the TV.]] / <> / Shelley: This is no time for childish monkeyshines, Desmond! / Des: Hey! I was watching Giffen and Bonxie! / Shelley: Reading is a valuable life skill! / Des: Huh. I've done fine without it. / Shelley: Without embarrassment and peer pressure, illiteracy seems fun, yes. But what would you do in a word-based emergency? / [[Des looks skeptical.]] / Des: Like what? / [[Shelley counts on her fingers.]] / Shelley: Eviction notice. Death warrant. Valuable coupon that expires today.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080901
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Shelley tries to teach Des the alphabet, using a diagram reading "P is for Portly"]] / Des: [[singing]] ABEDBFG, something something XYZ. HJQ, PPP, RFI, DDT. Now I know my JCB's, ladies want to sleep with me! / Shelley: Des, no! You have corrupted the most magical song of all! / Shelley: And you said 'Spot did a pooh' on every page of Run Spot Run. / Des: I just factored in what was most probable. / [[Shelley removes a tome from a glowing box]] / Shelley: Didn't want to do this... but it's time for Learning with the Lord. / [[Des skips naked through the living room]] / <> / Des: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! / Shelley: Des, you're... you're... a problem child!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080902
Scary Go Round 20080902 [[Shelley is trying to teach Des to read. It is raining outside.]] / Des: ABEDBFG, something something XYZ. HJQ, PPP, RFI, DDT. Now I know my JCB's, ladies want to sleep with me! / Shelley: Des no! You have corrupted the most magical spot of all! / Shelley: And you said "Spot did a pooh" on every page of Run Spot Run. / Des: I just factored in what was most probable. / Shelley: Didn't want to do this... but it's time for Learning with the Lord. / [[Shelley opens a golden chest, white light shining from the inside, and takes out said book.]] / <> / <> / [[Des has removed his clothes and is prancing around, a clock covering whatever his nethers may be.]] / Des: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! / Shelley: Des, you're... you're... a problem child!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080902
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: I'm going to fail. Des will live an unfulfilled and childish existence forever. / Shelley: Imagine... Unable to claim his old-age pension. / Shelley: Burning his Social Security cheques for warmth. Burning other old people's cheques for warmth. / Shelley: Oh no! Burning their keepsakes and heirlooms for warmth too! / Shelley: No! Shape up Shelley! Des is an unruly savage! He needs a firm stick now the carrot has drooped! / Shelley: This is the greatest challenge of my meddling career. The future coots of England are depending on me.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080903
Scary Go Round 20080903 Shelley: I'm going to fail. Des will live an unfulfilled and childish existence forever. / Shelley (voiceover): Imagine... unable to claim his old-age pension. / [[She imagines Des with a bushy beard in a futuristic world, looking, puzzled, at a letter.]] / [[Des building a fire in a trash can as pensioners look on in horror.]] / Shelley (voiceover): Burning his social security cheques for warmth. Burning other old people's cheques for warmth. / [[Des with a big fire in a dumpster. A police-bot looks at him.]] / Shelley (voiceover): Oh no! Burning their keepsakes and heirlooms for warmth too! / Shelley: No! Shape up Shelley! Des is an unruly savage! He needs a firm stick now the carrot has drooped! / Shelley: This is the greatest challenge of my meddling career. The future coots of England are depending on me.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080903
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Shelley sprays carbon dioxide into Des' room]] / [[Shelley approaches Des, who is asleep in bed]] / Shelley: Oh Des-mond / Des: 'Nother five minutes / [[Shelley appears in a cowl, cape and leotard covered with letters]] / Shelley: I am Alpha-Betsy, Demon Queen of Letters (Roman and Cyrillic) / Des: Ahhh! / [[Shelley shows Des an effigy of himself, hanged]] / Shelley: See! Here is you, Des Fishman, hung for eating a loaf of bread clearly labelled as the Queen's... your future is bleak! / [[Shelley manipulates marionettes of Giffen and Bonxie to taunt Des]] / Shelley: See! Your heroes mock you! / Giffen: Des, learn to read / Bonxie: Bok bok idiot man / Des: I'll change! I promise! Just don't touch me with your tiny hands!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080904
Scary Go Round 20080904 [[A cowled figure walks into Desmond's room, disguising her entrance with a fire extinguisher. Desmond is sleeping]] / Figure: Oh Des-mond / Des: 'nother five minutes / [[The figure is a woman in a red outfit with cape and mask, with random blue letters.]] / Alpha-Betsy: I AM ALPHA-BETSY - DEMON QUEEN OF LETTERS - (Roman and Cyrillic) / Des: Ahhh! / [[She gestures to a dummy of Des swinging from a noose.]] / Alpha-Betsy: See! Here is you, Des Fishman, hung for eating a loaf of bread clearly labelled as the Queen's... your future is bleak! / [[Des looks in horror.]] / Alpha-Betsy: See! Your heroes mock you! / [[She controls marionettes of the cartoon characters Giffen and Bonxie.]] / Giffen: Des, learn to read / Bonxie: Bok bok idiot man / [[Des cowers against the refrigerator.]] / Des: I'll change! I promise! Just don't touch me with your tiny hands!
