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TAILIPOE! in "Bad Time Story" #49 Dingleberry: When you gave Tweedle free advice, that was almost -- almost -- / Peccadillo: -- Nice? Yes, very unlike me, I know! / Peccadillo: Call me a romantic! Even reprobates like us can earn our angel wings once in a while, eh, Dingleberry? / Dingleberry: That's beautiful! Snif! / Tweedle: No! That...
TAILIPOE! in "Bad Time Story" #50 Tweedle: Don't think I'll forget this! I'm bad when I get riled! / Security: Feed 'im some volts! / Wall: Tsk! He was always such a quiet little guy! / Armand: The real twisted ones always are! / Armand: Wouldn't you say, Hamilton, my boy? / Ham: Mm.
TAILIPOE! in "Bad Time Story" #51 Incense: Hey Sugardaddy, have you seen a little guy named Tweedle? / Armand: Yes, Incense, I have! / Armand: But don't give him another thought. He won't be coming around here again! / Incense: No? / Incense: I wonder if it was something I said?
TAILIPOE! in "Bad Time Story" #52 Ham: Well, he's not here! Thank Heaven! I can get a good night's sleep! / Ham: All the trouble that -- freaky little man stirred up! Weird! I don't even know what he's called! / Tailipoe: Tailipoe.
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #00 Title: Tailipoe in "ID"
 
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #01 Caption: Oediface is the ancestral home of the family Howlington. / Caption: Shipped from the old country piece by piece, and painstakingly reassembled in East Bleakdire, USA... Oediface has endured, with every brick intact. / Ham: Aooga! Aooga! / Caption: The Howlingtons, on the other hand -- Tsk ...
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #02 Ham: Don't bother talking to me! I've shut my ears and I'm ignoring you! La dee lela deedum lum laluh le la lee duh di lum la lee la la dee / Ham: La le doodle loodee da da dee da -- whoa! / Tailipoe: GrScreecha! / Ham: Mad because you cant scare me? / Tailipoe: No, in pain because you're a terrible...
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #03 Ham: How do you do it? How do you slip in unnoticed? How? How? / Tailipoe: Hey -- You don't ask Santa Claus his trade secrets! / Ham: That's a good point. / Dingleberry: Is he talking to someone? / Peccadillo: I hope not! More people equals more work!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #04 Tailipoe: Just because we've had a little bonding experience, don't think you get a free pass now! / Tailipoe: I'm gonna do what I can to make your life as miserable as possible! I'm gonna rattle your world! I'm gonna -- / Tailipoe: Ow!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #05 Tailipoe: Yee-eeowch! / Ham: Are - Are you all right? / Tailipoe: I think I broke a bone! / Ham: Oh no! / Ham: You broke a bone? / Tailipoe: The spine is a bone, right?
 
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #06 Caption: Elsewhere: / Neckless: The time has come! The planets are in alignment... The stars are in alignment... / Neckless: And the Chimera... / Ham: How's your back? / Tailipoe: Way the @#!!*!## out of alignment!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #07 Ham: We have to get you to a doctor! / Tailipoe: Hmm! There's a little problem with that idea, sport! / Tailipoe: The rules say no one gets to lay eyes on me except you! / Ham: "Rules?" What "rules?" There are no "rules!" / Tailipoe: You kidding? Without the rule book, I mighta really got hurt!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #08 Tailipoe: There are rules I must obey! It's all spelled out here in "The Tome Of Tailipoe!" / Ham: It looks old! / Tailipoe: Hah! You want to see old? / Tailipoe: The computer version comes on a set of these 5" floppy disks! / Ham: Wow! Ancient!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #09 Ham: So you can't show yourself to any other human being except for me? / Tailipoe: That's right! So it is written! / Ham: Wow! That's some strict rule! And even I don't see you 99.9% of the time! / Tailipoe: Oh -- Well... / Tailipoe: That's mainly 'cause I'm just not that crazy about you!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #10 Tailipoe: There is a little workaround! I can let people see me, if I wear the guise of another! / Ham: Disguise? You good at that? / Tailipoe: You kidding? Dig: "I believe I'll check the TV to make sure the V-chip is working! Then, later, maybe a little scrapbooking!" / Ham: What kind of idiotic character...
 
