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| More Than Me - LITJ 121 | [[Charlie and Jesus talk.]]
/ Charlie: I've got a question for you.
/ Jesus: Yeah? / Charlie: What's the whole crucifixion thing like? / Jesus: Well...it sucks. / Charlie: More than me?
/ Jesus: Way more. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=121 |
| We Better Leave - LITJ 122 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: Did you talk to the waitress?
/ Heather: Yeah. / [[A wisp of smoke appears.]]
/ Heather: I told her that we were quite unhappy with our service. / [[The smoke increases.]]
/ Jesus: Do I smell smoke? / [[Even more smoke.]]
/ Jesus: Did you set the waitress on fire?... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=122 |
| It's A Hobby - LITJ 123 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: If you could wish for _anything_, what would it be? / Jesus: That's a tough one. Probably a fifty gallon drum of napalm and a dildo. / Heather: Wow. / Jesus: Don't look at me like that! A savior's gotta have hobbies.
/ Heather: I think I wet myself. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=123 |
| We Need Cheese For This - LITJ 124 | [[A wasted Heather talks to Charlie.]]
/ Heather: Dude.
/ Charlie: Yeah? / Heather: _Dude._
/ Charlie: What?! / Heather: Dude... / Heather: We need some _cheese._
/ Charlie: Fucking stoner. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=124 |
| It Doesn't Make You Sound Cool - LITJ 125 | [[An intoxicated Heather talks to Charlie.]]
/ Heather: Dude, I am totally _wasted_...like, dude.
/ Charlie: Goddamnit... / Charlie: Do you thing using "dude" every other word makes you sound cool? 'Cause it doesn't. For _real_. / Charlie: It makes you sound like a fucking dumbass.
/ Heather: Really?
/ Charlie:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=125 |
| Call The Lawyer - LITJ 126 | [[An intoxicated Heather talks to Jesus.]]
/ Heather: This party is fucking _awesome_, man.
/ Jesus: Listen... / Jesus: Now, I don't know who called the cops. However...trying to stab the cop with an unopened box of Gordon's fish sticks wasn't really a solution. / Jesus: Got anything to say for... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=126 |
| Points For Style - LITJ 127 | [[Charlie and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: How are things looking for Heather? / Charlie: Not so good. / Charlie: The lawyer says that the only thing going for us is that being a dumbfuck isn't illegal. / Jesus: Well, thank Me for small favors.
/ Charlie: No shit.
/ Jesus: I would've gotten a life sentence... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=127 |
| Brainstorming - LITJ 128 | [[Heather and Jesus talks.]]
/ Heather: Gerbils. Thousands of them. / Heather: And I'll need at least three Catholic priests. Oh, and an acetylene torch. / Jesus: What? / Heather: Just brainstorming. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=128 |
| Only Different - LITJ 129 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: Go on.
/ Heather: Basically... / Heather: ...it's pretty much the same, only, you know... / Heather: ...only...
/ Jesus: Different?
/ Heather: Yeah. / Jesus: Your argument for Ronald McDonald being a Jewish Rastafarian isn't very sound.
/ Heather: You think... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=129 |
| The Dozens - LITJ 130 | [[Charlie and Heather talk.]]
/ Charlie: Yo mama's so fat, her favorite blouse is a tent. / Charlie: Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "picture continued on other side". / Heather: Yo mama's so fat I had to stab her sixteen times with an icepick before she died. / Charlie: That isn't...ketchup?
/ Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=130 |
| The Hard Way - LITJ 131 | [[Charlie and Heather talk.]]
/ Charlie: You...you killed my _Mom_!
/ Heather: Yes. No. / Heather: _Maybe_. / Heather: It's not really murder, it's more like...uhhh... / Heather: ..."making fertilizer the hard way".
/ Charlie: You're a monster!
/ Heather: Only when I run out of dope. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=131 |
| Elder Ones On A Plane - LITJ 132 | [[Cthulhu grips an airplane in His mouth tentacles. The plane thinks...]]
/ Airplane: Holy shit! / [[The airplane struggles in Cthulhu's grip.]]
/ Airplane: We got motherfucking Cthulhu on this motherfucking plane! / [[The airplane escapes, thinking...]]
/ Airplane: Away! / [[Cthulhu thinks while... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=132 |
| Father Figure - LITJ 133 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: And then he wrote what?
/ Heather: Get this: "we got fucking Cthulhu on this fucking plane". / Jesus: Oh, no he didn't.
/ Heather: Oh yes he _did_, girlfriend. / [[Jesus and Heather stare at each other.]] / Jesus: If you call me 'girlfriend' ever again I'll... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=133 |
| Multidimensional Self Reference - LITJ 134 | [[Jesus talks to God.]]
/ God: So, hey, tell him that the comic does too much 'fourth wall' humor.
/ Jesus: Come again? / God: Too much self-referential humor. It's losing its charm. It wasn't that funny to begin with.
/ Jesus: Who do you want me to tell this to? / God: You know...the guy who writes... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=134 |
| I Ordered This With Ketchup - LITJ 135 | [[Heather stands in front of an explosion with an airplane flying over the explosion.]]
/ Heather: Jesus wants His nose back.
/ Text: Batshit motherfucking insane - It's not insanity if it doesn't come with ketchup. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=135 |
| Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - LITJ 136 | [[Charlie and Heather talk.]]
