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| Ice Cream and the Infinite Beyond - LITJ 91 | [[Steve Two eats ice cream, while Steve One talks to him from off panel.]]
/ Steve One: Hey! Is that...ice cream? / [[Steve One and Two talk to each other.]]
/ Steve One: Can I have some, Steve?
/ Steve Two: Depends. Do you believe in God, Steve? / Steve One: What?
/ Steve Two: 'What' ain't no God... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=91 |
| The Blackjack Rebellion - LITJ 92 | [Steve One walks alone.]]
/ Steve One: Goddamnit. I am so sick of his shit. "Do you believe in God?" What the fuck is that shit? Stupid bitch won't share his fucking ice cream. Asshole. / Steve One: I'm gonna do it. The time has come. Fuck Steve and his ice cream. It's probably made out of... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=92 |
| Down In The Park - LITJ 93 | Jesus: HEY! C'MERE! / Jesus: Look, we don't have much time. I don't know when..._he's_ coming back. / Jesus: I have nothing to do with this "Kings of Utah" shit. I'm in rehab for my addiction to Robitussin. And heroin. And hookers. / Jesus: Just letting you know. If you see the guy who writes... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=93 |
| Creamsicle - LITJ 94 | [[Steve Two eats ice cream, while Steve One talks to him from off panel.]]
/ Steve One: Steve.... Hey...Steve? Steve? / [[Steve One points a gun a Steve Two's head.]]
/ Steve One: You better give me a bite of your ice cream, Steve. Or something might...HAPPEN. / Steve One: I can pull the trigger... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=94 |
| Vengeance - LITJ 95 | [[Steve One thinks, while Jesus comes up behind him.]]
/ Steve One (thinking): L. Ron Hubbard! What do I do?
/ Jesus: HEY! TOM! / Steve One: Who the hell is Tom?
/ Jesus: Whassup, man. How's Katie?
/ Steve One: Who?
/ Jesus: Can't wait to see what kind of fucked up shit you spawned.
/ Steve One:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=95 |
| Final Verdict - LITJ 96 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: Did you do it?
/ Jesus: Hell, yes.
/ Heather: How many? / Jesus: I started off with, like, three or four dollars worth. But I got a little carried away....Stopped off and got more, at, like, six liquor stores. / [[Steve One, with a gun pointed at his head. ... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=96 |
| That's Not My Name - LITJ 97 | [[Steve Two in the foreground, Steve One far behind him, running.]]
/ Steve One: *pant *wheeze* HELP ME! Dear God... / [[Steve One and Steve Two talk.]]
/ Steve Two: Are you OK, Steve?
/ Steve One: Have you seen Jesus?
/ Steve Two: What?
/ Steve One: He's got a gun, and He won't stop calling me Tom. / [[Steve... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=97 |
| Hunter Becomes Hunted - LITJ 98 | Jesus: Psssssst. Down here. / Jesus: You've gotta help me. He's right behind me. I think I wet myself. Seriously, man, hook my up with some pants. / Jesus: You can't stop him. Nothing can stop him. 'Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down nations' Revelation 19:15. ... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=98 |
| He's Positive - LITJ 99 | [[Heather talks to Jesus, off-panel.]]
/ Heather: Come out from under the bed.
/ Jesus: No. / Heather: Don Johnson is _not_ trying to kill you.
/ Jesus: He's not trying to kill Me. He's trying to make Me into a Mormon. / Heather: Are you sure it's really Don Johnson?
/ Jesus: Yes.
/ Heather: Positive?
/ Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=99 |
| The Professional - LITJ 100 | [[Heather speaks to Robitussin, who is off panel.]]
/ Heather: So...you'll take the job? / [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Robitussin: Yes.
/ Heather: Your fee?
/ Robitussin: Ten grand, in small, unmarked bills.
/ Heather: Done. / Heather: How will you do it?
/ Robitussin: I am a professional,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=100 |
| It Makes It All Wothwhile - LITJ 101 | [[Elmo is far behind Steve Two.]]
/ Elmo: Don?
/ Steve Two: Who the fuck is Don?
/ Elmo: Hey. Don? / [[Elmo waves a gun around.]]
/ Elmo: Elmo's gonna fuckstart your head with a two-by-four! Elmo wants to play 'dress up' with your skin! / [[Elmo chases Steve Two.]]
/ Steve Two: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=101 |
| Difficulties - LITJ 102 | [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Heather: How goes the operation?
/ Robitussin: Not so well. / Robitussin: There have been...difficulties. / [[Elmo waves a pistol around.]]
/ Elmo: Elmo wants to destroy the white power structure! By any means necessary! / [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=102 |
| Packing - LITJ 103 | [[Negative Malcolm X speaks.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: The Negro revolution is controlled by foxy white liberals, by the Government itself. But the Black Revolution is controlled only by God. / [[Negative Malcolm X and Elmo speak, while Elmo brandishes a pistol.]]
/ Elmo: Negative Malcolm X, how can... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=103 |
| Body Shots - LITJ 104 | [[Negative Malcolm X and Elmo talk, while Elmo brandishes a pistol.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: Our objective is complete freedom, justice and equality by any means necessary. Education...uh...well... / Negative Malcolm X: That gun is really making me nervous.
/ Elmo: Elmo can help with that! / Elmo:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=104 |
| Guidance and Wisdom - LITJ 105 | [[Negative Malcolm X prays alone.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: Allah, I need your guidance. / Negative Malcolm X: The people here...they're...they're insane. I seek the wisdom of Your Prophet. / [[Jesus appears.]]
