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| Take The Crazy Out Of The Girl - LITJ 241 | [[Robitussin speaks.]]
/ Robitussin: What do I think about Heather? She's all right, I guess. / Robitussin: Everybody says that she's "changed", just 'cause she's taking her medication. My opinion? / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: Let's hump squirrels! I'll bring the lube, you bring the clown masks. / [[Robitussin... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=241 |
| Time To Blaze - LITJ 242 | [[Negative Malcolm X speaks.]]
/ Negative Malcolm X: Heather is...a _troubled_ woman. She has had a hard life, and her mind, her _will_ is weary. / Negative Malcolm X: I do not know if the medication will help. But something, as the good book says, is better than nothing. I will keep her in my prayers. / [[An... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=242 |
| Her Lawyer Is A Saint - LITJ 243 | [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: Heather? She's a lot of fun. / Jesus: This one time, Heather got all whacked out on cough syrup and allergy pills. She decides that she wants some pancakes, so she heads on down to IHOP. / [[Heather speaks, waving a pistol around.]]
/ Heather: I want a Rooty Tooty Fresh... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=243 |
| A Beautiful Flower - LITJ 244 | [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: I hate the title, "mentally ill". It implies that I'm sick, or somehow infected with something. / Heather: I'm not "mentally ill", I'm _different._ Unique, like a beautiful flower. / Heather: A flower that has two chipmunks living in her head. They cry out in the... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=244 |
| They're Not Food - LITJ 245 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: Where are they?
/ Heather: I...I don't know. / Jesus: Are you sure about that? / [[Heather and Jesus stare at each other.]] / Heather: I ate them.
/ Jesus: You do know that my car keys have _no_ nutritional value, right?
/ Heather: Well-
/ Jesus: Shut up. I'll... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=245 |
| Different Strokes - LITJ 246 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: So, uh, they got Heather talking all this, uh, _medication._ Pills, shots, suppositories, the _works._ All kinds of stuff. / Charlie: You gotta wonder, "Is all this stuff really _necessary?_ Maybe she's just _different._" / Charlie: Just then, I noticed that Heather... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=246 |
| Yes, It's Still Legal - LITJ 247 | [[Caption in the center of the panel.]]
/ Caption: A Special Message from the writers of _Leave It To Jesus_ / [[Charlie speaks at the bottom of the panel.]]
/ Caption: Our last comic strip featured lyrics from a song owned in whole or in part by a member of the Recording Industry Association of America,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=247 |
| He's His Hero - LITJ 248 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: Do you have any heroes?
/ Jesus: Absolutely. / Jesus: My hero is a winner, a real man. He is a master of the ancient art of Karate, a martial artist of the highest caliber. / Jesus: Some people call him "Chuck", but such a lowly name is not befitting this great... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=248 |
| She Needs Some Stamps - LITJ 249 | [[Heather speaks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Off-panel: Will that be all?
/ Heather: Can I get some fries and a large Coke with that?
/ Off-panel: Uh, ma'am, I don't think so... / Heather: And why the hell not? It's because I'm black, isn't it?
/ Off-panel: Ma'am-
/ Heather: Oh, God, it _is_ because... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=249 |
| He Isn't Retarded - LITJ 250 | [[Jesus speaks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Jesus: Hey! You, over there! Who are _you?_ / [[A voice speaks from off-panel.]]
/ Voice: What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? / [[The voice is revealed to be Voltron's.]]
/ Voltron: I'm the goddamn Voltron. / [[Jesus... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=250 |
| All Your Base Are Belong To Voltron - LITJ 251 | [[Heather speaks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Heather: Hello!
/ Off-Panel: Hey. / Heather: So, I guess you're the new guy. What's your name? / [[The voice is revealed to be Voltron's.]]
/ Voltron: I'm the Voltron, bitch! / [[Heather speaks to Voltron, who's off-panel, again.]]
/ Heather: Where do you... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=251 |
| Try One More Time - LITJ 252 | [[Voltron speaks to himself. Heather replies from off-panel.]]
/ Voltron: I..I just don't understand. Why doesn't anybody like me?
/ Heather: I can help with that. / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: Listen. Internet humor doesn't always translate very well into the real world. / Heather: No matter... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=252 |
| He Doesn't Understand - LITJ 253 | [[Voltron speaks to Heather, who is off-panel.]]
/ Voltron: What do you mean, "Internet memes aren't that funny"?
/ Heather: I mean that Internet memes aren't funny _forever._
/ Voltron: But- / [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: Listen to me. Sure, that YouTube video of the fat kid with the lightsaber... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=253 |
| He's In Your Face - LITJ 254 | [[Jesus and Heather talk.]]
/ Jesus: So, how did lunch go?
/ Heather: Not so good. / Heather: He kept asking the waitress for cheeseburgers, and if it was "peanut butter jelly time" yet.
/ Jesus: Ouch.
/ Heather: Tell me about it. / Heather: Every time he took a bite of his sandwitch he shouted "NOM... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=254 |
| He's Going To Call - LITJ 255 | [[Charlie sings.]]
/ Charlie: You're once...twice... / Charlie: Three times a lady! / Charlie: And I love yooooou! / [[A voice speaks to Charlie from off-panel.]]
/ Voice: If you don't put your pants back on, I'm going to call the police.
/ Charlie: But, Linda, baby, I thought you _loved_ me...
/ Voice:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=255 |
| Aversion Therapy - LITJ 256 | [[Voltron talks to Heather, who is off-panel.]]