/ Charlie: Are you...seeing somebody else? / Heather: Baby, you _know_ I love you... / Heather: He's just so hard to resist. I can't help myself... / Charlie: It's hard to compete with the Savior of Mankind.
/ Heather: If it makes you feel any better, He's hung like... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=136 |
| Revelations - LITJ 137 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: You told him _what?_
/ Heather: That we had been...you know..._together._ / [[Charlie comes up behind Jesus.]]
/ Jesus: Don't think for a _second_ that this makes you my girlfriend.
/ Charlie: Hey! Jesus! / [[Charlie and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: You...you stay away... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=137 |
| The Feeling Is Mutual - LITJ 138 | [[Heather cries alone.]]
/ Heather: _*sob*_ Charlie left me! _*sob*_ / Heather: I told him, Jesus is, like, God and stuff, and it's pretty hard to say 'no' to the Creator of Heaven and Earth. He called me a whore, and I was like, well, duh! / Heather: Who am I going to turn to now? / [[Heather... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=138 |
| Explanations and Exposition - LITJ 139 | [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Heather: I'm not sure I understand.
/ Robitussin: I'll explain it one more time. / Robitussin: First, we kidnap Gary Coleman, forcing him into a 1973 Chrysler Newport at gunpoint. We will paint him white and try to get him to have sex with the corpse of Dana Plato.... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=139 |
| A Few Good...Things - LITJ 140 | [[Heather and Robitussin talk.]]
/ Heather: I want you to tell me the truth.
/ Robitussin: The truth? / Robitussin: You want the truth?!? You can't handle the truth. / [[Heather and Robitussin stare at each other.]] / [[Heather leaves.]]
/ Heather: If you're not going to take this seriously, I'm... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=140 |
| Loving You Is Easy - LITJ 141 | [[Charlie talks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Charlie: Hey, baby? Is that you? It's three o'clock in the morning... / [[The muzzle of a pistol comes into view.]]
/ Charlie: Baby, now, don't you do nothing rash.... You know I love you, right, baby? / Charlie: Right? / [[Heather comes into view, pointing... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=141 |
| Be My Sexual Chocolate - LITJ 142 | [[A very intoxicated Heather talks to Robitussin.]]
/ Robitussin: Where have you been? I waited up for you _all night_. / Heather: Uh...umm...yeah. / Robitussin: That's not an answer. / Heather: Hook the electrodes up to my nipples, Raoul..._be my sexual chocolate_.
/ Robitussin: That's not really... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=142 |
| He Wants A Pony - LITJ 143 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: You wanna know what I think about gay marriage? / Charlie: I think that marriage should be illegal, and that we should set people who speak Portuguese on fire. I don't care if you're gay or straight, as long as I get to dump napalm on you. / Charlie: I also think that... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=143 |
| Stay The Course - LITJ 144 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: People aske me what I think about the Iraq war. If I think that _they've_ gone too far. / Charlie: I don't think we've gone _far enough_. We need to _stay the course_. / Charlie: I think we should invade Ohio next. And Utah. Maybe even Pennsylvania. / Charlie:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=144 |
| Breaking Up Is Hard To Do 2 - LITJ 145 | [[Robitussin and Heather talk.]]
/ Robitussin: Are you...seeing somebody else? / Heather: Baby, you _know_ I love you... / Heather: He's just so hard to resist. I can't help myself... / Robitussin: It's hard to compete with a psychotic drug addict.
/ Heather: If it makes you feel any better, he's... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=145 |
| Eye Of The Beholder - LITJ 146 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: What are your thoughts on censorship? / Jesus: Oh, I'm definitely for it. / Jesus: All of man's true works of literature should be the only books allowed in the libraries of our schools. / Heather: I don't think most people would find Korean scat/bestiality... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=146 |
| A Better Place - LITJ 147 | [[A letter, addressed to Jesus.]]
/ Letter: Dear Jesus, the devil lives in my forehead so it's all red and puffy anyway, so is it me or am I made out of blood and stars? / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: Nope: Can't figure out what the hell he's talking about. Wanna take this one, Robitussin? / [[Robitussin... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=147 |
| Hunter S. Thompson - LITJ 148 | [[A letter to Jesus, along with the words "Letters to Christ".]]
/ Letter: Dear Jesus, If you could make anybody President, who would it be? / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: Oh, that's easy. Hunter S. Thompson. I'll wait while you check Google. / Jesus: * doobie doobie doo * / Jesus: Wouldn't that... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=148 |
| Bat Country - LITJ 149 | [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: Careful. / Jesus: This is *Bat Country!* / [[Heather comes up behind Jesus, looking downward.]] / [[Heather stares at Jesus.]]
/ Jesus: Shhh! I'm trying to hear time melt.
/ Heather: Where are your pants?
/ Jesus: They have become one with the Void. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=149 |
| The Greater Evil - LITJ 150 | [[Heather and Jesus speak.]]
/ Jesus: So...who are you voting for today? / Heather: Same guy I vote for every year. / Heather: I write in 'Cthulhu' for just about every election. If it's a 'yes' or 'no' thing, I vote for the one that will piss the most people off. / Heather: I mean, why vote for... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=150 |
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