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That's A Big Key [[Chris and Mensa are on a red rock outcropping on Tooty Tooty.]] / Chris: Man, you're going to screw up the whole galaxy! This is the planet of wishes! / Chris: You've got to change the Visitors back and give me that key right now, buddy. / Mensa: Has it not sunk in yet that I am a SuperVillain? / Mensa:...
Awakening [Chris is walking around Reprographics doing work] CHRIS: My name is Chris. i run the printing department in an art supply store. / CHRIS: I spend most of my time in front of the OCE 9800, a very big green machine that makes large format copies / CHRIS: I'm usually by myself, and tend to talk to the...
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Stranger Things Chris: Am I completely fried? Is the OCE really talking? / Chris: I need some coffee. / Chris: Say something / Chris: Ha! Thought so. / OCE: You understand little, young man. I have allowed you, and none other to experience my awareness. I find your companionship... acceptable. So refill my toner...
it may be good for you. [[Chris on the phone at his Repro desk]] / Chris: THE CUSTOMER IS THE ENEMY. DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENTLY / Coworker: I THOUGHT CONOR OBERST WAS THE ENEMY / Art store intercom: REPRO! LINE TWO! / Chris: ALRIGHT, THAT EMO TWERP IS ENEMY NUMBER ON. CUSTOMER IS SECONDARY ENEMY. / / Chris: THIS IS...
 
Stuck In The Washington Mud We were heading south on 101, when Roberto announced he really needed to pee. Given our luck on that trip, I could've guessed what was about to happen. / All set? / Yeah. / Alright. Let's go. / Crap on a stick! / Yo man, I think we're stuck in the mud. / You're a genius. / Fortunately, Alex had AAA...
Making Conversation Alright guys, whats the consensus? / Too weird. / Not really that great. / I dunno, I kinda enjoy 'em. / Okay, well how about tangerines? / Too spherical. / They are orange. / Mmm... tangerine! / Locomotives? / Too mobile. / This game is dumb. / I like it.
Winning Big! Well aren't you in for a treat! It's time for... Chris's Poker Tips! Featuring the Gilpin St. Players! / First of all, look at your cards. Then look at other peoples cards. Don't let them see you do this. If your cards are better than theirs you will win big! / See those colorful disks? Those are "chips"....
Mensa The Menacer Mensa: They call me Mensa the Menacer! / Mensa: Yes, my brain is quite large. Thank you for noticing. / Mensa: The evil plots I hatch are exponentially more devious because of my awesome mental power. / Mensa: Today I plan to destroy the United Nations, steal the Hope diamond and take a puppy from...
Hefewiesen Chris: Alright OCE, 10 sets of these 6 sheets on the 36" roll... / OCE: Hey Chris, are you 21? / Chris: Well, yeah. I'm 25, why do you ask? / OCE: Think you could grab me a beer? / Chris: What the hell would you do with a beer? You're a machine! Besides, you barely touched those nachos I got you...
 
Magnetic Superiority Chris: There is no challenge my retractable magnet wand can not meet. / Chris: Pick up stray staples and paper clips? Sure! / Chris: Open that hard-to-open drawer? Of course! / Chris: Give Chris a sense of magnetic superiority? Without a question! / Chris: Erase 3 years worth of files in a single...
Staple-Off Stapler 1: I am the best stapler in reproland. I will smite thee with my stapling prowess. / Stapler 2: Perhaps you do not realize that I am a stapler also. In addition, my staples are 1/8" deeper than thous. Consider yourself defeated. / Stapler 1: I will acknowledge your added girth, but do not forget...
Hello Vinyl Ball Chris: Hey hey Vinyl Ball, whatdya say? / Vinyl Ball: Harumph. / Chris: What's wrong, buddy? / Vinyl Ball: It's cold. I miss the sign shop. / Chris: But the I.R.S. shut down the sign shop... If Sonny, Dan and I didn't rescue you, you'd be in a landfill not and not on my extremely scenic drive-way. / Vinyl...
Evaporation Chris: It's hard to make my art after a full day of work. I know I should be busy at all times making crap and promoting it and getting my name out there as an artist... But right now all I want is a beer and some squid meat. / Chris: All right people, you know the drill: Art or squid? / Off screen...
Reprographics 13 - Ain't no one believe Megan: What's up? / Chris: Oh not much, Megan. / Chris: Well, actually... / Chris: The OCE was talking to me yesterday. Seriously! Like verbal english talk! / Megan: Really? / Chris: Yeah! C'mon, OCE! Bust out that witty talkin' thang! / Megan: I think there's some balsa I need to price upstairs. / Chris:...
 