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #11 Ham: Wow, your hair color matches mine! Did you dye it? / Tailipoe: No, washed it! / Ham: You seem a little more, shall we say, portly! / Tailipoe: Undid the buckles! / Ham: How do you get your ears to be less pointy? / Tailipoe: Just relax and let my blood pressure fall below its usual 460 over 300!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #12 Tailipoe: Get it? I dress up in some of your rags and then a doctor can check me out! / Ham: Uh -- I guess that's okay! / Ham: The face -- The disguise -- How do you manage it? / Tailipoe: A lot of it is attitude and visualization! / Ham: So, to look like me, you just visualize my face? / Tailipoe: Actually,...
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #13 Tailipoe: You'll need to stay out of sight if we hope to pull this off! / Ham: Yeah, yeah -- / Ham: Whatever we're going to do, we'd better get it underway before somebody wonders what's going on!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #14 Ham: By the way, we've been so wrapped up in this disguise business, I almost forgot -- How's your back feeling? / Tailipoe: Oh yeah! / Tailipoe: AAAAARR!!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #15 Peccadillo: I'm sure this isn't in my job description! / Tailipoe: #@*!X!!#@ / Armand: Good heavens! Are you in pain?! / Peccadillo: Nothing too severe! Just a touch of the old tennis elbow! Flares up when I'm asked to do duties not in my -- / Tailipoe: He means me!
 
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #16 Armand: No hospital! Thee's a small clinic in Cheesburg! I like to keep things under the radar! / Armand: Let me speak to Dr. Malady! / Neckless (on telephone): Doctor Malady is out of the country! / Neckless: This is his associate -- Madame Neckl -- er -- Doctor Neckless!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #17 Neckless: No fear, Mr. Howlington! I am on my way to end the patient's discomfort! / Armand (on phone): Thank you, Doctor! / Armand: The doctor's coming! Where is your mother? / Incense: I think she's with company! / Malady: -- strangest thing, Diva! A bizarre woman paid me a princely sum to purchase...
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #18 Incense: Say -- Aren't you a doctor? / Malady: Yes, I'm Dr. Malady! And you must be little Incense! / Incense: And... Why are you here? / Malady" Why, your mother and I belong to the same gardening club! We were just -- / Incense: Don't just sit there with your stethescope hanging out! Come on!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #19 Armand: What amazing luck you happened to be visiting! I thought you were out of the country! / Malady: Me? Skoff! I've hardly ever been out of Cheesburgh! / Armand: I've already told your associate about Hamilton's mishap! / Malady: -- "Associate?"
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #20 Ham: That's strange -- A few pages of the tome are missing! / Peccadillo (offstage): Well, let's get this over with! / Ham: Whoops! Somebody's coming in! These blankets will make a good hiding place! / Peccadillo: Bad enough that we're butlers and body carriers -- now we're bed fixers yet!
 
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #21 Ham: Oh great! They're here to do the repairs! If they find me, there goes the masquerade! I'll crawl back under here! / Peccadillo: You start on the damage! I'll look around to see if there's anything else worth -- um -- also fixing! / Dingleberry: Say -- I heard something moving! / Peccadillo: Probably...
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #22 Ham: I'd better scootch in under these blankets before I'm spotted! / Peccadillo (offstage): Noise, eh? / Peccadillo: If it's mice, I keep some rat poison downstairs next to the tea! / Dingleberry: I don't think we'll be needing that, nope!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #23 Peccadillo: Didn't you say you heard a mouse? / Dingleberry: I thought I had! But there's nothing there! Nope! / Peccadillo: Well, it probably just scurried away into its hole, or through a crack! / Dingleberry: Slippery! Yup! / Ham: ?? How did under here get so roomy???
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #24 Malady: So, this must be our little patient! You're lucky I happened to be here! In pain, are we? / Malady: How does this feel? / Tailipoe: I'd say kinda like this!
TAILIPOE! in "ID" #25 Armand: Somehow I'd always hoped that Hamilton would take the reins of my vast iodized salt empire! / Armand: But he grew up so emotionally delicate and fragile! And now this! / Tailipoe (offstage): Cold #@*X#! #%@!!# hands! / Armand: eh?
 

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