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080904
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Oh very good, Des very good. / Shelley: Yes yes, you are learning now. / Des: I'm a good boy. I'm gonna read. / Shelley: See Amy! All Des needed was a little encouragement. / Amy: You used his infantile idiocy against him. Well done. / Amy: [using the puppet to reach for her bum] Ey Shelley, gimme a squeeze of anythin' ya got that's juicy. / Shelley: How long has the chicken been in the oven now, Ryan? / Ryan: Um, I dunno. / [[Ryan wears an apron reading "Impeach the Cook"]] / Ryan: Eleventy-forty minutes I think. I can't... make out the numbers too good. / Shelley: I see.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080905
Scary Go Round 20080905 [[Amy and Ryan peer through a door. Amy is wide-eyed; Ryan is shedding a tear of joy.]] / Shelley: Oh very good, Des, very good. / [[Des is clumsily but earnestly drawing letters at the table.]] / Des: I'm a good boy. I'm gonna read. / Shelley: Yes yes, you are learning now. / [[Shelley bursts happily out of the room.]] / Shelley: See Amy! All Des needed was a little encouragement. / Amy: You used his infantile idiocy against him. Well done. / [[She works one of the marionettes.]] / Giffen: Ey Shelley, gimme a squeeze of anythin' ya got that's juicy. / Shelley: How long has the chicken been in the oven now, Ryan? / Ryan: Um, I dunno. / Ryan: Eleventy-forty minutes I think. I can't... make out the numbers too good. / Shelley: I see. / [[He is wearing an apron reading "Impeach the Cook".]]
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080905
 
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Shelley: Pleaaase... please please please pleeease can I have my job back, Paula? / Paula: No, Shelley! / Paula: You took an unannounced leave of absence 9 months ago... / Shelley: Unpaid! As is only right! / [[Shelley wears a leotard and a sash reading "so long suckers"; music plays from a boombox]] / Paula: Which you announced with some kind of performance art piece / Shelley: My happy dance? It cheered up the workers! / Music: You were the wind beneath my wings / Paula: Shelley, do I have "mug" tattooed on my forehead? I heard you refer to me as "old pyramid head" on the way out. / Shelley: And that was wrong. / Shelley: Your head is more of a zigurat. A big, beautiful zigurat. / Paula: Leave - never come back
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080908
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Carrot: I'll be back, you'll see! I'll take your job, you see if I don't! I'm the North's most regional enwswoman! / Paula: God give me strength / Carrot: Who were that, mum? / Paula: Somebody else's problem from now on, Carrot love. For goodness' sake, stop staring at her. / Carrot: I'm not! Mum! / Paula: Pretty girls like that make graves for lads like you, son. / Paula: This paper's much better up without her confusing the easily led, all perfume leg and eyelashes. Stand up straight, you're making the place look untidy.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080909
Scary Go Round 20080909 Shelley: I'll be back, you'll see! I'll take your job, see if I don't! I'm the North's most regional newswoman! / Paula: God give me strength / Carrot: Who were that, Mum? / Paula: Somebody else's problem from now on, Carrot love. For goodness' sake, stop staring at her. / Carrot: I'm not! Mum! / Paula: Pretty girls like that make graves for lads like you, son. / Paula: This paper's much better off without her confusing the easily led, all perfume, leg and eyelashes. Stand up straight, you're making the place look untidy.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080909
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[The Boy and Milford are watching a rap video]] / The Boy: It's all hype! There's no way a butcher's lad from Cleckheaton can "accidentally go on holiday to South Central LA." / Milford: He bloody did. / The Boy: And returned three weeks later as the new king of hip hop? / Milford: No, right, he can. It's like boxing. He's the Great White Hope. / Milford: 'E's burning up the mix-tape scene, in't he? / The Boy: I have no idea what that means. / The Boy: Porkchop's a 20 stone white man draped in sportswear, shouting incomprehensibly. / Milford: Were you born 40? He's talkin' about where he's been. / [[Porkchop's music video shows him eating fried pork with other rappers. Song info on screen: Block The Box (Don't Block The Box) / Porkchop featuring Chamillionaire & Bernard Matthews / ENTER PORKCHOP (Interscope)]] / The Boy: He's been to McDonalds. For every meal since 1994.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080910