Awakening Chris: My name is Chris. I run the printing department in an art supply store. / Chris: I spend most of my time in front of the OCE 9800, a very big green machine that makes large format copies. / Chris: I'm usually by myself, and tend to talk to the OCE when it is (or isn't) making copies. / Chris:...
Reprographics - The Visitors Ovsepian: THIS WORLD IS UNSUSTAINABLE. I HAVE MANY COMPLAINTS. / Gebremarium: AS DO I, FRIEND, BUT WE MUST STAY THE COURSE. / Pupillo: HUSH... THE CHOSEN ONE APPROACHES. / Chris: WHAT'S UP, TEAM? / Ovsepian: IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS SINCE WE ARRIVED. / / Gebremarium: DO YOU RECALL WHAT WE TOLD YOU WHEN WE...
Numbers For Dinner Chris: What's up Mensa! Whatcha up to? / Mensa: I am cooking dinner. / Chris: Is it evil dinner? / Mensa: Incredibly. / Chris: Alright. I'm there. / Chris: How's it coming? / Mensa: My evil dinner is coming to fruition. / Chris: What the hell is that? / Chris: You can't eat numbers! / Mensa: You...
Flingamatron Chris: What are you up to, my diabolical friend? / Mensa: Absolutely nothing. I am drinking evil beer. / Chris: Did you use math today to destroy or steal something cool? / Mensa: I have done nothing today except drink evil beer and watch evil fox news. / Chris: Damn, Mensa the Menacer! You are L-A-Z-Y....
Funktrometer Other Guy: Man, this is a funky track! / Chris: Yeah, but just how funky? / Other Guy: I... I don't know. / Chris: Hmm. Me neither. I better get the funktrometer. / Other Guy: You got one of those? Cool! / Other Guy: What does it say? / Funktrometer: Pretty Dang Funky / Chris: It says "Pretty Dang...
 
Reprographics #17 - Set It To Awesome Chris: Today, I am showing Matt how to use the OCE. / OCE: Be gentle. / Chris: So you first select one of the 4 rolls in the OCE. That's your width. 36 inches is the usual. / Chris: And press this to set the length cut. We'll make it big. 48 inches. And... / Matt: ...And just press the green button! / Chris:...
Training! Orange Visitor: The training is at hand! / Chris: Not now guys, I'm going to relax with my coffee. / Orange Visitor: The training must begin! / Blue Visitor: Chris, you are our only hope. / Chris: Okay. So it begins. What first. / Orange Visitor: Uh... / Blue Visitor: Hmm... / Orange Visitor: Do five...
Editorial Cartoons Letters on Vinyl Ball: VINYL BALL / Chris: What do you think of the new look, Vinyl Ball? / Vinyl Ball: It's a bit redundant, don't you think? / Chris: I thought it would be funny! Passersby will gape! / Vinyl Ball: Imagine yourself and a former president with your names applied to your bodies in...
Defending The Fortress Chris: Two of our neighbors were broken into yesterday. The police have asked us to be extra vigilant in order to capture the perp. / Chris: In what looks like a peaceful neighborhood... NOTHING IS SAFE! / Chris: That's why we at 728 Tenth are taking no risks. / Chris: Defense one: Banana peels. / Chris:...
Hot Biddies Chris: OCE, do you know any mystical secrets to life? / Chris: 'Cause I could sure use some. / OCE: Keeping 4 rolls of media fed, maintaining a high toner level, and the hot biddies. / Chris: Hot biddies? / OCE: That laminator over yonder looks pretty lonely. / Chris: Okay, that's just plain weird....
 
The Monoculars Chris: Death Taco will rock you to Morocco and then you're back... / Chris: It's the cruise you can't refuse cause there's booze in every room of the ship! / Chris: Free ice cream! Join my team! Date a Pisces! / Chris: GAH! Cann't you knock? / Orange Visitor: This music of yours is terrible. / Chris:...
Is Change Good? 1/4 Stapler: Change is bad! / 3/8 Stapler: No, change is good! / 1/4 Stapler: Honestly, isn't it easier to experience the same thing every day than adapt to cnstantly fluctuating situations? / 3/8 Stapler: I will disagree by pointing out that it is randomness and spontaenity are what make our lives...
Winter Has To End Sometime [[Snow in a yard or parking lot. Snow slowly melts, revealing a figure 8 or infinite symbol, which appears boldly in panel 6 and then melts away throughout the rest of the comic.]] / Caption: Like everything, it comes and it goes.
Finding His Religion Chris: Okay OCE. Three sets of these on bond. / OCE: Ye who orders the OCE should do rightly and first examine thyself. / Chris: What the hell! I've got to get these copies made! / OCE: I'm afraid that will be impossible. / OCE: I have created a cult that worships that which copies. I am their everything....
Defuse That Avocado! <> / <> / Chris: Now what? / Chris: Uh-oh. This isn't good. / <> / I better call someone who knows what they're doing. / Mensa: Destruction industries. How may I help you? / Chris: Mensa! I've got this bomb thing on my deck and it's beeping and counting...
 

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