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| Independent - LITJ 151 | [[Heather and Jesus speak.]]
/ Jesus: Did your guy win the election?
/ Heather: No. / Heather: If Cthulhu had won, the streets would run red with blood. Voices would raise in unison, wailing in pain and sorrow. There would be weeping and gnashing of teeth. / Heather: Mankind's capacity for sanity... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=151 |
| Never Gets Old - LITJ 152 | [[God and Jesus talk.]]
/ God: Are you ready?
/ Jesus: You know it. / [[Negative Malcolm X pops into existance.]]
/ God: Here you go... / Negative Malcolm X: What the hell? Where am I? / Negative Malcolm X: JESUS CHRIST!
/ God: Never gets old...
/ Jesus: It's good to be the King of Kings. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=152 |
| There Are Limits - LITJ 153 | [[God and Jesus talk.]]
/ Jesus: Hey, Dad?
/ God: Yes, Son? / Jesus: Do you really love _everybody_? / God: Mostly, yeah. / Jesus: Even Pat Robertson?
/ God: I said _mostly_...
/ Jesus: How about Donald Rumsfeld?
/ God: Don't fucking push me. http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=153 |
| Game Over - LITJ 154 | [[God and Robitussin talk.]]
/ God: Hey, Robitussin?
/ Robitussin: Yes, God? / God: Could you give a message to Charlie for me?
/ Robitussin: Uh...sure. / God: Tell him that he needs to chill out with the midgets. Eventually, somebody is gonna catch on, and then it's game over. Also, tell him he's... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=154 |
| Confusion Is How We Roll - LITJ 155 | [[Robitussin runs around behind Heather.]]
/ Robitussin: AAAAAAAAGH! HELP ME! / Robitussin: YOU GOTTA HELP ME! CHARLIE IS GONNA SHOOT ME IN THE FACE BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO HIDE SOME MIDGETS! GOD TOLD ME SO! / [[Heather turns to speak to Jesus.]]
/ Heather: You know anything about this?
/ Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=155 |
| Something Furry - LITJ 156 | [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: Where the hell did you find _that_? / [[Heather and Jesus stare at something on the floor.]]
/ Heather: It was in my living room this morning.
/ Jesus: Got any idea what it is?
/ Heather: Not a clue. / [[A strange, frog-like thing lies on the floor.]]
/ Jesus: I think it's... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=156 |
| Fire Song - LITJ 157 | [[Heather sings.]]
/ Heather: I don't care if Monday's blue. / Heather: Tuesday's grey, and Wednesday too. Thursday I don't care about you. / Heather: It's Friday...I'm on fire. / [[Jesus appears in the distant background.]]
/ Jesus: THAT'S NOT HOW THE SONG GOES!
/ Heather: But it's true! http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=157 |
| Floorbound Worship - LITJ 158 | [[Heather talks to something on the floor.]]
/ Heather: What's that, Tsathoggua? / [[Jesus comes up behind Heather while she talks.]]
/ Heather: We can't kill everybody just yet. The stars are not yet aligned. Uh, and Vinnie says it's gonna take him a couple of days to get those sniper rifles. It'll... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=158 |
| He's Not Laughing - LITJ 159 | [[God speaks to Heather.]]
/ God: Hello, Heather.
/ Heather: Uh, hello, God. / God: We don't talk very often, do We?
/ Heather: No, sir, You don't. / God: So, listen. I, uh, love you. Heh heh heh. For real. *snort* No, really. / Heather: Are you laughing at me, Lord?
/ God: No.
/ Jesus: CAN'T... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=159 |
| He Doesn't Know - LITJ 160 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: Listen...I'm only gonna say this once. / Jesus: Stop worshipping Tsathoggua. Yes, he's a "god", but he's furry _and_ a toad. Amphibians ain't supposed to have fur, man. Trust me. I invented 'em. / Jesus: If you won't stop, I'll have to kick his ass. For real.... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=160 |
| The Christmas Question - LITJ 161 | [[Black text on white background.]]
/ Text: If you could have anything for Christmas, what would it be? / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: Oooo! That's a good one! / Heather: Um, how about this: Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, a pound of MDMA, and _at least_ fifteen gallons of Butter Flavored Crisco (R).... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=161 |
| It Might Have Lips - LITJ 162 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: This Christmas party is _off the hook_!
/ Heather: I know! / Heather: I haven't had this much fun since we hijacked that Jack Daniels truck with that sausage covered in duct tape! / Jesus: Tell me about it! I just hope that everybody's having as much fun as I... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=162 |
| Tidings of Great Joy - LITJ 163 | [[Heather and Jesus sing Christmas carols, while Elmo screams at them.]]
/ Heather and Jesus: Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way!
/ Elmo: FUCK YOU! / Heather and Jesus: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, hey!
/ Elmo: YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES! / Heather: Sounds like somebody... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=163 |
| Some Just Might - LITJ 164 | [[Heather and Jesus talk, while a donkey sneaks up behind them.]]
/ Heather: Hey! How was your Christmas?
/ Jesus: I'm still recovering. / Jesus: There's this little horse that's been hanging out in the kitchen since this morning.
/ Twinkles: I AM NOT A HORSE! / Twinkles: I am a donkey, and my name... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=164 |
| God Don't Play Like That - LITJ 165 | [[Jesus speaks to God.]]
/ Jesus: Dad?
/ God: Yes, Son? / [[Twinkles appears far in the background.]]
