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| Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - LITJ 61 | Jesus: This is really hard for me to say, but you forced me to. It's about US. / Jesus: Stop telling people that we're friends. Yeah, I forgave your sins and all, but we are NOT buddies. We don't even talk anymore. Not really. / Jesus: It's like you don't even listen to me anymore. I say 'love... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=61 |
| An Explanation - LITJ 62 | [[Text on a blank background.]]
/ Text: An Explanation / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus:It has come to my attention that some of you do not understand what this comic is all about. Some of you need 'continuity' and 'plot'. / Jesus: We are beyond your petty Western constructs of logic and coherency! What... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=62 |
| Not A Requirement - LITJ 63 | [[Jesus and Heather talking.]]
/ Heather: So, let me get this straight.
/ Jesus: Sure. / Heather: The Outer Gods really do exist. Azathoth is a black hole at the center of the universe. The Blind Idiot God knows all, sees all. / Heather: Every U.S. president since Taft, except for Regan, has been... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=63 |
| That Was Not A Deer - LITJ 64 | [[The side of a modern train engine.]]
/ Text: That was not a deer. Hitting a deer doesn't sound like that. / [[The side of a modern train engine.]]
/ Text:It doesn't go "Thump whap ding chunk chunk chunk dong dong...Thunk ding thump...whap whap dear Jesus God I'm dying fuck... / [[The side of a modern... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=64 |
| How It's Supposed To Work - LITJ 65 | [[Jesus and Nixon talk.]]
/ Jesus: Yes, that IS how it's supposed to work.
/ Nixon: No, it's not. / Jesus: I am holding a loaf of WonderBread. This is so that, in the event that you try to give me some bread, I will already have some. I don't NEED your fucking bread. / Jesus: After all, the Good... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=65 |
| I Can Explain That - LITJ 66 | [[Jesus listening to an iPod, done in the style of Apple's iPod commercials.]] / [[Jesus and Heather talking to each other.]]
/ Heather: Hey! When did YOU gt an iPod?
/ Jesus: Got it for My birthday. / Heather: Whatcha listening to?
/ Jesus: Uhh...The Misfits? Dead Kennedys?
/ Heather: Lemme see... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=66 |
| Trapped - LITJ 67 | [[Jesus, very close close-up and blurry.]]
/ Jesus: Trapped in the Matrix! / [[Jesus, with a 9mm Glock.]]
/ Jesus: Operator, I'm gonna need guns. Lots and lots of guns. / [[Jesus, very close and blurry, moreso than before.]]
/ Jesus: I am the ONE. Nobody fucks with my meth stash. / [[Jesus staring... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=67 |
| Your Logic Is Flawless - LITJ 68 | Jesus: YOU. The Oracle!
/ Heather: What the hell are you talking about? / Jesus: This morning I was smoking meth and I saw how we could defeat the machines and take back the Matrix. I must have your advice. I must partake of your wisdom.
/ Heather: Lay it on me. / Jesus: First, you give me all... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=68 |
| Equally Possible - LITJ 69 | [[Jesus in front of Van Gogh's "Wheat Field" as the background.]]
/ Jesus: Where the hell am I? / [[Jesus looks around.]] / Jesus: Either I am COMPLETELY wasted...or I'm in a Van Gogh painting. / [[Nixon appears at the lower right corner.]]
/ Jesus: Either solution is equally possible. I could also... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=69 |
| That Was Then - LITJ 70 | [[Robitussin stands behind Heather.]]
/ Robitussin: Hey...
/ Heather: Get thee behind me. / Robitussin: Don't ignore me.
/ Heather: I'm not your buddy anymore.
/ Robitussin: Really?
/ Heather: Um...
/ Robitussin: All the good times we've had... / Heather: What about all the jail time? I drank six... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=70 |
| It's Not Cheating - LITJ 71 | [[Robitussin stands behind Heather.]]
/ Robitussin: Come back to the Club.
/ Heather: But...
/ Robitussin: We need our Prophet. / Heather: It's not that simple....There's...someone else. / [[In the distance behind Robitussin, Jesus can be seen looking for Robitussin, armed with a Glock.]] / [[Robitussin... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=71 |
| No Offense - LITJ 72 | [[Jesus brandishes a sniper rifle.]]
/ Jesus: I will bring pon you the blood vengeance of my wraith and jealous anger. Ezekiel 16:38 For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
/ Heather: No! / [[Robitussin, as seen through the scope of a sniper rifle.]]
/ Jesus: He tasks me. He tasks me and... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=72 |
| The New Robitussin Club - LITJ 73 | [[Robitussin stands alone, talking to itself.]]
/ Robitussin: I am hunted. If Robitussin Club is to survive, we must evolve. Survival of the fittest. / Robitussin: We must become better. Stronger. Faster. And we're gonna need a lot of guns. / Robitussin: But how? / [[Robitussin talks to Heather,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=73 |
| China Won't Protect You - LITJ 74 | [[Robitussin, wearing his Russian military hat, talks to Heather.]]
/ Robitussin: Capitalist production, therefore, develops technology, and the combining together of various processes into a social whore, only by sapping the original sources of all wealth - the soil and the labourer. It's simple.
/ Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=74 |
| The Hunted - LITJ 75 | [[Robitussin in the foreground, a factory-filled city behind it.]]
/ Text: In the heart of the city, he wals alone. / [[Robitussin in the desert.]]
/ Text: He hides in the cracks in between civilizations. In the wastelands. / [[Heather.]]
