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| Two Dimensional - LITJ 301 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Heather: This is a comic strip?
/ Jesus: Yup.
/ Heather: So...none of this is real? / Jesus: Oh, no, it's real. It's just two dimensional. / [[Heather looks down, thinking.]] / Heather: Like Hayden Christensen?
/ Jesus: Sort of. George Lucas would never cast us as... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=301 |
| It's Hard To Tell - LITJ 302 | [[Heather talks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Off Panel: Well-
/ Heather: Don't give me that. You know exactly what the problem is. / Heather: I'm gonna close my eyes and count to ten. When I open them, I better see a cup of coffee, a danish, and an order of white toast with butter and jam. / Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=302 |
| Keep The Home-Fires Burning - LITJ 303 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: There's a police officer at the front door.
/ Heather: Yeah? / Jesus: Got any idea why? / [[Jesus and Heather stare at each other.]]
/ Heather: Uh... / [[Charlie appears far in the background.]]
/ Jesus: Does it have anything to do with the empty gas cans on the... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=303 |
| Alliteration - LITJ 304 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: Why did you set the cat on fire?
/ Heather: Well, I was trying to find a word that rhymes with "flammable". / Heather: And since "flammable" and "feline" both start with an "f"... / [[Heather and Jesus stare at each other.]] / Heather: I got nothin'.
/ Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=304 |
| Hunter-Master - LITJ 305 | [[The "Letters To Christ" logo, along with a letter.]]
/ Text: What's your favorite food? / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: Cheese. I'm crazy about cheese. In my younger days I ran a small cheese shop named "Cheeses of Nazareth". / [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: I like "Ho-Ho" brand snack cakes. They... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=305 |
| Political Comic 4 - LITJ 306 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: Did you hear about that cyclone in Myanmar? 100,000 people dead, and the government won't let anybody in to help. / Charlie: George Bush says that we've got to get permission before we help. Why? / Charlie: Did we need permission before we helped the Iraqis? How... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=306 |
| Nothing Specific - LITJ 307 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: With all these natural disasters, all those dead people...I have to ask "Why?"
/ Jesus: Three words: "God" / Jesus: "Is" / Jesus: "Pissed" / Heather: A-a-about anything _specific?_
/ Jesus: No, He's just generally angry.
/ Heather: I think I wet myself. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=307 |
| No, They Don't - LITJ 308 | [[Jesus talks to someone off-panel while the phone rings.]]
/ From Off: So, the hooker says, "How am I going to clean up all this blood?" And then-
/ Sound Effect: _Ring! Ring!_
/ Jesus: Hold on, I gotta take this. / Jesus: Hello? Yes, I'm the head of the household. / Jesus: I'm afraid I'm not... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=308 |
| A Very Small Bottle - LITJ 309 | [[The "Letters to Christ" logo.]]
/ Letter: If a movie were being made about your life, who would you want to play you? / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: I dunno. Don Dokken? Definitely not Jim Ca-cahvee-whatever. Cazeevul? Not that guy. / [[Robitussin speaks.]]
/ Robitussin: I would like a box of Coricidin... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=309 |
| Over A Year Ago - LITJ 310 | [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: My bologna has a first name...it's O-S-C-A-R / [[Jesus appears far in the background.]]
/ Heather: My bologna has a second name, it W-I-L-D-E
/ Jesus: WAIT! / [[Jesus and Heather speak.]]
/ Jesus: We already did this one.
/ Heather: What?
/ Jesus: Like, a little over... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=310 |
| Sugar Free - LITJ 311 | [[Heather speaks.]]
/ From Off: Well?
/ Heather: It depends. Do either of them contain NutraSweet? / Heather: 'Cause I'm allergic to NutraSweet. I tried Splenda, because I'm not allergic to that, but it doesn't taste right.
/ From Off: I don't- / Heather: Look. For me, it's got to be real sugar,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=311 |
| Descrimination - LITJ 312 | [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: I'd like to take a minute to talk to you guys about the indecency of anti-Christian discrimination. / Jesus: Sure, there are more followers of Christianity than of any other religion, but that doesn't mean that we're not an endangered minority! / [[God speaks to Jesus.]]
/ God:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=312 |
| Smothered In Butter - LITJ 313 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: Who am I gonna vote for? That's a good question. / Charlie: Let's just say the "she" is the best candidate for the job. / Charlie: She's got the experience, the contacts, and the ability to lead our great nation into the twenty-first century. / Charlie: And that's... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=313 |
| Her Ring Hand - LITJ 314 | [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: There I was, covered in blood, and the doctor says, "That's not a tumor, it's a-"
/ From Off: Excuse me? / Heather: Look, I'm not a medical professional, but I know my way around an emergency room, you know what I mean? / Heather: The doctor, he tells me I'm gonna need... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=314 |
| Nothing But Beef - LITJ 315 | [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Heather: Beef.
/ Robitussin: What? / Heather: Nothing. Just... / Heather: _Beef._ / Robitussin: Has the doctor upped your medication yet?