/ Jesus: So, I found this little horse in my kitchen this morning...
/ Twinkles: I'M NOT A GODDAMN HORSE! / God: Ah, I take it you've met Twinkles.
/ Jesus: Yeah. Any particular reason why you're... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=165 |
| I Have Issues - LITJ 166 | [[A person looking suspiciously like Dr. Doom with a large "M" on his chest stands in the foreground, while bad '70's porn music plays. Heather speaks from off-panel.]]
/ Caption: Who's the man with the villainous plan? Doctor Mood!
/ Music: bow chicka waw waw
/ Heather: No! Stop! / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=166 |
| He's Unemployed - LITJ 167 | [[Text appears in the middle of the panel, with Dr. Mood very small below it.]]
/ Text: In the last comic, we introduced a strange character named "Doctor Mood", who looked suspiciously like Marvel Comic's "Doctor Doom" with a big "M" on his chest.
/ Dr. Mood: Mood is not amused! / Text: On advice... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=167 |
| The Google-Fu Of The Lord - LITJ 168 | [[Jesus uses His computer.]]
/ SFX: * tap click click * / [[A Google search window, showing no results for the search terms "midget clown fisting porn +sailboat +Velveeta".]] / Jesus: What's happened to my Google-fu? Where, oh where have my mad skillz gone? Where, oh where can they be? / [[Twinkles... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=168 |
| Head And Shoulders And Arm And Hammer - LITJ 169 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: Just...why? Why do you do these things?
/ Heather: Well-
/ Jesus: Why? / Heather: Look, I was trying to help Charlie out. He has dandruff and his head itches. I was helping him itch his head. / Jesus: By hitting him with a hammer?
/ Heather: I bet his head... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=169 |
| A Better Story - LITJ 170 | [[Heather and Robitussin talk. They're both looking at something on the floor.]]
/ Robitussin: Is that...?
/ Heather: Um, yeah.
/ Robitussin: Should I ask "how", or should I ask "why"? / Heather: Well, "why" is pretty interesting, but "how" is a better story.
/ Robitussin: Ok, I'll bite. How did..._this_...happen? / Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=170 |
| A Terminal Case - LITJ 171 | [[Heather looks at something on the floor. Nixon runs towards him.]]
/ Heather: Aw, man...this is gonna take _forever_ to clean up.
/ Nixon: HOLY SHIT! / Nixon: Did you kill all these people? I bet you killed all these people. I knew it would come to this someday, I _knew it!_ I told Jerry, I told... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=171 |
| The Right Treatment - LITJ 172 | Caption: A Public Service Announcement from the cast of _Leave It To Jesus_ / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: Dandruff, also known as _pityriasis capitis_, is a symptom of many different diseases and infections, including seborrhoeic dermatitis and psoriasis. / Heather: Appropriate treatment for dandruff... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=172 |
| Take Two - LITJ 173 | Caption: A Public Service Announcement from the cast of _Leave It To Jesus_ / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: In the past, people have taken some of the things that I have said to mean that I advocate eating dandruff shampoo. / Heather: I have been told that you cannot cure dandruff by eating zinc... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=173 |
| Dog And Pony Show - LITJ 174 | [[God and Jesus talk.]]
/ God: What did he do next?
/ Jesus: _Dude_...get this...the little freak drinks 13 bottles of shampoo. / [[Heather stumbles upon them.]]
/ God: That's _seriously_ fucked up.
/ Jesus: Tell me about it.
/ God: How's Charlie?
/ Jesus: We had to pump his stomach, but he's all right... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=174 |
| Out For Drinks - LITJ 175 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Heather: But...but...that's not fair!
/ Jesus: Yeah. So?
/ Heather: That's not right!
/ Jesus: What the hell are you going to do about it? / [[Heather pulls out a pistol.]]
/ Heather: I've, uh, got this gun...
/ Jesus: Oh, really. Tell me, talking monkey: what are you... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=175 |
| Age Ain't Nothing But A Number - LITJ 176 | [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: I got arrested this morning. Again. / Heather: This random _guy_ tried to snatch a Tootsie Pop _right out of my mouth_. Freaking _jackass_. / Heather: I bitch slapped that jackass all the way back to the Goddamned _stone age_. Nobody fucks with my candy. _Nobody_. / [[Jesus... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=176 |
| Hammer Time - LITJ 177 | [[Heather sings to herself.]]
/ Heather: If I had a hammer...I'd hammer in the morning. / [[Charlie grunts from off-panel.]]
/ Heather: I'd hammer in the evening...all over this land!
/ Charlie: *grunt* / Heather: I'd hammer out danger! I'd hammer out warning!
/ Charlie: Ugh...so much _blood_... / Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=177 |
| Happy VD - LITJ 178 | [[Text on a blank panel.]]
/ Caption: Happy Valentine's Day from the cast of _Leave It To Jesus_ / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: I would really like to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. However, I am prevented from doing so by court order. / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: _Love the LORD your God with... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=178 |
| Ten Words - LITJ 179 | [[Heather speaks, in Japanese.]]
/ Heather: http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=179 |
| She's Not Really A Midget - LITJ 180 | [[Jesus and Heather speak. Heather's out of breath.]]
/ Jesus: Calm down and try telling me a little slower.... Now, what happened?
/ Heather: _*huff* *huff*_ / Heather: So, me and Charlie went to the movies, right? Charlie wanted to see _Ghost Rider_ but I don't really like Nicholas Cage. He just... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=180 |
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