/ Text: He has left a trail of victims, wretched and destroyed.
/ Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=75 |
| In The Wastelands - LITJ 76 | [[The desert. All dialog in in word balloons.]]
/ Text: In the wastelands...
/ Robitussin: What am I gonna do? / Robitussin: Jesus is trying to kill me. I have pissed off the Savior of Mankind so bad that he is hunting me with a 9mm pistol. / Jesus: Hunting in the wrong word. A better word would... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=76 |
| Almighty Spanking - LITJ 77 | [[Jesus and Robitussin face off.]]
/ God: All right, that's enough.
/ Jesus: Holy shit, it's Dad! / God: What seems to be the problem?
/ Jesus: He's trying to steal my worshippers!
/ Robitussin: That's a lie! I'm just trying to suppress their coughs!
/ Jesus: Bitch!
/ Robitussin: Whore! / God: QUIET! / God:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=77 |
| Greatest of These is Love - LITJ 78 | [[Jesus and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Jesus: Let me be the first to propose a truce.
/ Robitussin: I'm listening. / Jesus: "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34. I love you, Robitussin, as I love all the dissociative psychedelics. Like ketamine and PCP. / Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=78 |
| Plural Donkeys - LITJ 79 | [[Jesus far in the background, Heather in the foreground.]]
/ Jesus: shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
/ Heather: Jesus? You all right? / [[Jesus faces Heather.]]
/ Jesus: It's the fucking donkeys! Donkii. Is that the word for plural donkeys?
/ Heather: No.
/ Jesus: Bitch betta have my money. / Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=79 |
| For Real - LITJ 80 | [[Robitussin and Heather talk.]]
/ Heather: So...He knows about us?
/ Robitussin: Yeah.
/ Heather: And He's ok with it? / Robitussin: Not really. I'm not allowed to let anybody worship me anymore. I'm only allowed to suppress coughs. / Heather: For real?
/ Robitussin: For real. / [[Heather and... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=80 |
| Wicked Sick - LITJ 81 | [[Heather is wasted on Robitussin, talking to Jesus.]]
/ Heather: No, really. I'm fucking wicked sick.
/ Jesus: Hey. Listen. / Jesus: All I said was that you couldn't worship Robitussin. You don't have to sorship him to get high on him. His power does not come from God, it comes from _you_. / Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=81 |
| Toys In The Attic - LITJ 82 | [[A child plays with toys.]] / [[Two men, sitting in a tank.]]
/ Frank: Those toys made in China?
/ Captain: Nope. The United States. / [[The same child plays with toys.]] / [[Two men, sitting in a tank.]]
/ Frank: Goddamn Communist.
/ Captain: Terrorist, Frank. We kill terrorists, now.
/ Frank:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=82 |
| Start Pouring - LITJ 83 | [[Jesus and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Robitussin: Jesus! You've got to help me! / Jesus: What seems to be the problem?
/ Robitussin: Heather won't leave me alone. She has a gun. She's not afraid to use it. / Jesus: What does she want?
/ Robitussin: What the fuck do you think she wants? She wants to... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=83 |
| It's Not A Problem - LITJ 84 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: What are you saying?
/ Jesus: I think you know what I'm saying. / Jesus: You have a problem.
/ Heather: With what?
/ Jesus: You know what.
/ Heather: But... / Heather: I don't have a problem.
/ Jesus: I can't hear you.
/ Heather: I don't have a problem.
/ Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=84 |
| Robitussin and Heatherette - LITJ 85 | [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Heather: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Robitussin is the sun.
/ Robitussin: These violent delights have violent ends. / Heather: I know not how to tell thee who I am. My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it's... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=85 |
| That's The Situation - LITJ 86 | [[A girl and a boy pose together. They are only seen from the shoulders down.]]
/ Text: That's the situation, bitch. / Text: You cook, you clean. I work to support us. / Text: You're supposed to do what I tell you to do. / Text: So stop packing that suitcase. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=86 |
| The Kings of Utah, Part One - LITJ 87 | [[A long distance view of a nuclear blast.]]
/ Text: 2160 AD. The apocalypse. / [[The desert.]]
/ Text: North America is a wasteland. / [[An old map of the U.S.A.]]
/ Text: Split into dozens of city-states, the U.S. is now fractures. It is here that *they* rule. / [[The silhouettes of two men.]]
/ Text:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=87 |
| Lots of Cash - LITJ 88 | [[The radio transmission continues.]]
/ Radio: The Kings of Utah are missing! Today, Steve from the Ministry of Information reports that the Kings went missing sometime around last Tuesday. / Radio: They could be anywhere in Missouri or Illinois. Maybe in Vegas. Or Atlantic City. They like to gamble. / [[A... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=88 |
| That's Not An ATM - LITJ 89 | [[Steve One, one of the Kings of Utah, talks to Steve Two, the other King of Utah, off panel.]]
/ Steve One: Hey Steve...that was somebody from Harrah's on the phone. We gotta go. NOW. / Steve Two: Just one second.
/ Steve One: What are you doing?!? We don't have time for this! / Steve Two: I'm... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=89 |
| Previously - LITJ 90 | Text: Previously on Leave It To Jesus / [[The Kings of Utah pointing their guns.]]
/ Text: The Kings of Utah robbed a gas station in the Nevada desert. Running from a mob hit, they go underground, losing contact with the Mormon Hegemony. / [[The Mormon Hegemony HQ.]]
/ Text: Aliens have landed in... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=90 |
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