/ Jesus: So, what can I help you with?
/ Negative Malcolm X: HOLY SHIT! / [[Elmo appears,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=105 |
| Pun-tastic - LITJ 106 | [[Jesus runs at top speed.]]
/ Jesus: WHEEEEEEEEEE- / Jesus: -EEEEEEEEEEE- / Jesus: -EEEEEEEEE!
/ Heather: What the hell is wrong with you. / Jesus: This speed is _awesome_.
/ Heather: How pun-tastic. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=106 |
| Pun-tastic 2 - LITJ 107 | [[Jesus thinks about a crank handle, while Heather runs up to him from a distance.]]
/ Heather: * huff * / Heather: *wheeze * * huff * / Heather: DON'T YOU DARE! * huff * / Jesus: This crank is awesome.
/ Heather: You bastard. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=107 |
| Unanswered Questions - LITJ 108 | [[Negative Malcolm X walks alone.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: I've _got_ to get out of here. This place...these people...Allah help me. / [[Robitussin walks up to Negative Malcolm X.]]
/ Robitussin: Hey, man, whassup.
/ Negative Malcolm X: *JESUS CHRIST!* / [[Negative Malcolm X and Robitussin stare at... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=108 |
| No Sense At All - LITJ 109 | [[Negative Malcolm X wanders around intoxicated.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: None of this makes any goddamn sense. How the fuck am I supposed to worship cough syrup? And why shouldn't I tell Jesus? What does that even _mean_? This is some good cough syrup, my brother. / [[Negative Malcolm X comes upon... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=109 |
| The Meeting - LITJ 110 | [[Michael speaks to an AA meeting.]]
/ Michael: Hi. My name's Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
/ Meeting: Hello, Michael. / Michael: I drink because I am powerless before alcohol. I try to let God help me throughout the day, but it's so hard sometimes. Makes me want to slap God like a bitch. A dirty,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=110 |
| In The Alley - LITJ 111 | [[Negative Malcolm X speaks.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: I have been asked to apologize to some of our more...sensitive readers. / [[Heather and Jesus appear in the background.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: Our portrayal of Jesus as a hostile drug addict is for humorous purposes, and nothing more.
/ Heather: ... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=111 |
| Introduction - LITJ 112 | [[Charlie kneels. A voice speaks from off -panel.]]
/ Voice: Rise, my student. Rise, and take your place as my apprentice. / [[Charlie stands up.]]
/ Voice: What is best in life?
/ Charlie: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!
/ Voice: That is... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=112 |
| Training - LITJ 113 | [[Robitussin talks to somebody off-panel.]]
/ Robitussin: This must be done, in order to continue your training. / Robitussin: Now, the blowtorch is under the table. The trick is to do it really fast. / [[Charlie stands in front of Robitussin with a freshly burned (and smoking) 'R' branded into his... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=113 |
| Love at First Sight - LITJ 114 | [[Charlie and Heather talk.]]
/ Charlie: Hello.
/ Heather: Hey. / Heather: What's the "R" stand for?
/ Charlie: Robitussin. / [[Charlie and Heather look at each other.]]
/ Heather: I want to bear your children.
/ Charlie: Glory, glory. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=114 |
| Don't Worry About It - LITJ 115 | [[Jesus and Michael talk.]]
/ Michael: Heather's sleeping with _him_?
/ Jesus: Yeah. / Michael: Are they aware...?
/ Jesus: That they look like Darth Vader and Charles Manson?
/ Michael: Yeah. / Jesus: Sort of. / Jesus: I mean, they don't even realize that this is a comic strip.
/ Michael: Wha...What?
/ Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=115 |
| Fight the Power - LITJ 116 | [[Jesus raps.]]
/ Jesus: Bass! How low can you go? / [[Michael provides backup vocals for Jesus.]]
/ Jesus: Once again back is the incredible...The Rhyme Animal...Me!
/ Michael: Fight the power! / Jesus: You gotta fight!
/ Michael: For your right!
/ Jesus: To party! / Jesus: Illegal MP3s _rule_.
/ Michael:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=116 |
| Busted - LITJ 117 | [[God speaks.]]
/ God: Hello? / God: Is anybody there? / God: Ok, I admit it. I created David Hasselhoff on purpose. / [[Jesus pops in.]]
/ Jesus: Busted!
/ God: God, well, uh...Me damnit. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=117 |
| Genesis - LITJ 118 | [[God speaks from above.]]
/ God: Adam was a dumbass. / God: You know how the Bible says that I made Eve from one of his ribs? / God: One day, Adam asked Me where Eve came from. I spent, like, two hours explaining exactly how I created Eve, you know, as a pre-doctorate level. He kept getting confused,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=118 |
| Do Over - LITJ 119 | [[God and Jesus talk.]]
/ God: Don't lay that on _Me_, man. / God: I swear, I didn't create Boy George on purpose. It just kinda, well, _happened_. / God: *snort* / Jesus: Can't say it with a straight face, can You?
/ God: Let Me try again. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=119 |
| How Much Wood - LITJ 120 | [[Charlie stands alone.]]
/ Charlie: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck... / Charlie: ...if a woodchuck could chuck wood? / Charlie: Hell if I know. / Charlie: That's why I've got a shotgun and a wood chipper. I'll smoke that fucking woodchuck and no one will _ever_ find the body. Fucking... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=120 |
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