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Close up of a television set displaying a large white man wearing a t-shirt saying "Bernard Matthews", a green work shirt done up at the neck, green hat, green goggles, and gold chains/rings. He's pointing at himself and rapping. The dance club he's in is mostly green. Figures in the background include a black rapper wearing gold chains and a hoodie, two backup dancers in tight gold clothes, and an older white man in a white suit and red tie. Conversation from off panel.]] / The Boy: It's all hype! There's no way a butcher's lad from Clerkheaton can "accidentally go on holiday to South Central LA". / Paul Milford: He bloody did. / [[The Boy and Paul are hanging out. Paul is playing a Nintendo DS.]] / The Boy: And returned three weeks later as the new king of hip hop? / Paul Milford: No, right, he can. It's like boxing. He's the Great White Hope. / Paul Milford: 'E's burning up the mix-tape scene, in't he? / The Boy: I have no idea what that means. / The Boy: Porkchop's a 20 stone white man draped in sportswear, shouting incomprehensibly. / Paul Milford: Were you born 40? He's talkin' about where he's been. / [[Scene from a music video: a prison cafeteria, with three men in orange DOC jumpsuits eating from a container marked "PORK". A prison guard holds a rifle in the background. Music video caption reads: "Block the Box (Don't Block the Box) - Porkchop featuring Chamillionaire & Bernard Matthews - ENTER PORKCHOP (Interscope)"]] / The Boy: He's been to McDonald's. For every meal since 1994.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080910
Scary Go Round 20080911 [[In front of an "Office Supply Surplus" store. Sarah is lugging a typewriter, Esther a ream of A3 paper.]] / Esther: Sarah, I don't understand. We live in the future now. And that's a typewriter. / Sara: Come on Esther, get excited! This is our ticket to London town. / Esther: Tickets are smaller. They're oblong. You buy them at the train station. "Computers" are oblong too. / Sarah: You don't make a fanzine on the computer, Ess! You type it, then cut photos out of other, more expensive magazines. / Sarah: Then you photocopy it badly on your dad's photocopier. Your blood for ink when necessary / Esther: What are we going to call it? / Sarah: It has to have "stab", "stabbed" or "stabbing" in the title. / Esther: That's zeitgeisty. Stabbing is defo the new cutting.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080911
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison [[Sarah carries an Olivetti typewriter]] / Esther: Sarah, I don't understand. We live in the future now. And that's a typewriter. / Sarah: Come on Esther, get excited! This is our ticket to London Town. / Esther: Tickets are smaller. They're oblong. You buy them at the train station. "Computers" are oblong too. / Sarah: You don't make a fanzine on the computer, Ess! You type it, then cut photos out of other, more expensive magazines. / Sarah: Then you photocopy it badly on your dad's photocopier. Your blood for ink when necessary / Esther: What are we going to call it? / Sarah: It has to have "stab", "stabbed" or "stabbing" in the title. / Esther: That's zeitgeisty. Stabbing is defo the new cutting.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080911
Scary Go Round 20080912 Esther: How many pages is this going to be? / Sarah: Let's do an odd number of pages, with one page missing, freak people the flip out. / [[Esther on the typewriter loading paper.]] / <> / Esther: Yeah, genius. One page is in another dimension. We'll print it in the large hard-on collider / Sarah: Ha, science! She knows science! / Esther: It's The Boy! He puts these things in my brain. Science facts. / [["Olympus"]] / Esther: He lurves the hard-on collider. / <> / Sarah: Hur hur, I bet he does. We should get him to write something. / [["Olivetti"]] / Sarah: "How I can't wait to wear driving gloves and a flat cap" - "The 1950s: bad teeth, good livin'" - "Long walks and plenty of fresh air" / <> / Esther: Ooh, and your boyfriend can write something too! With his invisible hands and purely hypothetical brain.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080912
Scary Go Round :: Monday-Friday Comic by John Allison Esther: How many pages is this going to be? / Sarah: Let's do an odd number of pages, with one page missing, freak people the flip out. / Esther: Yeah, genius. One page is in a nother dimension. We'll print it in the large hard-on collider. / Sarah: Ha, science! She knows science! / Esther: It's The Boy! He puts these things in my brain. Science facts. / Esther: He lurves the hard-on collider. / Sarah: Hur hur, I bet he does. We should get him to write something. / Sarah: "How I can't wait to wear driving gloves and a flat cap"; "The 1950s: Bad Teeth, Good Livin'"; "Long Walks and Plenty of Fresh Air" / Esther: Ooh, and your boyfriend can write something too! With his invisible hands and purely hypothetical brain.
http://scarygoround.com/sgr/ar.php?date=20080912
 

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