/ Heather: You're just jealous.
/ Robitussin: No. No, I'm not. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=315 |
| Grape And Triangle - LITJ 316 | [[Robitussin comes up behind Jesus.]]
/ Robitussin: Hey, Jesus?
/ Jesus: Yeah? / Robitussin: I was wondering, is Heather taking her medication?
/ Jesus: I don't know how- / [[Heather has come up far in the background.]]
/ Heather: THERE IS A GIANT INVISIBLE DONKEY HUMPING MY CEREBELLUM _AND IT TASTES... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=316 |
| Sunday He's In Love - LITJ 317 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: Sunday is my favorite day of the week. / Charlie: I wake up early and have a nice, big breakfast. Bacon, eggs, orange juice, the works. / Charlie: Then, like millions of my fellow Americans, I join together with others, and go to church. Weekly worship is an important... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=317 |
| R.I.P. Funnyman - LITJ 318 | [[A mugshot picture of George Carlin.]] / George Carlin 1937-2008
/ Rest In Peace, You Funny, Funny Motherfucker http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=318 |
| Lunch Date - LITJ 319 | [[Heather and Cthulhu.]]
/ Heather: So, oh... / [[They stand silent.]] / [[More silent standing.]] / Heather: Wanna get some lunch?
/ Cthulhu: I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL
/ Heather: I'm outta here. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=319 |
| On The Garage - LITJ 320 | [[Heather is doing something off-panel. Jesus talks to her.]]
/ Jesus: I wanted to talk to you about what's in the backyard.
/ Heather: That's just this...you know... / [[Heather turns to face Jesus.]]
/ Heather: _...thing._ / [[Heather goes back to whatever she was doing. Jesus just stares at her.]] / Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=320 |
| Gremlins - LITJ 321 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: What? / Heather: I said, "Beware! There be gremlins about!" / [[An AMC Gremlin automobile beeps hello.]]
/ Gremlin: Beep. / [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: What? http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=321 |
| Charlie Goes Wii - LITJ 322 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: Yesterday, I tried to go to the store and buy a Wii. / Charlie: See, I'm a closet video game addict. I've got to have the latest and greatest games, hardware, and peripherals. / Charlie: Only, when I got to the store, they called the police, and it turned into this... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=322 |
| Apply Directly To The Forehead - LITJ 323 | [[Robitussin speaks.]]
/ Robitussin: If I see that commercial one more time, I'm gonna shoot somebody. / Robitussin: "HeadOn - Apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn - Apply directly to the forehead!" / Robitussin: * grumble grumble* I'll give you something to apply to _your_ forehead.. / [[Charlie... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=323 |
| A Work Of Staggering Intellect - LITJ 324 | [[An intoxicated Heather talks to Jesus.]]
/ Heather: It's like...
/ Jesus: Yes? / Heather: ...uh... / [[Heather and Jesus stare at each other.]] / Heather: ...whoa.
/ Jesus: Your intellect is staggering.
/ Heather: Really?
/ Jesus: No. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=324 |
| Alderman Chocula - LITJ 325 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: Who am I going to vote for? Well, first, felons aren't allowed to vote. / Charlie: Honestly, that's pretty fucked up. Everyone should be allowed to vote. _Everyone._ / Charlie: Just because a guy gets caught stuffing a ballot box at a local election for City Council... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=325 |
| Married With Children - LITJ 326 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: I want a divorce.
/ Jesus: Um...we're not married.
/ Heather: Really? / [[A jumbo jet in flight.]] / [[Heather and Jesus stand together before a priest.]]
/ Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. / [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: _Now_ I want a divorce.... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=326 |
| Illegal Piņatas - LITJ 327 | [[Heather and Jesus speak.]]
/ Heather: I want a divorce.
/ Jesus: Why? / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: _I know._ I know all your little flings. All about your Mexican hat parties and illegal piņatas. I've hired a lawyer. / [[Elmo speaks.]]
/ Elmo: Elmo has a mail-order degree in family law. Elmo's... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=327 |
| Love And Marriage - LITJ 328 | [[Elmo speaks.]]
/ Elmo: Your Honor, Elmo would like to remind the court that marriage is one of our most sacred institutions. / Elmo: Elmo recalls the words of Joseph Barth: "Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up." / Elmo: In conclusion, Elmo would like to assert that the defendant has been... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=328 |
| The Spanish Inquisition - LITJ 329 | [[An intoxicated Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: I'm...I'm an... / Heather: _...excellent..._ / Heather: You have to understand, it's like, uh...well... / Heather: ...what was the question again?
/ From Off: Again, could you please state your name for the record?
/ Heather: I didn't expect the Spanish... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=329 |
| Electric Orange Banana - LITJ 330 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ From Off: Knock knock.
/ Charlie: Who's there? / From Off: The electric company.
/ Charlie: The electric company who? / From Off: Uh... / From Off: ...just the electric company.
/ Charlie: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
/ From Off: What? http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=330 |
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