/ Heather: Now, what would you like for lunch?
/ Voltron: I can has-
/ Sound Effect: _* bzzzzzt *_
/ Voltron: AAGH! / [[Heather watches off-panel Voltron, while Jesus speaks to Heather.]]
/ Voltron: The...the _pain..._
/ Jesus: What's all this about?
/ Heather:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=256 |
| He's Pretty Kinky - LITJ 257 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: So, the hooker tells me, "If you wanna get kinky, it's gonna cost extra." Me? Kinky? / Charlie: I told her, "Honey, I'm not kinky. I'm a normal, red-blooded American." / Charlie: "Just 'cause a man wants to pay a woman to dress up like Ronald McDonald and spank him... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=257 |
| More Communication, Less Gravy - LITJ 258 | [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: What do I think about the Internet? It's a mixed bag. / Jesus: On one hand, the Internet has brought about a new age of communication, connecting the globe like never before. / Jesus: On the other hand we have...what's that URL? Fat-chicks-with-gravy-humping-clowns.com. / Jesus:... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=258 |
| Tough Love - LITJ 259 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: The Internet? Yeah, it's ok. / Charlie: First thing I do in the morning is check my favorite news sites, like poe-news.com and cnn.com. / Charlie: You don't want to know the second thing I do in the morning. / Charlie: Let's just say that it involves a jar of mayonnaise,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=259 |
| That's Shocking - LITJ 260 | [[Heather and Jesus talk.]]
/ Heather: I'm gonna try to start my own Internet meme.
/ Jesus: Oh yeah? Got something in mind? / Heather: It's gotta be something funny. It's gotta be something short, and easy to remember. / Heather: But most of all, it's gotta _shock_ people. Something that...shocks... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=260 |
| The Downfall of Man - LITJ 261 | [[Heather speaks.]]
/ Heather: Favorite meme? "All Your Base". Someone set us up the bomb. / [[Jesus speaks.]]
/ Jesus: I'm fond of the "Badger Badger Mushroom" song. Leeroy Jenkins is pretty funny, too. / [[Robitussin speaks.]]
/ Robitussin: I don't have a favorite meme. I hate the Internet. The... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=261 |
| Yes, It Does Make Sense - LITJ 262 | [[Charlie speaks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Charlie: I don't know, man, it just doesn't make any sense. / Charlie: Are you sure?
/ From Off: Yeah. / Charlie: I don't know why he's so pissed.
/ From Off: Meow. / Charlie: He _said_ he wanted some pussy.
/ From Off: I know.
/ Charlie: Some people just... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=262 |
| Moo Goo Gai Cat - LITJ 263 | [[Charlie speaks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Charlie: What do you want to do for dinner?
/ From Off: I'm thinking Chinese.
/ From Off: Meow? / From Off: Meow! / Charlie: Are...are you suggesting...?
/ From Off: Meow? Meow! / From Off: No, no, I don't like fresh Chinese food.
/ Charlie: Oh.
/ From... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=263 |
| Get Rid Of The Cat - LITJ 264 | [[Charlie speaks to someone off-panel.]]
/ From Off: So, uh, what are we gonna do with this cat?
/ From Off: Meow? / Charlie: No clue. You got any ideas?
/ From Off: Meow! / From Off: Yeah.
/ From Off: Meow. / [[Robitussin talks to the off-panel cat.]]
/ Robitussin: Now, get the blowtorch. The... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=264 |
| An Explanation From The Author - LITJ 265 | [[Text on an empty background.]]
/ Text: An explanation from the author of "Leave It To Jesus" / Text: Tuesday's comic featured a box of cough syrup attempting to convince a kitten to burn a letter "R" onto its head with a blowtorch. We are against animal cruelty in all its forms, and was only used... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=265 |
| Merry Christmas - LITJ 265 | [[Jesus speaks, with text superimposed on the image.]]
/ Jesus: Happy Birthday to Me!
/ Text: The cast of LITJ would like to wish you and yours a very merry Christmas. Try not to go overboard on the eggnog. You remember what happened last year; the cops aren't going to be as nice to you this time... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=266 |
| Sol Invictus - LITJ 267 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: So, she says, "Happy Holidays!" Happy holidays? / Charlie: Look, let's cut out all that P.C. bullshit. There's only _one_ holiday that really matters this time of the year. / Charlie: You know what I'm talking about. We're all Americans, here. / Charlie: I looked... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=267 |
| Resolute Resolve - LITJ 268 | [[Jesus and Heather speak.]]
/ Jesus: Did you make any New Year's resolutions?
/ Heather: Sort of. / Heather: First, I decided that I should quit drinking. Only, what if I got a disease that could only be cured by drinking large quantities of alcohol? So that was out. / Heather: Then, I decided... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=268 |
| Win Some, Lose Some - LITJ 269 | [[Charlie speaks.]]
/ Charlie: You wanna know what I did for New Years? Let me tell you. / Charlie: First, I went to a party. Then, I caught a ride downtown to another party. / Charlie: I partied with these crazy guys, and things got so freaky that I resolved to start this year with a bang. Also,... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=269 |
| Political Comic - LITJ 270 | [[Heather talks to someone off-panel.]]
/ Heather: Can I get that to go?
/ From Off: No.
/ Heather: Why not? / From Off: Ma'am, I don't understand-
/ Heather: Is it some kind of company policy? That's fucked up.
/ From Off: But-
/ Heather: I'm deeply offended. / Heather: Corporations are destroying... http://officialjesuschrist.com/main.php?strip=270 |
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